Intimidation has been defined as the open act of persuading a person or people to do something, believe something that they would not normally wish to do, or place faith in.
Bullying, or being bullied is nothing new to any society on this earth. It happens every single day. It only seems to have increased because it is being videoed placed on social media, and then passed on for more eyes to see.
Victimizing an individual is not an immediate act. It takes time to wear a person down and break them into feeling insecure about themselves.
There are some in this world who openly seek to destroy the character, integrity, and soul of those targeted to be a victim.
This is where believing in yourself and your support system comes into play. This is where your church family comes into play (read Matthew 18:20). Talking to people about issues that have either hurt you or broken your heart does not open you up for further attacks.
Too many people suffer from depression, loneliness, self-depreciation,
undervaluing themselves, and broken hearts. Then they give up on life, family, people and the church because the avenues of communication are believed to not exist.
In the 6th Chapter of Daniel, the writer details the actions of more than 100 people wanting to destroy the soul and character of Daniel, because he was gifted a leadership role by the king, after being chosen and blessed by God. It can be said that they were jealous of who Daniel was, Daniel’s relationship with the king, and then the way he chose to walk in life in front of his God.
Some folks seek to control every facet of another’s life, desires for the future, and how they see the world and its people. The writer allows us to see exactly how hate and bigotry can fester into actions that can physically kill another.
Yeah, I am eluding to the fact that there are those who thrive on domestic violence. If we as children of God would look at the society in which we live, and those who are in control of the federal, state, and local governments, we would notice a strong agenda to bully and abuse certain peoples and hold others into a certain area in life – financially, emotionally and educationally.
If a bully can stop you from learning the greatest things in you will fuel you to success, then they seek every opportunity to keep you from being educated.
Some hate others so deeply, they cannot see the impact of their actions are
sometimes circled back to where it began. Then the historical information that created the negative views is upfront and should be questioned for change or removal.
This is the place the church has arrived. The marginalized and socially unacceptable have no place to run for help.
Those who have been oppressed, bullied, murdered, and then lynched because of a deep seeded hate have become tired of being tired, lied to and lied on. They have taken the higher ground to find solutions toward lasting change. Taking a knee is not a protest built on hate, but one built on character and integrity when the change in the relationship required to benefit the whole.
Booker T. Washington said it best, “I shall allow no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.”
Daniel’s accusers said repeatedly to each other, “we cannot find an occasion of fault in who Daniel is. So let us attack him through his relationship with his God so we can degrade him from the inside out” (yeah, I paraphrased). But they still were not able to destroy Daniel.
Now, I ask who in this story was intimidated by who?
Sometimes the character of a person is not broken by the actions of others outside their circle of influence. In this case, Daniel’s parents set the foundation for an honorable character long before he and Israel were taken into captivity. The historical information Daniel had to lean on was correct and solidly planted.
The Bible tells us that we are facing a lion that seeks to destroy us every day, at every angle. Daniel was thrown into a lion’s den, long before he was in the pit with lions.
There was a decision made in the 1st chapter of Daniel that set his soul on fire, solidified his relationship with the three boys that were with him, and then intimidated an entire society of people to understand the rule of standing up for what you believe in. Sometimes our days may require us to stand or kneel in order to create those portions of our testimonies through God that will allow others to see the light of Christ in all of our actions.
Daniel’s actions said it best – “No nation’s statue, flag or rule will reign over the relationship I have with my God” (yeah, this is my summation on the story and actions of Daniel).
A relationship that is built on love and trust is not restricted to persons of a singular bloodline. Within a relationship, those participating sometimes have to step into a gap to rescue, save and persuade the others from hurt, harm or serious injury. This is the point where some discussions come up and accusations of judgment (condemnation) are thrown out. But it is the judgment (positive and productive) that cause the most hurt – people have to accept it after seeing what items they need to give up, change or move towards in order to sustain a healthy relationship and productive life. Yeah, some folks are so hardheaded, any good information is seen as a personal attack. These type of people have to fall on their faces, and almost lose all before they will accept any advice.
From the outside, some relationships seem two dimensional; the give and take are all that can be seen and accepted in the beginning. The portions of assimilation that follow a relationship after years of exchange is where the issues of trust, familiarization and shared patterns of approval are formulated. In the letter Paul wrote to Philemon, we can step into their relationship and see that the portions of assimilation are being used in order to cement all the love they have for one another, and then accept an additional person into the relationship.
“If thou count me therefore a partner, receive him as myself. If he hat wronged the, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account. I, Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it: albiet I do not say to the how thou owest unto me, even thine own self besides. Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my bowels in the Lord. Having confidence in thy obedience I wrote unto thee, knowing that thou wilt also do more than I say” (Philemon 1:17-21 NKJV). For any relationship to grow, the needed adjustments that take place are a must in
keeping a fresh view and perspective on the love and trust that follow. Like the character of many pastors, standing in the gap for those who have been marginalized are
questioned, prayed for and prayed on, and then loved enough that they are introduced to the church family as a person, fully capable of being loved and having the ability to love in return. The issue, as in any family, is the level of accepted adjustment.
Bread and Meat for the Class
1. What do you believe was the relationship between Philemon and Paul that the Apostle thought he could make such a request for acceptance of someone who was clearly in the wrong?
2. Why does Paul make mention of the benefits of having Onesimus as a friend and brother?
a. What do you believe folks say about you when you are not in the room? b. How much weight do you believe “character” and “integrity” play in a
person’s life when it comes to the people watching us?
3. What are profitable reasons when members of a church family seek to increase friendships outside of the confines of the church building, why?
4. Vs 15 - 17shed some light on limitations and reconciliation. What can be seen as limitations in the areas of reconciling the relations between Philemon and
Onesimus?
a. Do the members of a church family face the same limitations when bringing people into the relationship?
b. When does a church family begin acting in the character of Christ Jesus and open the doors to everyone and anyone?
5. Should there be strict boundaries between the pastor, laity and church family’s relationships?
a. Could having restrictive boundaries limit the growth and prosperity of the church?
b. If there are non-pliable boundaries with a familial relationship, can any member truly stand in the gap for another?
6. What do you see in this chapter that can inspire reconciliation between hurt friends, family members, and local church family?
7. Realizing that patching relationships is a long process, what has to take place for reconciliation to work successfully?
Church Application
What did you bring to the table?
For four years, we have been having First Sunday Lunches in our home with the Young Adult and Men’s Ministry. Some Sundays the crowd in the house would reach 40+ people and the conversations were open and cover all topics. Yeah, we did not try to act “holy and righteous” because of the title. The intentions of the First Sunday Lunches were to usher in a deeper trust between the ministries and generations. Between my wife, Callie and myself, we would alternate who prepared the meals, but we required nothing from those coming to our home to eat. Folks still prepared a meal to share to keep the burden and cost from being overwhelmed and have the opportunity of participating in what was offered when everyone got to the table. During the First Sunday Lunch, the Dipping Game was instituted. A fishbowl is placed in the middle of the room. One person
is to pull one tab of paper and read out the topic for a three-minute discussion. It was a blast. Topic questions ranged from “How would you describe yourself when you were 18 years old?”, “If the inside of your nose were itching and you were on a train with no tissue, how would you scratch it?” to “Can you give you switch cell phones with your spouse for 24 hours?”
I am suggesting a Pot Luck Meal with the venue being open and away from the church. I say away from the church building because some people cannot truly let their hair down because of the perspective associated with the title, position, and family relationship.
Personal Application
This part is to challenge your family.
It takes a village to raise a child – African Proverb
As a family, have a Saturday or Sunday Lunch or Dinner with a family in the church. Invite a family that you have not had strong fellowship within worship services. You know, the people you have only spoken to on random Sundays. The application here is to till the ground to cultivate those seeds of fellowship and love to increase the strength of the church family and allow a widening support system to be set. Where we are weak as children in Christ Jesus, others may have that one nugget that pushes us to see the horizon where all we have been seeing are clouds and tops of mountains.
A Stitch in Time
It only takes a few minutes to a positive pattern in the minds of those seeking new information. When in high school, I took Home Economics (Home Ec.), Child and Parenting Classes, Marriage and Relationship Classes, and learned how to sew, crotchet, and cook from my mother and Aunt Rose Mae. Both had different views on how to do some things, but I learned to incorporate what they learned into all that I do as a father and husband. I wanted to be a good husband. Plus I was single for a while before finding the best friend who would become my bride.
There are a few items that I believe should be passed onto the younger
generations that are not being taught in school as it was a few decades ago. Some items are not brought into conversations at home because everyone is so busy, so wrapped up in their cells, or on their laptops looking at the wildest/lit six-second video.
The history and emotions of hearing and learning things from our elders is something that seems to have been put on the backburner, or only heard right after Thanksgiving Dinner. Here are a few items I believe could be a Segway into bridge building between ministries and generations:
• Tie tying class – teaching the young adult men and women how to tie a Windsor knot, half Windsor, and bow ties.
• Sewing – teaching everyone how to correctly sew on a button, or hem a pair of pants or skirt.
• Basket Weaving – making a basket from thatch, or Bulrushes (this one is regional).
• First Aid/CPR Class – setting up the four-hour class to educate and certify many church members in this lifesaving technique is beneficial for the church and community.
• Table Etiquette – this is a lost art that should be explored.
• Vehicle Maintenance – teaching young adults how to change the oil in their vehicles, change spark plugs and air filter, and how to change a flat tire.
• Self-Defense – schedule a defense class with the local police. Learn the responsible ways to shop at night and during the holidays, and how to protect oneself to prevent a carjacking.
Some of the items in the list may seem useful, while others might seem a waste of time. The intent is to increase fellowship and open the doors for communication between all members of the church family. In each congregation are those individuals who have those special talents that they would be willing to teach someone if we would only ask them. Now the question is not about using church financial resources to set up some of the classes in the list above, but use the talents and gifts from those in the church family, for community inclusion, list the classes in the local newspaper and on social media.
Jab - Cross, Hook – Cross
The art of communicating effectively with the love of your life.
Martial Art Disciplines offer preparation classes for the sole right of successfully defending yourself if you ever found yourself in a place of being attacked. They offer up a set of punch combinations that once learned, will come out of you as muscle memory when you are in a disastrous situation. The central issue within any relationship is the knack for creative communication to ensure no fussing or arguments arise. I have heard numerous times from the Young Adults in my class, “It is okay to fuss and fight in a relationship.” Well, I can tell you that I had an uphill climb in explaining the issues behind trying to live with buried anger and resentment. Old baggage is just as it is described, old.
The issue of trying to hold onto those little things in arguments with your loved one is that you bury the issue until there is another flare up. This is the moment where you throw out that zinger you have been holding in the back of your mind (for weeks) because you feel this is the right time to let it go.
This is the jab.
Then there is that time when your loved one arrived late, did not purchase the correct items, or brought up an unresolved issue trying to find closure. But as stated in previous conversations, “This is not the time to talk about this.” Four years have passed and it is still not the right time. Now you dig up those harsh failure stories you know will hurt your love deeply. You say it and you say it as loud as you are able.
The hook and cross are used because you want the upper hand so you can win this time. But no one actually wins. It only creates a larger and growing divide in the
relationship.
Now that weeks have gone and no fussing occurred, you are feeling good about yourself and the relationship. This is not the case with your love one. This person throws out those little negative zingers to only rile you up. Those zingers you guys have been giving each other is the only way communications are done. This type of sharing has to find an end if the relationship is to find that glow from the first time you saw one another. Finding an area that creates a “white space” between you guys is beneficial and can prove to be long-lasting. I am one of those people who doesn’t like to argue and will go silent when the seeds of a fuss begin to seed. I rather wait until the emotions subside so we can have a logical conversation. Below are several ways over the decades that I have sought to keep my bride leaning into that “white moment:”
1. Board Games – we have found that Scrabble® and Play Nine® are good ways to
create the dumbest laughs and create some good conversations when it is just two of us. Once we have played and talked so much that we found ourselves watching the sunrise six hours later.
2. 25 Reasons – I have numbered a page from one to twenty-five and made the request that we each sit down and write out those things that we like about one another without repeating any item. If an item is repeated in any way, the penalty is a kiss.
3. Steering Wheel & Mirror Notes – sometimes I write little notes and put them on the steering wheel of the car, or in Callie’s purse (these are not found for weeks