Missing the Mark with Current Supports

Several supports that schools are engaged in were outlined in the earlier educational initiatives chapter. Some participants expressed that they had had access to such supports (i.e. GSAs) in high school, along with other anti-bullying programs. Nonetheless, there was an overall sense of failure that was conveyed in the interviews. This theme thus reflects the various ways that schools were attempting to respond to GSB and support students, and how these initiatives often tended to ‘miss the mark’ in addressing the issue or were otherwise perceived as being inaccessible for students.

Firstly, educators were often denied the opportunity to address bullying since students failed to report it. While this idea was alluded to earlier in that educators were perceived as not willing to intervene and this was one reason that students failed to report, another reason was that students did not want to be perceived as needing help. Rebecca

explained how the onus is often placed on students to report their bullying, but this may have negative implications on how those students are perceived:

I think [teachers are] awesome and they will give you the support if you explain it to them, but at the same time, um, in school they teach you a lot about speaking up for yourself and telling other people when you’re being bullied, but I think that’s a very fair…sorry, that’s a very unfair

expectation of students, because there are huge repercussions if you tell on someone and then other people don’t agree with you, and then they have this perception that you, you know, you’re a tattle tail, so I wish there was some way to solve that, but right now, I’m not really sure if…I personally can’t think of anything to deal with that.

Sarah as well provides another example of this. Although Sarah was forced by their mother to report their bullying, they were reluctant to do so and ultimately did not find it to be helpful:

…And after that [meeting] he’d call me over every once in a while and say like, you know, ‘How are you doing? Are you okay with this group? Are you okay if I sit you with so and so?’, and I always said like ‘Yeah, it’s

fine, do whatever you want’. But he did, ah show some concern as to what I was doing.

Interviewer: Did you find that helpful?

Sarah: No, as I said before, like it just made me so uncomfortable that he was ah, I guess acknowledging the fact that I was different, it was making it more official and I’d rather just stay away from him too because I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me, I don’t like feeling pitied.

Being viewed differently was a particular concern for SGM individuals who felt that they would be forced to come out by admitting to educators that they were targets of GSB. Nathan and Jennifer were two of several participants who expressed this idea:

Nathan: “I think, for me especially, it’s in fear of, you know, not being

ready to accept my sexuality, so if I went to someone to address an issue, it was almost like I was forcing myself to come out, in a sense, and I think that was a scary thing”.

Jennifer: “I didn’t feel like I would get anywhere by going and talking to

the VP and being like, ‘Look, here’s what’s happening’ and I didn’t really know if I could trust him enough to be like it’s because of my sexuality.” Charlotte also expressed that this was something they needed to consider when helping their friend navigate dealing with GSB. Although Charlotte wanted to address this with a teacher, they did not want to inadvertently ‘out’ their friend:

…[it] was hard to explain to teachers because you don’t want to say ‘oh my friend is being bullied because people think he’s gay’ and I don’t know, it’s…you don’t want to have someone else overhear that and then think the rumours are true…

Being forced to come out to access supports was also given as a reason that many students expressed failing to join their school’s GSA. For example, Jennifer expressed that “…there was the GSA and the feeling that it was kind of this silly pointless, ineffective little club, ah, and kind of this feeling that like, stay away from there, you don’t want to be associated with that”. Lauren had a similar experience, but also felt that they would have likely benefitted from being a part of the GSA if they had been prepared to be out at their school:

…it was a gay straight alliance for students and teachers…but there was like next to nobody in it like student-wise. And I tried to go to a few [meetings], but there was just so few people there, it was like, this is just…no. I just didn’t go. Also because I was nervous if people saw me going then they’d know I was, well even though it was called the Gay- Straight Alliance for that reason, people might still think that I was lesbian or gay like, bisexual at least, just by attending those, so I was like, you know I’m just going to like stay away from any labels that might…might, lead other people to think I’m attached to this community

[…]

Like if I knew, for example if I stayed in that Gay-Straight Alliance at [my high school], my life might have been a lot easier quite frankly, cause then I would have found teachers at the school and the guidance counsellors who I could have talked to. I could have found other students, who like, out of their peers, who I knew would have been okay with it had I kind of talked to them about it, and I could have been open with them. That would have made it a lot easier if I could have just talked about it.

Andrew also expressed that although their school did not have one, they likely would not have participated since it would involve some form of ‘coming out’:

I wasn’t…out or open so I don’t think I would have participated [had there been one], um, but at the same time, it would have been nice to know that there was support and resources but, I don’t necessarily think I would have taken advantage of that

[…]

for fear of having to come out I guess.

Although the presence of a GSA could be viewed as a source of support independent of participation (as suggested by Andrew’s quote), this full extent to which GSAs can support students appears, at least from the interviews conducted here, to be hindered by the implied coming out that appears to accompany participation in such activities. Furthermore, even though such non-participation could be considered more a matter of self-preservation than an intentional act of disassociation from those in the GSA (who were often perceived to be of a lower social status) the effect was likely similar. By avoiding the GSA, student participants appeared to be engaged in dissociative behaviours similar to the avoidance and social exclusion forms of bullying that were perpetrated

against them. Engaging in such avoidance, even for self-preservation measures, likely worked to reinforce the idea that participants in the GSA were ‘others’ of a lower social status.

Likely to avoid ‘outing’ or the targeting of members, Leslie’s school LGBT club conducted meetings privately and students were emailed a location of the meeting so participation could remain confidential other than to those who attended. While well- intentioned, Leslie’s insights show how such alternatives also act to silence the issue and the members:

…the LGBT club that is anonymous, I think that’s good that it is, but at the same time, it kind of doesn’t encourage kids to…to be themselves in the greater majority, which is fine, as well like, I don’t know maybe having…like the option of maybe a club that wasn’t so secretive, maybe better because having it being secretive doesn’t really…help prevent bullying, because if anything, it kind of…makes it worse. Because you…you’re being told that you have to hide it, and that it’s a secret and that’s to avoid being bullied, so it’s kind of like, it’s kind of like rape culture where you’re telling girls to wear more clothes to avoid, when you should also be talking to the boys, or to the other people in this case.

Leslie did not clarify whether the decision to be anonymous was made by students or educators, but such attempts are again problematic in that it appears as though this sent the message that such identities were something that should be kept secret.

The effectiveness of GSAs in being a support for students appears to also be hindered when there is a lack of institutional support, as was expressed in several instances. For example, Allison and Taylor both explained how teachers at their schools were opposed to the GSA and were reported to have ripped down GSA posters. Because Allison was unaware of which teacher had ripped down the posters, they felt a sense of unease given this lack of support, which also felt like a form of indirect targeting. They explained: “I don’t know who was against us, but having…and not knowing…knowing that there’s somebody against you out there that’s older and has more authority, but not knowing who they were and not knowing who you should guard yourself against…”. In other cases, this opposition was more apparent, and students knew which teachers were opposed to such clubs. Peter explained that: “…there was one teacher that openly, um, disagreed

with the GSA. He was a big burly, he was actually a bodybuilder, um, and he openly didn’t like the GSA. He would like make jokes about it in his classes and stuff, um, I’m not sure if he ever got in trouble for it”. Another example was provided by Taylor who explained that “[The GSA was] supposed to have an assembly to talk about um, LGBT issues, but then the school basically said that wasn’t important enough, so that was kind of a slap in the face…”

As a final example of schools ‘missing the mark’, Jennifer and Taylor both discussed the Day of Silence in their interviews. This appeared to be another instance where a

diversity awareness initiative did not have as positive of an impact from the perspective of SGM individuals, as was likely intended. As Jennifer explained:

…we did the like Day of Silence at our school um, where you don’t talk to show like, what it feels like to be gay and never be able to be open with people, except the problem being, I mean generally only people who are queer are doing that and they’re already being oppressed like that so now it’s just, okay good, the queer people aren’t talking all day. Um, but I did do that like, in grade nine and ten before I decided, no, I’m going to be really vocal about issues on the Day of Silence.

From the above quotes, it appears as though there are sometimes implementation issues that go along with well-intentioned efforts to address GSB and promote SGM diversity. These efforts appear to translate into a failure to successfully address GSB, but also a failure to provide feelings of support for SGM individuals. Such failures are thus key areas that should be addressed in order to better assist in fostering support for SGM individuals, and also in the development of resilience.