Across the interviews, the women described adopting a positive outlook in response to experiences of sexual violence as a strategy for coping. In particular, participants talked about “not dwelling” on difficult experiences and “looking forward” to the future. For instance, Sefina described, “It reminds me Aboriginal sister girls telling their stories about abuse and rape. I can feel that what they were saying was true, at least true to them. So I was moved to tears because they were crying and you can see that they have truly suffered for being what they are.
RESEARCH REPORT | JUNE 2020
being happy … me feeling beautiful. Me feeling happy. And me just looking in the mirror and just enjoying what I see, and enjoying who I am as a person now. This is—it’s still new to me.
Dalilah described getting to a point of self-acceptance through challenging negative inner thoughts, which was facilitated through receiving support for her experiences of sexual violence. She said:
Instead of having these voices in my head, it’s like, “You’re not worthy, you’re terrible, you’re shit …”, I’m noticing that I’m saying to myself, “Well done, that was really good. You’re really talented. You’ve come a long way.” I can feel that there’s a shift … that’s all of the tools and support that I’ve acquired and learned through my life so far. For many participants, protecting the self also involved being selective about who they socialised with or chose to associate with in their immediate networks. For some women, this meant making sure they were surrounded by like-minded peers and excluding people from their life who weren’t understanding or kind. Dinaz explained that they are
hyper aware of white nonsense and I’ve got no time for it and I’m—it’s just I will cut people out of my life like a cancer and that’s taken a long time to get—feel that strength.
Jennifer said that in the first instance she engages with humour with people who discriminate against her, stating, “I don’t want to be the type of person to just be arguing and spreading hate” and sees these encounters as an opportunity to “educate them and to give them a chance to accept us”. She continued, “If they don’t [accept us], then let’s move on to other people.” For Gabriella, self-protection meant not engaging with negativity on social media. She explained:
I have to take care of myself … I don’t have time to deal with the back and forth bitchiness on social media … I’m just busy taking care of myself, and making sure that I’m okay … ultimately someone is going to be negative. Or somebody’s going to try put me down. I’ve worked too hard on myself to backslide like that.
These accounts suggest that many trans women of colour take a positive approach when responding to past experiences of sexual violence and that they can construct their experiences and lives in positive ways, despite multiple forms of marginalisation and adversity.
“I’ve found a balance in life”: Prioritising
the “self” and self-healing
From the women’s narratives, it was evident that having a strong sense of self and prioritising one’s own needs were critical to healing and coping with difficulties associated with the intersecting impacts of transphobia, racism and sexual violence. For many women, self-acceptance was the first step in their coming to terms with their trans or non- binary identity. As Gabriella expressed:
I have started to find a balance where I’m like, okay, I’m black … I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. And this is who I am—this is my gender identity, this is my sexuality, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea either. And it’s okay … don’t let it control your life, where your whole life is controlled by the fact that you’re trans and you’re black. It’s not the only definition of my life … My race doesn’t define me, and my gender doesn’t define [me].
In a similar vein, Sefina described:
I’m at a point where no regrets in life at all … I look back and I’m like, yeah, it could have been, but I’m happy where I am … You know, it’s made me who I am and where I am now.
Both Lin and Gabriella described reaching a point of self- acceptance, which was described as an “epiphany”. Lin said:
I can’t regret a thing, that’s with these men, or with makeup, or with experimenting with gender … I can look at a person in the mirror and be like, “Wow, you’re actually really awesome and beautiful”, and that’s such a nice thing to feel.
Similarly, Gabriella described:
I just woke up one day, I had an epiphany and I was like, you know what, enough is enough, I’m done … I’m just
“relationship to my Buddhism and my spirituality” that has allowed them to “trust in the quality of my own experience … let go of that a little bit”.
In each of these accounts, indicating a range of strategies, the women demonstrate agency and resilience in finding positives in their lives, embracing and celebrating their trans identity, and ridding themselves of negative connections that might cause them distress.