The last chapter discussed arousal and how it’s
important to control it if you want to prolong sexual stimulation and delay ejaculation. Controlling arousal is mostly a mental thing, so this chapter will build on what you’ve already learned. It will analyze the
mental triggers that cause arousal to climb and eventually lead to ejaculation.
This chapter is basically designed to teach you the right ‘attitude’. Having the right attitude and mindset is an important aspect of ejaculation control.
The Causes
The way you perceive sex – the emotions, the feelings, and the thoughts you have – can affect when you ejaculate. They can affect ejaculation in three basic ways.
The first is that certain emotions, feelings, and thoughts can cause your arousal to get too high.
Intense arousal is the beginning phase of the ejaculation process, as I’ve already covered.
The second reason is that these emotions and thoughts release (or don’t release, in the case of serotonin) certain hormones that affect the
ejaculation process.
The third is that certain emotions and thoughts will put you on the road to early ejaculation before you
even begin. A lack of confidence and/or performance anxiety fall into this third category.
Next, I will go over the emotions, thoughts, perceptions, and feelings that encourage early ejaculation…and how to control them.
Treating Sex as a Novelty
First of all, never think of sex as a big deal or special occasion. Most men perceive sex as an ‘occasion’
because they don’t do it often or because they just like it so much. This causes you to get overexcited, which aids in the release of ejaculation-inducing hormones. If you get overexcited, your blood will contain higher levels of dopamine and testosterone, both of which are hormones that help cause
premature ejaculation. Whether you have sex often or not, don’t make it a big deal and don’t get
overexcited. From now on, try to perceive sex as a daily habit…even if it isn’t. A good way to calm
overexcitement is to follow the breathing techniques I describe later.
Treating sex as a novelty and getting too excited will only cause your arousal to spiral out of control. It totally goes against the idea of keeping your body parasympathetic and relaxed.
Fear and Performance Anxiety
The next thing you need to rid yourself of is
performance anxiety. This refers to feeling nervous or fearing how you’ll perform. There are a few
different ways performance anxiety or fear can cause premature ejaculation.
First, if you go into sex afraid and thinking you’ll perform badly, that’s exactly what will happen. The mind is a powerful thing and it basically controls your reality. For the most part, your reality is the
consequence of what goes on in your head. Your thoughts affect every aspect of your life – y our career, the car you own, your perspective on life, your experiences, the choices you make, your
emotions…and of course, how you experience sex.
Basically, what you think usually ends up being what you get – whether it’s good or bad. So you should always go into sex with no fear and have a clear, calm, and confident mindset.
I understand this can be hard after having many bad performances, but you have to try your best to stay confident. If this is hard for you and the fear of a bad performance is just too great, then put it in this
perspective: In a week, a month, or a year, nobody (including her) is going to give a damn that you had a bad time in bed! So why worry about it? Having a bad time in bed is not the end of your life. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, maintain
confidence, and try your best next time. Fear is only going to make things worse, so be confident and happy, even if you’ve had bad sex in the past. If a woman tries to degrade you or make you feel
unwanted, leave her. You don’t need to put up with that. Most women, though, are understanding by
nature, and won’t put you down. They will, however, start to complain if it’s a persistent problem that you don’t deal with.
This is just one way in which performance anxiety causes PE. There are some scientific reasons as well.
The first relates to the parasympathetic and sympathetic systems, something you should be
familiar with by now. As mentioned, increased heart rate and breathing are ‘symptoms’ of the activation of the sympathetic system. Since the sympathetic system triggers the emission phase of ejaculation, it’s important that you don’t activate this system.
Now, what happens when you’re nervous or afraid?
Heart rate and breathing increase…. So, performance anxiety actually CAUSES your sympathetic system to be more active. Therefore, simply by being nervous or afraid, you’re actually telling your body to go into the sympathetic mode, the ‘ejaculation mode’.
Also (and this has recently been found to be a critical component to when men ejaculate), if you’re
nervous or afraid, then there are lower levels of serotonin (the chemical that makes you
happy/content) present in your blood.
Recent clinical studies have found that serotonin has an inhibitory effect on ejaculation. This means it
actually calms the ejaculatory reflex, resulting in you being able to handle more stimulation before
ejaculation. It helps keep your body relaxed and parasympathetic.
Pharmaceutical companies interested in creating a new prescription drug for PE have done most of these serotonin studies, both on animals and
humans. The big pharmaceutical companies are now trying to make a synthetic serotonin pill for PE
(Sounds like another anti-depressant to me – probably not the best solution).
Serotonin
Serotonin has an inhibitory effect on the ejaculatory reflex because it helps keep you calm. As I said It’s the chemical that makes you feel happy and content;
although, it’s more of a ‘calm-happy’ as opposed to the ‘excited-happy’ caused by dopamine. It
embraces the parasympathetic system by keeping the body relaxed and less tense.
For serotonin to be released during sex, you need to release all worries, be calm, and just have a good time. Be confident and do whatever you can to connect with her emotionally. The more calm and emotionally involved a couple gets, the easier the serotonin will flow.
In fact, the emotions you feel are, in part, the result of the serotonin being released. So, what you should really be focusing on is increasing the overall
production of serotonin in your body. I find the best way to achieve this (at least naturally) is by simply living a healthy lifestyle and having a positive
outlook on life in general. Don’t let the little things in life stress you out. Get plenty of exercise and eat somewhat healthy. The healthier your body is, the more efficient it will be at manufacturing and
releasing serotonin.
I don’t have the cure for depression, but if you suffer from it, you need to get help. Depression is
supposedly the result of low serotonin levels, which as I already mentioned, can lead to premature
ejaculation.
If you don’t think you need or want
anti-depressants, check out the resources page of the member’s area for more information on Climinax.
Climinax is a natural 5-HTP supplement. 5-HTP is a precursor to serotonin that works well for many men.
5-HTP is able to convert into serotonin in the liver and cross the blood brain barrier. (serotonin itself cannot cross the blood-brain barrier, which is why eating serotonin is pointless) Climinax is specifically formulated for premature ejaculation with 5-HTP, passion flower (has a calming effect), and other natural ingredients.
Protein is absolutely necessary for human function, but it also prevents serotonin (to a point) from being manufactured and released in the brain. So eat some fruit instead of a steak before having sex.
Foods high in carbohydrates (sugar) are also known to help the flow of serotonin. I don’t recommend
eating junk food all day in an attempt to last longer, but technically, it does help. A can of soda, energy drink, or a candy bar will help you last longer.
Although I’d recommend something a little healthier such as juice or fruit, as the latter can lead to
diabetes. BUT, this method of improving serotonin production via eating certain foods is just temporary, and only lasts 1-2 hours. It shouldn’t be made into a habit. If you’re going to use this method, I’d
recommend apples, cherries, grapes, pears, mangoes, pineapples, bananas, or fruit juice.
In any event, the point is that serotonin plays a vital role in how long you last. Do what you can to
improve the natural production of this chemical.
Keep in mind, though, that serotonin IS NOT the deciding factor on how long you’ll last. Most of it is up to you.
I won’t lie however, a couple Climinax and a large glass of juice 30-60 minutes before having sex can be a great assist.
The Placebo Effect
Keep your head clear of certain thoughts and words.
Never think or say to yourself anything related to premature ejaculation or having an orgasm.
Remember what I said about your thoughts and how they affect your reality? If you think or worry about ejaculating, that’s what will happen. When you think about ejaculating, you are tricking your brain into thinking you actually want to ejaculate. It’s just
another example of how words/thoughts can
subconsciously make your body do something that you didn’t intend or need to do.
Here is some evidence of this based on the placebo effect of SSRI’s and premature ejaculation.
There was a study done by pharmaceutical
companies trying to figure out the effectiveness of SSRI’s (anti-depressants) in treating premature ejaculation. It was found that SSRI’s did, in fact, prolong intercourse by about 100% (double the time). What’s more important, and the reason I’m bringing this study up, are the results from the placebo testing.
When pharmaceutical companies test new drugs, they do so with both the actual drug and a fake placebo. They HAVE to because it allows them to determine how effective their drug really is, rather than basing their results on participants’ opinions.
When participants take a placebo, they take a pill, thinking it’s an effective drug, when it’s really just filled with an inactive ingredient. It has been proven that placebos work for many people simply because they think they’re taking an effective drug. It’s an unexplained phenomenon that basically
demonstrates that our minds control a lot more than we think.
In any event, the results showed that the people
who took the placebo lasted 50% longer as well! And they didn’t even do anything out of the ordinary
except think that they were taking an effective drug for PE.
This study proved that serotonin boosters help you last longer (approximately twice as long), but that even placebos have a decent effect. This proves that mental perspective is directly correlated with time taken to ejaculate. Basically, if you go into sex thinking you’ll last a long time, then chances are, you will, or at least longer than you usually do. If you go into sex thinking you’ll ejaculate prematurely, you probably will.
I know it can be hard to go into sex thinking you won’t ejaculate early if you already have so many times in the past, but you have to do your best to THINK you’ll go forever.
People have WILLED themselves to be cured of
supposedly incurable diseases. This is how powerful the mind can be in some cases if you let it and
believe it to be.
How to control dopamine levels and serotonin levels at the same time
Maintaining a high serotonin level while keeping your dopamine level low during sex can sometimes be complicated, but it’s very doable. You need to be
fearless, confident, happy, clear minded, and healthy for the serotonin to naturally flow and be released during sex. To keep dopamine and testosterone low, you need to keep your cool during sex and not let arousal and excitement get out of control. If you get
too excited, take some deep breaths and try to calm yourself.
Don’t mix up being happy (serotonin) with being overexcited (dopamine).
Developing a Meditative Mindset
At first glance, meditation seems like it has nothing to do with PE or sex. The act of meditation doesn’t, but someone who is an active meditator will have more control over his mind, and therefore, more control over his ejaculation. The following
information is very important in my opinion and I highly recommend you take it seriously. Not only will it help with your PE, but it will also make your mind stronger. This can help in all aspects of your life.
A good meditator (such as a Buddhist) can meditate for literally hours without a thought, emotion, or distraction entering their mind. They can keep their bodies parasympathetic for lengths of time that would seem impossible for most. After reading the first half of this book, the sexual benefits should be obvious. It’s too bad Buddhist monks don’t have sex, because they’d probably be the best.
For a normal person, it’s hard to keep the mind clear and calm for long periods of time in any scenario, especially during sex. BUT you’re mind is no different than a Buddhist’s; you just haven’t put in the
necessary training. Practicing meditation will train you to have better control over your mind and your
body’s reactions, such as emotional and chemical reactions and ejaculation.
So, how do you meditate? It’s very simple and there’s a variety of ways to do it. Yoga and Tai Chi are popular examples, but I recommend the basic method of sitting down with the eyes closed and legs crossed.
This is the basic meditation technique I recommend.
To this day, it’s pretty much all I do.
1. Set a timer (make sure it’s not a loud ticking one) for 10 minutes. Every week, increase the amount of time by another 10 minutes.
2. Sit down, close your eyes, and cross your legs.
Rest your hands on your knees. Make sure your entire body is relaxed.
3. Clear your head of any thoughts and make sure there are no distractions around you.
4. Now, all you do is breathe deeply and slowly.
Take 2-5 seconds to inhale, and the same to exhale. However, try not to count; just do what feels natural, so long as it’s slow (Your stature will usually determine how long your inhaling and exhaling takes, as bigger men have bigger lungs and need more oxygen).
5. Your only focus should be your breathing. Just relax and pay attention to it with every inhale and exhale. Your focus should be very similar to that of ‘sensual sex’ (covered earlier), where there are no thoughts or emotions. Just focus on
the physical sensations, or breathing, in this case.
6. Keep meditating until the timer goes off.
Important: NO thoughts or distractions should enter your mind during this exercise. You have to be
disciplined if you truly want to develop superior control over your mind, which is why the timer is there. The timer gives you a goal, and will prevent you from doing the exercise half ass. If you notice that you start to veer away from your meditative mindset – EVEN IF YOU JUST HAVE A TINY LITTLE THOUGHT – get up and RESTART the timer.
This will make you take the exercise more seriously, as you’ll have to try harder to stay focused and clear minded. Eventually, you should be able to do a full hour of meditating without a single thought or
distraction occurring.
Once you can achieve a clear, meditative mindset for long durations of time, you’ll notice it becomes
MUCH easier to control your mind during sex. It should also improve your feeling of well-being by making you feel more relaxed and less anxious. This too can help with PE because your body becomes more parasympathetic by nature, in every activity.
The Right Mental Game
Mental control can seem complicated, but in reality, it’s very basic. It’s important that you don’t ‘try’ too hard. After all, it’s all about keeping your body and mind relaxed and parasympathetic.
To make things easier, just follow what I call the three Cs: Confidence, calmness, and clear
mindedness.
CONFIDENCE - Having confidence is where it all
begins. It’s what determines not only the outcome of your performance, but also her perspective of you as a lover and as a man. Forget about the past, stand like a man, and be confident in yourself. After all, PE is something that’s not going to stick with you for life, so why worry about it? Naturally, your
ejaculatory reflex will become less efficient as you get older. Having confidence also lays the foundation for calmness (being parasympathetic) by preventing your heart rate/breathing from racing and falling victim to the ejaculation-sympathetic mode.
CALMNESS – By now, it should be obvious why being calm is important: it keeps your body
parasympathetic. Being calm isn’t always easy, as sex is very enjoyable and it’s easy to get excited quickly. Just do your best and remember that if
you’re not calm and patient, you probably won’t last long.
CLEAR MINDEDNESS – Keep that head clear! As mentioned, too much mental stimulation sends signals through your nervous system that tell your body to ejaculate. The cerebral cortex (your mind) is the wild card in the game of sex, and can make you last 10 seconds or 100 minutes depending on how much you use it.
Develop the mental attitude of the three Cs…
but don’t drive your mind crazy thinking about them…JUST DO IT…Eventually, it will become second nature.
Breathing
If controlling arousal is the key to controlling ejaculation, breathing is the key to controlling arousal…or at least one of them.
Breathing is exceptional in the fact that it can be both an involuntary action (sleeping), and a
voluntary action (meditating). By making it a voluntary action during sex, it can be used to regulate heart rate, which in turn, helps regulate arousal.
Developing control over your breathing alone will help you last longer.
Breathing Correctly
I will go over some breathing techniques for delaying ejaculation, but first, let’s discuss how to breathe correctly during sex/masturbation.
Most men make the critical mistake of taking short fast breaths during sex. Breathing like this gets your heart pumping faster and makes you overexcited and aroused. This results in early ejaculation
because it causes an abundant release of hormones and a rapid rise in arousal level. So always maintain slow and semi-deep breathing.
because it causes an abundant release of hormones and a rapid rise in arousal level. So always maintain slow and semi-deep breathing.