Divorced parents

Divorce is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the

marriage partners (Wygant 2011:1; Wiechers 2003:1; Springate & Stegelin 1993:163). Akpan (2007:1) looks at the negative impact that divorce can have on children and the stability of families. He gives descriptions of children that have been made vulnerable by separated couples, forgotten commitments, resentment, hostility, bitterness, and economic hardships, all of which are very common in today’s world.

Children who experience the separation or divorce of their parents are therefore at risk of developing emotional and behavioural problems (Wiechers 2003:1). The most commonly observed problems in the children of divorced parents are a decline in academic success, restless conduct, attentiveness problems, increased daydreaming and violent behaviour, anxiety, depression, interpersonal problems, peer relationship difficulties, and a negative self-concept (Hornby 2000:135). The adjustment of children of divorced parents to the separation of their parents may be very traumatic, involving deep-seated feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and divided loyalties.

From the above discussion, it is clear that divorce affects every member of the family. All over the world, the divorce rate increased steadily in the second half of the 20th century. South Africa was no exception, recording one of the highest divorce rates in the world (Gerdes 1998:190). Divorce affects the two adult marriage partners involved, their children, and also the extended family. Regardless of which parent receives custody of the children, when parents divorce, the children feel the pain and disappointment that accompanies the break-up in the marriage union. As parents often experience stress during the period of the divorce proceedings, they may not be capable of providing the support and guidance that their children need. This could lead to a lack of parental involvement in the child’s schoolwork, which could result in poor academic performance by the child (Akpan 2007:18-19). In instances of divorce, it may also be difficult for teachers to know which parent to communicate with regarding their scholastic development.

It is therefore clear that teachers should equip themselves with the necessary skills and knowledge to help the children of divorced parents and to successfully implement parental involvement strategies. Teachers’ success in this regard will

depend largely on their ability to communicate with parents and families on a regular basis (Strous 2007:223). However, teachers need training in dealing with divorced parents. Children from divorced families are, on average more disadvantaged than children who live better functional families. These children generally present more learning difficulties in school, behavioural problems, negative self-concept, problems with peers and have difficulty getting along with their parents (Hughes 2009:1; Amato 2001:335-370).

Kelly and Emery (2003:352-362) and Amato (1993:23-38) indicate that several factors affect children and parental involvement in divorced families, which may contribute to children’s difficulties. These are:

 Parental loss;  Economic loss;  Life stress; and

 Conflict between parents.

Each of the above factors will be discussed in the following paragraphs.

 Parental loss. Mothers and fathers are an integral and essential resource for children (Kelly & Emery 2003:352-362; Amato 1993:23-38). They provide emotional support and practical assistance and serve as good role models for their children. Kelly and Emery (2003:357) report that, on average, non- residential fathers see their children only once a quarter subsequent to a divorce and that two to three years after that, about 20% of children have no contact whatsoever with their father. In contrast, non-residential mothers have more frequent visits and are less likely to sever ties with the child. However, the lack of contact between the non-residential father and his children is not the determining factor, but it is the quality of the relationship that matters. There is a increasing proof attesting to the negative effect of non-residential fathers on their children while on the other hand when there is frequent contact and minimum conflict, children fare far better at school. However, when there is conflict, frequent visits have been correlated with poor adjustment by children

(Gerdes 1998:196; Hetherington & Kelly 2002). Amato and Gilbreth (1999) established that when fathers assist with homework, set appropriate limits and expectations, and demonstrate affection, children fare better at school. Good parenting by non-custodial parents is therefore crucial to a child’s educational future.

Another problem that children have to endure during the divorce of their parents is the financial challenges that the divorced parents are faced with.

 Economic loss. As a result of limited financial resources, children in single- parent families may experience more difficulties and challenges than children in two-parent families. After a divorce, custodial parents (mostly mothers) have less economic resources, less help in the provision of childcare and behavior monitoring, and lower levels of support than married parents (Amoateng et al. 2004:64; McLanchan & Sandefur 1994). There is a common belief that many of the difficulties experienced by children are the result of the economic difficulties in these families. One way in which a low income home may impact on children is the disruption that may result from there being fewer resources available. As the result of divorce many families have to change residence which may result in changes in schools, childcare, friends, and other supportive relationships (Amato 1993:30). In short, less economic means often adds to more disruption in the scholastic future of a child, as a result parents cannot meet the financial needs of the child with regards to their education which leads to a lack of parental involvement.

Children experience tremendous stress when their parents go through a divorce

 Life stress. During a divorce, children experience stress, because they fear being separated from those who are their source of love, security, and protection (Gerdes 1998:191). The buildup of multiple stressors and changes in their lives creates difficulties for children. The relationship between parents and children may fluctuate, and children are often moved from one household to

another (Wallerstein & Kelly 1983:268). The more often children in single- parent families lives are disrupted by moving, the more likely children are to drop out of school or become pregnant during their teen years (Crowder & Teachman 2004). In general, the more stressful and painful a child’s experience is during a divorce, the more difficulties they and their parents will experience which could lead to a lack of parental involvement in the children’s education.

During a divorce, parents are often in conflict with one another as discussed below.

 Conflict between parents. Conflict between parents throughout the divorce proceedings negatively affects the well-being of the child. It has been found that children in high-conflict families (intact or divorced) fare worse academically than children in low-conflict families (Gerdes 1998:58). Contrary to Gerdes’ (1998:58) findings, some studies have found that children in non-conflict single- parent families fare better academically than children in conflictual two-parent families. There is also evidence that children generally begin to have difficulties prior to divorce and that some of these difficulties are associated with prevailing conflict prior to the divorce (Kelly & Emery 2003:357; Gerdes 1998:58).

It is important to note that divorce does affect children at school, and also their parents’ involvement in their education. According to Kelly and Emery (2003:359), divorce has a negative impact on children. In many cases, children are the ones that suffer the most. Divorced parents are likely to have less time for their children than they had before the divorce, and the child’s sense of loss can be real. Due to the high rate of divorce in modern society, most children are reared by single parents.

Single parenthood can also negatively impact on the scholastic performance of children and can lead to a lack of parental involvement in the academic life of their children. The next type of parent that will be discussed is the single parent.