Results on the drivers and bottlenecks of ‘smart development’

Communication among family members, particularly between parents and their children, is of utmost importance for a strong family. This is the forum in which young children learn to communicate outside the family too. As children shift from the early elementary school years to secondary school, they frequently see communication with their parents as a problem. The listed following shows how some students perceive their parents regarding communication?

Don’t care

· Don’t understand me, my problems, or my friends

· Think my problems are just “kind stuff” and nothing to worry about

· Are good at talking but poor at listening

· Use sarcasm to communicate

· Just give advice based on their own experience

· Wont talk at all

· Embarrassed about talking when it comes to some things (e.g sexuality, drugs)

There is no doubt that their perceptions may be right on target in some instances. However children need to learn that they may have to accept responsibility for initiating

communication. Part of their responsibility is to establish a good background or setting for communication. This could include all or any of the following:

· Every so often, if not daily, ask parents how their day went or how they are feeling.

Let them know you would like to learn a little bit about their daily lives.

· Ask for advice, even on some “minor” issues just to get parents involved and to get them used to working with you. (Of course, early elementary school children must learn not to abuse this tactic y becoming “pests”).

· Spend time with parents, preferably time that enhance communication. Even if it is in front of the TV, talk during the commercials.

· Of course being honest is more than a common courtesy. It is basic to good communication, and children need to learn to communicate honestly. If they fear repercussions, they can express this to their parents prior to discourse of a fact or feeling.

If the suggestion above are already being carried out but communication still wanes, children can simply tell their parents that they want to talk with them about “talking” of course the reverse hold true too; that is, parents can talk with their children about talking or communicating with one another. In this type of discussions, the following point may be of value

· Parent should be “askable” in the sense that they appear open to questions and comments

· Parents should not be expected to have all the answers, but they should be willing to look them up with their children.

· Parents and children should understand that questioning values is a way to explore and to understand, not necessarily a means of rejection

· Questioning or talking about something does not mean that a child is doing it (e.g drugs, alcohol, tobacco, sexual behavior)

· Disagreement on an issue should not engender disrespect.

· Information from parents to children or vice versa does not mean consent to do something

· Some rules can be helpful to ward off “pushy” peers, and a child’s impact into these rules is critical since they can be used as reasons why they can or cannot do something

· Mistake on both sides will be made, and each side should be forgiving.

· As children grow and mature, freedom to make their own decisions should be increased

· Common sense should prevail.

3.2.1 Parent – Teenage Relationship

Tips for Teenagers

Believe it or not, your parents were also once teenagers. Ask them what it felt like. They probably had similar problems, even though times were different.

· Parents don’t have all answers. But they do have more experiences of life than you do. Experiences of life that you do. They love you and want the best for you.

Listen to what they say. You might just learn something.

· Get your parents to explain the reason for their rules. It’s easier to follow rules that you understand. If rules make no sense, work out better rules together.

· Ask your parents about sex, getting pregnant and AIDS. If you don’t ask, they can’t give you answer. Don’t be shy. Before you have sex gets all the facts. Make sure you know about contraception and AIDS.

· Some parents have many problems of their own. If your parents can’t help, find another older parson you trust and can share your concerns with.

· Show your parents you are responsible. Keep your promises and accept

responsibility for your actions. Behave like an adult and they will treat you like one.

· Why don’t your parents like some of your friends? Do these friends drink alcohol, take drugs or behave violently? Your parents may worry that these friends are a bad influence on your.

· When your parents really upset you, don’t shout, scream or cry. Sit in a quiet place and think things through. When you are calm, you will be able to talk rationally and your parents will be more willing to listen to you. Tell them why are angry.

Say, “ I get upset when you do this” (say exactly what they have done).

· Forgive your parents if they make mistakes. Remember that they are trying to do their best. No one is perfect, not even your mum or dad.

Tips for Parents

Believe it or not, your 15 years old baby is almost an adult, old enough to have her own children. He needs support and help. He feels grown up but he has little experience of life.

· Teenager need to know you love them no matter what. Listen to what they say.

Don’t shout, beat them or treat them like children.

· Teenage need a few clear rules, which are easy to follow. There are rules in most places. There are rules at home too, like how late they can stay out and where they can go. Discuss these things so that everyone agrees on the rules.

· Talk about sex. Don’t think that if you don’t tell your kids about sex, they will forget about it. Teenagers have sex hormones in their bodies and that is why they are interested in sex. You don’t have to give a 30 minute speech. Just answer their entire question honestly and openly. Help them say “NO” to sex when they do no want it, by telling them honestly about the possible dangers. Make sure your children understand about pregnancy and AIDS and how to prevent both. If they are already sexually active they must use condoms. The risks are too great if the don’t.

· Teenage needs someone older to listen and give advice if asked, if you cant do that, find someone else for them who can. For example find another relative, friends, doctor or religious leader.

· Teenagers need to be independent. Soon they will be running their own lives. Let them practice. Treat them as “adults in training”.

· Teenagers need to mix with other teenagers, both girls and boys. They need friends to share their interest and concern. If you stop your kids from having friends, they will do so behind you. Let them bring their friends home so that your can meet them.

· Teenagers, who engage in sport, have part-time jobs or hobbies; have less chance of getting into trouble. Help your teenagers get part-time job or hobbies and

encourage them to participate in sports.

· Forgive your children again and again

· You can learn from your children, they often have new and fresh ideas about things.

· Try to stay friends with them and talk and listen to each other.

3.2.2 Positive Family Communication

What constitutes good communication between family members?

Family communication need not be limited to orders, instructions and news; even when daily conversation of the home require these types of messages, their effectiveness depends upon verbal expressions, actions and even the tone of voice.

Ideal communication involves sincere dialogue that is frank and friendly at the same time. In this type of communication, the person who speaks expects that the other person will give the appropriate response, thus showing his or her understanding and

receptiveness; the response supposes the partial or total acceptance of the message received and many include possible opinions or discrepancies that will convey how the messages was perceived or interpreted. Finally, it will show how the receiver is willing to respond to the other person.

With regard to the education of our children, we must not only improve our communication with them but also with our spouse and with other relatives and friends; children learn in an imperceptible way that is often unrecognized by adults.

Communication in the family should always be persuasive, not authoritarian. Any contact with each other should be positive, good-natured and friendly. Argument and controversy should not form part of family communication. In order to carry out effective communication, criticism, suspicion and accusations must be put aside.

Listening is fundamental to communication. This is especially true when the other person holds differing views. Self control, objectivity and sound judgment must prevail and arrogance and aggressiveness desist.

3.2.3 Obstacles to Family Communication

· Multiple work-related, social and recreational responsibilities… and busy lifestyles of modern living, place constant stress upon family members.

· Little relationship with extended family and neighbours that in the past was carefully cultivated.

· Temperamental differences and individual peculiarities that are not always understood or accepted by parents or children.

· Professional demands and excessive interest in our own affairs tend to weaken our affection when dealing with others.

· Jokes, criticism and degrading comments directed at children in the presence of others notably damage the freedom of expression felt by the children.

· Prejudices against one member of the family that can lead to judging her without having listened to her.

· Desire for quick solutions without the necessary patience or wisdom to find the best one.

· Inordinate importance given to self as opposed to attitudes of service and altruism.

· Stubbornness of attitude, which makes it difficult to arrive at compromises.

· Attitudes of one member of the family towards another that are excessively paternalistic or dictatorial

SELF ASSESSM ENT EXERCISE 2

Mention two ways students perceive their parents in relation to communication.