Positionality

It is important within a research project for the researcher to note their own history and pre-conceptions before going into the field (Stake, 1995). I am a middle-class

white male originating from the Global North, and educated up to post-graduate level. I have been involved in volunteer tourism as a volunteer at various times in different locations, from Indonesia to Australia. The experience of volunteering inspired this thesis, to explore and learn from its outcomes for host communities. Although recognising some limitations, I was somewhat naively optimistic about the nature of volunteer tourism. In particular, through past experience, online material, and published work, I assumed that host members would be positive towards volunteer tourism and consider it different to a traditional tourism enterprise. I now recognise that my initial perception and preparation was inadequate, however, and the open nature of the research project allowed the thesis to be adapted accordingly. Moreover, the considerable negative emotional response to volunteer tourism by certain host members was somewhat shocking, resulting in more of an emotional endeavour than I had expected. Rather than adopt the position of an outside expert aiming to instigate change, as far as possible I aimed for a neutral stance to listen to the perspectives of host members. This was a challenging position to maintain, however, with the topic under study resulting in emotional responses from participants. Punch (2012) argues that academic scholars tend to emphasise their positionality, but are less willing to divulge the emotions experienced during their fieldwork. This reflects concerns over unveiling one’s vulnerability, fear of losing legitimacy, being discredited, or it becoming an activity of self-indulgence (Punch, 2012). I recognise these concerns; however, I view one’s emotional state and hidden struggles as an important influence on retrieving and analysing empirical data. As Hubbard et al. (2001: 135) note:

“Being emotional is a way of knowing about, and acting in, the social world and is just as significant for how we make sense of our respondents’ experiences as our cognitive skills”.

Therefore, I view my emotions during the fieldwork as an important source of empirical evidence gathered from my fieldwork. Subsequently, I have included extracts from my field diary to be as open and transparent as possible over the emotional dilemmas felt during the fieldwork. As example of an emotional dilemma felt in the Kichwa community can be seen in the diary extract below:

93 Reflexive Field Diary Extract: July 4th ₂₀₁₅

“Samuel has accused me of stirring up trouble and causing division with the community. It is apparent that he is not happy that, during a focus group, residents had the opportunity to express their anger over how the project is organised. Furthermore, my presence seems to have been used by Tomas (community president) as providing cover to express to Samuel his belief that the project should change. Other community members have cried in front of me, been angry and despondent. It is difficult to listen to them without feeling their resentment and anger towards how the project is organised. I have tried however to maintain a neutral position and recognise that certain members may be using my presence for their own means.”

Figure 10. Reflexive field diary extract 3

This reflexive field diary extract indicates how I found myself in the uncomfortable position in which certain community members used my presence to try to advance their own personal agenda. A further challenge I found during this study was the realisation that I was contributing to the existing system and the inequalities it perpetuates, as the following extract indicates:

ReflexiveField Diary Extract June 12th ₂₀₁₅

“Today it was the birthday of the eldest son in the family I am staying with. My host mother indicated that she could not afford a cake for him to celebrate. Feeling like I should, I paid for a big cake for the whole family. The host mother and father seemed very grateful for this, making a speech thanking me. I see why so many volunteers give gifts to the family they stay with, as this seems a much more personal way of saying ‘thank you’, than simply paying money. Throughout the celebrations, however, I could not help but think about the community members I had met that day, some of whom were extremely upset about their present situation, who did not have two houses, and how they would probably not have anyone buying them cake on their children’s birthday. I am annoyed with myself that the money I have paid is going towards the richest members of the community, and now I have also bought a cake for them.”

Figure 11.Reflexive field diary extract 4

I have included this extract because it indicates how I began to be influenced by the level of resentment within the community about how the project was organised. From my initial naive optimism, I became critical and questioning of volunteer tourism in the community, and my own role within this. The result of this was that, on my return, I became increasingly interested in the national political context in which volunteer tourism was operating within these communities. As a result, my theoretical position shifted as I began to seek out and engage with post-development thought, and, in particular, the indigenous concept of Buen Vivir. This has become an important frame of analysis post-trip, even though it was not explicitly pursued during fieldwork in the indigenous communities. The issues highlighted in my field diary indicate the importance of ethics in research, which I took seriously throughout this thesis.

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