WHAT’S BEING WITNESSED?

Now let’s run a dialogue here, shall we?

Let’s look at what is right in front of you on this day of your life. (We’re using, of course, our “pretend” example, since I can’t talk directly with you right now . . . but I could if you and I were on one of our regularly scheduled group conference calls. . . .)

So let’s look at this “pretend” example . . . but in our new way: let’s limit the encounter with this moment to simply what is witnessed, rather than what is being felt about it. If you were in a workshop with me I would say, “Tell me, what happened here?”

And you might respond: “My partner just left me. I have been abandoned. I’m all alone again.”

And I might say, “I understand that your partner just left you. This is something you have witnessed. This is Observed Reality. But have you been ‘abandoned’? Are you ‘all alone’?

Is this what you have witnessed, or is this what you have overlaid on what you have witnessed . . . ?”

And you might respond, “I don’t know what you mean. I’m not ‘overlaying’ anything. I have been abandoned. That is factual. I am all alone again. That’s what’s so!”

And here is how the dialogue might go from there . . .

“Really? What does ‘abandoned’ mean to you?”

“It means to be rejected, deserted, left. What the hell do you think it means?”

“By whom?”

“What?”

“Rejected, deserted, left . . . by whom?”

“By the one you love! By your partner! By the person you thought would be with you the rest of your life.”

“Well, you’ve created a new meaning for that word in your imagination.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“Objectively, to be ‘abandoned’ means literally that: to be rejected, deserted, left . . . by everyone. To be literally ‘all alone again.’ Is that your Observed Reality? Is that what you observe about your situation right now?”

“You’re playing with words here. You’re just playing with words to make a point.”

“No, you are. It is you who are playing with words, so that you can make a point with you. You are telling yourself something using words that you have loaded with emotion rather than witnessing.”

“Man, you’re losing me.”

“No, you’re losing you. You’re losing you to your imagined self. You’ve embraced an Imagined Truth. But don’t feel bad here. This is all quite normal. Just remain willing to change this experience if you can. Are you willing to change this experience?”

“I guess so.”

“You guess so?”

“Okay, okay, I know so. I’m willing to change my experience.”

“Good. Now tell me what you are able to witness today about your life. Are you abandoned?”

“My partner abandoned me, yes.”

“Good. Who else abandoned you?”

Pause

“I’m sorry. Did you not hear my question?”

“I heard your question.”

“Good. So who else abandoned you?”

“Nobody else.”

“Nobody else?”

“No.”

“So you have not actually been ‘abandoned’—that is, left absolutely, completely, utterly

alone. You have merely been left by one person.”

“Yes. But that’s enough.”

“It’s enough to feel sad, for sure. But is it enough to feel totally abandoned?”

“That’s how I feel. I can’t change how I feel.”

“Sure you can. If you want to. You don’t have to, but you can if you want to. Does having this experience make you feel good? Are you happy?”

“Of course not! You can see that I’m not happy.”

“Well, if you’re not happy, why do you keep giving yourself this experience?”

“I am not giving myself anything. This is what’s happening.”

“All right, let me ask you this. Are you all alone?”

Pause

“Not in the sense that you mean.”

“Well, what other sense is there? What do the words ‘all alone’ mean?”

“I meant that I no longer have my life partner.”

“I know that. But are you all alone? What is your witnessing? What do you see? Do you see any people in your life?”

“Of course.”

“People who care?”

“Some of them do, I suppose.”

“You suppose?”

“Okay, okay, some of them care. Geez . . .”

“So then you’re not ‘abandoned.’ You’re not ‘all alone.’ Right?”

“You’re just trying to make me wrong about this. You’re just trying to make me feel better about what’s going on. You’re not solving anything, you’re just trying to make me look at every tiny detail so that you can prove your point, rather than listen to how I feel.”

“Actually, I am listening to how you feel. And you’re right, I am hoping to make you feel better. But I’m not doing it by lying to you. I’m not doing it by telling you something that isn’t so. In fact, I’m trying to do it by telling you something that is so. I’m trying to get you to

change the Point of Origin of your thought about all this. I’m inviting you to elevate from your Imagined Truth to your Apparent Truth, so that you can move from a Distorted Reality to the Observed Reality. I’m offering you an opportunity to see things from a different perspective.

It is readily apparent to you that you are not abandoned and you are not ‘alone again.’ It is also apparent to you that your partner is no longer with you. You’ve mixed these two pieces of data and made them one. Can you see that?”

(Reluctantly) “Yes.”

“Okay. Good. Let’s start there, then. Now we’re on our way. . . .”

(And the dialogue would go on, but we will not continue it here.)

That’s a powerful dialogue even though I made it up, because, in a sense, I did not make it up. You see, I’ve gone through the “make believe” experience I used here. I’m not just

remembering conversations that I’ve had with others in retreats and workshops. I’m remembering my own inner dialogues.

When I had the experience of being abandoned by a spouse (I came home in the middle of the day and found everything gone . . . a house empty of furniture and all of my wife’s

personal possessions), I had all of these same thoughts myself. I thought . . .

I’ve been abandoned . . . I’m all alone again . . . This is really bad . . . I’ve been unjusted . . . I can’t live without her . . . I’ll never be happy again . . . It was unfair the way it ended . . . I’m hurt and I’ll never forgive her. . . .

All of these ideas have since been put to the test of time. They all seemed very real when I had them, reflecting my innermost truth. Yet I saw before too long that I was living my

Imagined Truth, not the Apparent Truth. It became apparent to me over time that every one of these statements was false.

Every one.

So what does that tell you about the thoughts that you’re having right now about your situation?

I am simply dreaming a way to love Everyone within arm’s reach.

I have help:

you, come toward me with an aching in your eyes, and a sadness leftover in your smiles.

In this new dream I am dreaming for me I include all of you.

Do you want to know what my love is?

It is your love.

And all of us Puppies curling into

one warm heap.

—‘Puppies’ © 2006 Em Claire

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