Lay knowledge and ‘common sense’

We can see with ‘attachment’ and ‘parentification’ (and to an extent with ‘trauma’) that what start out as ‘expert’ concepts can become ‘common sense’ descriptors of children’s relationships. But because of the particular role of psychological expertise in child law proceedings, this can cause confusion. Speaking of sibling assessments, a judge illustrated this movement between ‘lay’ and ‘expert’ language.

…they won’t use the word attachment, I find they use the word relationship and they’ll talk about whether it’s close, it’s warm, it’s parentified, whether they look to each other and that will then give you the picture of what the attachment is or not. (Judge 3)

A ‘lay’ phrase that was repeated throughout the interviews and in the case law and is evident across the contemporary discourse about siblings, is that sibling relationships are ‘the most enduring’ or ‘longest-lasting’ relationships in most people’s lives. In a 2014 case, Holman J observed that, ‘it is my experience that social workers and others sometimes overlook in these tragic situations that relationships between siblings may be the most enduring of all relationships in many people’s lives’ (LB Haringey and MUSA [2014] EWHC 1341 (Fam) at para 8). In our interviews and the case law, It was usually used to give weight to the sibling relationship, to describe a more sibling-aware system and, perhaps, to indicate that the speaker shares this appreciation for the significance of siblings.

…the sibling attachment is perhaps the most enduring relationship that those children will have so it’s really important. (Judges Focus Group)

It is now universally accepted that sibling bonds can be the most enduring of birth relationships because they will persist long after the death of a parent. (RBC v I & G 2016 WL 02641952 HHJ Owens at para 70)

In literature it keeps being referred to as the most enduring relationship, so you see it in court reports and everything because of course potentially it is…And I don’t know quite where that’s come from but there must be a sea change in thinking…And actually there’s a recognition of the value, potential value, because of course sibling relationships are not without difficulties as well. (Guardian 4)

The ‘most enduring’ theme was also articulated by our young advisers in emphasising the importance of siblings.

…when you think about it, not in like a nasty way, who’s going to be in your life longer; siblings or grandparents? (YPPG1)

…because basically a sibling’s going to be there in your life longer than a parent ideally and…I know people don’t want the parents to die and all that but like, you know what I mean? (YPPG1)

In more specific examples from the professionals interviews, there was evidence that ‘enduring relationships’ could be used as an argument to contest proposals for separating siblings or in arguing for the priority of sibling contact.

Well we’re always told that the sibling relationship is the most enduring one. That’s what we’re told a lot of the time. And so, you know, I always knock that back on its head and say well if that’s the case, why are we talking about separation? (Barrister 3)

And this was also found in the case law.

…Sibling relationships are most likely to be the most enduring relationships that a child will have, and the prospect of separating these four girls from one another for the whole of their minority and potentially the rest of their lives was very stark and, in my judgment, not in their welfare best interests. (Northamptonshire County Council v AB, CD, The Minors by their Guardian [2017] EWHC 3695 (Fam) Keehan J)

As I have already said, we are repeatedly and correctly told that a sibling relationship is potentially the most enduring relationship that most of us will ever experience. In this case these three young sisters have suffered similar experiences of abandonment by their parents and I consider that their shared experience will enable these sisters to provide each other with support as they grow up. (London Borough of X v KD, MP, WP, LP (by her Guardian) 2016 WL 04261451 HHJ Harris at para 112 )

It can also be referred to as a consideration which demonstrates that the potential consequences of separation have been examined, in other words the statement provides evidence of having applied the correct legal tests, in contexts where it is outweighed by other factors, most often the need for ‘permanence’:

So despite the huge importance of sibling relationships, the most enduring, lifelong, as I am frequently told, it seems to the court that A’s pressing need for permanent substitute parents ultimately has to take precedence over the desirability of ongoing contact with his birth family. (Re: M (A Child) 2016 WL 03409206 HHJ Wood at para 16)

I mean quite frequently in this sort of work when you have a sibling group, the baby and older kids, you do end up separating siblings and obviously… it’s sort of accepted, isn’t it, that sibling relationships can be some of the most enduring and important relationships and to just sort of interrupt that so dramatically you would hope that it’s been done on a good evidence base. (Solicitor 9)

However, for one judge at least, the meaning of the phrase could become platitudinous, lacking the weight of empirical research.

What they’ll say is…we appreciate that the sibling relationship is the most enduring one that we’ll have and that sibling relationships are ones that shouldn’t be broken, so they’ll quote you that sort of thing but they’ll quote you lines. It’s, you know, phrases. It’s not really… What’s the word? They won’t quote me, you know, X’s research on it. (Judge 3)

52 Siblings, contact and the law: an overlooked relationship? Full Report