Tiffany's POV
I was too shocked to even try to defend myself or give a proper explanation to her. But why should i defend myself? I was at fault. I was lying to her, i betrayed her, i broke her trust. Why i selfishly did this to her? Looking at him standing in front of me with worry all over his face also didn't help me much. It's just adding more burden and guilty for me to feel. I don't want to hurt him or her. Because i really care about them. But in the end, i just hurt them both. I'm really such a monster. I keep trying to stop my tears, but i just can't. It's the end for me and her. She said it clear. She gave up on me, she gave up on us. We're nothing but a stranger to each other now. And my world is crumbling now without her in it.
"Babe.. what happen? What did taeyeon said to you? Why are you crying like this? Babe.. please talk to me. You're scaring me.." he said almost more like a plead. I can feel how much he cares about me, how much he loves me.
"Oppa.. i just don't feeling well. C-can you please send me home?" I said with my weak voice.
"Okay then. C'mon.." he said and hold my hand firmly as he try to keep me steady and secure. I should be happy for having him by my side. But why my heart saying different thing? Since when my heart is changing? Since when did my heart stop beating for him like its used to? Since when my heart starts to beating for her?
Taeyeon-ah, what are you doing right now? I missed you.. Are you okay? Please be. I'm sorry for everything..
I was sleeping in my room after so many tiring hours of crying, when suddenly i hear my phone ringing loudly. I groaned as i try to find that ringing thing.
"Yoboseyo?" I speak once i put my phone against my ear without even bother to open my eyes. My eyes hurts a lot maybe because i was crying too much. My eyes must be swollen so bad right now.
"Taeyeon-ah!" It's jessica's panic voice i know.
"What happen sica-ah?"
"Do you know what happen to tiff? Her mom just called me asking what happen to her daughter because she was locking herself in her room since afternoon. She didn't open her door for anyone, she didn't want to eat anything, and refusing to talk with anyone. Even worse, her mom keep hearing her crying inside her room. And it makes her mom worry a lot. So she called me to ask whether i know something or not. But i really don't have any idea about what happened to her. You are the closest one to her, so that's why i'm calling you. Perhaps, do you know
something tae?" Jessica asking me worriedly. Damn it! I really shouldn't care about any of this, but why my heart is aching hearing this from jessica? And why did she torturing herself like that?!
"I.. i don't know either, sica-yah." I lied to her
"Oo..kayy. but please try to talk to her, taeyeon-ah. She always listen to everything you said. Maybe this time that stonehead will also listen to you."
"Okay, i will try to call her." I finally said even though i'm not sure with my own answer.
"Good. Thanks taeng!"
I was debating with myself for half hour. Should i call her? Should i not? Should i? But she lied to me, she cheated on me! Aaarrghh what to do?!
In the end my mind lose, and my heart win like always. I try to call her....
But her phone is not active. I keep trying to call her, but to no avail, she turned off her phone. I start to feel worry now. I hope she won't do something stupid or anything that can hurt herself.
With that thought in my mind, i start to running out from my bedroom, grabbing my brother's car key and driving away using his car.
In front of tiffany's house..
"Annyeonghaseyo auntie.." i politely greet tiffany's mom.
"Ah Taeyeon! Hello.." she greets me back just as friendly as always.
"Auntie.. is tiffany still locking herself in her bedroom right now?" I daringly asked. I see a sad look on tiffany's mom eyes.
"Yes, she's still locking herself inside her bedroom. She haven't eat anything since afternoon and i keep hearing her crying. Whenever i try to talk to her, she'll ignoring me and just keep crying. She makes me worry a lot."
"Ah well, i'll try to talk to her, auntie if you don't mind." I said while avoiding her eyes because i start to feel guilty. I was the reason behind her daughter act.
"Please do taeyeon-ah. I know she's the closest with jessie and you. So i hope she'll at least listen to you." I just nodded weakly at her, with still avoiding her gaze.
In front of tiffany's bedroom door..
"Mom.. please.. just leave me alone." Said tiffany with her hoarse voice.
"Fany-ah.. it's me, taeyeon. Please open the door."
"Taeyeon? Why are you here? You said we're just a stranger to each other right? You.. you shouldn't come to a stranger house." She chuckle bitterly at her own words. And i can hear her soft sobbing. I sigh heavily before i speak again..
"Listen tiff, locking youself like this won't change anything. Stop torturing yourself. Now open the door!" I said half screaming desperately.
"NO! I WON'T! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" She yelled back from inside. I won't give up so easily. I won't back down now. So i decide to do something crazy, hoping it will works.
I take few steps backward, and start to running toward the door. I use my shoulder to push the door, trying to break in. It hurts a lot when my body bumps into the hard door. But i try to bear the pain.
*BRAK!*
"YAH! KIM TAEYEON WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I ignore her as i try again for the second time.
*BRAK!*
"TAEYEON! STOP IT!" I won't give up. So i do it again for the third time with no hesitation.
*BRAK!*
"Taeyeon please stop! You're hurting yourself!" Now she speaks way more softer than before, more like a plead to me. Shortly after that, she opens her door, and standing in front of me with her messy hair and puffy eyes.
"Stop hurting yourself, tae. Don't be in pain anymore because of me. I didn't deserve your kindness. Now please leave." She said with teary eyes. I know i should just leave her now. But somehow my feet feel so heavy to move. It's like my feet have been glued to where i stand right now. I really want to hug her to comfort her but i know i shouldn't. So instead, i slowly lifting my hand to touch her face and use my thumb to wipe away her tears.
"Stop crying now. Go eat something. You make your mom feel so worry you know. Take care of yourself, tiff. Don't do anything stupid that can harm yourself." With that i start to turn my back and walk away from her.
It's been a week since the day tiffany and i 'break up'. Well, i know i can't called it as a break up because we were never officially dating each other or something. Our status is never clear because we were too naive to think that our love itself is already enough. Ha! Silly me. I just can't find any term or word to explain it, so let's just called it as a break up of taeny. Yeah.. it's been a week. And there's no day i go through without missing her badly. There's no day without having her in my mind. I really missed her, but i know i can do nothing but give up and walk away from her.
You know what worse? It's when you're missing someone who's actually sitting right next to you. She seems so close yet so far. She's there beside me, but i can't reach her. We're really like a stranger to each other now. A stanger with a lot of memories. Our friends do realize that
something happened to me and tiffany because the so inseparable taeny become the very awkward taeny. It's like tiffany and i keep avoiding each other, and slowly but sure gets drifted apart. They have asked about this to me and i believe to tiffany too. But i'll just keep saying that we're fine, just a little bit argument. I know i was really bad at lying, and i know they won't buy my lie, but what can i do? What do you expect me to do? It's not like i can really tell them about what's happening with me and tiffany, right? What will they think about us? I just can't tell them. At least for now. Because i don't want to lose them. I don't want them to hate me. And i don't want to scare them away. I've lost her, now i don't want to lose any of them. *sigh* my life is so ruined.
Suddenly i heard sooyoung's voice and it's bring me back to the reality after some daydreaming times i had.
"So will you come, taeng?" She asked me and the other just look at me expectantly as she speaks.
Damn it! I don't have any idea about what she's asking me right now.
"Err soo.. i was kind of spacing out for awhile when you were talking. So i didn't really catch it. Mian.."
"Yah! What's wrong with you tae? Lately you've been keep spacing out like this. You become more quiet and sad. You want to tell us what happen? We're always here for you, tae. You have us. You can lean on us whenever you want." Said the shikshin. Actually i was so touched with her words and my eyes start to get teary. But i can't cry in front of them right now. It's enough for me to cry myself to sleep in every night. Beside i don't want to make them more worry about me. And if they ask me about why i'm crying, i just can't tell them why. So i put up a facade and smiling dorkily at her.
"Aigoooo.. what do you mean, sooyoung-ah? I'm fine, you silly. I was just tired with the school stuffs and also i keep getting my insomnia lately. I got lack of sleep. So that's why.. so stop worrying about me because i'm really fine." I said and playfully patting the shiksin's head. I'm lucky because we are sitting right now, so i can reach for that giant's head. If we are standing right now, you tell me, how can i pat her head? I'll need a ladder or at least chair to be able to reach her head.
For a sec, my eyes meet tiffany's eyes. She looks so worry and sad....for me? Really? She still care about me? Ah, don't be a fool taeyeon-ah. Wake up from your dream. Don't get your hope up just to be crashing down later. I reminded myself.
"I was asking you, will you come to watch the Choir club's showcase on saturday night? Tiffany and jessica will perform like always. So we were discussing about who can come and who can't. So will you?" She asks me.
"Ah.. about that.. hmm.. i think i can come." I said finally after thinking quickly for awhile. Seeing her singing won't hurt me right? I'm still her friend somehow. And a friend will support each other right? So i will support her just as her friend.
"Ah good then!" Said sooyoung while smiling brightly at me.
(Tiffany's POV)
*sigh* it's been a week since taeyeon and i decide to end whatever relationship we had. I missed her like a lot. She's always there in my mind, even when nickhun is there beside me. I just can't stop thinking about her.
I do feel guilty for keep pretending that i was still the same tiffany who's loving him as much as he does. But i can't do that anymore. I'm so tired of pretending. So tomorrow at the choir
showcase, i will end all of this.
The d-day of choir showcase..
"Good luck jessie.." i said and give a high five to the ice princess. She will be the next performer.
"Thanks babe.." she said and smile a little at me.
"Next.. jessica jung, c'mon!" Said one of our choir teacher as she beckoning sica to climb up the little stairs to reach the stage.
"Here you go!" I said and showing her my eyesmile
"Yeah.. here i go.." she said and start to climb up the stairs.
Jessica just finished her performance. She was amazing and stunning like always. She's singing a song that was sung by NiNa, the title is 'Someday' and she also played the piano by herself. See how amazing she is..
One more performer, after that it will be my turn to perform. I feel slightly nervous because i know taeyeon will be there watching over me and also because of my 'mission'. I hope he won't hurt too much because of this. Speaking of the devil, i just got a text message from him.
From: Nie
Babe.. good luck! ^^ I know your performance will be as great as ever. Love youuu
Great.. just great.. he just adds more guilty for me.
To: Nie
Thanks.. oppa please listen carefully to the song that i'm going to sing later on the stage. This song will convey to you the words that i can't directly tell you. This song is for you oppa. And i'm sorry for everything..
"Tiffany hwang, it's your turn now.." said one of my choir teacher. I just nodded at her.
"Break a leg, tiff!" Said the ice princess to me. I just show her both of my thumbs as the 'okay' sign.
"Now or never tiff! You can do it!" I try to encouraging myself.
The music starts to play beautifully, once it comes the right time, i start to open my mouth and sing..
(Davichi – Secret)
Eonje eodiseobuteo ingeonji? Neoreul ango isseodo honjaindeutae
Neoreul mannareo ganeun nae balgeoreumi mugeowo Honjainge gakkeum geuriwojyeo
Modeungeosi byeonhaegadeusi
Yeongwonhal geot gatatdeon uri sarangdo
Sigani heureulsurok cheoeumgwa meoreojilsurok Dareun saekkkal dareun hyanggiga na
Neoneun moreugo isseo? Mollasseumyeon johkesseo Bimilseureon naui mameul malhal su eobseo
Hoksi niga nunchi chaelkkabwaseo, saranghanda malhae bogosipda malhae useumyeo
Bangapge nareul bomyeo utneun neo Eonjena nal ttaseuhi baraboneun neo
Naneun geureojil motae yejeongwa mami dallaseo Haruga cham deodige neukkyeojyeo
Neoneun moreugo isseo? Mollasseumyeon johkesseo Bimilseureon naui mameul malhal su eobseo
Hoksi niga nunchi chaelkkabwaseo saranghanda Malhae bogosipda malhae useumyeo
Jebal gareuchyeojwoyo, igeotdo sarangingayo?
Jamsi seuchyeoganeun baramilkkayo? Ireon nal yongseohajima! Sarangi meomchungeolkka? Nappeun yeojaingeolkka?
Neoneun moreugo isseo? Mollasseumyeon johkesseo Bimilseureon naui mameul malhal su eobseo
Hoksi niga nunchi chaelkkabwaseo saranghanda malhae, bogosipda malhae
sigeobeorin nae maeum, mianhae..
At some time, at some point
Even when I was holding you, I felt alone My footsteps to you seemed so heavy And sometimes, I missed being alone
Everything changes,
Even our love that we thought would last forever.
The more time passes, the farther we are from the beginning It turned into a different color, a different scent
You don’t know right? I hope you don’t know I can’t tell you the secret in my heart
So in case you figure it out, I’ll tell you that I love you I’ll tell you that I miss you with a smile
You greet me warmly and smile You always look at me lovingly
I can’t do that since my heart is different from before One day seems so long for me
You don’t know right? I hope you don’t know I can’t tell you the secret in my heart
So in case you figure it out, I’ll tell you that I love you I’ll tell you that I miss you with a smile
Please teach me, is this love as well ?
Or is this just a phase ? Don’t forgive me for being like this! Did love stop ? Am I a bad woman ?
You don’t know right? I hope you don’t know I can’t tell you the secret in my heart
So in case you figure it out, I’ll tell you that I love you I’ll tell you that I miss you with a smile
I’m sorry for my colded heart..
Once i finished the song, i heard a loud clap from the audiences in front of me. I give them my bow and starts to walk down the stage. I can feel my teary eyes and tears start to running down freely from my eyes. I wipe it away harshly with my hand. But somehow i feel so relieved. It's like a very heavy burden have been lifted from my shoulder.
Can we?
"Tiff, you're okay?" Said jessica as she rushing toward me with worry all over her face.
"I'm fine, jessie. Don't worry.."
"Yaahh.. how can i'm not worry seeing you shedding tears like this? What happen?" She asked me again
"I'm breaking up with nickhun oppa.." i said calmly
"WHATTTT??!! seriously tiff? Why?" she looks so surprised or shocked to be exact?
"My heart changed, sica-yah. It's not beating for him anymore. And i can't keep pretending anymore. I'm so tired, jessie.." i start to sobbing now. I miss her.. i miss taeyeon.. how i hope she'll be here to comfort me right now.
Seeing me like this, jessica pulling me into her embrace. And i gladly hugging her back. I really need someone to lean on right now. Jessica's embrace is warm and comforting but it's different with taeyeon's. I miss you, taetae..
Suddenly i heard a loud bang from behind. Someone just slammed the door harshly. Jessica and i immediately look at the door and see nickhun standing there with his angry face. Jessica and i broke the hug as we look at him worriedly.
"We need to talk, tiff." Said nickhun with his stern voice
"Tiff, do you want me to stay here with you?" Jessica asked worriedly
"It's okay jess. I need to talk properly with him.." i said and smile at her to reassuring her.
"Okay then. If you need something, just call me. I'll be outside.."
Right after jessica walks out from the room..
"Tiff you're kidding right? You're not breaking up with me right? RIGHT TIFF??! ANSWER ME!!" he yelled angrily at me. I never seen this side of him before. To be honest he starts to scaring me but i won't back down. I know this is the best for him and me.
"I'm sorry opa.. i'm so sorry.. i can't lie to you or myself anymore." I said honestly to him while trying to keep my voice clear even though i'm kind of shaking in the inside.
"What happen tiff?? What happen to us? To our love?" He asked bitterly