VICTORIA A. HARRISON

Bowen family systems theory aff ords a new view of learning in both clinical and classroom settings. Bowen considered relationship reactions to be part of human evolution and part of the best and worst of human functioning. Before learning to talk, read, or write, infants are learning relationships, adapting to the family, and developing patterns of reacting and relating that fi t within the family relationship system. Most of this learning occurs automatically, with-out awareness or planning, in the context of family relationships. In addition to relationship-based patterns, humans have an ability to think independently in the face of relationship reactions, to use the brain in new ways, to see reac-tions and change them, and to think for self. Th e capacity to develop and maintain one’s own intellectual activity, somewhat separate from relation-ships that shape the brain, varies among individuals. Bowen (1978) called this variation in the counterbalance between emotional reactivity and intellectual activity diff erentiation of self. Th e scale of diff erentiation of self, as defi ned in Bowen’s writings, addresses the variation in functioning among people that is associated with more or less emotional fusion between family members and with corresponding degrees of fusion between thinking and reacting in the human population.

How a person participates in an educational process is an outcome of his or her level of diff erentiation of self. Teachers and students with lower levels of diff erentiation of self invest more energy into relationships and react more to stress or anxiety arising from relationships in the family and in the edu-cational setting. Th ose at higher levels are better able to think for themselves and engage the thinking of others in a wider range of circumstances. Bowen illustrated diff erences in levels of diff erentiation in one of his teaching tapes.

A teacher describes one of her students: “He is just a little brain. All he wants to do is learn” (Bowen, 1970).

In “An Odyssey Toward Science,” the epilogue to Family Evaluation (1988) by Kerr, Bowen distinguishes diff erent ways people “hear” natural systems theory. Th e distinctions apply to learning other material as well:

Th e ability of people to “hear” is based more on the quality of early childhood relationships than in some vague chemical or genetic imbal-ance. … It is harmonious with the concepts of “diff erentiation of self”

and “societal regression.” In any audience, lay or professional, there is a small percentage that either “hears” the presenter or asks pertinent questions. A much larger mid-scale group “hears” part of the presenta-tion and is motivated to hear more. Th ey hear best through what oth-ers think rather than from within themselves. Th ey can slowly learn to think for themselves rather than depend on others. Th e other percent-age is the most fi xed. Th ey are prisoners of the emotional system and teaching is slow and diffi cult. Th ey hear very little and tend to be criti-cal of the presenter, go to sleep, or otherwise absent themselves. … Most people can become fl exible in their ability to “hear.” It merely requires longer for the more fi xed people. Th e ability to “hear” does not appear to be signifi cantly infl uenced by social class or formal education.… . Th e presenter who assumes that all people are the same operates with a mis-assumption. (Kerr & Bowen, 1988, p. 349)

Th e basis for applying this knowledge is the practice of diff erentiation of self. Bowen’s original papers, collected in Family Th erapy in Clinical Practice (Bowen, 1978), best describe the many elements of working on diff erentia-tion of self (Pemberton, 2006). Th e process includes experiences that promote new learning: becoming a better observer of reactivity in self and in the fam-ily system; containing and managing one’s own reactivity; defi ning operat-ing principles for self in every area of life; actoperat-ing on principles in the face of automatic reactions; and working to become more objective and thoughtful in relation to others and more responsible in one’s own life. Steps toward dif-ferentiation include making and maintaining contact with every living family member, increasing factual knowledge about one’s family and family history, being present at intense and anxious times in the family, and actively interact-ing with family to develop relationships in which thinkinteract-ing is engaged. Th e live learning in this process allows people to develop the ability to learn what they do not already know and almost always involves an element of surprise, if not awe. Th is chapter describes the author’s observations about the live learning that occurs through work on diff erentiation of self in her own family, clini-cal practice, and educational settings and research that integrates knowledge from the sciences.

Live Learning: Diff erentiation of Self in One’s Own Family

Th e author’s family involved facts and factors that shaped her brain toward assuming responsibility for others and taking charge of a situation. Her mother developed type 1 brittle diabetes when the author was about 2 years old at a particularly challenging time in her family. In 1947, diabetes was quite diffi cult

to manage, but the 23-year-old wife and mother adopted every medical direc-tion and maintained tight control over her blood sugar. Th is left her vulnerable to frequent insulin reactions, which were equally dangerous and frightening.

Th e young husband took the lion’s share of responsibility for helping her, but he also traveled a great deal for work. He would recognize the onset of an insulin reaction and provided the orange juice or another source of sugar to prevent seizurelike attacks. Even as a 4-year-old, the daughter tried to look aft er her mother. Th roughout childhood and adolescence, the daughter came home from school to check on her mother and oft en was the one to minister to her mother during an insulin reaction. Th e young wife and mother could not recognize the signs of low blood sugar, which could quickly become an emergency. She relied on her husband and daughter and other family members for their help.

By age 22, the author had borne a daughter, married and divorced, gradu-ated college with honors, and cut off from her family. She experienced many physical and psychiatric symptoms but avoided doctors and psychiatrists, throwing herself into work and “changing the world.” Th e habits of reacting that had been established in her family proved an advantage in the fi eld of crisis intervention, where she fi rst worked, but also involved a sustained level of nervous system activity that triggered her own symptoms and a style of leadership that oft en found her at odds with authority.

Th e author met Bowen in 1975 and began coaching and participating in the Postgraduate Program at the Georgetown Family Center. She began to visit her parents and extended family every 3 months. Her mother’s complicated health problems would worsen around each visit, and the author became determined to understand the part her mother played played in her increased anxiety. She recognized the automatic sense of anxious responsibility for her mother that arose during each visit. One of her fi rst memorable experiences of live learning was fi guring out whether her mother could recognize the onset of a low-blood-sugar reaction and take steps to deal with it herself. Th e author made a plan to wait 2 or 3 minutes when her mother showed signs of low blood sugar and see whether her mother could see those signs as well. When the author noticed such symptoms, she watched the kitchen clock and, instead of pouring a glass of juice for her mother, asked, “Mother, I know you don’t know when you are going to have a reaction … but what do you think other people notice? What are the signs?” With slightly slurred speech, her mother said,

“Well, people say that I start to talk really slow and space out a bit. I slur my words. And … (a long pause) … my tongue feels thick to me.” Th at was about all of the experiment the author could tolerate. She said, “Mother, I think you may be having a reaction now. Do you want me to get your juice?” Her mother replied, “Please.” And she did.

Th is was a small fi rst step for the author in developing an awareness of the part that her own take-charge reactions played in sustaining an anxious dependence that operated in family triangles. As her mother began to take

more responsibility (a) for recognizing her own blood sugar levels, and (b) for getting her own orange juice or food, the author’s family reacted as though this was dangerous or irresponsible. Over time, the author was able to begin to learn the diff erence between telling others what to do and simply working on her own anxious reactions. She could see how quickly she became critical of others and had numerous opportunities to understand better the eff orts others made to be helpful. Now, almost 30 years aft er the initial live learning, there are times when the author’s mother, who is a lovely and capable 86-year-old woman, can recognize her own situation and take care of it and there are times when she cannot. She and her 88-year-old husband work together as a remarkable team, each relying on the other to be factual and knowledgeable about medical procedures and blood sugar levels. Th ere is more fl exibility in their appreciation of both independence and the necessity of help. A touching experience occurred a few years ago when the author joined her parents for a college football weekend. Her mother was tardy leaving the motel room, and her father was rushing her mother along. Th e author managed her tendency to take charge of the problem and trailed behind, listening to the conversation between her parents. Her father was worried: “Please, won’t you just drink some juice now, so when we are late to lunch you will be OK?” Her mother responded, “I don’t need any now.” Th ere were several rounds of this, and then her mother stopped and said, “OK. I’ll drink some now for you.” Her dad was obviously relieved and said, “I believe I will have some too.” Th ey laughed. It was a chance to see unexpected fl exibility in the face of anxiety.

Th ese and many other such opportunities in the family are central to the ability to suspend one’s subjective assumptions, expand one’s view of reactiv-ity in the system and one’s own anxious reactions, and formulate operating principles to apply in clinical practice, in teaching, or for live learning in other areas of life. Experiences of learning in one’s own family such as these raise questions for research. What changes in the biology and behavior of family members accompany thinking for self and increased responsibility for self by any one family member? How does live learning in one’s family transfer to other areas of life (Harrison, 2005, 2006)?

Steps Toward Diff erentiation of Self as the Basis for Learning: Clinical Example

Th e author served as the therapist for a small psychiatry department at a community hospital at which she inherited a few chronic patients from the previous therapist. One of these people was a 30-year-old man with multiple disabilities. Bob Harris was legally blind from birth, was seriously obese, and was considered mildly retarded. He had never learned to read. He behaved badly in public and became easily frustrated and agitated. Bob had a certain charm, however, and had married a woman with multiple sclerosis. Th ey lived together in an apartment provided by social services. Neither he nor his wife

worked, and they lived on disability payments. Mr. Harris had little contact with his three sisters or his parents, all of whom lived in town. He and his wife had Sunday dinner with his wife’s mother on a regular basis.

Mr. Harris had been a patient at the community hospital for several years and was accustomed to meeting with a therapist once a week. He would rou-tinely talk about his masturbation fantasies and complain about his wife.

When the author became his therapist, she said that she would meet with him once a week, but she would not talk about sex or masturbation fantasies. He reluctantly agreed. Th e author remembered Bowen’s examples of how much it is possible to learn from those who represent the more extreme versions of human problems. She prepared for each session with a multitude of who, what, where, when, and how questions about the Harris family. She practiced a few other principles in her work: she would work on developing genuine interest in this man and in his best thinking about life from the unique vantage point nature provided him. Within 6 months, Mr. Harris had reestablished contact with his older sisters. Th ey began to include him in visits to their parents.

Th e author will never forget the session, almost 9 months into their meetings, when Mr. Harris reported, “My father has lung problems. He must use oxygen now all of the time.” He went on to say, with pride, “Dad wants me to carry his oxygen tank and go with him so he can visit his family and his friends.

I’ve never spent so much time with my father.” And he added, “You know, I can understand how disappointed my father must have been with me as his only son. He could not stand to be around me. … But now, he wants me to be around, and I think that he is proud of me.”

Th e changes that Mr. Harris brought about for himself in his family were a prelude to unexpected decisions related to reading and learning. He began to walk to the local library to listen to reading programs for children. An elderly retired librarian took an interest in him. She arranged for him to be fi tted with very strong reading glasses and began to teach him to read. Mr. Harris began to bring large-print children’s books to his sessions and read them aloud. He graduated quickly to large-print adult literature.

It was at this point that his wife joined him for therapy sessions. Mrs. Harris was anxious that her husband had become too independent and would “fi nd another woman.” Mr. and Mrs. Harris began to meet together and discuss the kinds of changes they might foresee in their life together. It was useful for Mrs. Harris to hear her husband talk about how he was functioning in his own family. She began to contact her siblings and extended family, who lived in Pennsylvania. During the 3rd year of therapy, Mr. Harris’s father died. Mr. Harris served as one of his father’s pallbearers and was included as a responsible and respected member of his family at the funeral and fam-ily gatherings. Aft er this death, Mr. Harris and his wife established a plan to relocate to Pennsylvania, where they had found housing for handicapped people within walking distance of the zoo, a library, churches, and other

community resources. Mrs. Harris’s brother and his family also lived there.

It took another year and persistence to overcome administrative hurdles, but Mr. and Mrs. Harris accomplished this move. Th ey maintained contact for a time before Mr. Harris began to talk with a therapist in his new hometown.

It is not clear who learned the most in this clinical example, Mr. Harris or the author. Th e steps that Mr. Harris took in his own family were on his own initiative. Th e author simply focused her thinking on factual questions about family and worked toward neutrality and genuine interest in his thinking. Her respect for him and for his family grew.

Th is clinical experience raised/raises fascinating questions. What is the nature of diff erentiation of self? Is it a faculty or quality that operates inde-pendently of intelligence or of sensory capacity? In what way does establishing personal relationships with one’s family and becoming an important, respon-sible family member have an impact on the ability to learn? What changes in the brain, in biology, and in behavior accompany such work on diff erentiation of self?

Relationships and Diff erentiation of Self in Classroom Education

Classroom education provides numerous opportunities for the live learning of work on diff erentiation of self. Th e author’s observations are based primar-ily on teaching adults in the context of postgraduate programs at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family in Washington, DC; in educational pro-grams at the Center for the Study of Natural Systems and the Family in Texas;

and at conferences and programs throughout the country. Bowen theory both provides the content and guides the process of education in these introductory and advanced levels of learning.

Th e level of diff erentiation of self that develops in the family emotional system aff ects learning and teaching in adult life. Teacher and student bring their levels of diff erentiation to the classroom. Behavior and process in the classroom provide clues to ordinary and innocent relationship reactions that play out there. One can observe variation in the investment of energy into relationships, in reactivity to relationships, and in the exercise of inde-pendent intellectual activity. Th e predictable uncertainty of where to sit, for example, activates varied reactions. One student walks into the classroom and looks for someone to ask where to sit; another takes a seat in front;

another drags a chair to the back of the room to sit separate from the group;

another takes off her shoes and stretches her legs, unaware that she is block-ing the row.

Teachers may observe their own anxiety reactions and the impact of those reactions on the learning of others. Relationship triangles operate in- and out-side the classroom between teachers and students. A teacher who is unsure of self may engage reassuring eye contact and favor students who defer to his or her expert opinion. An anxious teacher may come across as critical in her or

his eff ort to distinguish one set of ideas from another. Students may speak critically of a teacher with each other or with other teachers. It is a challenge to elevate this predictable emotional process to the level of live thinking and thinking for self.

It is necessary not only to talk about the process of diff erentiation of self but also to practice it in the classroom. Diff erentiating of self in the classroom involves thinking through principles and operating principles about the myr-iad details around curriculum, methods, and relationships in ways that are

It is necessary not only to talk about the process of diff erentiation of self but also to practice it in the classroom. Diff erentiating of self in the classroom involves thinking through principles and operating principles about the myr-iad details around curriculum, methods, and relationships in ways that are