dies and assumes that you are their next of kin.
You can talk to the MS Helpline about any of these issues – call freephone 0808 800 8000, weekdays 9am-9pm
or email [email protected]
If the person you care for dies in hospital, their body will be stored in the hospital mortuary and a member of staff will contact you to inform you of the death. The body will remain in the mortuary until you, or someone acting on your behalf, arranges for it to be taken away.
Most funeral directors have a chapel of rest, where the deceased person can be placed until the funeral.
If the person you care for dies at home and the death was expected, you should contact their GP who will need to certify the cause of death. If the person you care for dies in the middle of the night, you can call the out-of-hours GP service. It is not unusual for a doctor to wait until the following morning before visiting the home.
They will provide you with a medical certificate stating the cause of death and a formal notice, recording that the medical certificate has been signed and giving instructions on how to register the death.
Registering the death
You will need to register the death with the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths for the sub-district in which it occurred (or, in Scotland, with any Registrar).
You can find the Registrar in the phone book or on the www.direct.gov.uk website. In most cases this needs to be done within five days (eight, in Scotland). The registrar will give you a Certificate for Burial or Cremation (in Scotland, a Certificate of Registration of Death). The funeral director will need this before the funeral can take place.
You will also be given a Certificate of Registration of Death (in Scotland, a form 334/S1) which is for social security purposes. If it applies, you should complete the certificate and hand it to your Jobcentre Plus or social security office.
You can also buy one or more copies of the death certificate at this time. You will need these for sorting out the person’s affairs – such as pension claims, insurance policies, savings bank certificates and premium bonds.
Arranging the funeral
If the deceased person made a will, check to see whether they may have given specific requests about the funeral arrangements. If you arrange for a funeral, you are responsible for paying the bill so first check where the money will come from and if there will be enough.
It is possible to organise a funeral without the aid of a funeral director, but it is advisable to contact your local Cemeteries and Crematorium Department (part of the local authority) for advice and guidance. However, most people use a funeral director and friends or family may be able to suggest a particular firm to go with.
Alternatively, most local firms will be listed in the phone directory. Their charges can vary considerably and it is worth contacting more than one company.
If there is to be a service or ceremony, contact the appropriate person for the religion or belief concerned.
The funeral director should be able to advise you if you are not sure how to do this. You do not have to hold a religious service and you may prefer to hold your own non-religious alternative.
Your funeral director will be able to advise you about the processes required for a cremation or a burial.
Paying for the funeral
Funerals can be expensive so make sure that you know where the money for the funeral will come from before making any arrangements. If you are getting any benefits you may be able to get a payment from the Social Fund.
If no one is able or willing to arrange and pay for the funeral, the local council or health authority may do so, but only where the funeral has not already been arranged.
It may be possible to have part of the deceased person’s savings released to pay for the funeral, for example from a building society or National Savings account. You will be asked for appropriate documents, usually including the death certificate. The costs may be covered by a life
insurance policy or prepaid funeral. If the deceased person had paid into an occupational or personal pension, there may be a lump sum payable towards the costs of the funeral. Payment from life insurance policies are usually paid out after the estate has been settled, but it is possible for a limited sum to be paid on evidence of death, to help cover funeral costs.
FURTHER READING
Department for Work and Pensions Leaflet D49 – What to do after a death in England and Wales
www.dwp.gov.uk
The Scottish Government publication – What To Do After a Death in Scotland: Practical Advice for Times of Bereavement
www.scotland.gov.uk
Bereavement
Feelings of grief and loss affect people in many different ways. Usual emotions include shock and disbelief (even if a death is anticipated), depression and apathy. When someone who has been ill for some time dies it is also not uncommon to feel a sense of relief. This can then lead to feelings of guilt. However, relief is a normal reaction. Many carers of people with MS experience ‘grieving’ throughout the illness, as each change in the person’s condition takes its toll. Most importantly, there is no ‘right’ way to feel when someone you have cared for has died.
It is very important that you allow yourself adequate time to grieve. Only you will know how much time you will need.
Do not feel pressurised by others to ‘move on’ sooner than you wish. Cruse Bereavement Care and Cruse Bereavement Care Scotland offer free and confidential help to bereaved people across the UK . They produce a range of booklets on coping with grief. You may
also find the information on the BBC website helpful:
www.bbc.co.uk/health – click on ‘emotional health’.
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Talking about it
Many people find that it helps to talk about these feelings with other people. You may want to talk to a friend or family member, or someone who has been in a similar position. You might benefit from finding a support group. Your MS Society branch may know of a local group. Alternatively, ask your GP for details.
Professional counselling
It might also be helpful to talk to a professional counsellor.
There are a number of voluntary agencies and private practitioners that offer counselling, and your GP should be able to refer or point you in the right direction. You can also find details of counsellors in your area through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
FURTHER READING
Past Caring by Audrey Jenkinson. A book on caring for those who have suffered bereavement. ISBN: 09544233-6-4. Available online at http://books.google.co.uk
Living with the effects of MS
MS Society publications are available free of charge by post or to download (www.mssociety.org.uk/publications or call 020 8438 0799 weekdays 9am-4pm)
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Younger family members
Many adults exclude children and young people from conversations about death as a way of seeking to protect them. However, many children cope remarkably well and can in fact be a source of support for their parents at this emotional time. But they will have their own questions, and it is important to try to reassure them if you can and answer their questions.
Each child will respond differently to the death of a loved one. Don’t be surprised if your child finds it difficult to express how they are feeling. There may be a childhood bereavement service in your area. If you have access to the internet, Winston’s Wish (www.winstonswish.org.uk) is a helpful site for children and young people. Also online, for teenagers there’s RD4U (www.rd4u.org.uk), which is part of Cruse Bereavement Care's Youth Involvement Project. Young Carers (www.youngcarers.net), part of the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, has advice and support for children and young people who have lost someone close. i
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