Over the past several chapters I have shared with you some of different tables I have experienced in my life. I have written about some tables that were beautiful and others that were painful. I recognize we each have different experiences with tables in our lives and for some people this conversation might trigger painful memories. Some people grew up without tables, others with absent people sitting around them, and some with abuse.
When my wife and I were discussing the different tables in our lives, she shared with me what it was like growing up in her family with a father who rarely ate with the rest of the family. She remembers eating with her mom and brothers while her dad ate on a
television tray in the other room while watching T.V. She recalls how he usually ate a completely different meal—separately and graciously prepared by her mother.
Samantha’s childhood table was filled with good memories of her brothers and her mom. Her mom tried her best to create a loving environment in the midst of a distant and alcoholic father. As Samantha reflects back on those years of pain her father’s absence was the source of significant pain and blame in her life. A few years ago, Samantha and her brothers faced the sorrow of walking down the difficult road of caring for her father as he died of alcoholism. Ironically, when they were children and couldn’t take care of themselves he as absent in their lives, yet as he was dying and was unable to take care of himself, they were present—a beautiful picture of love and grace. It was during this time that Samantha faced the grief of an absent father who was not going to get better. She had always held out the hope that he would turn his life around but now she had to face the reality that her hopes would not come to pass in this life. He died in December of 2014.
Over the past several years we have spent a lot of time unpacking the story or her dad’s life and walking through the hurt and the pain. Samantha started the necessary process of blaming her dad for the life he lived and the sorrow he caused her and her family. She blamed him for is selfishness and pride. If she didn’t get this off her chest, it would fester for years to come.
For all the pain Samantha experienced around the table growing up, now as an adult, she loves to cook meals for our family and practice hospitality. She loves inviting people to our home and creating an environment of love and rest for all our guests. For all the blame Samantha assigned to her dad, she never blamed him for her love of hospitality. She never blamed him for all the positive things his absent life brought her. If we are going to blame, we should at least blame effectively.
If you come from a background where the table is a painful subject, who could you blame for your longing to redeem it? When Jesus sat with his disciples in the upper room for what would be the last supper, all the men who had journeyed with him for the last several years were about to betray him after dinner. In fact, the Gospel of Mark records that shortly after their meal, “they all left him and fled.”24 The sorrow of having all your closest friends abandon you and leave you for dead in your darkest hour would be soul crushing. However, Jesus does not shy away from the sorrow he experienced at the table, he runs to redeem it; for at the table Jesus sees all things redeemed.
As John starts to close his apocalyptic letter of Revelation in the New Testament he speaks these prophetic words,
"Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready." It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said
to me, "Write, 'Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb '" And he said to me, "These are true words of God."25
Although Jesus leaves this earth betrayed at the table, our entrance into the world to come is an invitation to sit with him at a new table; a wedding feast. I guess it could be said that Jesus blamed effectively; because his disciples left him in his darkest hour, he can now blame them for his love to redeem the table!
Who could you blame to help you redeem the table?
Part 3: Church Around the Table