The Past in the Present

“The less a person knows about the past and present, the shakier that person’s judgement will inevitably be with regard to the future”

-Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)

As discussed in Chapter Three, the primary goal of this study was to develop, implement, and evaluate an intervention aimed at preventing and reducing loneliness, and increasing the well-being of older people. Specifically, instrumental reminiscence involves the recollection of past successful coping activities, such as memories of solving difficult situations, and their application to current challenges (Cappeliez et al., 2008; Watt & Cappeliez, 2000). The focus was on overcoming cognitive and emotional barriers to coping in view of facilitating adjustment to change, particularly changes in relationships. Accordingly, it was hoped that the SEC would allow participants to draw from their past experience of coping with loneliness to deal more effectively with its current or future experience (Cappeliez, in press).

Importantly, the instrumental reminiscence in the SEC was performed in a group setting. In effect, evidence for the effectiveness of group over individual therapy in late adulthood is growing, particularly for individuals who are experiencing a reduction in social network, reduced self-worth, and problems adjusting to loss (e.g., Evans et al., 2001; Payne & Marcus, 2008; Rathbone-McCuan & Nelson, 2002). In addition, since an integrative approach to group therapy has been found to be most effective to address the needs of older people (see, e.g., Husaini et al., 2004; Laidlaw et al., 2003; Laidlaw & Pachana, 2009), instrumental reminiscence comprises elements of both cognitive-behavioural and reminiscence therapy (Cappeliez et al., 2008; Watt &

Cappeliez,, 1996; Wong & Watt, 1991). But despite budding evidence for the effectiveness of group instrumental reminiscence (e.g., Cappeliez, 2002; Watt & Cappeliez, 2000), the mechanisms through which change occurs have not been adequately described, especially from the participants’ perspective.

The second major theme, “The Past in the Present”, was created from responses where participants reflected primarily on their experience of reminiscing during the SEC. As well as investigating, in part, the impact of the SEC (Did it have an effect on participants?), “The Past in the Present” provided a window into its process, as experienced by participants: What was useful, and how? Did participants engage with the reminiscence task at hand? If so, in what ways? What did they learn in the process? Sub-themes, namely ‘Acknowledging the Past’, ‘Using the Past to Change’, and ‘Social Comparison’, are systematically discussed in this section.

Acknowledging the Past

This sub-theme conferred participants’ experiences of initially recognising the influence of the past on their everyday lives. Participants discussed, for example, the role played by meaningful people in their past, or the challenges associated with

looking back in time. Alternatively, as Mable proposed, acknowledging old times could be a motivator in one’s present:

Your memories keep you going.Mable

In fact, many participants noted how, with advancing age, one’s background becomes an intrinsic part of one’s life today. In the following excerpt, Joy reflected on how one’s past is also embedded in a social context which can be differentiated to that of today, namely in terms of family, religion, education, and understanding of others:

I have learned that we are all a product of our upbringing and heritage of the

different lives we have lived. In the years we were born the religion of the family that you were part of played a big part in your whole life. Now that transport is so different, and so is education we have shown through the group how we are now, not only tolerant these days, but completely understanding of the differences in all aspects of our lives. Joy

A few participants discussed how the lessons learned from meaningful people in their past had an impact on their current understanding of life; whether associated with positive memories;

I loved my mother because she always seemed to have a peace of mind. Life to

Or less positive ones:

Some people unfortunately will always see the glass as being half empty and can be very exhausting. I know this from sad experience because I had a [sibling] who really just wanted to talk to anyone who would listen about how unfair life had been and was continuing to be. [He/She] went through a raft of professional people and medications but in the end nobody and nothing helped. I think people like [sibling’s name] have a real illness for which no

cure has been found –or wasn’t up to [a number of] years ago when [he/she]

died. Mary

The last quote exemplified how revisiting the past can also include the recall of sad experiences for significant people in one’s life. Effectively, despite reminiscence being considered a natural function which can play a major role in successful aging (Bluck & Glück, 2005; Butler, 1974), it does not mean that the process goes without challenges. One example of this included revisiting unresolved aspects of one’s past. To illustrate, one participant expressed her wish to reunite with deceased family members:

We all have past memories of family who are not with me now and I wish they were here so I could talk to them and share thoughts. Agnes

This quote highlighted the importance of adequate leadership and clear group

guidelines in programs involving reminiscence with older people. The leader could be called, for instance, to ‘hold’ painful feelings associated with memories (Yalom & Leszcz, 2005), and to gently re-direct the participant to the task at hand (Gibson, 2004). In actual fact, sharing personal memories can pose a challenge not only for the one speaking, but for those listening. One participant acknowledged this directly:

Sometimes it was difficult to hear. They said some of their life stories, everyone has different experiences. Robert

To conclude this sub-theme of ‘Acknowledging the Past’, one participant spoke about recognising the past, but also emphasised the importance of living in the present:

The past is gone. The future? I live for today.Walter

Using the Past to Change

After becoming aware of the past in one’s present, the next step in instrumental reminiscence involves engaging actively with the past; using the past to change (Watt & Cappeliez, 2000). In fact, using the past in an instrumental fashion is what

distinguishes instrumental reminiscence from other types, such as of obsessive reminiscence, which involves ruminating about unresolved past events (Cappeliez et al., 2008; Webster & Haight, 1995).

Accordingly, ‘Using the Past to Change’ exemplified, in a progressive manner, various ways in which participants made use of the past within the groups. First, by revisiting how one coped in the past, followed by learning to talk about past challenges. Next, the benefits of sharing personal experiences from the past and listening to others’ life stories were discussed. Participants then carried on describing how learning about other people’s life experiences can lead to the formation of deeper relational

connections. To begin with, several participants described how they reviewed past accomplishments, particularly how they coped with difficulties in the past, and what they have learned from that. To illustrate:

When I was young I was really shy and I made a real effort to join groups and

socialise. I learnt that others are often just as shy, we are often scared of the

same things. Ann

Similarly, Thelma shared a memory of a challenging situation: leaving her home to come and live at the Retirement Village. She reflected on the negative thoughts and powerful emotions associated with the anticipation of the move, and how these eventually changed for the best:

My memory of the time when I made the decision to leave my home and go to Auckland [several] hours drive away will always be with me. I knew we couldn’t stay in our home. My thoughts were negative – I sought out all the

reasons I could find –not to go. I was rather sad, angry, very worried. I didn’t

think I would enjoy being with a group of elderly people I had not seen before. My husband was so distressed. [...] I became more positive and thought of the good things we could do, how much safer he was now. Thelma

A recurrent pattern in the data consisted in the difficulties associated with sharing personal experiences with other people in the past, principally difficult emotional experiences. ‘I used not to talk about hardship’ was a collective voice that emerged from the groups during the SEC, as well as from the written accounts. Again, it is likely that the historical context in which participants grew up determined, in part, what behaviour was deemed acceptable or not, according to the demands of that particular cohort (Knight, 2004; Knight & Lee, 2008).

To this end, Mary compared her years growing up with those of her [children]:

Girls in my era were given the message from all sides that it was essential to be “nice” and likeable. Certainly complaining was neither of these. You just suffered bravely with a pleasant smile if possible. When I was raising my own [children] I made sure they could argue, question, voice their disappointment, whatever as long as they did it calmly and in respectful, unemotional

language. When I started listening to what I was telling them I found it very liberating! Mary

Corresponding to the last quote, the SEC provided participants with a secure context to learn to talk about challenges. Participants and facilitators were together in a safe place, guided by explicit group rules including having respect for other members and their personal memories. This protected therapeutic climate and the normalising of emotional difficulties during the SEC may have contributed to the fact that many participants reflected on how their personal attitude towards talking about hardship had evolved during the course; for example:

Listening to others share their problems of the past helped for me to realise things that have happened in the past, could be different if someone would have said: let’s talk about it. Walter

Whereas in the previous quote Walter reflected on how things could be different if talking about problems had been more accessible in the past, another participant

expressed an increased awareness in the value of sharing personal thoughts and feelings with others, despite reticence in doing so:

[I have learned] that I am very reticent on private matters and cannot seem to

overcome this, whereas I realise that one gets a greater understanding of one’s

fellow human beings when they share very personal thoughts and feelings. Edith

As the course progressed, each shared some aspects of their personal experience from the past. All participants had the opportunity to do so at their own pace, with no pressure or coercion. People’s experiences ranged from emphasising the need to feel safe in that process;

I think most people will, bit by bit, reveal aspects of their past, but in their own time. Confidentiality is an important aspect of this process. Francis

To learning from sharing personal (and challenging) experiences;

We all have our problems, and by voicing them, it helps in many ways to find the solution which maybe has been hard to define. Walter

Through to discovering one’s ability to share and its impact on others:

I think people find me interesting but I don’t know why. Mable

In the next excerpt, one participant summarised his learning experience of reminiscing in the group setting. From compliance to self-understanding and insight, through to learning from others’ experiences, his progression was reportedly facilitated by the group context and leadership:

Isabelle I agreed to take part in the course because I believed it was the correct thing to do. I also guessed that it would end up causing me to do a lot of soul searching as inevitably was the case. During this course I have reviewed my life experiences, mistakes made, lessons learned whilst listening to the others and their trials, tribulations and the product for them of their experiences. As a result of your coaxing, insightful questioning and at times gentle urging I now have a better understanding of Social Loneliness and desired and available social relationships. Nigel

As pointed to in earlier quotes, the importance of feeling supported and respected in the group was frequently emphasised as crucial to the sharing of meaningful memories. Thelma explained how she benefited from this experience:

The group shows a great sense of compassion for each member. We have all become aware of the value of the experiences of our group. To share one’s innermost thoughts with strangers, when in a safe environment is a challenge

we all have experienced. We have all benefited – some of the group are very

wise we must feel we are able to benefit from their experiences. Thelma

In actual fact, it became obvious from the participants’ accounts that despite the clearly laid out goals of instrumental reminiscence (e.g., drawing coping skills from previous experiences), participants seemed to have learned in a much broader way than initially intended. For example, they talked about learning from processes such as sharing with others, having their memories validated, and belonging to a group. In effect, the group environment provides a feedback system (Leszcz, 1996; Payne & Marcus, 2008; Yalom & Leszcz, 2005) which can help to normalise the inherent challenges of life.

Many described how they learned from the interplay between listening to others share their life stories and sharing one’s own:

I have learnt that generally we all have had life experiences: good times and

bad times that affected us and our families. Robert

One participant expressed her admiration for the way another group member coped in the past:

I find [another member of the group] an interesting person; what happened to

[his/her] marriage. With [his/her] disabilities, I think [he/she]’s bloody

marvellous. Mable

Another explained how a particular story shared by a group member led him to learn about tolerance, perseverance, and problem-solving, as well as to adapt to life circumstances in a positive way:

[I have learned] the need for greater tolerance, to give things time to work themselves out, that if a thing is worthwhile work at it till you come up with a solution. A good example was the story of one participant’s experience when in the early days of her marriage her husband seemed to always arrive home from the office very late timing his arrival home with when their young family was fed and watered. She reorganised her lifestyle he no longer arrived home to a frazzled wife and a chaotic setting and lo and behold started to arrive home at a more reasonable time and started to share/participate in their family life. From that I have learned to think out how to adapt to the circumstances and seek a solution in a positive way. Nigel

While most participants found that listening to others in the group was a potent source of education and knowledge, one talked about the limitations of her group. She

described a somewhat different learning process, where exchanges within the group led her to generalise and learn from issues outside the group:

Ours has not been a big group to draw experiences from for one reason or

another. It has however been big enough to make one realise that attacks on one’s feeling of well-being can come from many different directions and I always find it amazing how the human spirit can rise to meet the challenges in most cases. It reminds me of scenes on television when a terrible natural disaster hits a country that perhaps we think of as being third world or

perhaps even that we’ve been taught to think of as being “the enemy”. The

response is no different to what would happen in our own country – people

putting their lives at risk, performing heroic deeds and certainly being unflagging in their search for members of their own family. Mary

Quite the opposite, for some, the group became not only a place to learn from, but to connect with others. Indeed, one participant compared his relationship with fellow group members to friendship:

Friendship is one of the greatest things in life: understand, conversation. Be able to pour forth things that you have forgotten. Walter

Another referred to a feeling of closeness with other fellow group members, specifically in the context of sharing personal life experiences:

Years ago I read one of Rudyard Kipling’s poems in which he wrote: “The

colonel’s lady and Judy O’Grady are sisters under the skin...” and I suddenly saw how true that is. I felt that sisterhood with my peers at that moment. Malvina

Malvina continued to describe how she learned from another member’s experience in an unexpected way... which led her to connect with herself, and the other, at a deeper level:

Personally speaking, I have to admit that one member of our group had, in the past, irritated me deeply. But when [she/he] opened up to us and detailed the trauma of [her/his] adolescent years, I could suddenly see what had caused me to discard [her/him] so unfairly, and all I wanted to do then was to throw my arms around [her/him] and kind of share [her/his] pain. I was so grateful to have learnt that I was truly lacking in the empathy I should have shown [her/him]. I don’t think I will be guilty of this flaw in my character again.

Malvina Social Comparison

It has been well-established that group reminiscence can help to create new relationships (Bohlmeijer et al., 2007; Kunz, 2007; Watt & Cappeliez, 2000). In effect, “sharing memories about past experiences with others helps people to discover

common ground” (Gibson, 2004, p. 28). The notion of normalising problems through sharing was discussed earlier in this theme. An additional mechanism of action that could account for change in participants was uncovered in the data. It appeared that participants found the process of comparing themselves (and their life stories) with others particularly useful, namely in (re-) discovering unique aspects of themselves. This distinctly persistent pattern was labelled ‘Social Comparison’ due to the clear sense of the participants putting others’ and their experiences side by side.

One participant reflected on the value of interpersonal differences, and on the

discoveries made from the group feedback, as well as from comparing her opinions to that of others:

We come to understand that everyone has a different view of situations and how