So, let us take a look at the first of our useful icebreakers.
This first one is the most useful and quite possibly one of the simplest of them all – it is the self-introduction. Let us take a look at the awesome simplicity it
involves – it is not like it’s the first time you have done this – you have been
doing this all your life and your parents taught you how to do it at a young age. You pick yourself up, you get next to
your listener and simply say: “Hello, I’m John Smith and I’m a friend of your
husband and so on.” Now here’s the secret:
Confidence is key – do not worry about seeming over-confident (just don’t be
cocky either). You don’t want to mumble around and speak like: “Ahmm… I’m
John Smith…err….I’m a friend of..your husband… It is a real pleasure to meet you,” – this will get you a result, but you won’t like it as it will not be the best: the listener will feel as awkward as you, and that creates a lot of tension that
reinforces the ice, making it difficult for it to break later on.
Always remember that by appearing shy, nervous and insecure – you are “shooting yourself on the foot.”
Great samurai warriors say that you have to swing with the intention of killing – that goes for this too: be confident, do not mumble around, but instead go in for the kill. You have got value to present
excited and they start thinking their life is going to be better now that they met you. If you think the person or group you are approaching will value it, start up with a compliment like: “Hey, you look like
cool enough guys, most of the people
here aren’t nearly as fun, can I join you? My name is John Smith and I’m so-
on…”
This works in all kinds of places like meetings, conventions, airplanes, bars and even funerals—in every conceivable place. Why does it always work? What makes it so infallible?
You are bringing a kind of attitude that tells people you are worth talking to and that they are not going to feel strange or awkward around you – they can only improve by the value you bring to the conversation. This will calm their fears down and help you get the ice broken later on.
Your enthusiasm, your confidence, your smile, your posture – you are telling
people via sub-communication that their days are going to get better now that they know you and are talking to you”. Go out and practice, you are going to enjoy it,
and it is a really good way to jump-start a conversation and make new friends.
Useful Icebreaker Number 2:
Be hilarious (don’t be ridiculous though, careful – don’t force it).
My next tip is about starting a
conversation and using humor to do it. Humor is a nice option because it breaks the ice and starts up the conversation
with your new listener all at the same time. It really does lots of different
things, because it makes you look self- confident while it makes others enjoy
themselves. It is a great icebreaker and is really powerful amidst human beings.
A good property about humor is that it diminishes anxiety and nervousness. When you or your listener are feeling a bit on the stiff side, a good joke is one of the surest ways to eliminate this
nervousness and to regain calmness and relaxation.
If you get to your listener up-front using humor, this shows you are a calm person and that they will have a good time if
they keep on talking to you. You are
offering value to them, and this is one of the best ways to start.
Now, let us look at an example of what a humorous entry looks like:
You’re in a bar, and you are sipping a cold drink after a hard day of work. Meanwhile, the barman closes on you and accidentally trips on the mat,
dropping a plate with beverages and
breaking the glasses and spreading all the peanuts over the floor.
You can look to the guy sitting next to you at the counter, smile to him and say: “Unleash the Elephants!”
People who know that elephants love
peanuts – and that think that the idea of a horde of uncontrolled beasts roaming the bar is funny – would find the scene
attractive, because it turns an awkward and embarrassing moment into
something people will laugh with. A few pointers about humor now:
Do not try to force humor out if you are uncomfortable or nervous, this will
backfire on you – and they will feel bad as well. Let me give you a leg up: Funny conversation starters are great when you are confident, but they will not work if you are insecure or nervous. The more
you practice the more likely you will be in the mood for joking.
Warning sign: Don’t try to make
humorous remarks about somebody – it may be innocent and well intentioned for you, but they may take it as an offense if you have not interacted with them
enough and shown you are a playful person. You can do this to probe how
strong or weak your listener’s ego is, but prepare to suffer the consequences.
Be especially careful about your remarks when you are dealing with someone that appears to lack self-confidence, as self- esteem problems make this kind of
Useful Icebreaker Number 3: Situational Conversation
Another useful icebreaker is what I like to call the situational conversation
icebreaker.
What is this about? It is when you drop a remark regarding something that is
currently happening or present in the
situation. Complimenting people on their clothes, shoes, ties, scarves and so on is an example of situational conversation. This is something that can work
wonders: If you have a nice piece of clothing you will probably be proud if someone compliments it - so, if you
flatter them, they feel more valuable
around you and will want to talk to you more (they will think you add value to them).
Well, I avoid this one for two main reasons. First of all, this is one of the most used ice breakers, so people have said that and done that – and if not, well it is pretty obvious and shows that you are not being very creative. Make an effort and strive to be different!
Another factor that strays me away from this path is the way people can think of it – they can get the feeling you are just
“breaking ice” and that you could not
care less about where that pretty looking blue tie came from. So, this may cause a negative impact – it is kind of a double-
But it is ok if you do this, everybody
does it, but my preference rests with not doing this, I like to make my ice breakers feel genuine and this actually pays off. If I really like a piece of clothing the
listener is wearing, I’ll ask where they bought it, but if I do not like it – I will not ask, simple as that.
There are many more interesting
situational conversation starts that feel much more amazing and original. The last useful ice breaker was a better one, because humor is a great conversation starter that happens to be a situational opener all in one.
Why is that?
Well, simply because you took something that happened in that moment and made a
remark about it. That really works and you should keep this in mind.
If you are in a nightclub and at the
middle of the night there is a blackout and everything gets quiet – you have the chance to turn to the person next to you and say “What happened now? Maybe they didn’t pay the electricity
bill!” (Even if it is that amazing girl you have been looking at the whole night) – Perfect conversation starter.
You successfully started it because the content was fresh and you shared a
mutual experience.
There are literally thousands of ways you can practice this. For example, when you are waiting for something and a kid
knows them all eh? Kids these days…” – The content and context isn’t very
important now, what matters is that you are sharing an experience you both went through, and that creates empathy
making it easier to talk to that person after this.
It is great as an icebreaker and if you want to get to know the other person a little better.
So, as you are walking around this big world, start to notice the little details and all of the things that happen around you – you can practice your social skills by
making a comment about them if you see anybody else who was noticing those
happen too. Give it a try and you will probably get amazed with the results.
Congratulations, you made a new
acquaintance and you’re starting to get the hang of this!
Useful Icebreaker Number 4: Getting Help
This is a method you have used before; you ask someone for their help.
Everyone has experienced this method already. If you ask a stranger for a light or for him to tell you the time, then you are asking for help – and people are
usually friendly in this case. They will try to help if they can. I, personally, have
gotten into great warm conversations by simply asking people for their assistance – I got a few friends that way, right on
Time and time again, the tip is to keep it fresh – make sure you aren’t asking just for asking and that you actually need
their help. Do not resort to asking just to have something to talk about; do not
make the listener’s lose their time with you this way – they value time and you should too.
So, by now you see that starting a
conversation with someone is actually easy. Do not force it; if you want to meet them, just say hi and introduce yourself – or put some situational conversation in use.
Decide as you go. The rule is to avoid depending on help if you have other options available. If not, then go for it, but don’t force it, and act natural.
Just an additional remark, and this is true for all useful ice breakers, but
particularly true for ice breakers via help request. A normal conversation focuses on several topics that follow a random path. This happens because of the linked thinking stream that makes an idea spark up from another completely unrelated
idea. So, be ready to jump around
chaotically as this is the way it should be. A little bad tip: Instantly kill a
conversation and get it to a whole lot of awkward level by staying on the same topic time and time again.
Why does this happen? Why is this such a huge turnoff?
progresses in the same topic,
awkwardness grows and boredom builds up. Keep the natural order of jumping around in topics, no matter how you started the conversation.
Finally, do not forget that until your
listener warms up, you have to carry the weight of the conversation respecting the 90% or 100% rules – you are the one that provides the content. Your listener will thank you by contributing his own
content once he warms up.
Pro-tip: Get as many conversation topics around in the start, because that is the
path that it will follow any way. (It is also useful to build up wide rapport, but more on that later)
If you respect the normal path of
you and they will contribute with
content. If you keep your “mono-topic” conversation, well, people might think you are an expert at it first, but they will get frustrated and decide you are too
boring. Avoid doing this, or you may lose a valuable connection.
Useful Icebreaker 5: Challenging
This useful icebreaker is one of my favorites. By using this tactic, you
already tossed the topic on the table, and you have got the potential of being able to keep talking about it.
I call this the challenging useful
icebreaker, not because it is challenging, but because it challenges the listener –
you have to ask a question that your target can not help but respond to.
When I was a teen, my girlfriend got me a bouquet of flowers – well, I was
overjoyed, but I could not tell what it meant.
Well, I was thinking on the meaning
another day and there were some people around, so I picked myself up and asked to know if they knew what a girl giving you flowers meant. I proceeded to tell the story, and before I knew it, I sunk in the middle of an awesome conversation with them– one of the most fascinating
conversations I was ever in.
Well, the key factor to a good challenge is the question, the situation – what you ask has to be challenging, yes, but it has to be engaging too.
The better the question, the more
fascinating the story, the more they want to contribute with content.
And it is actually quite simple and straight forward to have one of these
intrigue based conversation starters. Just think about your own life. Think about some of the unusual things that have happened in your life, or the amusing things that have happened in your life, and you can create one out of those. It is always interesting to get other peoples’ opinions on things like that so it is useful for starting the conversation and to get feedback on a topic that was actually intriguing you.
This is where I raise another warning sign: As I said previously, normal
different topics – that is natural. Well, with this kind of icebreaker your
audience will feel compelled to keep to that topic – you must avoid this and get the conversation to follow its natural way. Changing the natural rhythm of conversation is never a good thing.
It is ok if you are enjoying a particular flow of conversation, and we will talk about this later, but right now let us see how to easily break the ice.
So, how do you break the ice?
Ultimate Advice: Keep on conversing!
Always keep in mind the ultimate advice I just gave you – have fun and keep
talking. Until you get the ice walls down, your listeners are still cold and getting
warmed up, so they will not contribute like we discussed earlier.
If you don’t do this and simply shut up or stop providing fresh content – then they will feel compelled to stop the
conversation there.
So, keep on talking and carry them there till their brain catches up to you and they get in on the actual conversation.
Add a little of your own value. You have to, besides keeping the
conversation, add value to it – Value is the best equity on a conversation and its value is priceless. If people are both
contributing, it ends up being an amazing conversation. If only one person is
mediocre – and one of the entities involved will get out quickly.
In this section, let us go over some of the concepts that will help you out in making a great conversation by adding value to it to keep your listeners engaged.
Keep this in mind: Do not struggle to add value. If your listener wants to add value himself, then let him do it – that is the point anyways!
Now in this section, we are going to look at a few ideas or concepts that will help you to really run the conversation and add value to it in a natural way.
Do not get me wrong, but you don’t have to be the beacon, the cornerstone and the pillar of the conversation. You need a lot of maturity to step back and let someone
else add value and control the
conversation for a bit, so do this from time to time and people will notice – I guarantee that.
Don’t be the class’s clown and dance for a coin – this means that you shouldn’t entertain others by trying too hard,
because this way they will never see your true self.
I have a friend that happens to be an
awesome illusionist. When he is feeling shy or when he meets new people, he starts performing magic tricks to add value. Well, here is the problem – once he does one people start going around saying “Wow, that was simply amazing. Do another! Do another! C’mon, another one! Just one!”
So, he does another, and where is the conversation in the middle of all that? What’s he getting out of the
conversation? Where is the value he is supposed to get?
He became an attraction, a clown, a
dancing monkey – that sucks. Do not go there and don’t do that. Try to add value in some different ways.
A rule to take with you in the bag: if you entertain someone, do it because you like it. When it is not funny anymore for you, simply stop it. You are not their servant and people will understand that even if they seem disappointed at first.
Do not be an entertainer and their
personal clown whose only purpose is to give out value to others, that’s really
another trick, make them work for it. Give and take is what conversations are all about. Don’t just give; don’t just take.