Objectives
At the end of the session the children will learn: • To listen attentively;
• To understand that we communicate both verbally and non-verbally; and
• That our verbal and non-verbal behavior need to convey the same message.
Key Points
Poor listening often means that messages are distorted, not heard or heard only partially and misinterpreted. In these situations, we cannot understand what the person is trying to say. Since non-verbal communication is as important as verbal, communication can break down or lead to problem situations if there is a mismatch between
the two. Many children give “mixed” messages; they say one thing and their non-verbal behavior conveys a different message. This confusion can lead to misinterpretation and a license on the part of the listener to exploit the situation to his or her advantage.
Life Skills Learned
Self awareness, communication and critical thinking.
Time Required
30 – 40 minutes for each activity.
Materials
3 • LIFE SKILLS EDUCATION TOOLKIT FOR ORPHANS AND VULNERABLE CHILDREN IN INDIA
Directions:
ACTIVITY ONE Act to Meet
1. Prepare three to five word-cards and distribute it to the group for acting. They could include words such as shy, flying, crying, angry, swimming. The children should not read the words until they are told to do so.
2. When the children hear “start,” they must read the card and not show it to anyone. Then each person acts out the word they have read.
3. While acting, they have to find a person who is acting the same word or in a similar way and go and join them.
4. When all have found their group, they are to share their cards and discuss the accuracy of their acting.
5. If anyone is left out, help him or her find the group.
Experience from the field
Children did different actions for the same word. Initially it was confusing as they observed that some cried out loudly and some held their head down. Some laughed and raised their voice, while others had smiling faces. Some people covered the face to show shyness. This worked well with all age groups. It was effective in teaching non-verbal communication. (CCDT, Mumbai)
If children have done the activity “Mime an interest” in Session one, then this activity is easily understood by the children. (WINS, Tirupati)
Review
Discuss with the children how people express their emotions non-verbally. Some examples of discussion questions are:
• Were you surprised to find out that there are different ways in which the same word can be acted out?
• Were some people’s expressions difficult to understand? Why?
Group check in
1. Initiate a discussion about how that during communication, one person talks and another person listens. If the person does not listen to you, then what we say and talk about has no meaning. Sometimes we do not listen to our friends and other people; sometimes they do not listen to us. In either situation, there will be a problem in communication and understanding. 2. Ask the children how they would know if someone is not listening to them. List the points:
a. Looks away; b. Interrupts;
c. Looks at the watch;
d. Gets up to do something and returns; e. Gives advice;
f. Talks to someone else; g. Answers the phone; h. Begins to do some work; i. Does not stop doing work;
j. Says that s/he will be back in a minute and does not return; and k. Looks bored.
3. Divide the children into two groups. They must stand facing each other. Pair off the two who face each other. One child in the pair must talk about whatever the two of them care about or enjoy between themselves, such as their family, a favorite movie they saw or a picnic they shared. Give them a minute to think.
4. The facilitator asks for a volunteer to show by example what is meant by not being able to communicate.
The volunteer child begins to speak about a visit to the market. The facilitator constantly interrupts by:
• Saying something else (talk about the hot weather). OR
• Saying that the same thing happened to him or her (“when I go to the market this happens to me too”).
OR
• Gives instant advice (very common) without waiting to listen to the child.
This can be great fun if you use any local event, language or any other common non-listening behavior in your community.
5 • LIFE SKILLS EDUCATION TOOLKIT FOR ORPHANS AND VULNERABLE CHILDREN IN INDIA
5. Some more examples are given below:
Play 1: Interrupting by Saying Something Unrelated
Child: Yesterday, we went to a big mela where there were many different games. We went on the giant wheel and then ate a lot of nice things………
Facilitator: I brought my food with me; I do not want to eat outside. Child: ……we had pink colored ice cream………
Facilitator: it is so hot today but I did not bring my sunglasses. OR
Play 2: Interrupting to Talk about Oneself
Child: I was very sick yesterday; my head was aching…
Facilitator: You say you were sick! My stomach was aching so much I wanted to lie down. And yet I came!
Child: I did not know whether I had slept at night…..
Facilitator: I cannot sleep when I am sick. Last night I had such a problem…. OR
Play 3: Advice and More Advice
Child: I am worried about my friends. They were out last night. I hope nothing went wrong. Facilitator: How many times have I told you not to go with them? They must have done something bad last night.
Child: They reached the shelter late, and it was closed.
Facilitator: I told the people at the shelter to keep the doors open late but who listens to me? 6. The pairs take turn one by one. When his/her turn comes, the child in the pair will speak for less
than a minute. The other child in the pair will pretend to be a bad listener, showing only one bad listening style. The child who is speaking must not stop. When the time is up, the next pair comes and one of the children speaks. Complete all the pairs. Do this quickly.
7. Do a role reversal. The children who acted as speakers last time are listeners now and vice versa. Once again a child speaks and the other listens, but the difference is that this time the other child shows he is listening. Continue the activity until everyone has had a chance.
them how they felt about it. This exercise really helped them to understand the importance of listening. (PCI Delhi)
Tips for the facilitator
• Use practical examples during the role play. For example, when a child tries to speak, the facilitator interrupts or talks on the phone.
• If children are not able to speak for a minute, prepare short stories that the children can read. • An additional activity can be introduced by asking a child to imitate an expression or gesture of
listening or non-listening and have the rest of the group guess its meaning.
Review
After the role plays, ask the volunteers how they felt in each of the situations. • Why did it happen?
• What did the listener do?
Ask the rest of the group to comment on what they saw. • Does that happen in real life?
• If a child does not listen well to another person, can s/he get into a risky situation?
• On an issue of importance, if a trusted adult is not listening because of some reason, can the child be adequately protected?
The point to be made is that what we say and what we do (non-verbal signs) both communicate to the speaker whether we are listening or not
Linking Learning with Life
Ask the children to observe themselves, their friends and other adults they know to see whether they show ‘listening or non-listening behavior.” What steps can they take to help them
communicate better?
Experience from the field
Girls reported that they had observed their mothers and neighbors. They observed that in their community (the red light area), people listened to those who had power. (From CCDT, Mumbai)
7 • LIFE SKILLS EDUCATION TOOLKIT FOR ORPHANS AND VULNERABLE CHILDREN IN INDIA
ACTIVITY THREE More Listening Skills Group check in
1. Ask the children to sit in a circle and whisper a simple statement into the ear of the person on their right. This message is passed on until it reaches back to the person who started it. The first and last person speaks out the sentence. It is usually distorted beyond recognition. This is a fun exercise and a good introduction to this activity. Try to figure out where the message got really distorted. For a few minutes the group should discuss the word that got distorted and the point at which the message got muddled.
2. Inform the group that we are going to learn more about how we listen. Ask for three volunteers to go out of the room. The group decides on a picture to be drawn: for example, a house with a tree or a temple. Make a sample picture. The picture has to be drawn with geometrical shapes. 3. Invite the three volunteers back and give each a flipchart and a marker pen. They should be
placed in such a way that they cannot see what the other is drawing.
4. The facilitator does not mention what the drawing means, but gives verbal instructions to the three volunteers. For example, they are told that first a square has to be drawn, etc.
5. Compare the volunteers’ drawings with each other and with the original drawing.
Experience from the field
With the 9-11 age children, the same sentence came back to the person who started it! It had to be done again. Messages should be in the local language, clear and long enough for the children to say and pass on. (Positive Living Project, Namakkal)
All age groups enjoyed this activity! (PCI, Delhi)
Review
Discuss why it was difficult for everyone to get the same message. In the first exercise of passing the message, different people were involved in passing it, which caused the distortion. But in the second exercise, all three got the same message/instructions and yet there was a difference in understanding. Ask children what they learned and review the activity.
• Why did it happen? What made the volunteers respond in different ways?
Linking Learning With Life
Ask the children to think of any event in their lives where the message has become distorted as it passes from one person to another. Also ask if they have had experiences regarding different people understanding the same message differently. Ask them how they handled such situations. Did it create a conflict? Why is it important to know this if you are in a risky situation? Where does the message get distorted as it passes from person to person, and how can such situations put a child at risk? What happens when the same message is given (as in the case of the volunteers); does it also get altered? Ask the children to come up with more examples if they can. Or the facilitator can help the children with some more examples.
Group check in
1. Start off the discussion by telling the children that sometimes our verbal and non-verbal messages get mixed up and can give mixed messages. Sometimes these mixed messages can be harmful because the person receiving the message can take advantage of what you say or do. Children can be forced to do things they never really wanted.
2. Begin with a quick game. Ask the children to stand in a semi-circle. The facilitator says: “Listen to what I say and do what I say. Those who do not do this must leave the activity.”
Start simple: Raise your head, raise your left leg, and shake your right hand. Demonstrate actions with the command.
Next give the instruction, but do a different action. For example, instruct the children to touch their head, but perform the action of touching your nose. All of those who do not follow your verbal instructions are out. Remind them of what you said at the beginning of the game. Ask the group to comment on what happened. Why was there confusion?
3. Place the children in a circle. They must do an activity such as dressing up. The person next to the child asks what s/he is doing. The child doing the action must say something entirely different such as, “I am driving a car!” That child now performs what was said (driving the car) and the person next in the circle asks what s/he is doing. What the child says becomes the action for the next person.
This is great fun, and the more you exaggerate the actions, the greater the children enjoy theexercise.
Review
Ask the children to comment on the activity. Discuss with them the fact that we often say
something but do something entirely different. What kind of problems can that create in real life? Mention that one of the biggest reasons why children get into risky situations is due to mixed messages given by them. Ask them to recall any incident similar that they have witnessed. If possible, act out what happened.
Linking Learning With Life
Ask the children if this happens in their own life, and discuss the matter with them. Ask them to give examples and observe themselves and others until the next time they meet. What confusion did the mixed message create? Have they ever given confused messages? An example of sending a mixed message in real life can be when someone says weakly “I do not want to smoke” and later joins friends for a smoke.
9 • LIFE SKILLS EDUCATION TOOLKIT FOR ORPHANS AND VULNERABLE CHILDREN IN INDIA
If possible, ask the children to act out what they said and how. This step is important because it will help in relating what is learned into their real lives.
Experience from the field
Puppets were used after completing this activity to link learning with life. The girls (rag pickers) used the puppet-show to demonstrate the mixed messages they gave to the boys in the community. They showed they were not interested in the boys but in reality wanted to and did meet the boys. (Girls aged 12-18, YWCA Delhi)
ACTIVITY FIVE
Choosing Whom to Talk to Group check in
1. Discuss with the children what could contribute to good communication. Ask children to think of a situation when the communication was really good. Make a list of what made the communication good or use the list from the earlier activity on listening. Add on if necessary. The list may look like this:
i. Listens with full attention; ii. Encouraging words or sounds; iii. Answers questions;
iv. Body language is supportive; and v. Gives feedback in a nice way.
2. Divide the group into groups of three to four and ask each group to think of a problem they may have and whom they would approach for help and advice. They do not have to share this with anyone. If the group cannot think of any ideas, give them some problems that you know are common with the children.
Place a list of people who they go to, such as parents, a friend, a teacher, an NGO worker, or any others.
The groups then discuss whom they go to and why. Ask them to focus on how they listen and talk to them. Ask them to evaluate if they have good listening skills. How do they feel after talking to them?
If the group can write, make a list of the persons on one side and whether they are good and interested listeners on the other. Before rating, there should be an internal discussion within the groups about their opinion on each of these figures with reference to the “Good Listening List.” Place a symbol if children cannot write to indicate very good, good, or bad listeners. With younger children stars can be used to indicate who the good listeners are and who are not so good. A gold star may refer to a very good listener, a silver one to an okay one and a bronze or black one to a bad one.
• Listens carefully; • Respects me; and/or
• I can reveal my most secret thought.
Some comments that may come for a person who does not listen well could be: • I go to them with a problem but they do not listen;
• Does not look at me; • Keeps me waiting;
• Does something else when I am there; and/or • Interrupts me.
The facilitator must be ready if children want to consult him/her later after this exercise.
Tips for the facilitator
Explain to the children that waiting is not always an indication that the person does not want to listen or is trying to ignore them.
Review
• What makes it easier to talk to some people, and why is it risky to talk to others? Give examples.
• Do you think the people whom you consult always give the right advice?
Linking Learning With Life
Think of all the people you know. Observe how they communicate and what they say. Who do you go to for advice? Are they good communicators? Could you go to someone else who can give you better advice? Would you be able to approach the person?
11 • LIFE SKILLS EDUCATION TOOLKIT FOR ORPHANS AND VULNERABLE CHILDREN IN INDIA
Objectives
At the end of the session the children will learn that: • People have different positions of power, and
this can affect how we communicate; • Behaviors that are aggressive or passive can
make a child vulnerable;
• Assertive skills reduce vulnerability; and
• Assertiveness is essential for communicating in a manner that explains what you want in a clear manner without being aggressive or passive.
Key Points
Status is important in teaching assertiveness because it makes the children understand power and about being dominant or submissive. Showing or acting status is different from social status. Someone of a low social status can show high status in a certain situation. An example would be a sex worker telling a client that he has an STI. Whether we realize it or not, we all play status games in our lives.
Assertiveness is different from aggressive and passive behavior. It is a more balanced response. Both in speaking and in our body language, we can show we are assertive. If we place our bodies in an assertive position, it makes it easier to speak assertively.
Life Skills Learned
Critical thinking, communication and decision-making.
Time Required
Activity one: 45 minutes. Activity two: 30 minutes.
Materials
Activity One: Chairs.
Other activities: Marker pens, chart paper and cello tape.
Status and Power
1. Divide the group into pairs. Child A in the pair has to be of low status and Child B of high status. Each pair will show different positions of power in a short sketch (only 1 minute).