We will now focus on the therapeutic experience of Mirroring Hands, differentiating what is hap- pening for the client and therapist. Some scripted dialogue is included, but only as a guide to the language style you might choose to suit your specific client.
Stage 1: Information
The Client
When the client attends therapy for the first time they are often in stage 2 of the problem, but the therapeutic experience is beginning in stage 1. New information is shared in the first conversations. Client responses vary from positive to difficult and can range between curiosity, hope, expectancy, confusion, uncertainty, and resistance. There can also be a vacillation between an exploratory atti- tude and a fearful attitude. These are typical experiences in this initial stage. The client’s major task is to identify what issues or problems are most pressing in the here and now. It is not surprising that clients might express stress, anxiety, anger, hopelessness, frustration, and a variety of negative atti- tudes about themselves and the therapeutic process. The client usually accepts that revealing their information is a difficult process, but they do this in the hope that the therapist will guide them into a therapeutic consciousness so they can move toward productive and beneficial work.
The Therapist
The typical therapeutic session ideally begins with client and therapist cooperating in a search for the problems and issues that the client hopes to resolve. Stage 1 includes the establishment of rap- port, building the therapeutic alliance, and may, at the appropriate time, include the preparation for Mirroring Hands and utilization of some basic accessing questions. Mirroring Hands may not even be mentioned as an option during stage 1. This all depends on the client. Fundamentally, though, the therapist’s role in this initial stage is to facilitate the client’s search for a place to start. Open ended questions allow the client the latitude they need to reveal themselves, while maintaining a feeling of safety.
What’s most important on your mind today? What issue is absorbing your attention today? What is most interesting to you right now?
What is the most important emotional problem right now?
What would you like to tell me about what has brought you here today? Just start with whatever feels OK for you right now.
The Practitioner’s Guide to Mirroring Hands
Stage 2: Incubation
The Client
Stage 2 is often the most difficult stage. The client is revealing and facing the very problems that are causing them so much disturbance. At the same time, they are exploring within themselves for their own inner resources. It is not surprising that stage 2 is called “the dark night of the soul.” The intensity of the process means that the client’s sympathetic nervous system is usually aroused, which is often accompanied by psychobiological responses such as an increase in sweating, heart rate, and breathing, together with a feeling of heat. Clients have said it feels as if they are literally “burning up.” This is highly characteristic of client experiences in stage 2. The client needs to re-learn how to access their natural problem-solving capacities after long periods of resisting, avoiding, or dissociat- ing from their issues. Therapeutic reframing questions that reflect the client’s immediate behaviors can be helpful here.
Yes, breathing like that often means your mind and body are getting ready to deal with an important issue. Will you allow it to continue for another moment or two until you recognize what it is?
Can you actually enjoy how you are … (sweating, shaking, trembling, nervous, confused, uncer- tain, or whatever) for just a moment or two, as a sign that you are working hard and on your way to dealing with whatever is troubling you?
Have you ever let yourself have a good shakeup (or whatever) before, just like this … so you could really reorganize yourself?
The Therapist
The most important role of the therapist in stage 2 is to encourage and support the client’s inner journey where they are likely to encounter negative memories and emotions. In everyday life the cli- ent typically retreats, quits, or in some way blocks the natural process of ultradian arousal and their natural learning and problem-solving. It might feel counter-intuitive to encourage arousal in the cli- ent. It may seem kind to guide the client to a place of calm and peacefulness in order to manage their distress. To solve a problem, however, the mind–body needs to arouse itself to do some active work. When a client accesses past painful states they may experience varying degrees of emotional catharsis. The therapist’s role is to support this inner accessing so the client does not break it off prematurely before natural problem-solving and symptom resolution has a chance to take place. The following are some more examples of key questions the therapist might ask to facilitate the client’s safe sense of control during this phase of arousal.
Can you let yourself continue to experience that for another moment or two in a private manner – but only long enough for you to know what it leads to next?
Good, can you stay with that only long enough to learn what it is all about?
Will it be OK to allow yourself to continue experiencing that privately for a while, difficult though it may be, so you can learn what you need for healing (or problem-solving or whatever)?
And will it be all right to keep most of that a secret that you don’t have to share with anyone … unless you choose to share just a word or two?
Each of these questions has the fail-safe facility for the client to choose not to continue, but they also have the control to inform the therapist how the client feels and whether they can continue.
Stage 3: Breakthrough
The Client
How the client manifests the sudden burst of insight or realization that heralds the breakthrough from the struggle of stage 2 into the resolution and creative expansion of stage 3 is very unpredict- able. It can come in an energetic burst or it may happen without the therapist noticing because it has been a very private and personal experience for the client. Some clients continue on into stage 3 and 4 under the therapist’s facilitation. Others have been known to simply open their eyes, declare the session a wonderful success, and begin to share a little, a lot, or, sometimes, nothing at all. What is obvious, however, is that, at the moment of breakthrough, the struggle and difficulty of stage 2 has passed through a critical phase shift and the client transforms in some way. The task of the therapist is to continue being client-responsive and facilitating the client’s journey without interrupting or disrupting.
The Therapist
The therapist can share their awareness of the client’s experiences with simple encouragement.
Yes, noticing interesting things there?
Umm, something important to recognize about that?
Sometimes, there seems to be an inward pulling within the eyeball and the client’s whole head may even pull backward slightly – occasionally with a slight expression of surprise or a momentary frown. Again, be observant and supportive.
The Practitioner’s Guide to Mirroring Hands
Yes! The courage to receive that as well? Experiencing that, too, can you not?
Sometimes there is a moment of absolute stillness as if the client is receiving something from within with bated breath. There may be a slight smile and the head may slowly nod “yes” with minimal repetitive movement. Support this behavior with these questions.
Mmm – receiving something you like? Worth receiving?
Yes – and more?
Stage 3: Illumination
The Client
The profoundly significant shift from crisis and catharsis to the moment of insight and then the release of tension as they move into stage 3 is often accompanied by a sense of relief, surprise, and laughter. Clients may softly whisper, “It’s strange, weird, odd!” The use of such words means that they are experiencing something new. They may even mention, “Something really new, something I was never aware of before suddenly popped into my mind.” Clients can be full of questions about these moments of creative experiencing. The client might seem to be asking questions of the thera- pist, but it is not uncommon for the client to be talking to themselves as if the new resolved person is telling the old problem riddled person how and why everything is much better. Whether a mon- ologue or dialogue, this process is important to ratify and stabilize the client’s new reality.
The Therapist
During this period of inner exploration and emotional release, the client can exhibit many subtle shifts of behavior. There may be sudden increases or reductions in tension. If the client has been working with their eyes closed, there is often periodic or momentary bursts of rapid eyelid vibration or a shift- ing of the eyeballs from side to side, as if the client is following an inner moving scene. Eye movement is something deliberately enacted during eye movement desensitization reprocessing (EMDR), and there is some research about the relationship of eye movement to healing processes.29 We also see
eyeball movement in REM sleep which indicates dreaming and activity between the limbic area and cortex. Simply observe and be aware that something transformative is probably happening.
29 Shapiro, F. (2014). The role of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy in medicine: addressing the psychological and physical symptoms stemming from adverse life experiences. Permanente Journal, 18(1), 71–77.
It is not always easy to recognize the transition from the arousal phases of stage 2 to the moments of significant insight in stage 3. Some clients shift uncertainly back and forth between stages 2 and 3 several times before a settling into stage 3. Confirmation that a unit of the inner work may be com- pleted can be seen in larger postural adjustments of the head, neck, arms, or legs, as if an opening, loosening, or relaxation is taking place. Previous muscle constrictions and tensions evident in the jaws, hands, and arms seem to “let go” and clients may actually shake themselves out. The client shifts from the metaphorical postures and movements of defensiveness, anger, frustration, sorrow, or depression – so characteristic of stage 2 – to expressions of lifting, lightness, and well-being. Oddly enough, many clients need help to recognize the value of the spontaneous, creative break- throughs they are experiencing in stage 3. Some clients can find it hard to accept that it is their creative experience that is the essence of their therapy. It can be difficult to shake loose from the belief that the answer or magic of healing has to come from the therapist or from somewhere outside of themselves. Clients can be all too ready to diminish their critical phase transitions as somehow immature, inadequate, or pathetic. This may be because that is how their creative moments have been put down since childhood, when parents, teachers, or elders did not recognize and support the client’s mini-breakthroughs and developing awareness. Creative experience is so often accompanied by what seems to be confusion, rebellion, and emotional chaos.30 The task of
the therapist is to help such clients recognize the value of their own spontaneous therapeutic tran- sitions at this critical moment, and above all help clients to recognize that the locus of creativity and therapy is within themselves.
It is natural for the client to feel very strange and out of their comfort zone. They have moved outward at their growing edge and are best helped with simple, gentle, supportive remarks that are broadly rhetorical. The following questions will help the client to recognize and stabilize their still nascent creative state and emergent insights.
Interesting? Curious, isn’t it? A little surprise?
Umm – rather unexpected somehow?
Yes, are you experiencing something a little different now? My goodness, is something really changing now?
30 Rossi, E. L. (1968). The breakout heuristic: a phenomenology of growth therapy with college students. Journal of Humanistic
Psychology, 8(1), 16–28; Rossi, E. L. (1998a [1972]). Dreams and the Growth of Personality, 3rd edn. Los Osos, CA:
The Practitioner’s Guide to Mirroring Hands
It is an error, at this crucial time, for the therapist to distract the client by asking for a report or explanation of what has happened. Hold back from efforts to document or interpret the client’s process with intrusive questions such as, “Where did the pain go?” “What’s happening now?” “Tell me why you feel better now.” “What do you understand about yourself now?” Such questions at this stage can interrupt and block the flow of the client’s ongoing creative experience. This is the time for the therapist to be patient, to be client-responsive, and stay out of the way.
Stage 4: Verification
The Client
Clients invariably feel good in stage 4, with a sense of relief and well-being. If you utilized some form of symptom scaling in the early part of the session (usually done in stage 1), then stage 4 is the best time to ask them to re-scale their symptoms. If you haven’t, then it is just as effective to simply ask the client if there is an improvement. If the client reports that their symptom is less intense, then that helps to validate the therapeutic experience they have just gone through. If the symptom has disappeared completely, this is the time to plan how the client can learn to do this type of inner healing hypnosis for themselves in everyday life. This is a good opportunity to remind clients that they have the best access to this type of inner healing during their ultradian rest periods.
If the symptoms have only eased a small amount, then the client may have achieved only partial success. How can this be built upon in future sessions? To prepare for that further improvement, encourage the client to explore their ultradian healing responses – their natural times of pause, about every two hours – in everyday life. This is an opportunity to invite the client to start a journal of their experiences, if they are so disposed. The journal, if the client chooses to share, can provide hints of the next step that is needed to facilitate further creative phase transitions in healing and problem-solving.
In stage 4, the client is able to develop a conviction of what options are truly possible for them as they facilitate their own development in a practical and realistic way. The exciting thing is when they begin to tell you, the therapist, how they will change their behavior and try to do things differently.
The Therapist
Sometimes clients will spontaneously stretch and open their eyes entirely on their own. When cli- ents do not open their eyes and awaken spontaneously, they may prefer the therapist to facilitate a conclusion to the session. The following basic accessing question style of concluding the session is an excellent way to be sure that the client continues to hold the locus of control within themselves.
(1) When (2) something within you knows it can continue this creative healing entirely on its own – at appropriate times throughout the day when it feels natural to take a break and when your
conscious mind knows it can simply cooperate in helping you to recognize when it is the right time to tune inward – (3) will that give you a feeling, a signal, that it’s time for you to stretch, open your eyes, and come fully alert so you can discuss whatever is necessary for now?
It is in this final stage that the client often chooses to engage in some of the talk, analysis, plans, and intentions for future actions. We still recommend maintaining an attitude of restraint, even if the client is keen to talk. The task of the therapist is to continue to facilitate the locus of control within the clients so they can interpret, synthesize, and rationalize their own internal experiences, in
their own way.
The following questions are open ended and undemanding of a response. Clients may choose to remain silent and work on their realizations and resolutions privately or they may begin to spout a fountain of words.
Is there something you would like to share about …? Yes … can you say more about it?
How much of this is new to you?
What is most significant about this for you? Have you ever understood this before? What does this lead you to now?
How will this experience help you to make changes in your life?
I wonder if you will you actually do something different in your life this week?
Review
This chapter has explored two important elements, but it has really been about one thing: being engaged with what is natural to life. Therapy is best when it is an expression of the heal- ing capacities of our natural being. The ultradian rhythm and four-stage creative cycle are natural patterns and principles that are ubiquitous not only throughout a wide range of thera- peutic theories, techniques, and methods, but also throughout all of life and nature. There are a few more conceptual ideas and principles to discuss in chapters to come, but the foundations for Mirroring Hands have now been presented. We hope you are now comfortable to be shown specific forms of the Mirroring Hands technique. We begin with “What Is and What Can Be.”