Lets cover this area of kinesics first, since it is the easiest place to start. In order to communicate confidence and authority through body language, the place to start is your posture. Sitting or standing up straight, with your spine erect and your chin up communicates confidence more so than practically anything else. For an added effect, push your chest out forward (or just move your shoulders back) and you will appear to be ready for anything. A slight smile also indicates that you have no fear of the situation, and is therefore a good signal to use. A great visual image to think of is the classic
Superman pose, with feet slightly apart and hands at the hips.
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A couple of other kinesics signals for confidence and authority are a steady gaze into the eyes of your prospect, and a hand position called
steepling. Steepling is a way some people hold their hands with the fingertips of one hand meeting the fingertips of the other hand, with the palms separated. The fingers are usually pointed up, and the whole thing resembles a church steeple, thus the name. Try it now and you will see what Im talking about.
There are a variety of variations on the steepling gesture. Not all fingertips have to be used. Sometimes only the index fingers (pointer fingers) are used, with the rest of the fingers intertwined with the fingers of the other hand. The more fingers involved in the steepling, the more confidence and authority is communicated.
One bit of information I learned from the Livingston book mentioned above is that when you walk into a room, the fewer movements you make, the more powerful you appear to those already in the room. As long as youre standing tall and projecting an attitude of confidence, this works wonders. If you think about it, those in authority rarely walk into a room to actually do anything, they usually come in to verify that everything is being done as they asked.
Insecurity
For a moment, lets take a look at the opposite of confidence so you know what to avoid and what to look for in your prospect. When your prospect shows signs of insecurity, this is an excellent time to reinforce those aspects of your offer which give reassurance. If you fail to reassure your prospect when they feel insecure, you risk not getting agreement. Also, if you allow yourself to show signs of insecurity, you weaken your persuasiveness.
Insecurity is usually communicated as nervousness, which manifests as fidgeting, rustling papers, fingering jewelry, wringing hands, biting a lip, holding the body rigid, holding the breath, backing away, or looking towards the door. Crossing arms or legs could also be a sign of insecurity, but this is something a lot of people are in the habit of doing, so its best to notice whether your prospect crosses their arms or legs even when relaxed. If they do, then its not a sign of
Persuasion Training Page 151 Other kinesics signals of insecurity include standing or sitting in such as way as to include a barrier between you and them, especially if this is not the most convenient option. The barrier could be a table, a counter, a chair, a cart, or pretty much anything else. Women are more likely to sit across the table than men, even with people with whom they feel completely comfortable, so this is only a partial signal.
Rapid blinking of the eyes could mean many things, but they all center around the fact that the blinker is uncomfortable in some way.
This could mean they are nervous, but it could also be that they are extremely attracted to you, or that they are lying.
Dishonesty
Its always good to know what the truth is in any situation, and if youre not sure if your prospect is being honest or not, you can look to their body language for verification. As we just mentioned, fast blinking eyes could be one indication, but it could also mean other things too, like dust just blew into their eyes, or the air is too dry.
As with most kinesics signals, a single indication is not enough to prove anything. You have to take everything in context, and if you see several signals all pointing to the same meaning, THEN you can be fairly sure of your conclusion.
For instance, the biting lip signal can mean nervousness or fear, but it can also mean that your prospect is holding something back, not telling you the whole story. Only by matching up several signals will you know for sure.
One indication of lying you will find in many body language books is the act of placing a finger to the nose. While it may have been true that this meant someone was lying, Ive never seen anyone use this gesture, and the information could very well be outdated.
Also possibly outdated is the signal of covering the mouth when telling an untruth. Again, my experience has not verified this information.
Signals I have been able to verify as indications of dishonesty are shortness of breath, dry mouth, shakiness of hands or other parts of the body, lack of eye contact, exaggerated movements or yawning (trying to hide nervousness), visible heartbeat (usually in the neck), rubbing the face, or running hands through the hair. These signals will usually be accompanied by signals of nervousness as well.
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Attraction
While running hands through the hair could be a signal of lying, it can also be a signal that your prospect is attracted to you. When one person is attracted to another, they usually engage in what is known as
preening, or making adjustments to ones appearance. A woman will usually preen herself by playing with her hair, checking her makeup in a mirror, or rearranging her clothing. A man will usually comb or pat his hair, fiddle with a tie, or straighten his clothing, such as pulling up his socks.
As mentioned earlier, rapid eye blinking could be an indication that your prospect is attracted to you, depending on the other signals being displayed. The same is true about a prolonged gaze, which could be a signal of attraction or a signal for anger and a prelude to an attack. But then other signals will be different, and most people can tell the difference. I trust you wont be confused by this one.
Attraction is also demonstrated if your prospect turns to face you more directly, especially if they smile and display what is known as an
open posture. An open posture is when neither arms nor legs are crossed. An open posture usually means the person is open to making a connection with you in some way. Leaning in towards the other person is also a signal of attraction, and an indication that a connection is sought.
If the attraction becomes sexual, then both men and women will usually display other signals, such as a slight parting of the legs, thrusting the hips forward, touching each other more often, swaying the hips when they walk, and moving closer to each other. All of these signals are subtle in nature and rarely overt.
If you want to persuade someone to become more attracted to you, then you can use these signals yourself to communicate your desires to your prospect. You can measure your success by how much your prospect echoes the same signals back to you.
One kinesics signal of attraction that cannot be manipulated is an enlarging of the pupils. When we see someone or something we are attracted to, our pupils dilate and become larger. Although the size of our pupils is more dependent upon the amount of light in the
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Trance
Another internal state demonstrated by an enlarging of the pupils is the trance state. In conversational hypnosis, your goal is to lead your prospect into a trance state sometimes called downtime. When your prospect is in downtime, they are more suggestible and easier to persuade. And by waiting for the signals that your prospect is in trance, you can ensure your suggestions will be more readily accepted and acted upon.
A trance state will generally manifest as a very relaxed state of being. You can recognize when your prospect is relaxed when their breathing becomes slower, steadier, and deeper. Your prospects muscles will also become slack, especially in the face when they reach a state of trance. Their eyes may or may not close, although if they do, you can be pretty sure they are in a light trance state at least. This is the best time to deliver your hypnotic suggestions.