1. After you have spent time mirroring your individual and you feel that you have a strong connection and a good rapport established, change one of your gestures from mirroring into something new. So, if you have been using your arms to talk, now cross them. It is important to keep everything else in rapport, so if you have been maintaining eye contact, continue to do so, and if you have been reflecting gestures or mutual opinions, continue to do so. You do not want to break rapport; you are simply testing the structure. 2. Now hold this new position for a while and notice if your partner
also changes their posture to mirror into yours. Do they now fold their arms too?
3. Once you have a positive result, test it further by changing one more element, and observe the response. If it is positive, your partner is now ready to be led into your way of thinking.
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Leading
When you feel you have established strong rapport, you have checked it and paced it again and again, you are now ready to change the direc- tion of the conversation, alter the focus of communication and begin heading in the direction that reflects your desired outcome.
A clever way of introducing new concepts or ideas is by linking them to already established ideas and connecting them to the current conversation.
For example, a recruitment firm that one of us worked with sud- denly found themselves operating within a market that was experienc- ing a recession. This meant that there were now far more candidates (due to redundancies) than there were jobs to fill, and also more recruitment consultants working on these limited jobs, causing the working culture to become much more aggressive.
The MD of the company was aware that the working environment had changed, and to ensure his company survived, he needed to retrain his staff, so they knew how to recruit in a recession.
This is what the MD did.
MD’s desired outcome – introduce new training
md: So, how well do you think we are doing at the moment?
staff 1: OK, but not as well as we were last month; interview numbers are down.
staff 2: It’s not for lack of trying, though. We have spent all day hammering the phones, but no one seems interested.
md: I recognize you are all working hard, and yes, you’re right, interview numbers are down from last month. Why do you think that is?
staff 1: I imagine it’s a sign of what’s to come; there are less jobs about and no one wants to pay our fees any more.
70 md: Is there anything we could do to change that?
staff 2: I don’t know, I’ve been trying everything I know and nothing seems to be working.
md: I agree you’ve never worked in a recession before. Do you think the reason why what we’re doing isn’t working is because the market has changed?
staff 2: I’m sure that’s the reason.
md: In that case do you think we should adapt our working methodol- ogy to reflect the new market?
staff 1: The only way any company can evolve is by having the ability to adapt.
md: I agree. How about we do some group retraining?
When we want to influence someone’s focus of communication into a new direction, it is easier if we link into their current train of thought and then use this understanding to guide them into a new direction.
Remember: rapport first; then pace, pace and pace again; then lead – and then add a little more pacing, just for good measure.
Remember: rapport first; then pace, pace and pace again; then lead – and then add a little more pacing, just for good measure.
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There are many different ways of building rapport. Practise these: 1. Make a list of all the different ways you could choose to
establish rapport with someone in the following situations:
O In a one-to-one meeting. O Over the phone.
O Over the internet. O At a party.
O Whilst delivering a presentation.
2. Once you have created your list, actively practise using them as often as possible.
Which methods do you find are the most effective for you?
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Go for it!
A smile can say a thousand words and itdoesn’t cost anything. A smile is very similar to a yawn – it is very influential and very hard not to reciprocate. It is also one of the most popular anchors for creating happy states in others, because when you smile you release endorphins (the happy hormone) into the blood stream. Smiling can instil confidence, create relaxation and defuse many a situation, and better still, it doesn’t cost you anything.
People buy people 73 1RWHV
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Beliefs can have wonderfully creative or a terribly destructive effect upon our lives. They are the stuff of dreams and success, of night- mares and wars. In this chapter we will truly tap into the motivational elements of NLP and gain insight into our own belief structure, its limi- tations and its infinite potential. You will learn how your value system operates, and why we make the decisions we do. Uncover what is truly important to you and how to access it more effectively and quickly. This chapter will explain how and why our beliefs play a major part in our success and our failures, and will give you the exercises necessary to begin changing this.