FAILURE: WHAT DOES NOT WORK

The  first  &  last  meeting  all  in  one:    The  most  common  reason  for   failure,  I’ve  observed,  is  that  those  who  do  actually  take  action  will  bring   a  group  together  and  promptly  give  the  power,  control,  and  vision  over   to  the  group.    This  seems  like  a  great  inclusive  and  democratic  thing  to   do.    However  at  the  point  the  vision  and  power  is  given  away  we   suddenly  have  a  committee,  usually  without  a  leader.  These  groups   typically  fizzle  out  after  one  meeting,  maybe  three  at  the  most.    How   many  times  have  we  all  seen  this…!!!)      

Why  they  fail:    There  are  many  reasons  why  this  does  not  work.       1.  The  chaos  of  everyone  having  their  own  wonderful  ideas  of  “how  it   should  be  done”  makes  it  so  that  no  one  gets  what  they  want.    In  the   cacophony  of  egos,  people  see  that  nothing  was  accomplished  and  leave   dispirited  with  no  energy  to  try  again.      

2.  Just  one  narcissistically  wounded  person  dominating  the  group  with   immature  comments  will  irritate  most  everyone.  Because  there  is  no   effective  leadership  to  change  the  energy,  some  folks  leave  annoyed  and   never  return.      

3.  The  one  who  calls  the  group  together  has  all  the  answers  and  forgets   to  check  out  if  others  are  actually  interested,  so  people  leave  feeling   disempowered.  

As  I  have  been  the  one  who  gave  away  power  too  soon  and  the  one  who   had  all  the  answers  and  probably  even  the  annoying  narcissistic  one  I   have  seen  this  too  many  times  from  the  inside.    Anyway,  I  have  come  to   believe  that  just  “the  act  of  calling  a  group  together  for  the  purpose  of   community”  spells  failure.    I’ve  come  to  believe  that  “community  is  you   &  me”  (see  chap.  14)  and  very  deeply  personal.  Essentially  we  invite  one   person  at  a  time  based  on  one-­‐on-­‐one  trust.  

Qualities  of  Founders  as  Core-­Community  Visionaries:        

1.  Founder  has  deep  belief  in  what  will  work  to  get  desired  results;          

2.  The  desire  to  have  a  personal  community  of  one’s  own;    

3.    Looks  for  people  who  live  close  together  and  are  committed  to   living  long  term  in  a  given  “place”;  

4.  Are  usually  “early  adopters”  with  entrepreneurial  qualities;        

5.    Will  likely  be  self  chosen  as  leaders  and  make  themselves  available   for  outside  training  to  learn  optimal  ways  of  doing  their  chosen  task;    

6.  Trained,  perhaps  by  a  mentor,  in  the  specific  skills  of  organizing,   screening  people,  shadow  work,  holding  container,  doing  ceremony  and   initiation.      

7.  Know  how  to  “work  them  selves  out  of  a  job”  and  when  to  get  out  of   the  way  once  their  skills  are  no  longer  needed.  

As  Founders  create  their  own  local  core  gift  community  they  ask:       What  is  our  relationship?    

How  do  we  make  decisions?       What  are  the  values  we  share?   Who  does  what?        

How  do  we  share  resources?      

Founders  decide:    What/who/how/when  this  community  exists!    They   must  set  the  initial  non-­‐negotiable  values  and  structure:  “Here  is  who   we  are,  the  way  it  will  be  and  how  we  do  things.”    

In  more  detail  they  examine:  

1.   Their  vision,  purpose  and  values:    Why  do  we  exist?  For  

example:  We  gather  together  for  mutual  support,  belonging,  co-­‐creation,   personal  growth,  survival,  fun,  etc.  

2.   Kinds  of  people  involved:    What  age,  background,  level  of   consciousness  and  psycho  spiritual  maturity  are  we  seeking.    This  will   deeply  involve  “In-­‐Out  boundaries”  which  means  gate-­‐keeping  at  the   beginning  and  ethical  standards  for  later  on.  

3.   Structure:  What  is  the  arrangement,  organization,  configuration   and  composition  of  our  community?    This  determines  the  negotiable  –  

subject  to  change  items:  Group  size,  time  together,  governance,  finances   and  conflict  resolution.  

4.   Commitment  levels:    Someone  must  ask  for  this  single  most   crucial  decision.  At  every  level  the  promise  to  stay  and  participate  is  the   glue  that  holds  everything  together.    It  must  be  taken  very  seriously  and   probably  require  a  minimum  of  several  years.  

Once  these  vision  and  boundaries  decisions  have  been  made,  the   founders  consider  together  who  they  know  who  would  fit  well  and   have  the  requisite  maturity  and  resonance.    They  make  careful   selections  of  several  people  and  get  consensus  on  each  one.  

Then  they  can  begin  the  conversations  and  invitations.    The  candidates   are  invited  individually.    In  conversation  the  many  specifics  are    

presented.    At  this  “inter-­‐view”  decisions  are  made  and  an  invitation  is   extended.    New  candidates/provisional  members  will  have  a  trial  period   and  some  rights.      

Duration  of  power:  The  initial  team  of  Founders  will  hold  the  center   until  enough  people  have  full  status  in  the  community  at  which  time   founders  step  back  in  favor  of  new  leadership.  

The  requisite  psycho  spiritual  maturity.    This  involves  having  done   enough  “shadow  work”  to  know  its  value  and  one’s  inner  intention  for   the  going  “onion  peeling”  of  self  witnessing  transparency.    If  we  know   that  one  has  not  done  this  inner  work  and  will  drain  energy  from  or   flounder  in  the  core  community  we  must  say  “not  yet”.    There  will  be   opportunities  for  anyone  who  truly  wants  to  do  their  work.    

Founders  initiate  each  other.  Once  they  have  the  commitment  deep   within  and  shared,  they  model  the  process  by  developing  and  enacting   “initiation”  between  themselves  (see  chap.  35).    Thus  the  promises  are   stated  and  grounded  in  authentic  organically  arising  ritual,  relevant  to   our  times  and  people.    They  then  make  the  initial  invitations  to  others  to   join  in  an  established  sequential  process  as  suggested  above.