1. Stay Current
Try to stay informed on current events. You need to have something to talk about. The election of America’s first black President, for example, or the fact that Gil Grissom has left the cast of CSI. Topical stuff, that’s what you want.
You’ll find all the information you could ever possibly need online. Simply visit any of the big news sites like NBC or CNN, and you’ll usually find a summary of news stories on the home page. These sites also usually feature a “breaking news” item somewhere on top of the page, as well as categories you can search through for more in-depth stories that suit your taste.
2. Practice Your Patter
Practice makes perfect. Unless you have some kind of routine in your head, you’ll never be able to break the ice. So get on with it.
Rehearse on your own in front of a mirror with an imaginary friend. Also try to speak to everyone you meet, whether it’s people you’ve seen before like the mail man or the lady from the corner store, and strangers you might meet walking down the street, on a bus, in the shopping mall, etc.
Force yourself to say SOMETHING to people, just to get in the habit of talking to them.
Everybody likes to talk about the weather, so use that as your way in. Gradually increase your participation by switching to an event in the news or sports.
3. Flatter For Starters
Want to get someone’s attention, even if you’ve never met them before? Try a little flattery.
A gentle ego massage is hard to resist, no matter who you are. Start with something simple and inoffensive, such as “You’re looking well: been on holiday recently?” or something similar.
Don’t be tempted (unless you want to try it to see what happens!) to comment on specific physical attributes: people might take your forthright approach the wrong way. Asking someone you don’t know if they’ve lost weight might be doubly offensive. In the first place, they might be trying to lose weight but failing miserably. In the second place, they might not think they need to lose weight and will be highly offended.
Try instead to ease yourself into a conversation gently, rather than trying to hit those poor unsuspecting members of the public over the head – metaphorically, of course.
4. Paint The Scene
Find something nearby to work into the conversation.
Maybe there’s a bridge nearby, a skyscraper across the street, a beggar in the corner, a kite flying in the field just the other side of that fence. Maybe there’s a crew working on the road and it’s been “under repair” for months. Keep your eyes open and notice what’s going on around you.
Maybe there’s a new shopping mall opening, or a cloud in the sky shaped like a donut. It doesn’t matter what you see, and it doesn’t matter what you say. The point is to get the other person talking.
5. Ask Questions
What would you say is your best feature?
As soon as you read that your brain starts thinking. You’re wondering what your best feature is. You can’t help yourself, and that’s exactly why questions are so important.
Questions have the power to make us stop and think. And everybody likes to talk about themselves. If you ask questions, you should be able to get the other person talking.
Make sure you ask open-ended questions, though, and not the kind that only require a yes or no response. Avoid starting questions with “Do you” or Are you” as they can be
answered abruptly in one word. The best questions often start with one of the five W’s, i.e.
who, what, where, when and why.
Here’s an example to make the point. Suppose you asked someone this question:
“Do you like dogs?”
All it takes to answer is a single word. That word might be yes, but it could just as easily be no. If it’s no, there’s nowhere for you to maneuver. You have to find a new question or flee the scene.
But what if you phrased the question like this:
“What do you think make the best pets, cats or dogs?”
This question requires a full answer, not simply a yes or a no. Most people will be only too happy to provide an answer, too, whether they have a pet or not. And if you’re looking for something to talk about (as in Practice Your Patter above) you could do a lot worse.
People are crazy about their pets, so that’s often a good way to get them talking about something that interests them.
Speaking of which…
6. Listen & Respond
Once you do get them talking, make sure you listen to what they say!
If they express an opinion, feel free to be yourself and agree or disagree. Use their interest in the subject as an opportunity to crank up the conversation and keep it going. Throw in your own experiences if you have any, but don’t talk too much.
As you might expect, once the conversation takes off there will be opportunities for you to fire more questions, respond to more feedback, and so on and so on. If the subject is one that the person feels strongly enough about one way or the other, you may have the opposite problem: getting them to stop talking.
7. Project Good Vibes
When you talk to people, be confident. And if you don’t feel totally confident, act like you are. That makes them feel comfortable and at ease.
Put a smile on your face, stand up straight and look into their eyes. These things project an image of someone who’s trustworthy and honest; they’ll ensure that the people you talk to will stop and talk back to you, even if only for a moment or two. And that could be all the time you need.
We’re really getting going now. Time to crank things up a bit and find out how you can trick people into doing anything you want them to do.