Chapter 26
The entire Juggler Method is rooted in a couple of fundamental principles.
Those few principles are rooted in one: the principle of Alpha Nice.
There is a rather widespread notion that Alpha Nice is a Juggler Method tactic for dealing with the aggressive male interference. This notion is partly correct, but too narrow.
Yes, Alpha Nice does work very consistently when, say, our client who wisely chose New York as the location for his one-on-one private coaching or Charm School bootcamp (if you can make it there you'll make it anywhere) has a fascinating conversation with a woman he likes - and discovers suddenly that there is a pissed-off man nearby who had always wanted to talk to that woman exactly the way our client does now, but could not muster up the courage. In this case our client just invites the grumpy dude to join the conversation, and makes friends with him: a kind of graceful and self-assured behavior that
prompts that woman swoon over our guy immediately for some magical reason.
Such is the power of Alpha Nice.
But Alpha Nice is bigger than that.
For me the Alpha Nice comes from the realization that there is only one true and ultimate authority over all the matters related to my life: myself.
Say this with me: I am the true and ultimate authority over my life.
Hey, I did not mean that you should say: Dimitri is the true and ultimate authority over his life! When I said I, I meant you. So let us say it again:
I am the true and ultimate authority over my life!
Right. You are the authority.
Just you.
You, and no one else must make choices in your life. You, and no one else should take responsibilities for those choices.
Take charge now. Become the authority over the only thing that matters, a thing that includes all the other things: your life.
And when you see that something in your life needs to be improved, it is your responsibility to make this improvement. Be on it.
If you remember to pay proper respect to your own authority over your life, you will achieve and maintain the ultimate state of self-respect and confidence.
Confidence does not come from success. It is the other way around. Success comes from confidence. Confidence comes from acknowledging and respecting your own authority over your life.
Having the ultimate respect to myself, I am being nice to myself of course. So should you. Tell the self-deprecating, down-putting voices in your mind to shut up.
And now please realize that you cannot be the authority over the life of anyone else, simply because in their life they are the true and ultimate authorities!
So not only you respect yourself as the ultimate authority over your life, but you respect every single person around you for being the ultimate authorities over their lives.
When I respect others as the ultimate authorities over their lives, I feel compelled to be nice to them.
Successful social life can be described as the great conspiracy of the authorities to be nice to each other.
Chapter 27
The entire modern civilization has been built as a way for the human beings to express themselves. Our houses and roads, our machines and flower gardens, our arts and sports, our languages, our mythologies, our sciences, our selfless urge to reach other planets, even our wars, all those are the means of human self-expression.
And yet, the irony is that our desire to project our minds outward has been continuously punished by the very civilization that owes its existence to that desire.
We have been socially conditioned to repress our emotions, to clam up, to hide our creativity, to adopt the verbal language and the body language of the servitude.
The grade system in out schools, throughout the world, has taught us to conform to a standard of
mediocrity and to seek approval. The true knowledge is almost never achieved, having been replaced by the corrupt principle of saying something to please the teacher and examiner. And we either choose to please, and become sickeningly nice, or we get into a trap of aimless rebellion, of being fake-bad boys and fake-bad girls, and lose our identity to the various forms of sociopathic behavior. We had been
programmed to self-destruct if we do not obey, and we self-destruct through self-expression, first suppressed and then channeled the wrong way.
The goal of the Juggler Method is to direct both categories of people, the neurotic nice guys and the neurotic rebels, to the path of true self-expression. In some other society in some other time the essence of the method might have been different, but in our increasingly robotized, mechanized society the key to developing the healthy self is connecting to own EMOTIONS and bringing those emotions out there.
The fundamental principle of Self-Expression is rooted in the fundamental principle of Alpha Nice. The ability to express oneself comes from taking charge of own life and taking absolute responsibility for own choices. Fearlessness of the self-expression comes from the state of ultimate authority, achieved through the mastery of Alpha Nice.
From my point of view of the Alpha Nice individual, when something does not seem right, when something bothers me about my condition, I must express it, at least through my words or, preferably, through action. I like it better to speak in the language of action. But the language of words also helps every now and then.
On the other hand, when something feels right, when the truth and kindness triumph, when someone does something brave or talented or cute or simply genuine, I express what I feel about it and give people the gift of my emotional generosity.
All the specific techniques of the Juggler Method branch from the principle of Self-Expression. What I have described two paragraphs above is called Disqualification. What I had described one paragraph above is called the Reward.
When I find something sexy about a woman, I do not hesitate to express that to her, and this is called the Statement of Intent.
When something she says or does reminds me of something else, I freely share my experience with her, and that is what Relating is all about.
But I must emphasize that the principle of Self-Expression goes way beyond the basic conversational skills.
Expressing my emotions, and especially my Alpha Nice state of mind through my posture and body language is unbelievably important.
Expressing my self-respect through my choice of clothes and through grooming is equally important.
Expressing my confidence via the eye contact, expressing my friendliness when it is proper via the confident smile, and expressing the seriousness of my intentions via the I-will-not-back-off kind of vacuum, those are crucial.
I would like to share with you a wonderful short poem by the great American Walt Whitman, from the Leaves of Grass.
Stranger! If you, passing, meet me, and desire to speak to me, why should you not speak to me? And why should I not speak to you?
Such are the words of the man who knew the power of the Self-Expression.
So if I want to approach a woman and to talk to her, I express this desire through the action of the Approach. If I want to touch someone I speak with, I do so. When I want to speak the truth, I do.
At the same time, back to the Alpha Nice principle, whatever specific means of self-expression I pursue, I do it in such a way as to not repress the self-expression of the others.
And yet I project myself even further outward. Expressing my desire to be my best Self through my choices and my behavior leads me through the journey of the spiritual growth. Fulfilling my dreams is one of the highest forms of Self-Expression. Being able to sacrifice my ego for the sake of something beyond it is the ultimate Self-Expression.