During the bleak, cold winters, w h e n the fields are frozen o ver and the animals huddle in their pens, the Gulmi t i q u e g a t h e r r o u n d s m o u l d e r i n g fires. W i n t e r is a time for visiting, for drinking tea and talk. It is a time w h e n m a r r i e d daughters may visit their parental home bringing new offspring to be shown to their maternal grandparents. It is a time, too, for weddings. The talk is, then, of relations and relationships. In Gulmit, such matters are not merely small talk, they are the very stuff of which identity, social l ocat i o n , o r i g i n s and o r i e n t a t i o n s are c o n s t r u c t e d and interpreted. For the Gulmitique, such matters provide the essential raw material of social engagement.
Marriage is, of course, about the creation of more formalised kinship bonds. Indeed, the making and acceptance of marriage p r o p o s a l s is a m a j o r a r e a of d e c i s i o n - m a k i n g for the veruteeg. Most villagers express an explicit preference for marriages beyond the field of close kin. Moreover, the Aga Khan himself has advised his followers against first cousin m a r r i a g e to prevent problems a s s o c i a t e d w ith in-breeding. A n d yet, within the village a significant number of marriages t a k e p l a c e b e t w e e n first cousins, p a r t i c u l a r l y b e t w e e n m a t r i l a t e r a l cousins. In o r der to e x p l a i n this, it is n e c e s s a r y to appreciate that m a r r i a g e is not simply about
alliance, or indeed, descent; in Gulmit it is also about providing female labour for the house.
The primacy of this latter need is indicated by following the process by which a marriage proposal is constructed. It is always the senior woman in the house who announces that it is time for her son to marry. A proposal is thus initiated when the s e n i o r w o m a n m a kes the r a t h e r oblique, t h o u g h w e l l recognised, pronouncement that she is becoming old and needs help in the house.
Sometimes it is clear, that the mother simply judges that her son's age and circumstances are appropriate for marriage. In such c a s e s it is apparent that there is no u r g e n c y and d iscussions can begin, both w i t h i n the household and among men and w omen of the v e r u t e e g , to identify a bride. The b r i d e m a y be c h o s e n from a m o n g W a k h i (and very rarely, Burusho) f rom as far afie l d as C h i p u r s a n and Shimshal, although the more prosperous village of Passu is generally preferred.
Sometimes, however, if circumstances w i t h i n the house have changed and there has been a loss of female labour, then it is perceived that assistance for the senior woman is needed more urgently. Loss of female labour occurs when a daughter is m a r r i e d or (in a few cases) is sent away for further education, or becomes ill, even dies; it may also occur if a daughter-in-law goes to the city to join her husband or if a son divorces or becomes widowed. In all these cases, the eldest, u n m a r r i e d son will be e n c o u r a g e d to m a r r y (or remarry) as soon as possible. Since time is short, the veruteeg tends to turn to a first cousin, for it is said that a proposal to a first cousin cannot be refused as this would risk tension among close kin. It is also said that a first cousin knows the household of her husband well and is likely to settle in, and take on her full domestic role quickly. For similar reasons, matrilateral cousins are often chosen because, as relatives, the women of the household are thought
m o r e likely to w o r k well together. Moreover, if divorce s h o u l d ensue, the u n i t y of the v e r u t e e g w o u l d not be threatened. Patrilateral first cousin marriages do sometimes occur but they are often associated with situations where the line of descent is likely to be broken due to lack of a male issue. While such m a r r i a g e s m a y keep land and prope r t y w i t h i n the v e r u t e e g , v i l l a g e r s e m p h a s i s e t h a t w h a t is primarily at stake is "blood" not "land".
In the past, marriages w ere arranged entirely according to the judgement of the senior men of the veruteeg. However, these senior men were themselves often influenced by senior w omen who discretely recommended a young woman w h o m they had observed to be hard working and of good reputation. Although w o m e n are f o r m a l l y e x c l u d e d f rom such d e c i s i o n - m a k i n g , nevertheless, they are sometimes referred to as shahb wazir meaning "night counsellors" -a term derived from the time of the M i r 's court when the M i r 's senior ministers advised him on matters of rule at the end of the day; women are similarly thought to influence their husbands as they lie next to them at night.
These days, however, things are changing. An increasing n u m b e r of y o u n g men, and indeed, some y o u n g women, are becoming relatively well-educated, and some even have well- paid jobs. These young men and women are now spending more time in the cities where they are exposed to urban values. One manifestation of these 'urban values' is an expectation that marriage will be preceded by 'falling in l o v e '. As a c o n s e q u e n c e of such d i s c o u r s e s of love, y o u n g m e n in particular, increasingly express a desire to have some say in the selection of their marri a g e partner. Moreover, their i ncre a s e d status in the house h o l d as actual or potential income earners means that their expectations are, to some extent, met. This trend was also given added impetus in the 1980s when the Aga Khan, visiting Pakistan from his home in Europe, recommended that young people should be consulted and should consent to their own marriage, suggesting that such
marriages are likely to be more sustainable. On this basis, even y o ung women are now formally asked to consent to the
v e r u t e e g ' s choice of husband. Most young w o m e n maintain, h owev e r , that they w o u l d n e v e r dare to c h a l l e n g e the a u t h o r i t y of their father and v e r u t e e g (who remain their source of refuge should the marriage fail). Nevertheless, a few cases are recalled where a young woman refused to give her consent and the marriage arrangements were abandoned.
Despite the degree of autonomy acquired by young people in the selection of a marriage partner, it nonetheless remains shameful for a young man, let alone a young woman, to openly confess an attraction for a person of the opposite sex to his parents or veruteeg. One male villager explained that to do so is to imply that the couple had been meeting secretly and indulging in improper behaviour. Such a suggestion w o uld be counter-productive for it w o uld imply that the young w o man was disreputable. The man (who is now about 35 years old) p r oceeded to recount for me the circumspect conversation he had w i t h his parents to make his choice of marriage partner k n o w n :
R . A ;"My age-group is the first to have 'love marriages'.
-But we must still have the p e r m i s s i o n of our parents,
although we cannot say anything directly. If the parents
think the boy likes somebody, they will try to find out and
arrange the marriage. So for me it was like this: My
mother said that she was getting old and it was time for me
to marry. Now my interest was w ith my uncle's daughter.
My mother suggested five or six girls but for each one I
said there would be some problem. In the end my mother
said, "Have you been to see your uncle?". I said, "No, I
have not been". She said, "What! You have not been to your
uncle's house! -How can this be?" In the end I said I had
been there. She said, "Shall I go about your cousin?". I
said that there would be no problem in this. The proposal
This conversational manoeuvring also effectively means that a n e g o t i a t i n g space is p r e s e r v e d as long as possible. If parents disapprove of their son's preferred choice of bride, they have an opportunity to try to discourage him. Usually, it seems, a choice of bride is sought that satisfies all p a r t i e s and to w h o m there is a good chance a successful proposal can be made.
In r a n k i n g the factors c o n s i d e r e d in c h o o s i n g a bride, p a r e n t s r a n k e d a b i l i t y to w o r k h a r d h i g h e s t b u t a l s o c o n s i d e r e d good h e a l t h and gentle t e m p e r a m e n t important. Young m e n also valued these qualities most but, predictably perhaps, cons i d e r e d beauty to be an asset. For all those asked, it was c o n s i d e r e d d e s i r a b l e to s eek a w o m a n of comparable wealth, social status and educational level to her prospective husband.
Once a choice of bride has been agreed upon by the veruteeg, then the mother of the young man will visit the house of the c h o s e n y o u n g w o m a n b e a r i n g a gift of the local bread, k o m o s h d u n . The mother will informally establish the likely acceptability of the proposal and whether the young woman has recei v e d other proposals. If the prospects are good, this visit will be followed by a visit from both the young man's parents, again bringing a gift of k o m o s h d u n , and they will announce "Doman w u dr uk er wezg" ("we have come to catch the d ress", in o t h e r w o r d s we h a v e come to ask for y o u r daughter). After this, there may be many more visits made by either the young man's father or mother, or both, to advance the proposal. The parents m a y also visit members of the young woman's v e ru te e g to gain further support. Meanwhile, the y oung woman's v e r u t e e g will discuss the advantages and di s a d v a n t a g e s of this and other p r oposals that have been received. The process of discussion may continue for several years. At last, if there seems to be agreement, the young m a n ' s father, a c c o m p a n i e d by a male relative, goes to a s elected house of the bride's veruteeg. There, the final decision will be made and all the men present will be served
molida (a mixture of crumbled chapatti, curd cheese and warm ghee that is eaten from a shared bowl and s y m bolises a uniting of male and female realms (see Chapter 6)).
The formal b e t r o t h a l ceremony, known as p e r k v a nd a k (the tying of the necklace) can take place some years, or just some days, before the final marriage ceremony. On the day of p e r k vandakf members of the young man's v e r u t e e g visit the veruteeg of the young woman bringing gifts of clothes, shoes and cloth for the bride. The young woman will be accompanied by her friends and sisters who examine the gifts (usually w i t h g r e a t e x c i t e m e n t ) w h i l e the p r o s p e c t i v e b r i d e is expec t e d to look demure throughout. A khalifa ( r e l i g i o u s healer) or mukhi (religious leader) is called to say prayers for the two v e r u t e e g c o n c e r n e d then, the father of the prospective g room comes forward to present the bride with a white?9 p i t e k (translucent veil) and a necklace (perk) which he ties around her neck. Flour, a ubiquitous symbol of w e l l be ing and prosperity, is then tossed upon the beams of the house and more celebratory foods are served.
A d e s c r i p t i o n of the w e d d i n g c e l e b r a t i o n itself w i l l be p r o v i d e d in C h a p t e r 7. At this stage, however, it is n e cessary to note that among the Wakhi -and, indeed, among all Ismailis of N orthern Pakistan- marriage payments and e x changes are highly regulated by 'Rules and Regulations' laid down by regional and local Ismaili Counc i l s at the behest of the Aga Khan. Initially formulated in 1972, but regularly amended, the regulations are an attempt to prevent
79ln the past, other colours might be used, but in recent years white has become s y m b o l i c a l l y a ssociated w i t h the p r e - m a r i t a l state and, indeed, is now the colour worn by the bride on the eve of her wedding
{Sperzhuven). Although the use of white appears to be a relatively new fashion innovation from the urban south, within Islamic tradition it is the colour associated with purity and honour, hence it is the colour donned while at the hajj in Mecca; it is also the colour of the shroud in w hich a corpse is buried. Of course, white is the colour of milk and curd cheese, and in Gulmit these substances are associated w ith the
the c o n f l i c t s and h e a v y i n d e b t e d n e s s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h excessively high dowry payments found elsewhere in Pakistan. In Gulmit, then, dowry payments may take the form of gifts of c l o t h for no more than ten suits of clothes, one set of bedding, a tea-set and -for the more w e a l t h y - a s e w i n g