"I'm a coward, Hedwig," Harry said pathetically. He lay face down on his bed, his beloved owl sitting on his shoulder, preening his hair every few minutes while she kept a wary eye on her four owlets stumbling around her nest. "I'm a fucking coward," he reiterated. "And I really don't deserve her."
Hedwig hooted softly and Harry raised his head, watching her babies. The little owl that Ginny had affectionately dubbed Rubeus, in honor of Hagrid, whose tonic had done wonders for the little bird, was doing well. He was still smaller than his brothers and sister, but that didn't seem to bother him at all. In fact, he was the most adventurous one, often venturing from the pile of clothing until Hedwig would herd him back to where he belonged. Harry always had to be careful when he got out of bed in the morning, lest he step on little Rubeus.
"There's just…so much involved in a relationship with Ginny," he protested. Hedwig always listened to him prattle on and Harry seemed to need it now more than ever. "I just…I need…" He trailed off, not even knowing what he wanted, really.
He sighed heavily and watched as Armstrong picked up an escapee Rubeus and deposited him back with his siblings.
Ginny hadn't said much about last night when they got home. She'd kissed him on the cheek and gone into her bedroom, shutting the door.
"I fucked up, didn't I girl?" he asked, turning to see that Hedwig was now gone from beside him. She fluttered back in, her wing grazing his head. In her talons was clutched an old scroll. Harry knew it was from Sirius, but it was months old.
"Thanks," he said, skeptically glancing at his owl. Maybe she was getting old and batty.
As if she heard his thoughts, Hedwig pecked him on the head.
"Ouch!" he rolled away from her, rubbing the spot irritably. "What the hell did you do that for?"
Hedwig picked up the scroll again and tossed it toward him. "That's months old, you git,"
he growled, still rubbing his head. He was surprised she hadn't drawn blood. When she nudged the scroll again, Harry snatched it up, glancing at it.
"It's from Sirius," he acknowledged, sinking down onto the bed again. His eyes traced the letters, not seeing the words, really. "Sirius…"
The realization of what Hedwig was trying to tell him sunk in and he felt like a horrible person.
"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly. "I…I didn't understand what you were meaning.
Maybe I should go and talk to Sirius.
Hedwig ruffled her feathers, puffing her chest out.
"Yes, I know you were right," he rolled his eyes. "And you'll never let me live it down."
She hopped over toward him and nuzzled his arm with her face. "Yeah, me too," Harry agreed quietly.
"I do need to see Sirius," he nodded. "But first I need to fix this with Ginny. I can't leave it like it is right now…"
Ginny smiled as Angelina, Katie and Alicia arrayed themselves on Hermione and Ron's sofa. Alicia was showing off the round bump of a belly that was now visible—the product of her recent marriage to Oliver Wood.
Hermione chuckled next to her and sipped at the bright pink concoction in the plastic cup that she held. "Thanks so much for hosting this, Ginny," she said. They both turned to hear Luna and Demelza arguing good naturedly over the right mixture for the drinks.
"Sure, Hermione," Ginny answered, happy to be able to do her Maid-of-Honor duties satisfactorily. "I'm only sorry that we couldn't have it at my flat. Harry's been in a mood lately, and I didn't want to push my luck." she added a bit darkly. Any progress that their relationship had been making this past week was virtually non-existent. They'd gone from being quite close to stumbling awkwardly around each other. Harry's touches were few and far between. She hadn't even brought up the idea of him being her date at the wedding again.
"Its fine," Hermione patted her hand. "I don't mind having the party here." Ginny sighed, glad that Hermione approved. Lately, Hermione only clucked her tongue and shook her head where Ginny was concerned. And, she had to admit, she probably hadn't lived up to Hermione's expectations. She'd missed several planning meetings because of work, and had completely forgotten about having dinner with her and Ron last week, instead spending the evening with Harry watching a movie at the theater down the block.
"So when do we get to meet this mysterious man of yours, Ginny?" Pavarti Patil asked as she and her sister giggled from near the kitchen.
Ginny sighed. "He's not mine." No matter how much she denied it, no one ever seemed to believe her.
"He's cute," Demelza proclaimed. "And the way they were connected last week at the party—"
"Alright," Ginny held up her hands. "That's enough of that. We're here tonight to celebrate Hermione, not speculate on my love life—or lack thereof."
The party went on, with Hermione opening gifts and blushing at some of the things she'd been given. There were plenty of lacy, frilly things that were fun to laugh about. Angelina even grabbed a few of them and draped them over her front, modeling them with an exaggerated walk around the room.
Ginny slipped out as they continued laughing, moving into the kitchen to clean up a bit.
Hermione joined her a few minutes later.
"I've had a good time tonight, Ginny."
"Good," Ginny smiled. "That was rather the point, you know."
"You've been out of sorts today," Hermione commented as she nudged Ginny aside, making room for her to help wash the dishes. They filled the sink with soapy water and slowly started to hand-wash the serving spoons and plates.
"I have been," Ginny nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring you down."
"You didn't," Hermione said. "I would hope that we've been friends long enough to know when you're not happy."
Ginny felt her face heat. "We have." She felt bad for thinking that Hermione should be so focused on her own wedding that she would ignore her best friend. "I haven't been that good a friend to you."
"You're fine," Hermione protested. "You've been there when I really needed you."
"Not enough," Ginny protested. "But that ends right now. I've officially taken the next two weeks off and I'm completely yours, morning, noon or night."
Hermione chuckled. "Hopefully I won't need you that much."
"I'll be there," Ginny promised, holding up her hand, covered in bubbles that dripped down to the floor.
"It's a deal," Hermione said. They went back to washing and were quiet for a few minutes. "Harry won't mind you being gone so often?"
Ginny bit her lip, not sure how much to share and how much she really even wanted to talk about this. She had been so sure that he was feeling the same way she was. The night at the pub had been wonderful, like they'd been on this spectacular broom ride together.
And then she'd made a complete fool out of herself by asking him out on a date. And that's where the horrific, tremendous crash had happened.
"I don't think Harry's going to miss me at all," she admitted. "In fact, I think he's going to probably be out of town."
"What did I miss?" Hermione asked, her jaw loose in shock.
"Nothing," Ginny shrugged. "I just…I misread what he wanted and I made a bit of a fool of myself." She slid a dirty pan into the water and scrubbed at it vigorously. "He
mentioned something about leaving for an assignment," Ginny lied. Harry had mentioned work the other night, but she had the impression that he was scrambling for any excuse to get out of going with her to the wedding.
Hermione glanced up, surprised. "You invited him to the wedding, didn't you?"
"I did," Ginny confirmed, trying to keep her voice level. "But his work is rather demanding. He said he'd back in time, if he could."
Hermione nodded. "And you're not happy with that."
The statement evoked more emotion that Ginny had hoped to betray. She sat heavily on a kitchen chair, her hands leaving great soapy, wet prints on her jeans. "It's stupid," she shook her head.
"It's not," Hermione said as he joined her, offering a flannel to dry off on. "You two have become pretty close lately."
Ginny nodded. "We have. He's my best friend, Hermione. I'm not supposed to be feeling these things for my best friend."
"No?" Hermione asked with a chuckle. "And what about Ron and I; we were friends before we started going out."
"It's not the same," Ginny protested. "At least you had an idea what Ron felt for you.
Harry…" She sighed. "Sometimes I think he might…but then he pulls back and I get these strange signals from him, like he's not even sure what he wants at all."
Hermione nodded thoughtfully. "Has he ever given you any kind of clue as to how he feels?"
Ginny went silent for a minute before nodding. "He touches me all the time. Nothing sexual, you know, just…holding my hand and…putting his hand on my back," she said in a soft voice. "He's desperately affectionate at times. You saw that the other night at the pub. But then I went and messed it up. I had asked him to come to the wedding, as my date, and he got all flustered. I can't quite figure it out, Hermione. I mean he's usually comfortable with the family, isn't he? That's not why is it?"
"He seems to be," Hermione added in support. "Maybe he just doesn't like crowds, or he has some fear of weddings." They both chuckled at that.
"That could be," Ginny conceded. "He's usually a bit wary in crowds." She shrugged, knowing Harry's reasoning. But it wasn't anything she could betray to Hermione. Ginny really didn't want to have to Obliviate her again—it still ate away at her that she'd done it in the first place.
"What was it that made you think he might return your feelings?"
"It's a hundred little things," Ginny said and then groaned in frustration. "Like the other night at the pub. We were laughing and dancing and…having the best night. And then I ruined it by pushing. He got this scared rabbit look on his face, and we haven't talked about it since."
Hermione rubbed her back lightly. "Do you think you should?"
"Of course," Ginny shook her head. "But what if I make an even bigger fool of myself, Hermione?"
"Do you really want him to leave without resolving anything?"
Ginny shook her head. "No, of course not."
Hermione got a thoughtful look on her face. "Would it be better to wait until after he got home to sort this? Maybe you both just need some time to decide how you're feeling.
How long would he be gone?"
"His last job was four weeks long," Ginny lamented. "I'm not sure I can wait that long. It feels like there's something there, just under the surface. Like a bubble just waiting to pop, but I can't find the right tool to burst it."
Hermione sighed and rubbed her back lightly again. "It will, Ginny. All of us can see something there. Ron's mentioned how wrapped up in each other you two seem to be.
You don't do much with any of us lately."
Ginny attempted to protest, but she knew her friend was right.
"Its fine," Hermione reassured her. "I understand at least. I just hope that something will come of it."
"Me too, Hermione," Ginny said as she laid her head on her soon-to-be sister-in-law's shoulder. "Me too."
Harry was pacing in the flat when Ginny got home from Hermione's. It was late and she'd really expected him to be in his bedroom with the door closed, like he'd been for the past few days. The girls had stayed late, talking about all kinds of things
"Oh," she started, seeing him up.
"Hi," he said, awkwardly shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. "Do you…do you have a minute?"
Ginny bit her lip, not sure if she was up to having this conversation right now. This is when he would sit her down and tell her that he was flattered, but that he really didn't feel anything but friendship for her.
"I could probably keep my eyes open for a few minutes," she smiled tightly.
"Good," he sighed. Surprising her, he reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together and tugging her toward the sofa. He sat first, pulling her down next to him.
Ginny stiffened as their thighs pressed together. She wasn't sure she could be this close to him when he did the whole 'we're just friends' speech. She might just break down into tears, which she certainly didn't want.
"I've been…really messed up this week," Harry said. Ginny opened her mouth to respond but he held his hand up. "Let me say it, please." She hesitated, but finally nodded. "And I don't want to leave with you thinking that it's your fault."
"You are leaving then," she said, looking down at their linked hands.
"Ginny, I'm coming back," he said, reaching up to lift her chin so that he could see her face. "I just need to do a few things."
"Okay," she said, blinking away tears that made her horrified. No doubt he'd change his mind and be packing his bags for good as soon as he broomed her.
"Gin," he said, leaning forward until their foreheads met. "Please be patient with me. I…
I've never had someone like you in my life…"
His words were harsh against her ears, but not because of how he said them, but what they meant. How could she have forgotten who he was? Of course this was going to be hard for him. He had admitted to never having a real relationship, in love or friendship, before her.
Sometimes it was so easy to forget that he had this past that was larger than life—that shaped everything he did, even now, so many years later.
Ginny felt extremely selfish as she wiped at her tears. She'd turned this whole thing into something for her—how she felt, how he felt about her.
She'd completely discounted that he had feelings and insecurities just the same, if not tremendously bigger, than hers.
"I can wait," she whispered, horrified when Harry reached up and brushed his hands along her face to remove tears. He wasn't promising anything; that was very apparent.
But his words gave her a bit more hope.
"Gin."
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to turn away from him. His hand on her chin stopped her, though. And then his lips were on hers, soft and not demanding at all. He moved them slowly and Ginny sighed.
There wasn't much mistaking his intent now. Neither of them was drunk, neither of them was languishing in loneliness. This kiss was one that held a promise of something more in the future.
The kiss ended a few moments later, when Harry pulled away slowly and lifted her into his lap, laying them back against the sofa.
Ginny sighed, closing her eyes and drinking in Harry's warmth and embrace. It wasn't perfection…but it was something. And it gave her hope to hang on until he came back.
"I'm leaving early tomorrow," Harry whispered as they cuddled together.
She nodded against him. "I'll miss you."
"I'll be back as soon as I can," he said, pressing a kiss to her head. "Stay with me
tonight?" he asked, his voice vulnerable and open. "Not... Just to sleep," he said and she nodded before it was even out of his mouth.
"Okay."
That night, lying in Harry's bed, spooned up close to him, just as she had been the one other time they'd shared a bed, Ginny smiled. It would be enough for now.
Harry hesitated for only a minute before pressing his finger to the small brass button. He could hear the peal inside and hoped that Sirius would be home. He really didn't want to spend the night in a hotel. He needed familiar tonight. Getting out of bed this morning, climbing out of Ginny's arms, had been one of the hardest things Harry had ever needed to do. But if he intended to go forward with this relationship, there were a few things he had to straighten out.
"Hey," Sirius' groggy face appeared in the crack of the door. He peered at Harry through narrowed eyes and slowly pulled the door open. The interior of the hall was dark, but even so, Harry could see the days-old stubble on the ruggedly handsome face of his godfather.
"Hey, yourself."
"I didn't expect you," Sirius grumbled. He closed the door behind Harry and ruffled his hair as he flipped his wand out to the side and the lamp on a side table cast a soft glow in the room.
"I didn't plan on coming," Harry confirmed as he glanced at the messy room. Piles of clothing were everywhere and a stack of dishes teetered precariously on a rather spindly table. "Having a rough time of it then?" he asked as he motioned toward the room.
Sirius had the good sense to look a bit ashamed. He hurriedly gathered the dishes in his arms and shrugged as he pushed past Harry.
"Full moon was two nights ago."
The statement itself was all Harry needed in explanation. Remus' injuries during the Final Battle four years ago had made his monthly transformations even rougher to handle. The
fact that two days afterwards found Sirius still trying to recover meant that this month had been bad.
"Second moon this month," Sirius growled as Harry followed him into the kitchen where, surprisingly, it was rather clean.
"Moony's alright, then?" Harry asked. "Because I can stay somewhere else—"
Sirius waived him off as he flicked his wand and started the dishes washing. "You're always welcome here, you know. This is your home. Moony would have my hide if I turned you out."
"Mangy hide, Padfoot."
The rough voice made Harry turn to where his adopted uncle leaned against the
doorjamb. His hair was wet, as if he'd just come from a shower, and combed back away
doorjamb. His hair was wet, as if he'd just come from a shower, and combed back away