A Volvo full of reviews=update

And now, on with the show!

BPOV.

After our escapades from earlier – particularly dirty talking Edward and crazy boob job Bella – we had both been too tired to do anything but settle in for a nap. Edward had put an alarm on his Blackberry to wake us up before dinner.

For modesties sake, he had struggled back into his boxers; though he had also struggled out of his black t-shirt, so I could wear it.

Something about; and I quote, "marking his territory".

I'd suggested he pee on me and get that shit over with, and he'd responded that he was very tired right that second, but that he'd give it a shot when we woke up.

I couldn't fall in love with the boring, timid guys – I had to fall in love with the glib motherfucker.

It was close to 6pm now, and I was analyzing Edward's sleeping habits in a way only a psycho stalker chick could. What I had found so far was encouraging.

When we had first curled up under the covers, around two and a half hours ago, Edward had pulled me into him so that he was spooning me, my entire body curled up in the space between his neck and his hips.

His head had been buried so far in my hair that I was worried he'd asphyxiate, but he'd simply chuckled sleepily and told me it would be my fault for using such fantastic smelling strawberry shampoo.

I'd called him Mr. Super-Nose in response.

One of his hands had been curled around the inside of my hip, and the other hand had been pressed firmly across my breasts. I'd called him on it when he "innocently" fondled me, and he'd told me he was simply protecting his new favorite assets.

Men.

I'd woken up twenty minutes before his alarm was set, and our positions had been entirely different. I was flat on my back, my legs open wide. Edward had somehow managed to utterly disregard three quarters of the bed, instead preferring to take up residence on top of me.

He had shifted down the mattress, twisting the sheets around us, so his head was pillowed on the bare skin of my stomach, where my (well, his) t-shirt had ridden up. One of his hands was above his head and flat between my breasts, over my heartbeat. The other was curled under my left thigh, propping it up so it was over his shoulder.

That was encouraging, right? In his subconscious this man had made sure he was on top of me and that I was around him like wrapping paper.

As soon as I woke up, my hands, which had previously been buried under the pillow, came down to start playing with the bronze head of hair on my stomach. I curled the longer parts around my fingers, rubbed lightly at his scalp, ran my fingers through it from the front, so it smooth out, then from the back, so it stood on end.

I listened to Edward's even breathing as I worked, relishing that I could fulfill my fascination of touching his beautiful, unusual hair without him knowing about it. He probably thought I was enough of a crazy-woman as it was.

When it was a couple of minutes before his alarm was set to go off, I heard my phone faintly buzzing from the pocket of my sweater dress. As stealthily as possible, I tried to wheedle my way out from under Edward, but the more I struggled the heavier he seemed to become.

Finally the phone stopped ringing, but knowing he would have to wake up anyway, I whispered, "Edward?"

"Yes, love?" He answered immediately, his voice holding no traces of drowsiness. The bastard hadn't been asleep at all. He had just lain there, letting me first stroke his hair, then struggle with his weight.

"Time to get up, you faker." I told him, miffed.

Edward raised his head his head so his chin was resting on my stomach and smiled at me.

"Hardly that," he disagreed. "It's just that I could barely be bothered considering maybe to think about perhaps letting you know I was awake when you touched me like you just were, let alone putting theory into practice."

In the time it took me to process his convoluted sentence, he had already begun placing wet kisses over my stomach, his big hands rubbing the insides of my thighs right below the junction.

"Unnn." Was all I could say in response, which I'm fairly certain was his nefarious plan.

Edward's alarm went off, and for whatever unknown reason, he had picked Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo by the Blood Hound Gang. So while he began lapping his tongue over

my belly button like a cat drinking from a bowl of milk, and rubbing his hands over the insides of my thighs like a maid smoothing out expensive hotel sheets, we were listening to about forty different innuendos for sexual intercourse.

His tongue trailed up, pushing more of my t-shirt up, so that he was licking the skin between my breasts, no doubt feeling my heart hammering against my rib cage. His hips came out so they were on the outside of mine, giving him more balance and letting me feel his cock waking up against my stomach.

I growled when I heard my phone ringing again, but I couldn't form the willpower to push Edward off me. Somehow he managed to tickle me a little with the tip of his tongue, and I squirmed and automatically brought my hands up against his shoulders. Without raising his head, as he moved closer to my left nipple, Edward grabbed both my hands in his, twining our fingers together, and pinned them above my head.

I guess the whole; pushing-him-off-to-answer-the-phone plan would have been pointless then, anyways. I couldn't actually work up the motivation to care, because suddenly that delightful tongue that had been circling my nipple came right over it. He flicked the hard bud back and forth with the tip of his tongue, and I arched into his mouth. Edward moaned as he suckled on my offering, causing me to sigh at the wet suction and the vibration in his throat.

"Edward..." I sighed, struggling with his hands, which were still twined with mine. He allowed me to have one free, and he used his free hand to twist and tug at my right, neglected, nipple, while I plunged mine into his hair and started scratching my fingernails along his scalp.

Edward's hips squeezed around my waist in pleasure at my touch, and he started thrusting down onto my stomach for friction, already incredibly hard despite the two orgasms in the past eight hours.

Just when Edward was about to switch his services to my right breast, there was a polite wrap on the door.

"Edward, dear?" I heard Esme's amused voice filterer into the room, sounding as if she knew exactly what she was interrupting.

Edward groaned against my breasts, which I really wished he wouldn't, because it felt good no matter how unintentional it was.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, my mother, the cock-blocker." Edward muttered against my skin, reluctantly pushing himself up so he was kneeling over me.

"Yes, Mom?" Edward called, eyes fixed on the wet shine of my left breast and fire in his green eyes.

"I brought your overnight bags out of the car; I'll leave them just outside the door. Also, I got a call about your surprise for Bella and me – apparently the deliveryman didn't realize it was a secret, and told me it would be arriving in about ten minutes. "

"Figures." He rolled his eyes for my benefit, swinging his leg around so he was kneeling next to me, not over me. Louder, he called, "thank you, Mom. We'll change and come down before it gets here."

"Take your time, honey." Esme called back, "At least it's not the front seat of the Volvo."

I cracked up as we listened to Esme's retreating footsteps, but when Edward leant over and playfully pinched my nipple, I shut up pretty quickly.

"Cheater." I poked my tongue out at him like a five year old.

"Thanks for the invitation." And next second Edward was closing his mouth over my stuck out tongue.

I enjoyed his tongue wrapping around mine for a minute, but when I felt him automatically begin to roll on top of me I unenthusiastically pulled away.

"You, sir, are incorrigible." I teased him in a lofty voice, hand playing with his hair because he already knew how much I liked it, so why the hell not? "We have to get ready so I can make a passable impression on your mother."

Edward smiled warmly at me as he tugged me into a sitting position with him.

"That's because you, madam, are irresistible." He placed another one of those sweet, un-sexual, but makes-my-chest-feel-warm-and-fuzzy kisses on the tip of my nose. "And you'd make a wonderful impression on anyone."

Ah. That's why the glib motherfucker is always better.

After Edward and I had both showered – separately, though there were a few jokes made about what happened in his shower this morning – I changed into a tight pair of light blue skinny jeans, a lavender colored silk camisole and a cream pair of flats.

Edward walked out of the bathroom, hair just shorting of dripping into the collar of his light blue shirt, took one look at the light camisole I was wearing and groaned.

"Sweetheart, can you grab a cardigan or something? I don't think I could handle sitting next to you all night looking like that." He sounded like such a put out child that I couldn't help but grab my white cardigan and throw it on.

"Better?" I asked, twirling in front of him.

Edward grabbed my arm to make me stop and tucked a hand into my back pocket as he led us out the door. The possessive gestures, and the way he had said "mine" after the porn before, was starting to make me light headed with lust.

"Actually no. Now you just look even more innocent, which oddly enough makes me want to violate the hell out of you." Edward admitted sheepishly, as he led me down the stairs.

I was rolling my eyes so much I feared a permanent injury. "Yeah well, maybe I'll buy some knee-highs and a riding crop to sully my image."

As we walked towards the kitchen, Edward squeezed me firmly through my back pocket, pulling me further into his side so he could place a dangerous kiss just below my ear.

"Angel," he whispered to me, pushing the door of the kitchen open, "if you bought a riding crop, I'd be the one wielding it."

Note to self: buy riding crop ASAP.

I was distracted from my musings when I saw that Edward's surprise was waiting inside the kitchen. The room was full of people, and before my mind could catch up with my mouth, I was asking loudly, "what in the shit are you guys doing here?"

Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice were standing around, grinning at me like maniacs. Emmett had one giant arm around Esme, smothering the poor woman, Jasper was pouring wine for everyone, Alice was wearing an apron and removing a lasagna from the oven like she owned the place, and Rosalie was setting the kitchen table.

"Language, young lady." Esme scolded me, and I would have thought she was serious if it weren't for the amused look on her face.

Emmett snickered as I broke away from Edward and attacked Jasper, who was closest, with a hug.

"Please, Ma," Emmett said, "as if you wouldn't have sworn like a sailor if the pilot hadn't have called the house with our landing time."

Apparently Edward wasn't happy with the length of Jasper's hug, because he cleared his throat pointedly, causing both Jasper and I to simultaneously snort, as we broke apart.

"Yeah, Edward, I'm about to throw down your girl on the kitchen table and screw her in front of my mother and girlfriend." Jasper snorted again.

"Language, young man!" Esme scolded Jasper, a lot more seriously then she had me, as Alice and I gave each other pointed looks.

"Girlfriend?" I asked her.

"His girl?" Alice shot back. I had called the girls before I got on the plane to tell them that I may have been completely wrong about Edward. It only took a very serious but short look between the three of us for them to understand that I had been utterly wrong about him. Which was lucky, because the second Edward had walked into the room, Rose had been staring daggers at him while clutching a butter knife. And while most people couldn't do must damage with a blunt knife, Rosalie Hale was another matter.

Edward smirked at me as he accepted a glass off Jasper. "My girl, I like the sound of that, Angel."

I ignored him as I hugged Emmett, who didn't let go of Esme, so it turned into a nice three-way tangle of arms. I could smell wine on both of them, and when I turned around Edward was holding a glass of red out to me.

"Here you go. I think we have some catching up to do, love." He gave me another tip-of-the-nose kiss.

Esme let out a squeal and then clamped her hand over her mouth when Edward finished speaking, while Emmett and Jasper were looking shocked but pleased.

Having no idea what they were on, I smiled up at Edward.

"Bottoms up, then." I gave him a quick peck, pulling away when he tried to deepen the kiss, because, really, his mother was two feet away staring wide-eyed at us, and his brothers teased me enough, thank you very much.

We sat down to eat, Esme at the head of the table, Edward, me and Jasper on one side, and Rose, Emmett and Alice on the other. The Cullen's began what was a light, calm conversation about how the business was progressing, while the three of us stared at Emmett, dumbfounded to hear him talking about the wide spread ramifications of the

economic downturn and how his department was combating the problem.

Throughout their entire conversation, Edward was paying attention to me somehow, whether it was to continue to top up my glass, or firmly give me some vegetables when I only took Lasagna, or whether it was his hand on the back of my neck, rubbing me gently.

But I don't think the Cullen's were quite prepared for Rosalie, Alice and I at a family dinner. We let them get in about ten minutes of work related talk, before Alice steered the conversation away with the skill of a master. Then, though I couldn't for the life of me work out how, we managed to get into an argument about whether Rose from Titanic could have shared the door she was floating on, once the ship had sunk, with Jack. We were shouting over each other, reiterating the same points we had made the last hundred times the topic had come up.

The Cullen's were staring between the three of us (Alice was on her feet, though she was so small it hardly made a difference, I was fisting the sleeve of Edward's shirt

in irritation, and Rose was actually shaking her fist) as we screeched over each other. Then to my eternal shock, Edward suddenly jumped into the debate, against me no less, speaking just as loudly as us and emphasizing his arguments by waving his finger around and squeezing my shoulders.

After Edward, it wasn't long before Emmett, Jasper and Esme joined in too, and then were just seven crazies yelling over each other, and nobody was quite listening to anyone else, and it was only when we'd been sitting there for ages that we realized everyone but Rose (who had chosen not to have any wine with her meal), was drunk as skunks.

"Alright!" Esme's voice rang louder then all of ours, breaking up the random arguments. "I'm going to bed!"

There was an immediate outbreak of rather ineloquent outrage, but she waved us all away as she swayed away from the table. "Leave the dishes, Roberta will get them in the morning."

She paused at the door, turned pointedly to Emmett, and for apparently no reason whatsoever, smacked him across the head.

"Fuck, Ma! What the hell was that for?" Emmett rubbed his head with the hand that wasn't clasped in Rose's and scowled huffily at his mother.

With the dignity that only a drunk person could muster, Esme said, "For whatever trouble you end up in before you get to sleep. I know you, oh son o' mine."

We all laughed hysterically, except Edward, who was apparently a really friendly drunk, and who was too busy licking, sucking, and occasionally biting my collarbone while he purred in utter contentment. He had taken off my cardigan about ten minutes into dinner, and had been satisfied with placing the occasional kiss on my neck, until the wine had tipped him towards drunk, and then he had forgotten to involve himself in the argument and had focused all his attentions on my skin.

"Well," Emmett was grinning wickedly at us all as Jasper unsteadily poured everyone another glass of wine. "I'd hate to disappoint my darling mother."

By now, I had drunk enough that I pushed my chest up pointedly, wanting Edward to lower his attentions.

"Good girl," Edward growled against my skin, before he went back to work over the tops of my breasts. One of his hands was drawing circles on my thigh and the other was fisting my hair so it wasn't interfering in his ministrations.

"What did you have in mind, my Simian friend?" Alice asked him, practically bouncing in Jasper's lap (though I couldn't remember her moving there) in the excitement of getting

into trouble.

"Port Angeles." Emmett said dramatically, as if this should explain everything to us.

Jasper bumped fists with him, which was all the brotherly approval Emmett was going to get, because I don't think a fire breaking out on the table could draw Edward away from my chest.

"Port what?" Rose asked, shooting Emmett a tolerantly affectionate look that I would never have imagined Rose giving any man, let alone someone she had once decided was a "billionaire daddy's boy waiting to get in her pants".

"Port Angeles," Jasper chimed in, sloshing wine everywhere as he redistributed everyone's glasses. "It's about an hour from here and it's a bigger town, so there are someone averagely decent clubs and bars there for the tourists."

Rose, Alice and I took one look at each other; then Alice and I put down our fresh glasses, and all three of us screamed in unison, "CLUB CRAWL!"

Rose, Alice and I took one look at each other; then Alice and I put down our fresh glasses, and all three of us screamed in unison, "CLUB CRAWL!"