Steph: what if?

Steph was very open and articulate, both verbally and emotionally as we began our first interview. This interview began with a lot of emotional overtones that reduced in intensity with her other interviews. I didn‟t experience the emotional intensity with her other interviews and I wondered about the unintended therapeutic benefits to the participant, of being able to explore their experience in the research setting.

Steph told me that her accident happened when she was a passenger on the coach that was taking her and her husband to the airport. As Steph started talking about her accident, her voice started to tremble as she recollected seeing a car heading towards them. The coach driver must have seen the car as he swerved, and then it happened:

There was a silence for what seemed like an eternity and the front of the coach window smashed. The driver seemed to be uninjured.

Steph then asked „shall I tell you about my injuries first or the accident?‟ and before I could respond she started telling me about the accident. When Steph stopped, I asked her if she was ok and I asked her if she wanted to continue:

Yeah yeah I just [laughs] I had to type this back. Actually, a copy for [travel company] and my stomach, I could have been sick when I was talking about it to be honest. Right, do you want to know about our injuries now?

At the time of accident all she could think of was getting home back home and when she was seen by the ambulance crew it was decided that she did not require any medical attention even though her neck and hands hurt. Steph felt that they had all been lucky and that it could have been a lot worse. She just wanted to get home. Steph went to see her own doctor two days later, as by then she ached from top to bottom, as

if she had done a big workout at the gym. She had started getting headaches and was thinking constantly about the accident and what might have happened:

I feel glad to be alive to be honest. …Yeah I just think my time wasn‟t up but it could very well have been. I‟m just glad to be alive.

Her doctor examined her and said it was a whiplash injury. Steph wanted to know what she could do for it and wanted to go to the gym as this would give her a reason to feel like she did. She was told not to exercise but could do yoga or have a massage.

She said she was told to do just what she thought and what she felt able to do. Steph was surprised that she was not given a follow-up appointment or any written information. Steph said „I thought I knew about whiplash, but I think people who‟ve never witnessed it, never had it before or anything, have no idea whatsoever‟.

At first Steph took sick leave from work as she ached all the time. She also found herself unable to concentrate or settle to do anything as she kept thinking about the accident, or the aching would distract her. After a few days‟ sick leave she returned to work. She felt that work would take her mind off what had happened. Steph found the aching was more noticeable at work especially when she was sitting down at her desk.

The aching made it difficult to concentrate on whatever task she was doing and she would find herself getting up and going for a walk around the department. Steph was able to vary the tasks she did at work and could take frequent breaks from working on the computer. She was able to continue as normal although she was not quite as efficient as usual. Steph‟s sleep was disrupted not only though the physical pain and discomfort, but also because she kept thinking about the accident and would wake up with nightmares. This was documented in her dairy which she read out to me:

I don‟t think I slept for the first two and a half weeks properly.

I kept waking up, flashbacks, aching, but I‟m alright now.

Steph felt that she could probably have done more household tasks than she did but just did what she needed to do, such as making the bed and the cooking, as she felt too achy and just did not want to do any more.

Steph found the discomfort from her whiplash injury settled down within two to three weeks after the accident. She regarded the pain as an ache more than anything and compared her aching back, not her aching neck, to the back ache she experienced when heavily pregnant. „You just don‟t know where to put yourself to get comfortable‟. Steph rated her pain level as „6-7‟ and on occasion took paracetamol for the pain with no real effect on the aching but she thought it helped her headaches.

Steph found the massage was more helpful in relieving some of her aching muscles but this was too costly to use all the time. „I couldn‟t really afford to do that very often‟ and so she felt that she had to manage the aching as best she could and carry on in spite of it. Knowing what to do was very important for Steph and she used the internet to find out what she could do to help her manage how she was feeling and was disappointed to find most of the sites were related to claiming compensation.

As Steph does not drive there was no change in her driving and as a passenger in a car she felt just the same as she did before the accident and said „it didn‟t happen in the car‟. During the first interview, she was surprised to find that when she went on a coach trip she became quite anxious on the coach and immediately put her seat belt on. This was because she felt absolutely paranoid about accidents. She thought she

recent incident on a bus. „When he pipped his horn and braked, I really did have a fit.

Well not a fit, but, er, my heart was in my mouth‟. Steph felt that this was „for something and nothing‟ that she would not have even noticed before the accident.

At the beginning, Steph was undecided on whether or not she was going to claim compensation for what she regarded as an unfortunate accident and in the end decided not to make a claim for compensation. Her family said that „she ought to do‟ and she had been advised to do so legally but she felt that these things happen, it was an accident.

Steph considered herself to be recovered from her injury at the first interview as she was only experiencing occasional aches in her neck and she was able to do all that she could before the accident. A year later, Steph views everything as completely settled.

The only difference that she is aware of is feeling more wary when travelling on a coach. Steph told me, „We are going back to the same place for our holiday next year, so I must be recovered‟. I asked, „Are you going on the coach?‟ and Steph replied „I don‟t know about that. The taxi costs a little more than the coach but it is a lot quicker‟.