Theme 2c Struggle to step back into the light.

In this subordinate theme, the light represents hope and feeling able to break free from the feelings of hurt and distress that participants were experiencing. However,

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all participants talked about a complex set of factors, relating to feeling powerless, lack of control, loss of trust and feeling unprotected or let down by others which prevented them from leaving this “dark room”.

All participants felt a sense of powerlessness, which maintained a feeling of being trapped. For example, Chris talked about the overwhelming power that the bullies seemed to impose over her life:

"it felt like this massive weight had been put on our shoulders that she'd had this huge hold over us and everything that we did.”

(Chris, lines 392-394)

Furthermore, any attempt to take control through reporting the incidents could simply backfire and perpetuate the cyberbullying, which for Bailey resulted in an inability to defend herself:

"I can’t go to a teacher about this, I can’t even go to my parents because somehow it will all link back to me and those people will find out and it will just get worse”

(Bailey, lines 119-120)

The ability to be open with others also requires a degree of trust, which participants appeared to struggle with, thus maintaining the position of being in a “dark room”. Six of the seven participants reflected on their ability and willingness to trust others:

“I found it very difficult to trust people and be more cautious with what I would say or do, thinking if I was to say anything it would be turned against me”

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(Charlie, lines 243-244)

At times, participants suggested that their difficulties in trusting others, particularly teachers as Morgan describes, were based on their experiences of feeling unprotected and unsupported. This can, again, increase the struggle to leave the “dark room”.

"At first I was confused, it's their job to take care of us, to nurture us and to see that, it's kind of how dare you, you see somebody getting hurt and you do nothing”

(Morgan, lines 145-146)

2.5 DISCUSSION

2.5.1 Overview of findings

The aim of this research was to gain a more in-depth understanding of the

psychological distress young people experience as a result of being cyberbullied. The qualitative findings were interpreted in terms of two superordinate themes.

These themes were Transition of the self, which described changes in self-identity

over time and the potential for recovery, and Being “in a dark room”, which

reflected feelings of deep rooted psychological turmoil and an overwhelming sense of feeling trapped. It is acknowledged that these two themes interact with each other; self-perception changes with the experience of psychological distress.

80 2.5.1.1 Theme 1. Transition of the self.

Within the theme, Transition of the Self, young people’s initial attempts to make

sense of victimisation through self-blaming appears to be reflected within the literature (Rivituso, 2014). These findings demonstrate the tendency to internalise cyberbullying experiences across differing age groups. The current research also noted that as the cyberbullying continued, the victims’ sense of identity would start to ‘crack’ and become less stable and more fragile, which is evidenced through increasing self-doubt and decreasing self-confidence. These findings are reflected within a study by Cross, Piggin, Douglas and Vonkaenel-Flatt (2012) who found that 19% of children who had experienced cyberbullying had reduced confidence and self-esteem. However, the findings from the current research provide a more contextualised understanding of the impact of cyberbullying on the self. Whilst literature suggests that cyber-victimisation is associated with suicidal ideation and suicide attempts (Hinduja & Patchin, 2010), the current study adds further context to this in framing suicidal thoughts within an increasingly fragile sense of self.

Moreover, this research found that after cyber-victimisation, participants embarked on a journey towards development of resilience, which was associated with an increase in self-confidence and control. Tobias and Chapanar (2016) suggest that this resilience is built as the result of the experiences of cyber-victimisation; the

individual’s sense of self identity is re-evaluated, including their self-perceptions, self-esteem and self-efficacy (Tobias & Chapanar, 2016).

81 2.5.1.2 Theme 2. Being “in a dark room”.

This research also provides an in depth understanding of the psychological experiences of being a cyber-victim; with the “dark room” representing the psychological turmoil experienced by the participants. All young people in this research shared feeling trapped, as if there was no escape. These findings are in line with previous research by Rivituso (2014) who found a theme of depression as resulting from feelings of not being able to escape from the cyberbully. Given this, it is possible that the participants’ emotional experiences in the current study, such as feeling hurt, upset or depressed, may have also arisen from feelings of being trapped in the “dark room”.

This research emphasises the key mechanisms maintaining the feeling of being trapped in psychological turmoil, such as mistrust of others, feeling uncared for and unprotected by others. These mechanisms are also reflected in the literature as Rivituso (2014) also found a key theme of mistrust of others and technology and Public Health England (2017) found that 37.4% of children and young people did not feel that teachers cared about them. Developing distrust in others may serve as a protective mechanism against further hurt and rejection from others, therefore supporting self preservation and resilience (Johnstone et al. 2018).

This research also highlights the presence of anger and upset in participants who had been cyberbullied. This is in line with previous research that found cyber-

victimisation was associated with internalised and externalised displays of anger (Ak, Özdemir & Kuzucu, 2015). Furthermore, Patchin and Hinduja (2006) found that 39.8% of young people who had been cyberbullied felt angry and 27.4% felt sad. Given that six out of seven participants in this research expressed anger, it is

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possible that the anger expressed may act as a defence mechanism against the deep emotional pain and hurt.