My BDSM Work Book

(1)

All About you..

Fill Me Up.

Your BDSM.

18+

P.S: Cover me how you will master !

Then i’ll look just like all the other books hehe. Nobody will suspect a thing..

(2)

Introduction This is

you guide speaking…

Hello & Welcome Fellow Kinksters

This is a simple workbook is designed for everyone to keep

their kinkiness up to date and understood.

I want you to fill me up with all your dirty fantasies and hand

me over to whoever you want … ooh kinky.

Then They'll know all your kinky little secrets because

sometimes you don't want everything online, and obviously

you want to turn your guide on by Filling me up = P

(3)

How to use this

guide. They tell you

to write a journal…

In most Dynamics they ask you to write a journal and share mostly

everything we cover in this workbook. I feel this can be very difficult in this

day and age being so busy but it is essential for all parties to do. So how

does this book work?

Step One.

Think about What interests you and what BDSM covers.

Step Two.

Fill out the blanks, If you're not 100% Dont worry, Im all yours.

Step Three

When you start talking, mixing, dating, befriending people in the kink

community you can reference me , pass me around like one of your french

girls oh la la.

Step Four

Use me again and again keep filling me up.. At least visit me once a month.

Break the ice with me show them your newest desires… the cave of

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BDSM Basics

What does BDSM

ROUGHLY

stand for:

(Welcome for interpretations, So please correct me if I’m wrong ,

because of this is wrong I don't wanna be right, go ahead scribble me

out colour me in sexy.)

B is for Bondage : Restraint

D Is for Discipline : Trying to Follow or Enforce the rules

hehe

S is for Sadism : Enjoying inflicting pain or enforcing

discipline with someone who consents to do so.

M is for Masochism : Someone who has consented and

who enjoys pain humiliation. (Insert all your dirty fetishes

here.)

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So as your guide tell me what do you think of ..

When I say Bonage you Say :

______________________________________________

When I say Discipline you Say :

______________________________________________

(6)

When I say Sadism you Say :

______________________________________________

When I say Masochism you Say :

______________________________________________

When I say sexy you say:

“Yes

”,

wow thats hot… Say it again..

(7)

Common BDSM activities can include:

High light ones you'll want to do on a regular basis:

● Bondage and restraints (Cuffs, ties, bondage tape,

blindfolds, gags, rope knots and plastic wrap)

● Impact play (Spanking, paddling, crops, and hitting)

● Service (Where the submissive performs actions for the

dominant)

● Discipline (Reward or punishment for following or

disobeying instructions)

● Orgasm control (once, twice, three times a lady)

● Role Playing (Daddy/daughter, teacher/student, anything you

can think of you can do it!)

(8)

Mark me! Have your say.

Note down Your own You've found

here..

(9)

Safety Within BDSM What

does that mean to you?

Always Safe, Sane & Consensual.

….What do you mean you won't go

in the boot?

Number one thing we all know is safety comes first,

That's why they call its first Aid……...Also that is something

you're going to need by the way.

Think about your safety because as they say

knowledge is

power

repeat after me, hehe did you do it?

(10)

Areas of Your Safety

● _{Physical safety / Wellbeing -}

_{Understand what you're}

doing research it allot: See that porn is just research

after all! Be prepared incase of an emergency.

I can

hear da sirens commin’.. No that's not your cup of

tea.. Never mind.

● _{Emotional Safety/ Wellbeing -}

_{“OMG It’s so small! Bet}

you can't do anything with that.. What's thats your not

into me making fun of your …. Oh dear how

embarrassing.”

Make sure Nobody

intentionally goes out of their way

to negatively affect your confidence, self worth or

humiliate/ disgrace you in a way you have not

**consented to! Talk to me if no one else hug “There**

there now”

● _{Financial Safety/ Wellbeing -}

_{I don't care PayPig}

gimme your bank details…. (Yeah give them details on

how to not act like a $h!t findom)

Ensure that

regardless of personal expectations or fantasies you

don't break your bank, Your Priceless, food, rent is

not. Think of setting a limit think of using prepaid

cards etc.

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● _{Social Safety / Well Being -}

_{Nobody can dictate who you can or}

cannot be friends with. They Cannot Stalk you (without consent) ,

They should not intentionally disclose your private sexy kinky life

and the contents of that box in your room to others unless you

agree that it’s ok.

Think about Non Disclosure agreements.. If this worries you.

Or

tape their mouth shut… Just Kidding of course.

● Neglect

Please Sir Can I have Some more…

Don’t let others

ignore your human needs and rights.

If anyone fails to meet

your needs communicate this as quickly as possible it might be

able to be resolved. If Not they're OUT!

● Sexual Abuse You get that feelin’ you need sexual healin’..

One second… is that ok?

Seriously always get consent just remember let your conscience

be your guide. If You lie it's not your penis/boobs that grows…..

Just saying….

Always have a safety word or actions so you can stop at any time.

Discuss scenes through thoroughly before hand don't be afraid to

ask questions dear!

If someone dares to sexually abuse you,

YOU call the cops

send them prison and visit them in 6 months

when they are someone's lil bitch for life if you know what I’m

saying!

(12)

My Self Care Plan!

Who Can you talk to about this if necessary? “You are not

alone…I am here with you”

❏ _{Online Friends} ❏ _{Friends or Family} ❏ _{BDSM Sites and Forums}

Do you Understand How to stay safe online? (Yes/No)

If No you should research this.. Dont meet up with strangers etc vet

them like Mi5 Did that guy with the “ Package” jk.

What Can you do when….

How can you protect your physical well being?

__________________________________________________________

______________

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What Can you do when….

How can you protect your Emotional well being?

__________________________________________________________

__________________

What Can you do when….

How can you protect your Financial l well being?

__________________________________________________________

____________________

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What Can you do when….

How can you protect the privacy from unwanted social

environments?

__________________________________________________________

____________________

What Can you do when….

How can you prevent the neglect of your needs?

__________________________________________________________

__________________

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How Can it be made clear when enough is enough

sexually? Never Ever Feel That you can’t say no to

someone!

● _{Traffic light systems - My personal favourite.} ○ _{Red- STOP NOW}

○ _{Amber- Slow down, easy tiger} ○ _{Green - Great keep Going!}

● _{Safe Word - Pick a word that means stop to you both.}

Example: Bananas means STOP

● _{Movements Touching your ear, holding up so many fingers up can mean stop,}

slow down.

Regardless if you say “I Have had enough this scene/ session

whatever you are doing, ends now I am now leaving this scene if

you continue i will call the police i do not consent!” This is more

than adequate!

This is good practice for everyone! As psychopaths come in all

shapes and sizes vanilla (everyday people) and chocolate chip

(kinky people) & everything inbetween.

● _{Rape alarms!} ● _{Scream for help.}

● _{Tell people where you're going (address) and when your due home. If you}

need help asap send them a text or a code phrase to get help!

● _{Call the police !}

Now you're clued up on how to fight against the Dark Arts

we can move forward with your training! Training,

(16)

Basics on Dynamics, Roles &

Power Exchange.

“The Power exchange that occurs within a Dominant & Submissive dynamic is essentially an illusion! The submissive always retains the power of consent. The only power the Dominant truly has are those gifted to them by their submissive and only within the confines of that negotiated dynamic. Father Mark"

What are dynamics?

BDSM dynamic is a term for the roles consenting people adopt or internalize and the way they behave toward each other in the BDSM aspects of any relationship or scene. (The Function of your Character)

What are Roles?

Role is your position and what you do in a situation.

Example: Dominant,Mistress, Goddess, Mommy, Daddy,Girl, Boy, Little, Submissive etc. (Your name)

What is power Exchange?

Where by all parties discuss who has power over certain aspects within their dynamic. Commonly over submissives although they may want retain control and power over certain aspects of their lives and visa versa Dominants may not want to do a total power exchange . Also Submissives and some Dominants are very happy to do a complete total power exchange whereby the submissive hands over total control.

What Dynamic, Roles & Level of power exchanges do you think you would enjoy?

__________________________________________________________

________

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Just a few Standard Dynamics.

Dominant

Submissive

Master / Owner (Pet play)

Pet

Daddy / Mommy / Caregiver (Age

Play)

Little / Mid / Big / Brat / Princess

Mistress / Sir (Domestic)

Slave/ Sissy/ Maid

Goddess / God/ Findomme &

Findom (Financial)

Pay Pig / Cash slaves

BDSM is Adult play you can choose to be called whatever

you want…

When you think of some Fill me up, no need to

rush hehe.

Name Dominant / Submissive/

Switch Area Of BDSM Princess Klip Klop Mostly Dominant can

switch. Ponyplay (unicorn persona) Sargent Fuck Toy Submissive Role play Military

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It’s All About you, isn't it!

Of course it is!

.^_^. <.^_^.> ¬_¬ 0_0

Circle Ones that mostly apply to you.. (Make Notes Next page).

Calm

Wise

Opinionated

Formal

Stolid

Forthcoming

Whimsical

Respectful

Trustworthy

Confident

Spontaneous

Hyperactive

Candid/Frank

Talkative

Obedient

Cooperative

Laid Back

Encouraging

Loving

Patient

Impatient

Lively

Nervous

Child / Baby like

Strict

Loyal

Pessimistic

Determined

Introverted

Pensive

Egar

Quiet

Strong

Helpful

Tactful

Weak

Domineering

Stubborn

Secretive

Extroverted

Alterative

Discreet

Unruly

Picky

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Tell me more about you, expand in

me… Hold on.. =P

If so What are:

❏

_Allergies?

❏

_{Mental Health Conditions?}

❏

_{Disabilities or Challenges?}

❏

_{Current medication?}

❏

_{You Personal Weakness?}

❏

_{Your Personal Strengths?}

❏

_{Hobbies & Interests?}

❏

_{Pet Peeves?}

❏

_{Guilty pleasures?}

___________________________________________

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______________________________________________

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See I Know What you want,

I Know what you Need...

Welcome To your own Yes-No- Maybe List

Soft limits - What might you try.

Hard Limits - What you will never do.

Act

Experience

Yes/No/Some

Yes , No ,

Maybe

mark me out.

Notes, Go on

Anal sex Giving / Receiving/ Both

Spanking Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Being bitten Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Being serviced (sexually) Giving / Receiving/ Both

Bondage

(heavy/suspension)

Giving / Receiving/ Both

Bondage (light, Cuffs ties etc)

Shibari- Rope Body harness

Blindfolds Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Body paint Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

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Butt Plugs Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Cages In them / Looking at _{people in them /Both ;)}

Caning Giving / Receiving/ Both

Chains Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Chastity Belts Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Clothes Pins Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Cock rings Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Pussy / Cock Worship Giving / Receiving/ Both

Corsets Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Latex Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Leather Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Cross Dressing Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Cuffs ( Leather ) Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Shackles (metal) Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Strap on Dildos Wearing / _{Receiving/Both}

Double Penetration Giving / Receiving/ Both

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Exhibition/ Voyeurism (watching others)

Displaying Yourself / Observing Others

Eye contact Restrictions Giving / Receiving/ Both

Face Slapping Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Fisting Giving / Receiving/ Both

Flogging Giving / Receiving/ Both

Orders Giving / Receiving/ Both

Food Play Giving / Receiving/ Both

Foot worship Giving / Receiving/ Both

Gags Giving / Receiving/ Both

Hair Pulling Giving / Receiving/ Both

Over the knee spanks Giving / Receiving/ Both

High Heels Wearing / _{Observing/Both}

Hand Jobs Giving / Receiving/ Both

Oral Sex Giving / Receiving/ Both

Sensation Play needles, Ice Cubes , wax, feathers, massages etc

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Kneeling Displaying / Observing

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Erotic videography Record it / Star in it

Nipple Play Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Rimming Giving / Receiving/ Both

Orgasm Denial Giving / Receiving/ Both

Outdoor Sex

Pain Giving / Receiving/ Both

Consensual Kidnapping Giving / Receiving/ Both

Punishments Scenes Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Pussy / Cock Torture Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Riding Crops

Saran Wrapping Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Scenes (Prison/ Religious) Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Scratching Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Domestic Servitude

(Maid/Butler/ House slave)

Light/ Mild / Severe Giving / Receiving/ Both

Shaving Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Shoe/ Boot Worship Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

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Age play Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Pet play Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Stripping Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Spreader Bars Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Stocks Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Swinging You know me so well / _{Noopey Noo/mm maybe}

TENS UNIT (electrical play) Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Whips Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Paddles Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Wrestling Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

Wearing Symbolic Jewelry (collars , ears etc)

Love to / I’d rather Not NO OFFENSE

Water Sports EEK Nopey No/ Shut up _{slut Take it}

Scat EEK Nopey No/ Shut up _{slut Take it}

Sensory Deprivation Light/ Mild / Severe _{Giving / Receiving/ Both}

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How often do you want to play?

❏

_{Bedroom Basis Only..(And how Frequently like every}

single time or.. Just once ina while..)

___________________________________________

❏

_{Whenever appropriate (What do you class as}

inappropriate?)

______________________________________________________

______

❏

_{24/7 Live it all the time… (Would you need to have}

times of disgression/ allowances?)

___________________________________________

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How to play within the limits..

Pushing boundaries to soft limits (something you might do) is one thing, pushing hard limits onto someone is something they don't agree too will find you on the receiving end of a safeword and can be seen as a betrayal of trust.

Sometimes Submissives will have a difficult time admitting and using there Amber (Slow down) or even Red (stop) out of pride or shame of displeasing whoever it is with them so getting to know them is essential realising what is and isn't typical of their behaviour.

On the other hand not pushing people into new boundaries and not testing their limits can lead to your partner's feeling restless, It’s a fine line for whoevers responsible and by the way thank you love all bottoms ever, we know how much hard work you put into scenes and evaluating our limits.

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Checking in

How to ensure that everyone is still happy by checking in on them mid scene and how do you do it? Remember pain is subjective and contextual. (What are you doing to them and should they be reacting the way that they are!)

Asking discreetly

:

○ _{“Are you afraid these bruises will turn red little girl?!”}

○ _{“If you're happy and you know it, Clap your hands” .. I’m waiting hehe} ○ _{“If you've had enough do a wave”}

○ _{Does the pony need to go back to the stable, stamp a hoof: once of yes, Twice} for no.

● _{Physical signs}

○ _{breathplay are the eyes going red ext, if so slow down.} ○ _{Trembling ( extended, but not necessary)}

○ _{Bleeding (depending on limits)} ○ _{Crying (depending on limit)} ● _Behaviour

○ _Unresponsive ○ _{Slurred speech}

Remember: If they can't verbalise a safe word or an action indicating to stop the scene, stop what you're doing. Then see if they return to a communicative state if not call it a day, Head straight to after care.

What Check ins can you think of?

_____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____

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Btw did you know about:

Subspace? : During a scene a submissive has a natural

high and can be unaware of surroundings, It commonly

varies from person to person but ultimately leaves them

with an altered physiological state.

Have you ever been in subspace , When?

__________________________________________________________

________________

How did you feel?

__________________________________________________________

__________

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Subdrop: Is a physiological state opposite from subspace.

Usually starting at the end of a scene when the

endorphins wear off they may feel unattached to reality

feel they cannot function within it. ( This again varies from

person to person)

It can also be seen for example: When you've been

staying with your dominant and they leave you drop

because you were reliant on the power exchange etc. Or

even lack of communication,

Have you ever suffered from sub drop , When?

__________________________________________________________

________________

What's the best way to help you avoid Sub Drop?

__________________________________________________________

____________

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Domspace: Is quite controversial topic on whether or

Dominants have a Domspace similar to Subspace, I

believe that they probably do with one major difference

the Dominant retains control over their actions meaning

that they can always interrupt usual behaviours and safe

words.

Have you ever been in Domspace , When?

__________________________________________________________

______________

How did it feel?

__________________________________________________________

__________________

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Dom Drop: Is very similar to Subdrop but it effects the Top

/ Dominant (see page 30)

Have you ever suffered from Dom Drop , When how did you feel?

__________________________________________________________

______________

What's the Best way to help you avoid Dom Drop?

__________________________________________________________

____________

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Tell me your Ultimate Kink Scene..

in detail.. Wow really.. Keep

going…

______________________________________________

(35)

______________________________________________

______________________________

If you need more space,

Stick it to me Mistress I mean the page….

(36)

How to Construct

Kink Scenes.

★

_{Communication & Consent between all parties.}

★

_{Planning You don't want the mail man turning up.. Or do you?}

★

_{Think Safety Grab your First Aid kit,talk about Safety words.}

★

_{Environment, Can you do it there? Are you sure gran won't}

mind.. LOL

★

_{Equipment - Do you know how to use that? Great then tie me}

up already.

★

_{Roles & Dynamics - Tonight I’m going to be! = _____________}

★

_{Roleplay / Scenario Tonight We're gunna=}

________________

★

_{Goals & Outcomes,}

Goals: What do you want to happen during the scene example:

tickles.

Outcome: What is the end result: They are nearly in tears

because of it.. :P

★

_{How to start the scene: protocols}

Confirmation of consent, Collaring, Confirm your role in the

scene get into character

★

How to finish the scene: protocols

.

Slow the scene down slowly no sudden drops subs hate that!

Inform them it's ended. Praise them let them praise you etc.

Get some After care.

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Kink Scene Maker

Who is involved?

What Area’s of BDSM are you wanting to cover?

What is the Dynamic / Roles?

Where?

When?

What Equipment will we use? Safety Precautions?

Things we want to achieve During scene

What we want our outcome to be: How will I Introduce Myself and them

into the scene. Same goes for Finishing.

Affirmation of role, Protocols etc..

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What is Aftercare?

What aftercare is.

Aftercare refers specifically to the attention given to a

partner at the end of a Scene. This should always be discussed prior to any scenes . The purpose of after care is to help everyone feel safe and secure, reduce any physical and psychological stress.

References: http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Aftercare#Benefits_of_Aftercare

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After care Plan

What would I would specifically want giving

all previously mentioned are assumed:

Tell them your favourite drinks or stuff that always cheers you up !!

Also how long you want aftercare to last things like that..

__________________________________________________________

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Log it! Rate your

Experiences.

Reasons to include this:

● _{Personal growth}

● _{Ensure your Satisfied}

● _{Build your Confidence}

● _{To become decisive in your needs/ desires.}

● _{To bypass any unwanted resentment for not getting}

what you would like.

I feel this is important to cover (even if it is just verbally) because

sometimes Dominants/ Submissives will not want to break scene to

say actually can we try this way. Although both parties retain the

right to stop the scene whenever they feel like it, they feel they

could be responsible for ruining the mood/scene (even though they

wouldn't be) and they could be very much enjoying it I myself can be

very picky or a perfectionist and when it doesn't go how you

imagined it can leave you feeling slightly frustrated after scenes. So

having comfort in knowing you have a chance at the end to discuss

what you wanted. If you or your submissive doesn't seem confident

enough to say it to you give them alternative communications and

opportunities.

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Scene Log

Would you do anything

differently ?

Anything you wanted more

of?

Anything you wanted Less

of?

Something that could have

been done?

Was the Environment ok?

Did you feel safe/were you

safe?

More / Less/ Sooner/ Later

Aftercare?

Overall Were you pleased

with how the scene went?

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Living the life

How to adapt your dynamic to

work for a everyday lifestyle.

1. BDSM Agreements contracts and why?

Because we cannot always have written consent for something spur

of the moment here is my example.Me and ex lover were having some

fun and the neighbours didn't realise and called the police, when the

police came they assumed I was being abused, It wasn't the case so

obviously I told them everything was fine it's what i enjoyed. They

were still very doubtful. So I thought I would show them my fetlife. ( I

know kinky.)

I love fetlife

and fortunately that was evidence enough

to prove this was my lifestyle but.. They did get more than an eye full. I

wish i had something slightly more discreet.

I also feel having a contract in any Dynamic is very nice committal way

of showing your dedication to one another there is lots and lots of

different contracts but

i'll include one of my old basic ones in this

that I’ve personally used feel free to adapt it as you need. ( See

Next Page)

(43)

BDSM

Agreement Contract

Parties

Who are the parties to the relationship?

Dominant (Insert Role/s Here) : Full Names Here Submissive (Insert Role/s Here) : Full Names Here

Duration

How long will this arrangement last?

Commencement date:______/______/______

Duration: Set time limit or lifetime with probationary conditions and to reviewed at 1 month, 2 month, 4 months 6 months, 1 year then reviews shall be carried out annually.

Goals and Purpose of the Contract

Dominant’s goals:

● _{To train submissive into how to act/live within a kink lifestyle.}

● _{Non-disclosure agreement (Unless Dominant agrees that is it allowed to discussed)} ● _{Please feel free to add / remove more}

Submissive’s goals:

● _{To be trained by Dominant}

● _{Learn how to please and/or serve Dominant.} ● _{Please feel free to add / remove more} Combined goals:

● _{To push boundaries and limits to explore desires to create a lifestyle both parties enjoy.} ● _{Please feel free to add your own.}

Dominant’s responsibilities

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Dominant’s responsibilities: Protection, training, emotional support, safe environment for play, overall welfare of sub including but not limited to: health, safety and nutrition.

Availability of sub to Dominant.

When does the arrangement apply?

Times: 24/7

Submissive’s Behavior

How must the submissive act toward the Dominant and others?

Etiquette & Protocols:

● _{Greeting, questions, requests and favours should involve Dominant’s preferred title (Sir).}

● _{To obey Dominant, within reason and scope, using the Dominant’s preferred title. EG:} playful disobedience

● _{Not allowed: Disrespect to cause harm to Submissive or Dom. (playful is ok)} ● _{Ask before:}

○ _{Leaving the same room as dominant.} ○ _{Move from current furniture/floor etc.} ○ _{Sit on the same furniture as dominate.} ○ _{Kneel when told/appropriate.}

Communication

Methods of communicating with the Dominant and others?

● _{Any, including email, phone, social media}

Communication rules: (Please feel free to change me)

When sending NSFW content, specifically images, a warning must be sent first and then acknowledged by the other party if media is Instant Messaging etc.

Kink/relationship can be told to those who already know about it, via any media.

Examples: discussing the relationship and the rules is always permitted, only with permission.

Submissive responsibilities

Submissive agrees to uphold

Submissive’s responsibilities:

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Scope/ Power Exchange of Arrangement

What is the sub willing to give control over? Is the submission sexual/servitude or both? Is it a total power exchange?

Areas to give control over: orgasms etc

Areas free of control: Matters regarding external responsibility. (EG Family Matters)

Examples: genitals, sexual slavery, clothing & dress, hair style & length, domestic chores, diet & exercise, tasks.

Exclusivity

Is it a open Relationship / Monogamous ( closed) relationship or otherwise.

How exclusive is the arrangement?

Closed relationship unless both parties agree otherwise.

Activities & Limits

What are the parties’ likes, areas of interest and soft and hard limits? What do these mean to the parties? soft limit means: sometimes/mildly

hard limit means: never

Dominant’s areas of interest/likes:

master, control, power, giving: bondage, pet play, spanking, punishments, cages, gags, tease & denial.

Dominant’s Soft limits: giving humiliation, extreme pain Dominant’s Hard limits: blood, cutting, extreme torture

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Submissive’s areas of interest/likes:

Ball gags, bare bottom spanking, bondage, choking, collar and lead/leash, domestic servitude, hair pulling, Japanese bondage, obedience training, orgasm control. Caging/confinement, consensual non consent and military.

Submissives soft limits:humiliation, extreme pain Hard limits: blood, cutting, extreme torture

*Look at both parties Yes, No, Maybe List*

Safe words

What are the parties’ safe words and signals? Explain what is to happen once a safe word or signal is called.

Safe word for slow down: Yellow – Brining session to an end Safe word for stop: Red- Stop immediately

Non Verbal signal agreed prior to play

Punishments

How may the Dominant punish the submissive for misbehaving?

Allowed: Forced sexual performances, bondage, gags, cages, denial of services/items/luxuries etc

Not allowed: Cutting, Blood play, Toilet Denial

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Collaring

Will the submissive have a collar? What kind? When must the collar be worn?

Type of collar awarded: Protection/Consideration / Training/ Formal Rules of Thy Collar:

A collar has been given and must be worn at all times in private. A social collar/item will be given for use in public. Additionally, cuffs must be worn when the private collar is. They may be taken off with permission, or when needed to conceal the true nature of the relationship (collecting post etc.)

Example: The submissive will have a training collar only. At the end of this training, the Dominant may award the submissive with a permanent collar.

Names/Titles

How must the parties refer to each other?

Dominant’s name/title in public: Their forename

In private: Sir (Master, Dom are acceptable secondary terms) Sub’s name/title in public: Their forename

In private: Brat, Princess

Confidentiality

Rules of confidentiality:

● _{Photos/videos are to be kept off social media except for allowed sites, like Fetlife.com.} ● _{This relationship/agreement may be told to parties aware of the party’s lifestyle, or when}

other party agrees

Alteration

What are the rules about making changes to the arrangement?

Rules of alteration: Anytime as long as both agree.

Switching

Is switching allowed and if so, what are the rules?

(48)

Termination

Who may terminate? What happens once the arrangement comes to an end?

Rules of termination: When either party requests termination at any point, it shall be null and void.

Planning/negotiating scenes

Who is responsible for planning scenes? How will the parties negotiate scenes?

Rules for scene negotiation: Dominant takes responsibility, safety, location, roles, equipment, areas of the body, pain, aftercare. Communication at all times is required and encouraged before, after and during any activity of a BDSM nature.

Additional Rules

Any other rules, terms or conditions not mentioned above?

Additional rules:

Examples: list of daily chores/activities, maintaining a journal.

Additional Information

Dominant’s

Allergies? Submissive’s Allergies? Dominant’s Medical

and Mental Health Conditions?

Submissive’s Medical and Mental Health Conditions?

Dominant’s After

care Requirements? Submissive’s Aftercare Requirements?

Signed:

Dominant's Signature: Submissive's Signature: Dominant's Print Name: Submissive Print name: Date Signed: Date Signed:

(49)

2. Living the Life Dealing with Discipline

The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience. You cannot be disciplined for something you have not consented to nor if you have consented but it would be damaging (emotionally , socially, physically, financially ) at that point. All good Dominants / Mistresses/ Tops will understand this. You should only discipline when it it is in the correct circumstances.

● _{What Inappropriate behaviour will you Discipline (correcting behaviour)} ○ _{Not addressing you as your prefered title}

○ _{Leaving a room without asking}

○ _{Not doing agreed chores without any just cause.}

Add More Below:

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ____________

● _{How to enforce discipline ( see page 8 )} ○ _{Impact play - spanking , caning} ○ _{Bondage - torture /} ○ _Verbally __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________

(50)

3. Living the Life Giving Rewards

● _{What behaviours will you reward?} ○ _{Domestic servitude}

○ _{Sexual servicing} ○ _{Positive attitudes}

Add more here add your favourite fetishes / tasks / just things you like having done for you:

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________

● _{How will you/they be rewarded} ○ _Gifts ○ _Activities ○ _Orgasms __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________________

(51)

6. Living the Life Routines

● _{Routines (To do without being asked )}

○ _{To have dinner ready when you come home?} ○ _{Completed domestic chores}

○ _{Greeting/ farewell Rituals}

What routines would you offer or like to receive? :

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________

How to enforce structure and wanted behaviour? Making this routine for them and how to do it.

● _{Model wanted behaviours. (more in an age play or caregiver aspects)} ● _{Give clear expectations.}

● _{Enforce what you expect to be done at the times expected.} ● _{Praise wanted behaviour.}

● _{Discipline when unwanted behaviours start to show.} ● _{Punish unwanted repeated behaviours.}

● _{What would definitely not like to do as apart of a routined structure?}

○ _{Kneel for excessive amounts of time}

○ _{To not be confined for over _______ amount of minutes}

○ _{That I would not be expected to have X, Y or Z done by X time.}

Go into detail as and when you think of them:

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ________________

(52)

7. Living the Life Punishments

Punishments (punishing bad behaviour - not enjoyed or funishment - enjoyed) ● _{What will you punish someone for}

○ _{Repeatedly disobeying instructions} ○ _{Reckless Behaviour}

○ _{Bad Attitude}

○ _{Putting themselves at unnecessary risk}

Add more here:

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ______________

● _{How will you enforce punishment?} ○ _{Impact play}

○ _{Denial _____________} ○ _Verbally

○ _{Treat to excess}

○ _{Restrictive ____________}

Add more here:

__________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ ______________

(53)

●

BDSM punishments Ideas.

Try : http://pleasepunish.me/

https://writeforme.org/index.php ○ _Spankings

○ _Cropping

○ _{Bondage to stop them from moving} ○ _{Denial of phone or PC}

○ _{Verbal restrictions} ○ _{Eye contact restrictions}

○ _{Treat whatever they've done to excess .} ○ _{Google DOCS/Sheets & Forms}

○ _{Use teamviewer}

Your list of punishments..

______________________________________________

(54)

8. Living The Life Tasks

● _{What kinds of tasks will you offer and}

_{what would YOU ENJOY}

GIVING or receiving?

○ _{Sexual? ( Sexual acts, orgasms etc)}

○ _{Domestic? ( Household chores, cooking etc)} ○ _{Personal Growth? ( Exercise, Educational)} ○ _{Creative? (Crafty stuff , art projects)}

○ _{Humiliation / Degradation? ( Not wearing underwear :P kinky )} ○ _{Selfcare? ( Looking after yourself)}

Make sure you mention below for example the frequency of how often you would enjoy doing it ie : all the time / time to time/ once in a blue moon..

Write your own here

______________________________________________

(55)

● _{How will your Dominant give you tasks?}

○ _{Task jar? (My favourite) write on them the time they have to complete it 1 week an} hour etc.

○ _{Via Message?} ○ _{Call them?}

○ _{Give them a map and mark X is the spot.. Get digging} ○ _{Via messenger bird}

Seriously Tell us how do you do what you do.. Seriously

how do we know :P How Frequently do you want to give

tasks

etc?___________________________________________

______________________________________________

● _{How will you enforce tasks how will you check?}

○ _{Picture messaging}

○ _Skype ○ _Teamviewer

○ _{Maybe you can get internal CCTV ;)} ○ _{Be there in person}

Add more here:

______________________________________________

(56)

TASKS

LOVE

MAYBE

HATE

Example : Crafty

Cleaning

Writing

Notes:

__________________________________________________________

__________

(57)

9. Learning Disciplines

To train oneself to do something in a controlled and habitual way.

Refernces: http://www.bdsmwiki.info/Category:Disciplines ,

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bondage_(BDSM)#Techniques.

Tick What you want to learn..

Bondage Disciplines

❏ _{Bondage Materials} ❏ Rope (Kinbaku / Shibari) ❏ Metal ( Cuffs, Shackles etc) ❏ Leather Latex and Polish ❏ Saran wrap ❏ Purposes of Bondage ❏ Sensation Play ❏ Decorative Play ❏ Torture Bondage ❏ Film Bondage ❏ Meditative Bondage Resources? Please Make your Notes and Add info Here.

My BDSM Work Book

All About you..

Fill Me Up.

Your BDSM.

18+

Introduction This is

you guide speaking…

Hello & Welcome Fellow Kinksters

This is a simple workbook is designed for everyone to keep

their kinkiness up to date and understood.

I want you to fill me up with all your dirty fantasies and hand

me over to whoever you want … ooh kinky.

Then They'll know all your kinky little secrets because

sometimes you don't want everything online, and obviously

you want to turn your guide on by Filling me up = P

How to use this

guide. They tell you

to write a journal…

In most Dynamics they ask you to write a journal and share mostly

everything we cover in this workbook. I feel this can be very difficult in this

day and age being so busy but it is essential for all parties to do. So how

does this book work?

Step One.

Think about What interests you and what BDSM covers.

Step Two.

Fill out the blanks, If you're not 100% Dont worry, Im all yours.

Step Three

When you start talking, mixing, dating, befriending people in the kink

community you can reference me , pass me around like one of your french

girls oh la la.

Step Four

Use me again and again keep filling me up.. At least visit me once a month.

Break the ice with me show them your newest desires… the cave of

BDSM Basics

What does BDSM

​

ROUGHLY

​

stand for:

(Welcome for interpretations, So please correct me if I’m wrong ,

because of this is wrong I don't wanna be right, go ahead scribble me

out colour me in sexy.)

B is for Bondage : Restraint

D Is for Discipline : Trying to Follow or Enforce the rules

hehe

S is for Sadism : Enjoying inflicting pain or enforcing

discipline with someone who consents to do so.

M is for Masochism : Someone who has consented and

who enjoys pain humiliation. (Insert all your dirty fetishes

here.)

So as your guide tell me what do you think of ..

When I say Bonage you Say :

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

When I say Discipline you Say :

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

When I say Sadism you Say :

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

When I say Masochism you Say :

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

_{Physical safety / Wellbeing -}

_{Understand what you're}

_{Emotional Safety/ Wellbeing -}

_{“OMG It’s so small! Bet}

**consented to! Talk to me if no one else hug “There**

_{Financial Safety/ Wellbeing -}