Before I begin, I wanted to say Jazakam Allahu Khayran to all the brothers who have shared their stories on this topic. Just reading through the posts on this subject has helped me curb my problem a lot when I come face to face to it at certain times, but….I’m still addicted.
I’ll try to be vague but still get the point across inshaAllah so others can benefit from this post. And of course, keep myself anonymous for obvious reasons. But for the meanwhile, I’ll go by the name Ubaydullah. I am a Muslim male between the ages of
15-20 (the younger group of the addicts, not that it makes me the “better porn addict”
as it was stated before) and have been addicted since I was 11. Of course you can’t blame anyone but yourself for the addiction, but I wished my parents would have kept our computer in a public area at that time I developed my addiction instead of in a secluded portion of the house in our basement. I was going through puberty at that time period as well which caused a big problem.
The time I discovered porn, I remember that it was out of curiosity. I would be playing a game on a website or something and than an ad would come up and I would click on it. This led me to different portals I wish I hadn’t discovered.
Then came the drive to keep going at it. I would go to school (SubhanAllah, in the 5th/6th grade we would be talking about these things) and kids would be engrossed in discussions about sex, pornography, private parts, etc which would worsen my problem.
Oh you Muslim parents out there! Your child is not free of sin. When he goes to school, he learns more than he should (which is not a good thing here in reference to the topic). You must spend time with your children and when the time approaches, teach him/her about sex education through Islam’s teaching methods. Do not let the schools dictate this subject to your kid. I remember my parents talked to me about sex the first time was for maybe 10 minutes after my dad found out they were teaching us about it at Sunday School. Than when I turned 12, my parents asked me if the school talked to me about “sensitive issues.” Again, the only way I learned about sex was through school, kids, and sex ed (I HIGHLY recommend for brothers/sisters to completely throw this class out of your schedule if you have a
chance). Now back to my story.
It became a regular thing for me. I’d come home from school and just watch porn for maybe an hour everyday. Than as you get older, you start to masturbate as well.
That became a regular habit. Now, Alhamdullilah the porn habit is a little bit curbed….but I still battle with the problem of masturbation.
At this point I wanted to make a bulletin which worsens the situation. Allah (SWT) has blessed me to study Islam full-time in America. Studying Islam will not necessarily cure the problem, but it sure will help. Don’t EVER think huffadh and ulema don’t get addicted to this problem. It’s actually easier for them than us laymen.
My teacher used to give the example that the student of knowledge has 10 shayateen upon himself while the regular worshipper has only 1.
I realized that I have an addiction with is as equal to maybe smoking weed or some other type of substance abuse. I have made dependability upon that thing and must stop for I will have to stand in front of Allah and will have to account for my disgusting
habit in one hand while doing this pure act of studying my deen in the other. I remember that at a time, I wanted to talk to a brother about my problem. So I told him and he couldn’t help me in any regard. That REALLY hurt me. I just told my deepest, darkest secret and you can’t give me any advice?! Than I told someone else, a close friend of mine. AlHamdulillah, may Allah (SWT) increase him in his knowledge and life. He was truly a solace and hope for me. He would sort of guide me through the way. I also called the Muslim Youth Helpline – http://www.ajyal.ca/ in Canada. (MuslimMatters posted on this a bit ago). MashaAllah, just being able to talk and get help for this problem was a relief for me….at the same time remaining anonymous. May Allah (SWT) increase their benefits for the Muslim Ummah. Ameen My real problem is not pornography now, its masturbation..like i mentioned above.
(Porn still plays a role in my life today, unfortunetly). I wish I could get married tomorrow to cure the problem. But than again, due to age and money factors its not happening. And I can’t come to my parents and say, “Mom, dad, can I get married so I can stop masturbating and watching porn?” So what do I do? What the Prophet (SAW) said. Fast. Yea, sure, it’s the summer months, the days are long and the nights are short. But, do you really have a choice? You have to do it for the sake of Allah. I know brothers that want to curb their sexual appetite with fasting but can’t go on w/ for more than 3-4 days. Who said you have to fast everyday? Do it every other day. If not that than every Monday and Thursday. (Don’t set your standards lower than that).
Continued….
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Amad
June 1, 2008salam Br. Ubaydullah. That was mashallah quite an obviously sincere comment.
To be honest, I think you have done well to get yourself off the porn. Because that obviously is a big factor in the masturbation problem. Try to think of triggers that lead to your desire for masturbation. What is it that you do, hear or see that makes you
want to do this? Lowering the gaze, which I know is very hard in this society, can be quite effective because usually visual stimulation is it for men.
I don’t mean to make minimize this, but if your only problem is masturbation, then inshallah you will get over it sooner or later. You will get sick of it, its a phase that many go through. Especially since you are studying Allah’s religion full-time, it is only a matter of time before you get over it.
With your parents, this is one of the issue of the communication gap. It is so difficult to talk about such topics to one’s parents. If your parents use email, that is one way of communicating without facing them. Tell them that you want to marry to save yourself from sexual sins. You don’t have to be explicit. If your parents are concerned enough about your akhira to send you to full-time Islamic studies, as they are, then they will understand this issue too.
Read this article too:
Constant Sins & Repentance: Pearls from the Sunnah
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