As early as one or two messages in with girls, I start to lead the conversation down a path to set up a date with her. This is done by talking about activities and finding out her schedule. As much fun as you might be having talking about whatever light conversational topic she brought up, you need to get to the point of the conversation before she loses focus on Tinder. I’ve seen too many guys fall into the trap of enjoying the conversation too much to push for the close. Then, questions on the guys end come up: “What do I message?” “Won’t it be awkward to transition to asking for a meet up?” “But how do I know if she likes me?”"
Don’t fall into that trap! Wait for the date to get into long conversations. Don’t give the conversation an opportunity to take an awkward turn. You do that by starting on the topic you want to focus on: Activities. One major reason one of my first questions is “what are you up to ?” is because it gets her talking and thinking about activities. Sometimes you’ll find out she is doing the same thing you are and your next question can be about meeting up."
Most of the time, you will still need to push a little further to set up the date, but at least you are moving in the right direction!! Before you set up the date, you need to have an idea of what type of date you want to bring her on. Off of Tinder expect to meet at a bar or coffee shop and go from there. NEVER suggest dinner. That is way too much from a simple app and puts too much pressure on the girl and the date."
Usually drinks are fine. If the girl does not drink, suggest coffee or dessert. Have a place in mind and know your availability (Note: the more available you are, the easier it is to meet up. It’s odd to me when guys try to turn down times they are available with the girl in order to seem more busy. These guys are just screwing up their chances!! Don’t fall for it. Some girls truly are busy, so if you are free and she is free, GO ON THE DATE ALREADY!!)"
The questions you will ask over and over in different orders depending on the texture of the conversation are:"
• What’s your schedule like this week ? (schedule)" • What are your plans tonight ? (schedule)"
• When are you free ? (schedule)" • When are you available ? (schedule)" • Want to grab a drink sometime ? (activity)" • Grab a drink sometime ? (activity)"
• Want to meet up sometime ? (activity)" • Let’s grab a drink ? (activity)"
The first question “What are you up to ?” sets you up for where to lead the conversation. If her day sounds busy, you should not ask “What are your plans tonight ?” but... if she is not doing anything, there is a higher than average chance that she will be willing to meet you very soon. "
There are two categories of questions to set up a date. There are scheduling questions and activity questions. You will need a positive answer to both these questions in order to go on the date with her. You need the answer to the activity question to be positive in order to get her number and move the conversation off Tinder, which is the most important part. "
I always need to have her agreement to hang out with me to move to asking for her phone number. We don’t need to agree to a time or place, just the meet up (ex. “Grab drinks later ?”). If the conversation is going well on Tinder, I try to iron out a few more details over Tinder than I would otherwise. "
Ideally, I’ll set up a time and place right then for what we are going to do. When that is the case, the scheduling questions take a front seat. “What’s your schedule like this week ?” is by far the most valuable of them all. Once I know her availability, I pick a time that works for both of us then
pick an activity to do. Even while I’m setting up the date I make sure to always be positive by responding with plenty of “lol”s."
The true beauty of asking her for her schedule is she will tell you when she is busy and when she is free. If she tells you when she is free, now you know when to plan the date. She is much more likely to agree to the date for two reasons:"
1. You are not scheduling at a time that conflicts with her schedule."
2. Unconsciously she has agreed to the meet up because the only people she tells her schedule to are… people she plans to meet up with!! So, now she’s already thinking about meeting up with you before you’ve even said anything about the date!" I’ve found I occasionally need to take a step back and turn to more light conversation if the girl gives too much push back from setting up the date. Then, after more conversation, I get back on track with setting up the date. My example with Olivia demonstrates the dance on Tinder you need to do between conversation and setting up the date when she does not respond to the date suggestions right away."
When she tells me her availability, I follow up with a time and place for the activity and confirm with her. Let’s say she says, “Busy today and tomorrow. Free after 8 both days.” You should respond, “Cool let’s [insert activity] at [insert location] at [insert time] – that work ?”"
Then, you will find out whether or not it works. If she tells you her schedule, she has unofficially agreed to the meet up. She may have pushback to time, location, or specific activity, but a meet up will happen, and she will usually help fix the logistics by providing alternative times, places, or activities."
Always fix the problems she has with the date immediately and check in again. After two pushbacks from her, take a step back and develop more general dialogue before suggesting another alternative. Pushing any more will make you feel needy."
Another reason for me to settle for the agreement to the activity rather than set a specific time and place for a date to meet is when she is not free until several days later. Any date set for four or more days out has a high likelihood of flaking; there are too many other activities that can pop
up in the woman’s life over the next few days. Also there is a lot more rapport maintenance that will need to be done over text to keep the date."
The longer she has to think about the date, the worse your odds of meeting her. It is very odd to meet someone in person that they met on an app and have only messaged a handful of times... at least it’s not normal. The longer the thought of the weirdness of meeting up with the guy from Tinder runs in her head, the worse your chances to actually meet her. If she isn’t free until a few days out, I will have her agree to hanging out, get her number, and solidify details over text. I need her off Tinder to have any chance of the date working out."
While on the topic of date flake rate, I find that my successful dates are generally set up within 36 hours of time of texting, meaning if it is Tuesday morning, I am on a date with the girl by Wednesday night at the latest for minimum flake rate. After that, dates still happen but run a higher chance of being rescheduled. When she tells me her schedule, I pick the earliest day that works for both of us. The sooner the better for her to actually meet up."