There are other ways of doing things
Ludger, from whom we’ll hear more later in the inter- Ludger, from whom we’ll hear more later in the inter- views, had built up a successful company and was views, had built up a successful company and was under the impression that his children inherited his under the impression that his children inherited his genes and – therewith – his skills. Who, therefore, genes and – therewith – his skills. Who, therefore, could be more suited to continue his life’s work than could be more suited to continue his life’s work than his children?
his children? Although his
Although his daughter is intelligent enough, daughter is intelligent enough, she is she is notnot sufficiently interested. “No, dad, that’s not for me,” is sufficiently interested. “No, dad, that’s not for me,” is the sad message.
the sad message.
His hopes for Junior were brought to an end relatively His hopes for Junior were brought to an end relatively early: after just three years of grammar school it was early: after just three years of grammar school it was clear that his practical skills would be better served by clear that his practical skills would be better served by the secondary school. Ludger didn’t use any measures the secondary school. Ludger didn’t use any measures of force to attain a university entrance diploma and of force to attain a university entrance diploma and allowed his son to change schools.
allowed his son to change schools. 8
8 A couple more A couple more tips and what is tips and what is currently “in” when you’re currently “in” when you’re in needin need
of a break, can be found on my website – see appendix. of a break, can be found on my website – see appendix.
After
After finishing finishing school, school, his his intereinterests sts were were farfar-remov-removeded from those of his father, and he followed a completely from those of his father, and he followed a completely different career path.
different career path.
“This was certainly connected with frustration,” said “This was certainly connected with frustration,” said Ludger, remembering having to give up his own busi- Ludger, remembering having to give up his own busi- ness and not being able to pass it onto the children. “I ness and not being able to pass it onto the children. “I was really sad about it for a long time. However, in was really sad about it for a long time. However, in hindsight, a lot of good things have come out of it. Na- hindsight, a lot of good things have come out of it. Na- mely, the joy in seeing that my children are happy. My mely, the joy in seeing that my children are happy. My son has meanwhile built up a company of his own and son has meanwhile built up a company of his own and he runs it outstandingly, he is also very successful – and he runs it outstandingly, he is also very successful – and happy
happy. In my . In my company he would have been as company he would have been as miserablemiserable as sin, even if he certainly had the capability to run it – as sin, even if he certainly had the capability to run it – as can be seen in his own business.
as can be seen in his own business.
However, there are equally cases in which the children However, there are equally cases in which the children simply have completely different skill sets to those of simply have completely different skill sets to those of their parents, and would be unable to continue to run their parents, and would be unable to continue to run the business even if they wanted to. One such case was the business even if they wanted to. One such case was also sadly told to me. The mother had managed the also sadly told to me. The mother had managed the business with ease and a great deal of success, and had business with ease and a great deal of success, and had threatened to disinherit the daughter if she didn’t follow threatened to disinherit the daughter if she didn’t follow in her footsteps. Barely had the mother retired from in her footsteps. Barely had the mother retired from actively running the business, than it became bankrupt. actively running the business, than it became bankrupt. What is left is
What is left is a ruined business and an a ruined business and an equally ruinedequally ruined life. The daughter had never dared to discover her real life. The daughter had never dared to discover her real strengths and interests, let alone live them out. Perhaps strengths and interests, let alone live them out. Perhaps she could have been extremely successful and/or she could have been extremely successful and/or happy with a completely different direction. Unfortuna- happy with a completely different direction. Unfortuna- tely, there was no more time for this.
tely, there was no more time for this.
Ultimately, what matters is just one question:
Ultimately, what matters is just one question: Do you Do you
want your children to live according to your image, to want your children to live according to your image, to live out your unfulfilled dreams, to take over your busi- live out your unfulfilled dreams, to take over your busi- ness – whether they want to or not – or do you want ness – whether they want to or not – or do you want them to live a life of happiness?
them to live a life of happiness?
The plan, that they continue to successfully run your The plan, that they continue to successfully run your company and pay for your pension with this success, company and pay for your pension with this success, only works if they really have your strengths and ta- only works if they really have your strengths and ta- lents. The theory: “the same genes, the same talents” is lents. The theory: “the same genes, the same talents” is a myth. For example, my sister and I have practically no a myth. For example, my sister and I have practically no overlapping interests and skills. This can also happen overlapping interests and skills. This can also happen with your children.
with your children.
I suggest that we all listen to Ludger (my children are I suggest that we all listen to Ludger (my children are only five years old, but I’m already taking note) and only five years old, but I’m already taking note) and have faith in the fact that the happiness of free self- have faith in the fact that the happiness of free self- development, which we make possible for them, will development, which we make possible for them, will return to us in the end.
return to us in the end.
Nevertheless, it is sensible to give children the oppor- Nevertheless, it is sensible to give children the oppor- tunity to have a taste of all areas of life so that they are tunity to have a taste of all areas of life so that they are able to see and experience for themselves how the able to see and experience for themselves how the
world really is. I’m certain that you also know of people world really is. I’m certain that you also know of people who are totally convinced that their viewpoint is the who are totally convinced that their viewpoint is the only true one, the only possible one and the only one only true one, the only possible one and the only one there is, and they have no idea about the lives of other there is, and they have no idea about the lives of other people, countries and continents. This results in ma- people, countries and continents. This results in ma- king a person lack in creativity. I believe that allowing king a person lack in creativity. I believe that allowing children to spend some time experiencing completely children to spend some time experiencing completely different living circumstances has the effect of expan- different living circumstances has the effect of expan- ding their horizons endlessly.
ding their horizons endlessly.
This can go either way. For example, a friend of mine This can go either way. For example, a friend of mine has a niece in Costa Rica. The girl, Maria, was expelled has a niece in Costa Rica. The girl, Maria, was expelled from school several times by the age of 16, didn’t learn from school several times by the age of 16, didn’t learn a thing and didn’t make any kind of attempt to make a thing and didn’t make any kind of attempt to make anything of her life.
anything of her life. When
When the the grandmograndmother ther invitinvited ed Maria Maria to to come come toto Germany, everybody gloomily predicted that the girl Germany, everybody gloomily predicted that the girl wouldn’t lift another finger when she saw the standards wouldn’t lift another finger when she saw the standards of living here – my friend’s family are very wealthy. of living here – my friend’s family are very wealthy. However, the very opposite occurred. Initially, she However, the very opposite occurred. Initially, she could scarcely believe her eyes when she the wealth could scarcely believe her eyes when she the wealth spread in front of her. But then the grandmother said: spread in front of her. But then the grandmother said: “Child, if you want to live like this, you have to make “Child, if you want to live like this, you have to make something out of your life. You are here for exactly half something out of your life. You are here for exactly half a year – think of something.”
a year – think of something.”
Maria thought of something. She learnt German as Maria thought of something. She learnt German as though she had been born here. She then called the though she had been born here. She then called the next relatives in England, explained to them that she next relatives in England, explained to them that she was starting a new life, got her grandmother to confirm was starting a new life, got her grandmother to confirm how well she had learnt German, and then she repeated how well she had learnt German, and then she repeated all of this in
all of this in England.England. When
When Maria Maria returreturned ned home, home, she she repearepeated ted the the missedmissed school year during the summer holidays and – from school year during the summer holidays and – from then onwards – was the best in the class. During every then onwards – was the best in the class. During every holiday, she worked as a waitress in the town’s best holiday, she worked as a waitress in the town’s best tourist cafes and earned an unbelievable amount of tourist cafes and earned an unbelievable amount of tips. Nobody else could speak German and English tips. Nobody else could speak German and English with the tourists like she could.
with the tourists like she could. Admitt
Admittedlyedly, , the the revreverse erse case case is is more more frequentlfrequently y true:true: girls from Third World Countries, who arrive as au girls from Third World Countries, who arrive as au pairs, see the relative large wealth here and completely pairs, see the relative large wealth here and completely lose control and mess around. Most of my au pairs have lose control and mess around. Most of my au pairs have kept a relatively clear head. However, what the others kept a relatively clear head. However, what the others are lacking is not the will to do things correctly, but are lacking is not the will to do things correctly, but rather the knowledge of how things are done. Au pairs rather the knowledge of how things are done. Au pairs should also be offered a course about how to sensibly should also be offered a course about how to sensibly deal with their lives here and how to deal with their deal with their lives here and how to deal with their lives upon returning home. They then understand it, do lives upon returning home. They then understand it, do things correctly and get a positive control on their lives. things correctly and get a positive control on their lives. At
At the the outset, outset, I I give give my my au au pairs pairs a a couple couple of of books,books, which I believe could have a preventative effect and be which I believe could have a preventative effect and be helpful. I also discuss these with them.
In contrast, sending a bored teenager to participate for In contrast, sending a bored teenager to participate for a period on some kind of project in a Third World a period on some kind of project in a Third World Country can have an incredibly invigorating and Country can have an incredibly invigorating and healing effect. Naturally, it’s of no use if they sit around healing effect. Naturally, it’s of no use if they sit around in 5 star hotels whilst they are there. What people want in 5 star hotels whilst they are there. What people want is to have the feeling of having made a meaningful con- is to have the feeling of having made a meaningful con- tribution to the whole. Anyone who finds any kind of tribution to the whole. Anyone who finds any kind of job
job to to be be a a waste waste of of time time here, here, may may discovdiscover er endlessendless new possibilities in planting vegetation in the desert new possibilities in planting vegetation in the desert and so on. Perhaps mummy’s little boy or daddy’s little and so on. Perhaps mummy’s little boy or daddy’s little girl should not simply be given a new sport’s car upon girl should not simply be given a new sport’s car upon passing their test, but rather it should be “negotiated” in passing their test, but rather it should be “negotiated” in return for three months participation on a project in a return for three months participation on a project in a Third World country.
Third World country.
In an interview with the German Internet publication In an interview with the German Internet publication “Spiegel online”, Marcel Brenninkmeijer, the youngest “Spiegel online”, Marcel Brenninkmeijer, the youngest son of the owner of C&A, said: “In Ethiopia, we helped son of the owner of C&A, said: “In Ethiopia, we helped to equip a village with solar panels. Thanks to 300,000 to equip a village with solar panels. Thanks to 300,000 euro, 1,100 huts now have light for 20 years. I took my euro, 1,100 huts now have light for 20 years. I took my 15-year-old son with me. This opened his eyes: Seeing 15-year-old son with me. This opened his eyes: Seeing the poverty and, simultaneously, the joy and hope.” the poverty and, simultaneously, the joy and hope.”