The self against the world

‘The self against the world’ category is constructed from the themes acting and reflecting on the world, searching for cause and effect, searching for truth, secrecy and hiding, measuring, judging and valuing actions, conforming to and resisting hegemonic ideas, structural analysis, competition and achievement, and struggle and perseverance. Within this category, the subject is pitted against social structures, systems and institutions – oppressive forces that limit subjectivities, opportunities and potential. Examples of structures, systems and institutions include gender, sexuality, race, class, age, body shape and size, gay culture/subculture, family. The subject, as constructed by this category, is seen to be external to these social structures, systems and institutions. The subject is engaged in a moral battle to transcend these structures, systems and institutions and gain freedom from repression. Critical thought and critical reflection are considered as the key to overturning this false consciousness (Freire 1990; Giroux 1985; McLaren 1989).

Hegemonic ideas (Gramsci 1971; Giroux 1988b) are considered as enemies. In phrases like ‘opposing patriarchy, supporting feminism, abhorring sexism, disliking capitalism’, certain ideologies are seen as the cause of societies problems. The subject of the coming out journal text exists in a relationship of opposition against these ideologies. The subject is constructed as a lone figure; ‘I am alone’ battling against these oppressive ideologies.

Being ‘trapped, imprisoned, silent, solitary’, the subject stands in an antagonistic relationship with the external world. A struggle, a battle is constructed that is fraught with difficulty and emotion. This battle may not be won. ‘The battle is too big, the forces too strong’. The subject is ‘angry, bitter, frustrated, confused, helpless’.

The heterosexual world of the coming out journal text, as constructed by this category, is a world that limits gay subjectivities’ potential. In phrases like ‘holds me back’, wider society is constructed as the cause of oppression. The heterosexual world is a place that ‘despises’ gay people. This category constructs a moral battle through which the subject struggles. The activity of not ‘thinking, believing and acting like other men’ is seen as being very fragile. The phrase ‘Am I free, or am I trapped’ is another example of the duality of the moral struggle between the subject and the determining structures of society.

The subject is constructed by this category in a position that is ideologically opposed to the values of gay subculture, those values being ‘beauty, youth, physical attractiveness and big dicks’. The subject stands ‘externally’ to this subculture and is ‘physically prevented’ from being able to participate and ‘belong’ to the subculture. The subculture is a force that actively prevents the subject from ‘belonging’ and gaining ‘identity and sense of self’. Gay subculture has wronged the subject and is the cause of his marginalisation and sense of being an ‘outcast’.

This category constructs the subject as having ‘a purpose, some meaning, some goal’ in fighting oppressive ideas. The aim for the subject, as constructed by this category, is to find ways of transcending ideas that construct a false consciousness. Non-hegemonic versions of masculinity are valorised as searching for ‘a real man’. The idea of a real man is constructed by this category as a state of freedom. Freedom is to be reached through constant critical reflection of society. There is always ‘a conflict’ and an ‘attempt to make others understand that people, cultures and systems are my oppressors’.

The subject is constructed as existing in a private, secret space, misunderstood by the external world. Society is not seen in a positive light. The subject needs to escape from society because it has been wronged. It needs to create some kind of sanctuary from which to flee the horrors of the world. In this sacred space the subject will realise some truth and this will assist with accessing freedom from oppressive forces. A voluntary admission to a psychiatric hospital is seen as being caused by being ‘in the wrong world’ and in a ‘world that fucks me up and doesn’t understand’. It is society that is ‘directly attributable’ for the mental illness. The hospital is a place where the subject can feel ‘safe and secure’ from the world outside. It is a place of ‘solitude’ where the subject acquires ‘inner peace and tranquility’. The hospital is constructed as a place where there is no ‘responsibility’, where the ‘mind can wander’ in a search for ‘freedom’. In considering society as ‘the other side’ a dangerous place is construed from which the subject has to have ‘time out’. The outside world is a place that must be eventually ‘faced’. The hospital is constructed as a space where the subject is ‘perched on a tender line’ and the ‘solution’ is to listen and learn in the hope that he can ‘come out and rejoin’ the world with new skills of coping and accepting oneself’ in order that ‘fulfillment and happiness’ can be achieved and the ability to ‘deal with everything outside’.