Fathers are the primary protectors—physically, emotionally, and spiritu- ally. For example, when a man walks his daughter down the aisle at her wed- ding, he should be communicating two key things to her and the others attend- ing: first, that he has guarded her moral purity throughout her life for her hus- band (2 Corinthians 11:2), and second, that the man to which he is now giving his daughter has been proven morally, financially, and spiritually qualified to lead her, provide for her, and protect her from that day on.
Most men don’t realize or recognize this awesome responsibility. But as a father, know that you are called to shepherd and protect your children in each area of their lives during the short time you have with them.
Jesus said, “When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are undisturbed” (Luke 11:21). As the strong man of your home, you should lovingly keep your family from anything that will harm them in heart, mind, or body. A man should be aware, informed, and engaged in the lives of his wife and children—knowing what they’re about, what they’re thinking, who they’re around, and what they’re doing. He should prayerfully ask God to help him discern anything that might harm them or lead their hearts astray. Though this is time-consuming work, love drives men to guard what is valuable to them.
You should not only guard your own heart but your wife’s as well. If the world is drawing her away from God’s priorities for her life, or if something or someone is threatening her in any way, it is your job to step in and protect her. The same is true with your children. You’d like to think that your kids will make wise choices automatically without needing a lot of oversight and supervision. But they need help making the right decisions. That is why you are still their dad.
You may hope your wife will take care of these details so you can be free to do what you want to do. But being active on the front end as a father will pay off well and save you time and heartache on the back end.
This is why spending time in the Word with your family is so important. It teaches your children to love wisdom instead of developing a greater appet- ite for the world. Like sheep, your kids may want to wander into areas that are unsafe, and it is up to you to do what is necessary to ensure their well-be- ing, even if they don’t fully understand. If left alone, their tendency may be to lower their standards. But as their protective leader, your job is not just to give them boundaries but to use God’s Word to teach them how to think wisely so they will set their own standards. Train them to fear and love God and not to “set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men.” (Proverbs 4:14–15 NIV).
From the television, the Internet, and the movie screen—to their interac- tions with the opposite sex—you are responsible for framing the parameters and laying the ground rules. But of course, you need to be sure you’re abiding by them too, not saying one thing while doing another. You must teach and train without hypocrisy. What you teach, you must live. You cannot tell your children to avoid drug and alcohol abuse if you are not. You cannot effectively warn them of the dangers of pornography if you are looking at it. You can- not urge them to save themselves for a godly marriage, treating their body as God’s “temple” (1 Corinthians 6:19), when you are not loving your own wife as God commands with purity of thought and a carefully guarded heart. (Go
to appendix 2 to see six of the most powerful influences you must guard in your children’s lives.)
Yes, we all make mistakes and have fallen short of the glory of God, but your children can tell when your heart is sincere and purposefully living to please the Lord. Just ask yourself what you thought of your own parents. Very early on, you knew their level of integrity and honesty. You saw it, even when they didn’t know you were looking. Your kids see it in you as well.
But by setting and modeling a high standard, you’re protecting their hearts and working in their best interests. You’re helping them not make avoidable and dangerous mistakes. You’re guiding them in the way of lasting, lifelong truth. The older your kids get, the more they will need to understand the rationale behind your rules. Those that are rooted in the truths and prin- ciples of God will give them a strong foundation. As your kids learn to walk with God and know His character, they will discern why certain things are right and wrong, wise and unwise, better and best. This requires your cour- ageous leadership!