Most children find it easy to name their problem, but some children and some with a learning difficulty can find it puzzling. Ways of helping children in these situations include drawing or modelling the problem which then makes the problem more visual and therefore easier for the child to take a stand against. Where children really struggle to think of a name, we sometimes suggest names other children have used and ask if one of the names fits for the child. When they borrow a name for their problem, we remind them that they can change it at any time.
Or you can ask the child what animal the problem is most like. For example, Judith asked one small boy who was about to be excluded from school for kicking and swearing at his teacher, ‘If Miss C. was an animal, what sort of animal would she be?’ He quickly replied that she was a roaring tiger. ‘What is the best way of handling a tiger?’ asked Judith. Similarly you can use characters from the child’s favourite book or television programme. One young person found it much easier to tolerate the demands of his disabled brother once he had identified him as a hippogriff and himself as Harry Potter. As any Harry Potter fan knows, hippogriffs are wonderfully talented animals but require very careful and sensitive handling. In either of these two scenarios, the next step is to ask the child what tiger taming or hippogriff handling skills they already have, and what skills they need to develop.
For children with learning difficulties, we often use an extension of the Mr Men characters. These have the advantage of being simple to draw, needing no more than a circle for the body and line drawings for arms and legs, and a defining characteristic. The defining characteristic is the problem, for example, you may help a child design a Mr Lippy, or a Miss Untidy, or a Mr Just do It. Then you can ask the child for exceptions: ‘Tell me about a time when Mr Lippy tried to get you to be cheeky, but you didn’t,’ followed by questions about how the child did it. This can be made visual for the child by designing an opposite Mr Man figure, for example, Mr Lippy might be countered by Mr Polite. Soon you are well towards a story in which Mr Lippy gets his comeuppance (for a more fully worked example, see Milner 2008, pp.47–48).
Children whose behaviour is seriously antisocial sometimes resist their problems being externalized, as one young person said to Judith when she began talking about his problem as external to him: ‘No, the
problem doesn’t get me to do anything. I’m just bad.’ In these sorts of situations, an externalizing conversation can be developed through interviewing the problem: ‘So, what does “bad” get you to do that makes life better for you?’, and so on, exploring all the effects ‘bad’
has on the child’s life. Similarly some children have become so used to being described as a problem that they have become quite hopeless. For example, although tackling obesity is a government
‘standard’, few existing interventions appear to work (Licence 2005) although disapproval of being fat remains. Obesity is also a problem that is embarrassing and it can be easier for fat children if ‘fatness’ is interviewed, rather than themselves. For example, Jackie interviewed an overweight young woman who had tried lots of diets, but failed to lose any weight, as the problem not the person.
Case example
Jackie: [to Louise as junk Food] So junk Food, can you tell me how you are affecting Louise?
Louise: [as junk Food] Well I’ve been having a pretty good time. I’ve succeeded in moving Louise up a dress size.
It’s at times like this where my presence really hits her.
Sometimes I worry that she is going to make a stand, but because I have been in her life for quite a while now, her initial determination to make changes doesn’t last long.
And then she’s off again. I think that I have also ruined any chance of Louise going out with a guy she likes. I was a little bit worried that she was going to get a bit of a confidence boost as it looked like he was going to ask her out, but I was quickly reassured that this wasn’t going to happen when his mates started calling her terrible names.
It continues to reduce my confidence… [jackie interposes that she’s interviewing junk Food not Louise] Yeh, right.
I reduce her confidence and how she feels about herself.
She feels very low and sometimes puts herself down to her friends. her friends are still around but she doesn’t see them as much as she did. now that the exams have finished, they have all started going out clubbing more, and she doesn’t feel that she can wear the same outfits that she used to before I came along. I reckon that in time her friends will stop ringing altogether.
Jackie: What sort of tricks are you playing to make sure that your presence remains strong in Louise’s life?
Louise: [as junk Food] At the moment it appears pretty easy as Louise has no energy and her confidence is low. I can also be very small and look attractive and I have heard people say things such as, ‘One more will not make a difference.’
I think there is so much food out there that’s in disguise and is made to look healthy when it is not, so I get a bit of a helping hand there.
Jackie: Is there anyone in Louise’s life that may be helping you in your quest?
Louise: [as junk Food] her mum supports me at times. I know that she is worried about her but she hasn’t really known what to do, so when she sees Louise down she buys her a bar of chocolate or something…bonus!
[After careful exploration the conversation then shifts into locating exceptions, thus asking questions to enable Louise to recollect when she has outsmarted the ‘problem’.]
Jackie: junk Food, can you think about a time recently when you have failed in your mission to take control?
Louise: [as junk Food] before Louise went up a dress size her confidence had increased, as she has been accepted for her
first choice university and is very excited about the prospect of going to university in a few months. It was like she had a goal and for about a week my presence was shrinking as she was making plans and was much more focused. Louise has confidence in her academic abilities and sometimes this confidence touches other areas of her life. Fortunately this was around the time when her mum took her shopping for some new clothes as a ‘well done’ treat and this is when she discovered that she had moved up a dress size. Louise became very upset and they had an argument.
Jackie: Are there any areas of Louise’s life that you are struggling to dominate?
Louise: [as junk Food] There is one friend that Louise has who is like glue and no matter how many times Louise turns down offers of nights out they’re still close. This makes Louise feel good about herself and confirms that there is more to her than her weight.
Jackie: What strengths, skills, abilities, qualities, did Louise show on this (and other) occasions that have made you doubt your ability to succeed in controlling her?
Louise: [as junk Food] Louise’s desire to both go to university and succeed in what she wants to do, law, is very strong.
When she is focused and has a goal it feels like nothing can stand in her way. her caring attitude towards others and sense of humour also make people want her around.
Jackie: What is it about Louise and what she wants for her life which questions and challenges you?
Louise: [as junk Food] I think again it is about her determination to get what she wants and maybe achieving something that none of her family have done and having a different life to them.
Jackie: Who are the people in Louise’s life that stand with her in her quest to stamp you out of her life?
Louise: [as junk Food] I am aware that after the time when Louise and her mum went shopping that her mum has become very keen to help get rid of me. I think it sunk in how much I was affecting her daughter’s life. She rang her GP and told Louise that they are going to get this sorted before she goes to university.