Experience as Outcome 172

One outcome that participants took with them from the trip was a desire to be able to return to, or relive, their experience in their mind; reliving the experience could invoke valued feelings of calmness, a sense of contentment or clarity of perspective. There was a desire to return to that sense of wonder or experience of something ‘other’; to be interwoven with the world. The experience appeared to bring with it a heightened awareness for participants of both the natural world and themselves.

“The experience is the important thing, that is what people want to hold in their minds: the moments, the memories, and try to invoke the feelings of happiness, connection, contentment etc… Hopefully the comments above answer this question. It’s amazing to me how readily I can recall the trip and its details – I thought it might have slipped from view by now. Few people have the luxury of time or means to take such a trip, and I’m keenly aware of that. And I’m still amazed that I actually rafted the Franklin – albeit at record low levels in benign, sunny conditions where there were no surging walls of roaring white water calling for courage I’m not sure I possess…” (Amy PT1 4 month reply)

“(The Franklin trip) I wouldn’t... I don’t... you know, I wouldn’t withdraw that or undo that for quids. That to me is probably the single most important experience for the year. And that... that time committed to that is something I’m really more than happy to do over again, by hook or by crook, so… I would rate it as profound, a profound experience, in my life scheme of things.” (Sarah PT1)

Many participants observed that one of the outcomes from the experience was a decision to do more trips of a similar nature, in the wilderness, over a period of time, in order to have similar experiences of the natural environment. Participants also expressed a desire to re-create the quality of meaningful experiences on the river within their everyday environments. Participants recognised, particularly in the four month follow up emails, that there were many opportunities for similar types of experiences at home, but that it helped to have had the ‘full-on’, profound experience in a wilderness setting to help them know what they were searching for. Participants felt that they could be more attentive to things in the natural world at home,

particularly the micro-worlds in their everyday environments, or intrusions of the natural world into same, and thus be able to replicate the experiences on the river. The initial experience on the Franklin River was often valued for the sense of clarity, even certainty, that it provided in interacting with the natural wildness of the world.

“Like riding a bike, like to me the Franklin at the end of it saying ‘yep, I know what it feels like to be on a bike now’. I might not be able to recreate that exactly back, but you might be able to take... Even just to go for a walk along the beach, to look at the sunset differently or just to listen more or something like that or to see more things in the world than you would. To try and have some of that wonder about stuff, because there’s lots of stuff to have wonder about in an urban environment as well.” (Vickie PT1)

Interviewer: “You talked a couple of times about the difference between like [the local park]. Coming back from a trip like that has the experience of walking through [the local park] or along the beach or anything changed for you?”

“When I sit here and we are talking I'm constructing those experiences negatively in comparison. But when I actually do them, that's not how I do them… If I walk down the [the local park], which I've done two or three times this year – down, not up. If I do that I do it a lot more slowly than I would have done once. I stop and look at things a lot more. Again, what the Franklin experience has helped me to do is be a lot more contemplative, to see a lot more, to .... just dissolve into the experience. Once upon a time if I walked down the [the local park] I'd be chattering away with whoever I went with. I noticed the last couple of times that I've been down there I haven't wanted to talk.” (Richard PTE)

Interviewer: “So if you see more do you see more of this idea of, you know, beauty or whatever? Do you notice things more?”

“Yes, I'm more aware of things, yes. At the micro level I notice more. And that's, I think, to do with the extraordinary pool that those little complex micro worlds on the Franklin had. Right from day one. Right from .... right from the first camp site. I was enchanted by them. And they, and it's the micro worlds that really, that really give you the sense of the complexity. Because you look at a tiny little... what's right there in front of your eyes, this far away from your face, and you see such

extraordinary ecological complexity in that little… And you think, now here's this entire river full of an infinite number of those little things. Yes. So the micro worlds were at least as crucial at giving me this sense of the awesome complexity that living processes are capable of achieving, as did the sort of large scale.”

Interviewer: “If you notice more like, any of those kind of, you know, beach walk, whatever, do you notice any more just walking around the streets normally, like suburbs, urban, here, this sort of thing?”

“I think I'm probably more alive to the intrusions of the natural world. You know, the... inter-human space. I probably am, I think. I think I'm more likely to look at small things. And pick up on small things, like a bird call that doesn't seem to fit and such things. When we went down the Franklin I had that camera with the great macro lens that I’ve never used since because I borrowed it from work, but now I walk around with a camera taking photographs of minute things all the time. And I didn't used to do that. Yes. And I find my attention is more and more focused on that sort of intricate little detail. Wherever I am, yes. I see the patterns in tree bark. And I always, I think I always had that sort of sensibility, but it was focused on a larger scale. So if I looked at... if I walked towards a grove of trees I would look at the grove of trees as a grove of trees, whereas now I'm more likely to get as close as I can and then look at the bark and look at the leaves and look at what's in the leaf mould.” (Richard PTE)

“Relating to the environment, I am as caught up as ever in the dilemma of city living, with the constant intention to spend more time out of town and/or out bush. I’m not sure that the Franklin trip has changed that, except to provide another example to me of the compelling reasons for getting out of town more often, ideally for stretches of time longer than a weekend. I don’t think the trip changed the way I relate to the environment – but rather, reminded me of the fact that I love to spend time out bush, sometimes in remote locations. It was a reminder rather than an introduction to that sense of a strong, unmediated relationship to the bush.” (Amy PT1 4 month reply)

Emotional responses such as calmness, contentment, appreciation of the quietness and a sense of wonder were the affective components of the experience to which participants felt a desire to return. There was also a recognition that, over time, one’s ability to recover the experience and emotions from the trip might begin to fade. The experience reinforced the value not only of the experience itself but also of those wilderness places.

"I think it reinforced what I normally do for my own head space... the, that Franklin trip definitely reinforced that for me, that time out in the wilderness, particularly that native Tasmanian wilderness, is really really important for me." (Beth PT1)

“I took about two weeks to become accustomed to being back in reality. It was as though I had this hypersensitivity to the impacts that humans have made on the land and nearly everything I looked at really upset me. The day we came out into the rural countryside for the first time I even started crying because it just seemed all wrong compared to the beauty and interwovenness of the wilderness we had been in on the Franklin – and that wasn’t even a city or built up area but a green field with cows, fences and a road. I remember about a month after the trip had finished we got back to Melbourne and drove on a 16 lane freeway around to Geelong. On either side it was a dustbowl with rubbish blowing in the wind. Cars and trucks

everywhere and a tall wire fence. I said to [partner], “please don’t ever let me forget that this isn’t normal”. I know that before we left on our trip I had gone to work every day and sat in a traffic jam up Parramatta Rd all the way, breathing in that smog and just thinking that that was part of a normal daily routine and a natural part of life. Being on the Franklin and all of the other wild places we were in in Tassie brought it home to me that my old life is a made up madness and not at all the way it is supposed to be… I do think that for me anyway though, the impact of

wilderness experiences has been built up over time. It wasn’t as though I just went on the rafting of the Franklin and then decided that I wanted to live closer to nature and natural cycles. The Franklin trip was a bit of a tipping point though which crystallized some thoughts that I had had previously about the way that I want to live my life.” (Rachel WE2 4 month reply)

“On reflection the most powerful thing I do take forward is my need to have that outdoors time, for the space and the peace and the natural beauty of it all.” (Beth PT1 12 month reply)

While participants found it impossible to completely describe what was, for many of them, a complex and mysterious event, the effort taken to reflect on the experience and forefront it in the mind was viewed as valuable. Nevertheless, many participants reported that their feelings and memories of experiences on the Franklin had faded over time.

“Having undergone the experience and having been profoundly affected by it, you then have to turn around and search for what are inevitably an inadequate string of words to articulate it. It never quite works because the experience is more inchoate, less tangible than you can, than words will suit. More complex than words can ever, I think, adequately represent.” (Richard PTE)

“Yeah, and it’s all in the back of head, like you do know, somewhere unconsciously I know why, I just can’t grasp it, like I don’t know.” (Amanda PTE)

“[Feelings] faded, that's why I need to get back out there to remind myself from time to time.” (Nick WE3 4 month reply)

“Definitely [feelings] faded, as once something is out of sight it is out of mind. Too many influences can affect you directly and this results in the movement of the Franklin memories from the active part of your memory to a little used corner visited on rare occasions. Reading your questions, I see how easy it is for the immediate feelings following the trip to be diluted by other life influences.” (Wayne WE2 4 month reply)

While the linguistic descriptions could never equal the lived experience, several participants valued the opportunity to relive or recall the experiences through the research process. There was a sense that talking about such experiences not only reinvoked the emotional experience, but it also validated the reality of such experiences.

“For me the reflection enriches the experience. It enriches it and consolidates it. Like even saying this now, I kind of knew some of this but, saying it, um... yeah, reinforces what I’ve experienced. So it actually is part of the journey to reflect on the journey.” (Morris PT1)

“I still have the same feelings and perspectives on the trip, although my clarity of them probably isn't as good as it was when I was still out there. I don't think it's necessarily a case of memories fading, but being removed from a place doesn't allow that same sense of immersion you get when you're out there. However, I certainly have some vivid memories and images in my head of the Franklin River and its surrounding landscape. I don't think these images / feelings will fade.” (Jessie WE3 4 month reply)

“Feelings are the same when I get a time to reflect but that is becoming few and far between so thank you for engaging me again to allow more time for reflection! I still have a strong sense of the feelings and every time I walk the mountain or sit by the rivulet or smell the damp (not much at the moment due to lack of rain!) It does take me back to the 'aerial view' I described and the river tranquillity.” (Beth PT1 4 month reply)

“I’m amazed at how the positive, slightly dreamy post-Franklin trip perspective has lasted. The maintenance of this worldview has certainly been helped by a stint of not working, so with plenty of time to, e.g., sit in a sunny chair and read, or write a letter to a friend, regaling them with stories of the river… I’ve just had plenty of time to reflect on the aesthetic splendor, as well as the more metaphysical dimension to the experience. And entertain thoughts of when our next trip might be.” (Amy PT1 4 month reply)

“I think, in this scenario, with us discussing at the time especially, and me being made to think about or reflect on the experience, that many ideas that might have been left at the back of my mind were clarified and made to move into the long term

memory part of my brain… I feel that in life you gradually build up a series of experiences that have had a profound impact on you. They are the ones that you look back on as being standout things you have done. You might go years between adding to this particular bank of profound experiences. For me the Franklin River trip was one of these.” (Rachel WE2 4 mth)