The second tool you may need – if you are overweight – or if you want to get your weight handled once and for all – is the system created by another leader in his field, John
Romanelli.
John is one of the sharpest people I’ve ever met – and I’ve met a lot. He is also one of the boldest guys I’ve ever met with women. From him, you will not only get a look into the science of weight loss and control that John has developed,
but you’ll get a bunch of free tips on how to boldly approach and handle women. I have caroused with John in a couple of cities, and he always cracks me up – but more importantly – he cracks women up – with his confident and ballsy – but always playful and sincere attitude.
But if you have ANY weight to lose – use his system. Of all the ones I’ve seen, it’s fastest, smartest, most scientific and effective. Again, I have an in depth discussion with him on the science of muscle and weight loss in your Month 6.
I’ll shoot you that link, too.
The more fit you can be, and the more vital your body energy, the more attractive you will be to women – it’s really very simple. In fact, here’s a great story...
In 2004, I was in Montreal to broadcast for National Lampoon from the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival. I brought my funny, sharp 14 year old son with me and we wandered down the hill to what was a foundational “Seduction Community” Conference – where I first met David DeAngelo, Carlos Xuma, Dr. Alex Benzer, Juggler – all kinds of teachers. We were watching Mystery talk, still relatively unknown, in his bumblebee suit and big yellow goggles and furry hat. My son leans over to me and says, “Dad,
this is stupid. It’s not that hard. A guy only needs three things: Go to the gym. Get plastic surgery. Buy a puppy.”
His point is well taken on all three counts. But definitely, get in control of your weight and musculature. Make success with women easier by far!
Make-or-Break Moment #1: Body to Body Connection
Where does your body exist in space? How do you move your body in space?
Just as too many men conceive of themselves as discreet minds, or egos, unconnected to others, so to do most men think of their bodies as
disconnected from the space around them.
I learned a social skill in my early twenties, strangely enough from a theater director from the Old Vic in London. I was a physical, energetic young dude who was a wrestler, a tennis player and all around athlete who had discovered that all the lithe, pretty girls were in theater. So I became an actor and dancer in high school and at 20, was now in a production of West Side Story in England. It didn’t hurt that I was one of the few straight guys in the cast.
Once we were cast and were getting into our individual characters, the director had us do a fascinating exercise. We were to walk around the stage in silence, meeting the eyes of every other character.
Now, it’s important to note that in no way did each character actually interact with every other character during the show – but in this
exercise, we were to meet the eyes and “react” appropriately to how we felt about every other character in the show.
The idea was that there was never to be dead space between any two characters. When there is a personal feeling – camaraderie,
brotherhood, fear, anger, lust – whatever it may be – between two people – there is ENERGY. Something sizzles.
The opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy – the absence of feeling.
The opposite of erotic energy is also apathy. Lethargy, lack of energy, lack of being on the court, in the game.
It is essential, to have a commanding presence that you “hold” a
relationship to everybody and everything in the room. This does NOT mean that you express it. Don’t get me wrong – you are not to walk around sneering and breathing heavily, ogling or scoffing.
As a man with Commanding Confidence, however, you have an internal opinion, a stance toward everything – even if that stance is a kind of welcoming openness.
The key is that you are not “dead” or that your senses are turned off.
You are not a self-enclosed, unrelating being. You are open to what is going on with everyone else. It doesn’t mean you are influenced or rocked by them. It just means that you are unguarded and allowing the reality of what’s going on with others to enter your mind and soul. You are in RELATIONSHIP with every body and every person around you.
One of the problems of the modern workplace, cubicles, separated offices, computer terminals – is that you are often cut off from other humans, so you get out of practice being in bodily relationship with everyone. So make this a daily practice.
Commanding Confidence Practice: Relate Bodily
You can do this at any time, day or night, when you are
amongst others. Whether you are in a bar or a supermarket, in a meeting or just in an elevator – FEEL the reality of the bodies around you. What are subconscious messages women are sending, for example? Are they asking to be noticed? Are they wearing sequins or shiny earrings trying to draw
attention their way? Are they covering up their bodies with wide shirts or blouses? Do they look people in the eye or look down? Why? Get curious. Is there any energy going back and forth between you and her? Can you create it? Are you
standing opposite each other or facing the same way? How can you build on that? I have a friend who will walk up to women in clubs who glance at him and say:
“So, how come you haven’t asked me to dance, yet?”
A bold and ballsy move – and almost always ends up in a dance.
By the way, deciding that you are going to identify and even create a body to body relationship with everyone around you is great practice for being a lover, boyfriend or husband – actually having the skill set to FEEL what the hell is going on with other people instead of being locked in your own internal monologue.
Make-or-Break Moment #2: Prepare, Feel, Be Present
When you enter a room, you will calmly take in several things. The energy of the room – are people comfortable? Are they talking? Are they hanging back? Do they have their masks up? Are they relaxed.
More that likely, they have their mask up.
You will see where the power lies, where the energy lies. Are there small groups of men and women alone? Who is laughing? Who is loose and playful? Whose eyes are scanning, hoping someone will come talk to them and who is buried deep in intense conversation with a friend?
A Commandingly Confident player never walks onto the court or field without taking a moment to seriously size up whom he’s playing with or against.
Similarly, a Commandingly Confident speaker will take a moment to
“feel” his audience before he opens his mouth. Rushing into words does not inspire confidence or admiration from his audience. And of course, it doesn’t give him a chance to gauge who’s out there – and how he should speak.
As with almost everything about being Commandingly Confident, you are to be Prepared and Present – a combination of being both Skilled and Spontaneous.
Let’s use the athlete analogy again because our goal is excellence and effectiveness, easeful confidence and impact.
Kobe Bryant doesn’t drive to the Staples Center, suit up and hit the court at the buzzer. No. He eats carefully, he prepares mentally and
physically, stretches, studies his opponents and both relaxes himself and pumps himself up.
In a similar vein, I have the pleasure of knowing Lorenzo Neal, All
Decade Fullback for the Chargers and other NFL teams – never missed a game in 16 years. The guy is not only a machine on the field, but one of the most thoughtful and big hearted men I’ve ever met off the field. I asked him the secrets to his success, and they were two: First, his attitude. He was there to ABSOLUTELY SUCCEED.
He wasn’t there to be second best, just as if you are to truly embody Commanding Confidence, your attitude can’t be to be second best. He told me the story about his mother – a sharecropper in Texas – dirt poor. When she gave birth to him, she was back in the fields the next day. “Don’t ever let the boss see you rest,” was her guiding advice.
Brutal, from our point of view, but engendering of a work ethic for Lorenzo that never wore off. No one would ever out work or outprepare him.
Choose not to be second best but
THE best – and prepare, train, focus always
And his attitude led to practical results. He became a team leader – the kind of guy who was first to the gym, first to the locker room, and first to drive the defensive line back with nasty hits. He was the most fit. The
most ready. In the off-season, when other players fished or drank or gorged or relaxed, he hit the gym. As he told me, not once a day, but three times a day! In fact, MORE than he did during the season.
Listen – there are men who want to be successful with women who want that magic line or magic hat or magic pair of shoes. But the truth is, you’ve got to put in the work. Part of that work is preparation and part of that is the practice of being present, real authentic, light and spontaneous.
So let’s talk about practice.
Make or Break Moment #3: How She Perceives Your Relaxed Body
When you are heading into a bar or party or social event of any kind, chances are you’re going to be pumped or nervous.
Relax your body before you enter – because women will feel negative tension in your body. You want to have energetics – the coiled, sexual presence of a panther, for instance, but not the nervous energy of a Chihuahua.
So your first job is to identify: where in your body are you holding tension?