But alongside a form of power reproducing an autonomous and independent self in regard to elderly people are certain key dimensions of a non-self-determining and non-integrated self. I believe that these dimensions, although suppressed in the ‘dominant’ discourses which we have discussed in previous chapters, are vital for a proper understanding of the circumstances of elderly people today. Notwithstanding the change in elderly people over the past fifty years from asexual to sexual, these dimensions, which have occuned without intermittence, have never changed during the fifty years. But they may clearly be detected in both Japanese and British writing. Let me check them up.
[1] Lonely Self
First, one of two descriptions of elderly people as a dimension of non-self-determining and non-integrated self in sexual discourse of elderly people is their feelings of loneliness. Let me give you examples from 1977, 1987 and 1997.
The sixty-eight year-old five-times married actor Rex Harrison known as “Sexy Rexy”
was said to be looking for a woman again” because he felt lonely. “Rex is trying to keep his
mind off loneliness by working 12 hours a day, performing and trying to improve the play before it opens in New York.” (The Sun January 13th 1977) Again, a sixty-six year-old pensioner John Campbell who was banned from forcing his sixty-seven year-old ex-wife Catherine Race to have sex with him by the Court was described as a lonely heart. “Pensioner Jolm Campbell is still love-lorn ... after being divorced for 17 years. And he ended up in a police cell after visiting his former wife at her home - clutching a bunch of plastic flowers.” (The Daily Record June 25th
1977)
The Daily Telegraph paid attention to a decision brought in by a judge who told a “lonely sex attacker.” The judge gave a sixty-one year-old man with tlii'ee previous convictions for sexual assaults probation at Southwark Crown Court for indecently assaulting a four-year-old girl. The judge said the man was lonely, and needed a shoulder to cry on. “Everybody needs a shoulder to
cry on at some time. I have m yself- I’m not ashamed to admit it.” (The Daily Telegraph August 8th 1987) Here is similar example. “Perhaps they [British men who want Oriental brides
especially from the Philippines] are too short or too old. They’re lonely.” (The People June 14th 1987)
This is the headline of the article about the oldest man in Britain to be convicted under laws brought in to protect people from stalkers. “A love-lorn 77-year-old, has been branded Britain’s oldest stalker after waging an eight-month hate campaign against his former lover. James Monk refused to accept that 55-year-old Mary Sands preferred a ‘younger’ man of 74. Monk had met her tlirough a lonely hearts column [...].” (The Express October 22nd 1997) Again, the female writer, who provided counselling for people with problems, covered a quiet
group meeting in an old church hall in London where all types of people aged between twenty to seventy talked openly about being addicted to sex. She attributed their “desperate anguish of a sex addict” to their unloved, lonely heart. “It is easy to snigger at this sort of problem but sufferers say that sex can be as destructive as any other addiction. Many addicts have been abused as children, others just feel lonely and unloved.” (The Express September 25th 1997) Here is another example. The fifty-one year-old horse trainer Jenny Pitman told why she maiTied her forty-seven year-old partner David Stait after an eighteen-year courtship. She attributed the decision to marry her first husband to “the naivete of youth.” “I was very, very lonely. You can have all the romance, the glitz and the lusting if you like, but once that’s passed, if you don’t have your best mate stood along side you you’ve got nothing.” (The Express October 25th 1997)
Put the matter of sexual intercourse aside, no one was to blame the seventy-seven yeai'-old widow Mrs. Salmon when she fell in love with Sergeant Davies. Mrs. Salmon whose husband died in 1968 was justified in phoning and coming around to the police station because she was a lonely elderly woman “craving company.” (ibid, The Daily Record April 7th 1977) “She was lonely, frail and frightened of being on her own at night. She would telephone the police as a cry for help, the Judge said.” (ibid. The Daily Mail April 7th 1997) “Living alone in her big house, she was extremely dependent upon police reassurance for her security,” he [one of Sergeant Davies’s counsels] said. ‘She also depended on the police force for someone to talk [...]. She was not above triggering off her own burglar alarm to attract attention.’” (ibid. The Sun January 25th 1977) Everybody described as “not surprised” (ibid, The Daily Mail April 7‘*' 1977) the methods used in getting Sergeant Davies into spending most of his time, except at night, on standing by Mrs. Salmon with his “understanding her predicament, her frailty and her loneliness.” (The Guardian January 27th 1977)
Eighty-five year-old Mr. Walter Taylor, one of three elderly men who talked about their experiences at Madame Payne’s parties, described “the get-togethers” at her home, as like executive or private parties, (ibid. The Independent February 6th 1987) Madame Payne told the court that she had been lonely since her Ambleside Avenue brothel had been closed down in 1978 and that since she was released from jail in 1980 her loneliness was best relieved by her parties. (The Daily Telegraph February 5th 1987) “Mrs Payne told the court about the private side of her life, and said her wild parties were a cure for loneliness. ‘I enjoyed having parties because basically I was lonely. I think everyone else who came was lonely too,’ she said.” (The
Independent February 5th 1987) “The Tattooed Lady” Ann Aaron said the parties were “fr ank and free, because guests acted out their fantasies without fear of being ridiculed. They indulged in fascinating conversation about their various fetishes and everyone joined in the fun.” (ibid, The Daily Record February 12th 1987) People testifying for the defence repeated that the parties were “the get-togethers.”
Last, let us look into the lonely self in Japanese sexual discoui'se of elderly people. As I noted already in chapter 1, for the last two decades, despite the real inter-generational family values in Japan, the selfish life-cycle model dominates household saving behaviour in Japan. Japanese families feel less obliged to provide welfai*e for their immediate members, let alone
elderly people in general. Just after the foundation of Chanomi-Tomodachi-Sodanshitsu, which I
mentioned in chapter 3, its director answered a Fujinkoron reporter during a different interview. “They [elderly people who applied for the dating agency] are just very, very lonely. They are seeking a new relationship. Their wish is more pressing than we [the officials of the institution]
expected.” (Fujinkoron August 1976) The Chanomi-Tomodachi-Sodanshitsu have succeeded in
arranging about two thousand couples’ dates over five years and conducted a survey asking the reasons why its applicants want to get married. The answer; “because I am lonely.” or “because I
crave company.” predominated. (Ushio March 1983) The following is what one of the
participants in group dating in another organisation said. “I feel small, sad and lonely. At night after it has rained for two days I foresee dying. I just want to get close to anyone again and feel at ease. Sex is a secondary matter. All I want is a warm heart.” (Shukan Josei July 30th 1991)