TIP: SOLVE PROBLEMS WITH PEN AND PAPER

Use a pen and paper to briefly describe:

● The problem situation

● What you would like to accomplish

● Several alternative ways of handling the situation

● The advantages and disadvantages of each alternative

Choose the alternative that makes the most sense to you based on expe-rience. You may even want to develop a short script about the important points you want to bring up in an interaction. Planning in advance will free you to focus more on the other person when you are in the interaction.

Avoid the temptation to do your planning without pen and paper. Mental planning often just becomes part of the worry cycle.

TRAP: Avoid overplanning.

Although problem solving is very useful, some people spend too much time in the planning phase. An example would be spending eight hours working on a 20-minute presentation. Be sure to think through how much planning time is necessary; good planning is often done in a short period of time. Do not spend many hours planning for every possible catastrophe. This is just another type of worry.

Dealing with a Stressful Phone Call: Sara

Sara received a phone message at work. She planned to return the call promptly but was too nervous and let it fall to the bottom of her to do list. The following week, she received another message from the person asking her to call back. It was too late that day to return the call, but Sara worried that returning the call the next day would be even worse.

Would the caller be irate about her not calling back more promptly?

Would the caller present her with a difficult problem?

Rather than just worry about the situation, Sara decided to take a problem-solving approach. Here are the notes she made for herself:

What is the problem?

I don’t like making phone calls and I have been too slow in get-ting back to this person.

I’m not sure what she wants to talk about and I am worried that it is something I won’t be able to handle.

Now that I have waited so long before calling back, I am feeling guilty and worried about whether she will be angry with me.

Possible solutions:

I could ignore the call and hope that she gives up or decides to call someone else. If I do this, she might complain. I also won’t learn anything about handling difficult situations.

I could schedule a time to call her tomorrow before I get too involved in other work. I could apologize for my delay in calling her back. If she asks me something difficult I can make some notes and promise to get back to her later that day.

Phone script:

Hello. This is Sara Jimenez calling from RSVPizza. I received your message yesterday and realized that I hadn’t returned your ear-lier call. I would like to apologize for the delay in getting back to you.

We have been very busy and I have had trouble returning all my calls. [Wait for reply] How may I help you? [If difficult problem] I’ll need to check into that. Is there a convenient time when I could call you back after I do some checking?

Sara felt better just knowing that she had a plan to deal with the call. She would take care of this as soon as possible on the next business day. She put the planning notes and script in her purse so they would be handy as soon as she arrived at work.

Conque r ing Anx ious Thoug hts 8 7

When your anticipatory anxiety persists in spite of good planning, other strategies can be helpful, particularly facing your fear. (See Chap. 9.)

Healthy and Unhealthy Distraction

When you are anxious, distracting yourself (thinking about something else) can help manage the anxiety. But distraction can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on how you use it.

Here are some examples:

♦ Your heart is pounding and butterflies are fluttering in your stom-ach while you are in a meeting at work.

Healthy distraction: Rather than pay attention to the symptoms, you pay attention to what the other people are saying and take notes to help you follow up.

Unhealthy distraction: You start to daydream about the coming weekend and what you will be doing to relax. You miss a lot of the information discussed at the meeting.

♦ You have studied all day for tomorrow’s exam and are well pre-pared but still worried about how the exam will go.

Healthy distraction: You plan to take a break and see a movie rather than tire yourself out with more studying.

Unhealthy distraction: You study until 2 A.M., awake exhausted, and are less able to concentrate.

♦ You have been worrying about an upcoming meeting with your supervisor and feel nauseated.

Healthy distraction: You get out a piece of paper and spend 15 min-utes making notes covering the issues you’d like to discuss. You then move on to the rest of your work for the day.

Unhealthy distraction: You arrange to meet some friends at a bar. One drink becomes five, and you come to work the next day unprepared for the meeting and with a hangover to boot.

♦ You are on deadline for an assignment and don’t think you can get the work done in time.

8 8 Tr iumph O ver Shy ness

Healthy distraction: You have an hour before you leave for a meeting so you decide to review one of the background papers for the assignment.

Unhealthy distraction: You take a long coffee break before the meet-ing and put off the assignment until tomorrow.

Healthy distraction often involves focusing on an activity that will be helpful to you in the long run. Unhealthy distraction may involve activities such as working excessively, using alcohol, watching television, or sleeping.