GROUND RULES FOR STUDYING TOGETHER

Keep your heads clear and cool by showing respect for each other. You can do this when you:

• Appreciate each other’s learning styles. • Start with a positive point before criticizing.

• Use sensitive talk; be aware of each other’s needs and perspec- tives; keep open minds.

• Listen attentively.

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To make the most of studying together, you both need to know what works for the other. Tell your buddy about your learning style. Tell her what you need and encourage your buddy to do the same with you. After all, you’ve both got the same goal: to learn what you’re studying. You both want to get the most out of these sessions, so be clear from the start. You’ll both appreciate the other’s honesty.

There’s a good chance that your partner will be a different kind of learner from you, so be prepared to work with his or her style as well as yours. The most pronounced differences in learning styles are between seeing or hearing, so focus on those. Also, since you and your buddy will be working on communicating with each other, what matters most is being able to understand what your buddy says, and to make yourself understood. The following guidelines should help.

• If you learn best by seeing: You might need to hear things twice. Perhaps you need to ask your partner to speak more slowly or to show you something in writing.

• If you learn best by hearing: You might need to encourage your partner to speak more. Perhaps you need to ask your partner to read something aloud to you. Maybe it would help to hear a description of what you see.

And in turn, your study buddy may need you to take similar steps in order to help him learn effectively.

Pretend you’re about to start working with a study buddy. To pre- pare for this, write in your notebook how you would go about explaining how you learn best. Begin something like this: “I learn best when I. . . . ”

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Accentuate the positive and you’ll feel more focused and motivated. • In discussing each other’s notes or papers, talk first about what

you liked most, or what interested you. Then ask questions about what you found unclear or weakly supported.

• In discussing notes, a text, or a lecture, begin with what you got out of it. Then talk about what was confusing.

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To get the most from a relationship, especially when your purpose is to help each other, it’s important you both respect each other’s opinions, no matter how different they might be.

No-Fault Talking

Remember the magic word “I” from Chapter 15? When criticizing or giv- ing an opinion, begin with “I,” so that it’s clear you’re simply stating how you feel, not imposing a judgment. For example, instead of saying, “That answer is wrong,” say something like, “I have trouble with that,” or “I don’t understand how you came to that conclusion.”

Remember that a study partnership is a give-and-take relationship. When you use “I,” you are assuming responsibility. Maybe you’ve heard people insist on something being right or wrong. When you’re told, “You’re wrong,” you feel punished. When you feel punished, you don’t feel like working; you might even feel like giving up. You and your part- ner will feel encouraged to go on if you both agree to take each other’s ideas seriously. You can even agree to disagree! The difference is, you’re not making anyone feel they’re wrong.

Making Yourself Understood

Maybe you didn’t say what you meant to say. This may very well happen at times because you think faster than you speak. How can you find out if you made yourself clear? If your buddy is shy or quiet, he might be reluctant to ask you questions or to ask you to repeat what you just said. You need to pay attention to body language to see if you’re being understood. A wrinkled forehead or nose, or a blank stare are all clues. When in doubt, ask your buddy, “What did you hear me say?”

Listen Attentively

You have an important responsibility as a study buddy: Be sensitive to how your partner feels and thinks. Your partner will know you’re listening when you:

• Ask questions.

• Ask to have something repeated.

• Tell her what you thought she said (“I thought you said . . . Is that what you meant?”).

Imagine disagreeing with a study buddy. Using sensitive talk, write in your notebook how you might respond.

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To make sure that “two heads are better than one,” use sensitive talk with your study buddy to explain how you feel, and to make sure you’re understanding what your partner said. Tell your buddy how you learn best. Be prepared to work with your partner’s learning styles, even if they’re different from yours. Choose a place and time to work that’s convenient for you both and free of distractions. Focus on the task at hand.

Practice Tips

The next time you’re talking with someone, whether it’s a family mem- ber, friend, or colleague, try using sensitive talk.

• Make sure you heard what the other person intended to say. After your friend or colleague has spoken, say something like, “I heard you say . . . Was that what you meant?”

• Keep in mind the magic word “I.” When you disagree with something, don’t state a fact, state your opinion. Personalize your reaction by saying something like, “I see it like this. . . .”

• In a notebook, write what it was like for you to use sensitive talk in everyday conversation.

Have an instant buddy session with a classmate. (Maybe you’re doing this already!) After class, begin a reflective discussion. Ask somebody that you’re comfortable with a question like, “What did you think of what the teacher said about the national debt in today’s class?”