appreciated we must encounter them, “meet them at their view of the world,” as they put it. This is not an easy thing to do, and so it happens only rarely, and they, more than others, go through life feeling misunder stood, unknown, mistaken for the roles they are forced to play by social reality. You see, Idealists believe that each of us is a unique and special person. So it makes sense that they would feel prized by having their person known by another, if only on rare occasions. Idealists idealize themselves, and, as mentioned above, continue searching for their true self or real self. They are devoted to bringing the true self more and more into being, so that recognition by someone they care about is very important to them and very gratifying when it comes.
Aspiring to be a Sage
The Sage is the most revered role model for the Idealists—that man or woman who strives to overcome worldly, temporal concerns, and who aspires to the philosophic view of life. Plato, perhaps the greatest of all Idealist philosophers, characterized the sage by saying that the “true lover of wisdom” is on a metaphysical journey,
is always striving after being—that is his nature; he will not rest in...ap pearance only, but will go on—the keen edge will not be blunted, nor the force of his desire abate until he have attained the knowledge of the true nature of every essence by a sympathetic and kindred power in the soul, and by that power drawing near and mingling and becoming incorporate with very being, [he will] live and grow truly, and then, and not till then, will he cease from his travail.
To transcend the material world (and thus gain insight into the essence of things), to transcend the senses (and thus gain knowledge of the soul), to transcend the ego (and thus feel united with all creation), to transcend even time (and thus feel the force of past lives and prophecies): these are the lofty goals of the sage, and in their heart of hearts all Idealists honor this quest.
The Social Roles Idealists Play
It is impossible not to play a role in all of our social transactions, and in essence there are two kinds of social roles, those that are allotted to us by virtue of our position in our social milieu, and those that we reach out and take for ourselves. We perforce play offspring to our parents, siblings to our brothers and sisters, and relatives to our extended family members. On the other hand we choose to play mate to our spouse, parents to our children, superior to our subordinate, subordinate to our superior, friend to friend, an so on. Allotted or embraced, we have no choice but to enact our roles, since interacting with others can never be role-free.
Three of our social roles are of special interest in the context of the study of personality: mating, parenting, and leading. In these three roles the different temperaments differ in very important ways, important, that is, in the effects these ways of relating to others have on mates, offspring, and followers.
Let us consider a chart which compares how the different ways mating, parenting, and leading roles are played:
Social Roles Idealists Artisans Guardians Rationals
Mating Soulmate Playmate Helpmate Mindmate
Parenting Harmonizer Liberator Socializer Individuator Leading Catalyst Negotiator Stabilizer Visionary
Note the striking difference between playing the Soulmate role in the case of the Idealists, and the Playmate, Helpmate, and Mindmate role in the case of the other three types of personality. These different mating roles will require lengthy and complex study, and so a chapter (Chapter 7) on this topic is provided later in this book.
A separate chapter is also required for defining and describing the enormous differences in the parent-child relationship, and so Chapter 8 presents portraits of the four kinds of children, and then distinguishes the Idealist Harmonizer parent from the Artisan Liberator parent, the Guardian Socializer parent, and the Rational Individuator parent. Likewise, a chapter (Chapter 9) is provided to differentiate leadership styles, contrasting the Idealist’s Catalyst role with the Artisan’s Negotiator role, the Guardian’s Stabilizer role, and the Rational’s Visionary role. Even so, a few remarks on each of the Idealist’s social roles can at least give outlines of how they are played.
The Soulmate
What Idealists wish for in their spouse is a Soulmate, a spouse who knows their feelings without being told of them, and who spontaneously expresses words of endearment, words that acknowledge their mate’s unique identity. Idealists want the marital relationship to be, as they put it, “deep and meaningful.” Other types will settle for much less than this. Guardians, for instance, would be Helpmates though they may not ask their Idealist spouse to be the same. Artisans, on the other hand, prefer to be Playmates, and wonder what the Idealist means by a deep and meaningful relationship. And Rationals, wishing to share their consciousness with their mates, are more for being Mindmates than Soulmates. More about this soulful rela tionship in Chapter 7. Here, suffice it to say that Idealists are asking their spouses for something most of them do not understand and do not know how to give.