Descriptive reflection on the impact of retreat process and exercises

The retreat programme consisted of eight sessions, structured to guide the participants through a process addressing the following components of spiritual healing: hope, self-discovery, contemplation, storytelling, mindfulness, grieving, and, since the focus was on community, holistic participating. During each session, participants were given information, participated in activities and joined in a reflective interaction. In the subsequent discussion a brief analysis and interpretation of the significance of the key 16 exercises/activities (as utilised during the various retreat sessions) against the backdrop of the overall proceedings of the retreats is given.

The first session, which opened with hymns and prayers, focused on an invitation to enter into hope. Information and an overall outline of what the weekend would look like in terms of the retreat programme and focus was given. In accordance with the participative paradigm, the researchers informed the participants that their approach was imbedded in a Christian worldview and gave the participants an open invitation to either accept or reject the belief system. They were free to participate or ‘sit out’

during exercises with which they did not feel comfortable. The co-facilitator in the language of the participants gave a ‘declaration of intent’. This statement set the stage for the rest of the journey:

By the end of this weekend (or retreat or session) you will say to us, 'Why did we not start earlier?' Why can’t we stay longer? Because you will not be the same. You will be a different person from the one that came here. Moreover, remember, here, every thing you say is right.

There are no wrong answers. We are here to share, to listen and learn from one another. If you have something to say, we will all learn from you.

This statement resonates with those of both McLaren⁷⁷ and Freire⁷⁸ regarding the paradigm of hope. By telling them that they will be different an expectation of

77 Cf. McLaren (2007:5–6) explaining how Jesus’ new framing story begins “to foment a revolution of hope”. In terms of the retreat process, the ‘revolution of hope’ is fomented by helping participants to discover a new framing story for their lives by means of their inner journey and the facilitated process of connecting with God, themselves and others.

78 Cf. Freire (2006:2–4) stating, “I do not understand human existence, and the struggle needed to improve it, apart from hope and dream. Hope is an ontological need.” He continues to say that hope alone is not enough, does not win: one needs the struggle, the concrete action. In our terms, working through the inner hurt and pain in a very tangible fashion – identifying the hurtful truth, obtaining methods and skills to deal with it and move on.

change, of hope, was created. The assurance that “there are not wrong answers” and that we will learn from them – acknowledged their wisdom, their potential and their being, thus planting the seed and creating the framework for change, growth, healing and restoration. Anderson (2003:159) views hope as an “act of mutuality, an act of shared imagination”, resting, finally, in God. Thus having ‘declared’ the researchers’

standing as Christians, trust in the process was engendered and the participants were invited “to enter into partnership with the creative power of God” (Anderson, 2003:156).

Next, the participants were asked about their expectations for the weekend. One groups’ response (as seen in Chapter 1), affirmed the deep need for a focus o hope:

We are the hidden people – we are hidden behind the other people – we are not known, not seen … hidden in the plakkerskamp.⁷⁹ She⁸⁰ came into the plakkerskamp where we were hidden and she unearthed us and picked us up from under the table, out of our hokke⁸¹… that is why we are here.

Reflected in these words, is the frame of mind of the participants at the onset of the retreat (and their disposition towards their involvement of the action research process).

It resonates significantly with the dimensions of poverty identified by Chambers (1997), as it contains elements reflecting material poverty, isolation, vulnerability, powerlessness, physical weakness (lack of strength), and, up to when they were

‘unearthed’, spiritual poverty – the lack of hope and the believe that change is possible (cf. Myers, 1999:67). Underlying this statement is the call for being recognised as dignified human beings – the need of individuals to be seen, heard and recognised – to be discovered as human beings of value.

3.4.5.1 Self-discovery

The second session focussed on the self-discovery. The exercise chosen to facilitate a connection and create an atmosphere inductive to self-discovery and ultimately fulfilment was the Masks-exercise⁸² – literally making a mask of one’s face by using aluminium foil. The Masks-exercise helped to emphasise the importance of being able to open up during the retreat. According to Anderson (2003:160–161), to mask the reality by denial or avoidance, by pretending not to see or to feel the pain is a form

79 Squatter camp/informal setting.

80 Heidi Swart, the CCPP-project manager and co-ordinator for the sample groups in Franschhoek.

81 Small shack built of wood and corrugated iron.

82 Developed by IPSO2003.

of self-deception. Whilst ‘taking off the mask’ – the recognition and articulation of what is wrong, painful, imperfect in one’s life – can lead to healing and the creation of hope and healthier relationships (cf. Smalley & Trent, 1982:126).⁸³

Reflecting on the experience most participants indicated that they enjoyed and found it easy to put on/mould a mask; yet some were uneasy. The participants drew the conclusion that by putting on the foil mask, they were imitating what they do in life.

Putting on a mask may result in feeling “…a little unsure – is it (the mask I am moulding) going to be ‘right’? Will it be ‘real’, reflecting me … [or will it be] … suffocating, lifeless, out of tune … [leaving me] blinded, lifeless, and anxious?” One participant stated, “The mask is not me – it is only an image. The real me is the person behind the mask. One cannot portray one’s inside feelings in the mask.” The group agreed that although there are some instances when one needs to put on a mask, the most important is that one should be aware of wearing a mask. They gave examples of circumstances under which it is acceptable to wear a mask, e.g. to protect or not affront others (“…putting on a happy mask to encourage people, to make them happy, or to protect people – like my children”). One could also wear the mask to protect oneself, e.g. “To prevent me from dumping my problems on someone else” and in specific social situations/positions: “When I have to address a specific issue or problem, I first put on my ‘friend’ mask (becoming one of them) in order not to talk down, but on their level.”

One of the noteworthy insights raised were that many participants were not aware that they were wearing masks. Yet, once they realised that they did, they could acknowledge that it is a strategy of hiding one’s inner hurt, pain, insecurities to the outside world. Thus, when constantly wearing a mask (denying one’s true feelings) one’s actions are influenced: “My feelings are buried … I can’t see in which direction I am moving and my ability to ‘see’ and take action is hampered.” They agreed that in doing so, people are suppressing their feelings and living a ‘false’ life, even to the degree that “…one’s soul is broken”. Although there are circumstances where wearing a mask is appropriate, one should be honest enough with oneself to acknowledge the fact that you are putting on a mask and be willing to take it off if it becomes damaging to oneself or others. They concluded that even though acceptable at times, it is actually

83 Cf. David Bosch (2000:52–53) refers to Genesis 32:28 where Jacob had to hide behind a mask (his brother Esau’s garments) in order to receive his father’s blessing (meant for his brother). Twenty years later, at the river Jabbok, he had to take off his mask and admit that he was not Esau but “Jacob, the impostor” before God gave him his blessing and a new name. As did Jacob, it is easy to get accustomed to your mask and hide there, pretending to be ‘another’, different person from who you really are. It takes courage to take off the mask and admit the truth about ourselves – our insignificance – like Paul did (2 Corinthians, 12:9), enabling him to take his joy and pride in his weaknesses. Taking off the mask also enables others to see Christ in you, “…shining through an earthen pot”.

far better to live without masks – taking it off “…to be the way God created us … [and to] … look at the ‘real me’ inside – only then can we work on change from the inside.”

From a spiritual healing perspective, it was interesting to note how they ‘elevated’

the mask-experience to a deeper level (of self-examination) and eventually related it to finding meaning, by pointing out that in stead of wearing a mask, "…[we should] be the way God created us”. It would seem that, by giving the participants the space to express themselves freely, they were enabled to cross the line into the spiritual dimension. Hiding behind the masks, they were invisible and in danger of staying

‘abstractions’. Only once the masks were removed, were they able to recognise themselves (and be recognized by others) as “…human beings who have names, who are made in the image of God, whose hairs are numbered…” (cf. Myers, 2008:57).

On this journey to dealing with inner hurt, this exercise most certainly helped to raise the participants’ awareness of ‘hiding’, the need for opening up, role of relationships, and the presence of the Spirit: “I felt healed – when we used the mask, we realised that we (all of us) do not know each other – it was acknowledged and the Holy Spirit worked to help us to get to know one another. The [opening] prayer helped.”

The next exercise, Lighting a Candle,⁸⁴ was used to create an atmosphere of calmness; to suggest the spiritual – that which is beyond the here and now; to reflect something of the sacredness; and to help people focus. At the onset of the retreat, one of the facilitators lights the candle, but during the consecutive sessions, the participants are asked to light the candle – to convey the message that it is their process and not that of the facilitators. In the cause of the retreat(s) a shift in the participants’ attitude was observed – the groups gradually ‘took responsibility for the candle’ (and thus the process) by ensuring that it was always snuffed at the end of one session and re-lit at the beginning of the next session. During general feedback or reflection sessions, they often referred to the importance of the presence of “the light” or “God’s light” – proclaiming that God enlightens their minds and gives then insights, wisdom and guidance, e.g. “Even when I am on my own in ‘darkness’, I may light a candle as symbol of God’s love/light.”

A further noteworthy outflow of this exercise was that all the groups insisted on lightning the candle during the capacity building sessions. They felt the process of becoming enlightened should continue and the lighting of the candle symbolised that

84 Developed by IPSO2003, based on contemplative practices encountered during courses facilitated by Centre for Christian Spirituality, Cape Town.

for them.⁸⁵ In turn, they had to go into the community “…carrying the light”: “We bring the light we have discovered here, to people who are hurting in the community.” It is a metaphor for how they should work in the community:

The candle is the symbol of silence – it burns without ‘making a noise’. We should work like that in the community – with ‘no noise’, without being seen, silent – only when you leave people will notice you are no longer there.⁸⁶

Lastly, the Lighting the candle-exercise was used on an individual level during the session focusing on grief recovery,⁸⁷ when participants were invited to light a candle for someone they wanted to bring before God in prayer. Participants found this an exceptionally valuable exercise, sharing that it made the forgiving and closure

‘visible’. In the words of Driskill (1999:55), the candle seemed to become a symbol of spiritual power in their healing and throughout their continued capacity building process and journey into the community.

The last exercise utilised during this session was Journaling⁸⁸ – a personal recording of one’s reflections. The most significant insights were that the participants saw the journal as an important tool for remembering things and reflecting on one’s life, e.g.

“Use it as a diary – to write all the things [good and bad] that are happening to you.”

“Write about yourself – my life history – to explain what kind of person I am; things that I want to do; my dreams; my plans.” It could also be used for noting intellectual growth and for leaving something behind/completing something, e.g. “…writing down new things that I [learn]”, “… [w]rite things I want to say to my child.” Some remarked that the journal could be used for communicating with God, e.g., “We can write our prayers ….

what God says through His word.” “I write poems to God.” A few participants immediately started to use their journals (and shared on the second day some of their written reflections and – in one case – drawings and pictures). It seemed even though not all participants were that comfortable with writing – that journaling could contribute towards the participants’ inner or healing journey, especially in the area of

85Driskill (1999:55–57) reminds that spiritual exercises, practices, rituals and symbols have considerable emotional and spiritual power in the lives of those utilising it, since it opens them to the Spirit. Since we cannot determine in which way the Sprit will move, he heeds the facilitator/leader to approach these practices with a sense of the holy, as well as with care and wisdom.

86 Statements made during group FH1 Capacity Building Session 7 for Youth Empowerment (YEN), 4 August 2007: “YEN is the place of light”; “We bring the light we have discovered here, to people who are hurting in the community”.

87 Exercises utilised include Forgiveness and Writing a Final Letter (cf. section 3.4.5.7 & Appendix B, Exercise 13 & 14).

88 Developed by IPSO2003, based on the work of, amongst others, Julia Cameron. 1996. The Vein of Gold. New York: Putnam (14–18).

self-knowledge and insight.⁸⁹ One participants' comment illustrates this:“[I] write things down so that I will get to know myself better; reflect on my hurts, what I am struggling with – for [me and] my family so that they will know me better.”

3.4.5.2 Contemplation

Throughout the duration of the retreat participants were engaged in contemplative practices to further the healing process. These practices require one to become quiet and focus on God – to contemplate, ponder or look at with attention – what He is saying to you.⁹⁰ A few simple acts (such as beholding pictures of objects of nature)

“will sustain one’s attention to God with the loving experience of God’s presence”

(Keating, 2006:141). Contemplation or reflective prayer is effective as closing exercise after a healing session, since it helps the participants focus on what is happening within them. Used extensively during previous worksessions with community groups, those formats that people felt most comfortable with, namely Face of God, Scriptures,⁹¹ Stone and Examen of Conscience were chosen for the retreat.⁹² Predominantly, the participants were very receptive and open to these modes of

89 Driskill (1999:109–113) discusses the value of keeping a ‘spiritual journal’ to foster one’s spiritual development. A spiritual journal “…explores life from the perspective of the holy Where is God as work in my life today? How do I understand God’s call in the present moment? Are there things I can do to cooperate more fully with God’s work in my life? Recording insights, events of ‘spiritual’ nature.

The spiritual journal “is a record of an individual’s encounter with God”, and helps to raise the awareness of God’s presence in one’s life.

90 Contemplation is a centuries-old Christian spiritual discipline. For the past 500 years predominantly a Roman Catholic phenomenon, has been increasing in popularity across different Christian traditions since the second half of the previous century. Contemplation is characterised by an intimacy with God and the experience of nearness. It includes reflection on the Scriptures and ‘resting in’ God. According to Keating (2006:140–152), the person who practices contemplation is taken into a “state of tranquillity and profound inner peace”.

91 Lectio Divina, the reading of Scripture and silent reflection upon it. See also next footnote.

92 In the Face of God-exercise, participants were asked to circle a table, looking at pictures depicting different images of God and Jesus and to choose one that ‘communicates’ with them. With the picture, they sit down again and look at the picture in silence, becoming aware of or ‘hearing’ what God says to them. After 10 minutes, they have the opportunity to give feedback (if they want to do so). During the Scriptures-exercise, the participants sit relaxed, with their eyes closed whilst a short Bible passage (2–3 verses) is read – once slowly and repeated twice more. While listening, they have to take note of any verse, phrase or word that ‘connects’ with them and then meditate on that – waiting upon God. After 10 minutes, they are invited to give feedback. During the Stone-exercise, every participant chooses a stone from a container and then, whilst sitting in a relaxed position, look at the stone – becomes aware of its colour, shape, size. Then, closing their eyes, they are invited to sit, waiting on God. They are to note anything (thought, image, sensations, and emotion) that they perceive as God’s communication with them. The Examen of Conscience (Staral, 2003:40, 45–46) is an ancient form of meditative prayer during which one reflects on one’s day (or week or year) contemplating what happened to bring you closer to God or to turn you away from God. Participants, sitting calm and focused, listens to the facilitator reading the instructions helping them to ‘live through’ these events. Time is allowed to contemplate how with the help of God, they could in future do things differently.

guided contemplative practices. Based on their feedback⁹³ it can be deducted that the various formats of the reflective prayer/meditation contributed significantly to the participants’ experience of getting in touch with God and their ‘inner-most’. All participants commented on the value of being able to connect on a deeper level with themselves and God. It seemed that even more than Scripture (reminding them to

“….keep fellowship with God … walk in the light of God … be ‘quiet’ with the word of God – and to hear God’s voice”), the practices involving more senses (Face of God, Stone), elicited a wider range of responses and insights. It was as if the individual’s were truly transcended to another level of contact with God and being in touch with themselves, as can be seen in the following examples:

 When sitting quietly, looking at and reflecting on the picture, it ‘spoke’ to me – reminding me of an incident I had as a child.

 The stone is like an anchor – something tangible to remind me of God’s presence in everything. The stone reminded me of a rock – Jesus is in the rock. I held onto it with more

 The stone is like an anchor – something tangible to remind me of God’s presence in everything. The stone reminded me of a rock – Jesus is in the rock. I held onto it with more