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Ithaca College

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The Ithacan, 1980-81

The Ithacan: 1980/81 to 1989/90

4-1-1981

The Ithacan, 1981-04-01

The Ithacan

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Recommended Citation

The Ithacan, "The Ithacan, 1981-04-01" (1981). The Ithacan, 1980-81. 19.

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A Weekly Newspaper. Published Independently by the Students of Ithaca College

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Ithaca. Nt>w York Aprifl,-1981

Macke Revealed as Whalen's Joke

Ithaca College President James J. Whalen, publically admitted yesterday evening that the Macke Food Service has been an elaborate, three year joke perpetrated by him on the

college student body. The

President, perched on top a Union Cafeteria dining table made the announcement that left hundreds of unsuspecting caters·

stunned. "The fact is,"

President Whalen said laughing

boisterously, · "the Macke

organization doesn't exist. I

made the whole thing up. · The joke's on you," he added, wiping the tears that had begun to stream down his face due to his intense laughter.

That isn't real food you're

eating," Whalen shouted

gleefully, "it's a special blend of

· vers that filed out of the kitchen, removing plastic masks

and revealing hideously

grotesque faces. "These aren't real Macke workers, they're all mad scientists and convicted criminals."

"And look," mused Whalen as he taunted the increasingly hostile crowd by holding up a

dead rodent, "Rats. We had

hundreds of them back there. Many with serious diseases. I let them have free run of the

cafeteria while you weren't

here." "And this is the best

part," the president said,

laughing so hard as to flatulate, "all the dishes, cups and silver-ware were washed with the sweat squeezed off the hind quarters of mules."

canine excretion, appalachian At this, student reaction to the

goat regurgitation, and sewer • shocking admission manifested overflow, skillfully molded and itself in violent vomitting spells

hand colored to simulate actual and with many perturbed

edibles!" students hurling knives, forks

Whalen then pointed to the and chairs towards the college's

staff of supposed cooks and ser- grand Poo-ba. The barrage of

items manuevcred towards

Whalen became so dense , it for-ced the President to decline to continue his announcemnet and assumed a horizontal position on the floor of the Cafeteria.

Several aids removed the limp leader to Job Hall where he wa<; · revived and administered first aid. Whalen later commented, "I'm sorry, I really am. The joke went too far." A look of deep remorse fell upon the President as he looked pensively down at a wound inflicted on him by a fork thrown at high velocity.

"I was going to let on in '79, but if you could have only seen the looks of intense intestinal discomforture on the faces- of these kids as they left the cafeteria you'd understand why I milked the good laughs as long as I could." "The funniest part was that no one ever complained or got wise to us.· They were just happily wolfing down the fac-similes. I did all that I could to

keep a straight face -·in the

2.0

or No Housing

Director of Housing, ·Bi.II Perkins, said today that ali I.C. students with grade point averages of 2.0 or less will be required to move off campus next fall.

Perkins said the move was

made to appease garden

residents who were forced to accept the new five person apartment changes.

"What this means, "Perkins ~aid, "is that approximately half of the current number of students will not be returning

to campus housing .next

August." Perkins continued, "We ho1,1sing officials' have

been baffled as to how to han-dle this blasted overcrowding. We kept pleading with ad-missions to ease up on the number of freshman coming in so we could deal with the students already on campus."

Perkins said he felt sorry for those. forced to leave but ad-ded they set bad study habit

examples anyway. ''Our

backs were to the

wall,"Perkins said, "We

figured if somebody had to go the dummies should be the

ones to go first. Sort of a

'survival of the fittest'

philosophy, you know."

With the 3000 students not returning come August, all rooms will be made in to

singles to accomodate the

remaining students.

"We've got· lots of room now, "said Perkins, "Let ad-missions do their worst to us. We'll just keep putting the up-per class dummies off campus.

Everything is going to be ducky come September." ' "I'll show 'em," Perkins

said, "And then we'll see who

harrasses the director of

housing."

Pot

ugmizro

in

N.

Y.S.

By Lady Warwick

New York State

Assem-blypersons unconsciously

voted a bill into legislation that mandated the legalization of marijuana in the state. The bill was signed .by Governor Hugh Carey two days later.

Hugh S. McNeil, assem-blyperson for the district that

includes Ithaca explained,

"We refer to bills by number -someone just got confused. We were discussing bill A-1597 and broke for lunch. Bill

A-' .)579 was voted on by mistak~

,II'~··

Bill A-1597 is concerned with

' sewage disposal, bill A-1579 is

i C I the proposed marijuana

/ legalization bill.''

Another state legislator,

who preferred to remain

anonymous stated, "There's

some really good ? going

around the house these days.

It's no wonder everyone

spaced out the number after lunch."

, McNeil admitted that he

was aware of the slip in num-bers - but let the bill pass for two reasons. "I want to prove how boring this job actually is, and most of my constituents smoke dope anyhow and it's almost time for re-election."

The law went unnoticed by Carey, who according to his secretary, signed it without

reading it. ·

The assembly is now on

vacation. Until they

recon-vene, after summer recess, the marijuana law is still in effect.

Ithaca College regulations

concerning drugs are in

agreement with the law of the Sta·e of New York. This tem-porary legislation directly af-fects students, faculty, staff and administrators.

Richard Correnti, vice

presidents for student affairs, commented that now that students can legally smoke marijuana, maybe they'll stop

drinking. "And if the

smoking gets out of hand, we can always start a marijuana awareness tdsk force," said Correnti.

"Some people feel they work better when they're high, said Sharon Policello. "SAB is working on a whole series of marijuana related activities-sort of like the Winter Car-nival-only different," added

cafeterias." brain benumbed."

Student reactions were strong Whalen is scheduled to appear

as personal attacks were leveled before an impeachment hearing

at the campus head. ·From a committee next Thursday.

student government leader, Lawyers for the presidential

"anybody that would do a thihg prankster are rumored to head

like this must be an idiot of insanity for their client.

stupendous proportions." From One student whose intestinal

a faculty member, "The components have been in a state

behavior of a true human of upheaval for the last three

hemerroid." From a fraterneity years offered these words, "I

_leader. "He gives assholes a bad thought something tasted

name. From a campus religious peculiar. What kind of man

leader, "God Bless his pickled would do this? I'm certain J .J .'s

head." From a student on the butter has slipped off his

quad, "The shenanigans of a noodles. Expel him!"

Registrar-Mandate

By Joe Bagodonuts

In order to alleviate the

current course registration

problem, Registrar John Stanton has announced the college will

introduce a new

pre-pre-registration system. Students

will begin pre-p~e-registration fe,r the spring semester, 1982 latc:r on this month.- "We felt that the new pre-registration system was to simple and had to be made more complicated" Stanton said. "The new system

is designed to keep everyone on

their toes. I really don't even

understand it yet."

Pre-Pre-Registration calls for each student to obtain a lock of hair from each of his or her professors. After this is accom-plished, the student must have each hair signed by their advisor.

The signed hair and control card must be taken down to the Office of Safety and Security on Tuesday, April 14 between the hours of 1 and 2 pm for

inspec-tion and licensing.

The next step is to obtain let-ters of recommendation from the assistant dean of each school in which you are enrolled for a

non-major course. Each of

these cards must be approved and stamped by the Director of the Physical Plant on Thursday, April 16 between 3 and 4 o'clock in the morning.

At the same time, student~ must also wait in the gym lobby for a presently unkown rea~on.

When asked how he expected students to be in two different places at· one time, Stanton replied, "That really isn't my problem."

He also added that special in-structions for students enrolled in classes with bald professors

will be posted shortly.

Whether this system will beef-fective is unkown as of now, but rest assured if it is effective it will be sure to change soon.

Break.ins Reported

Several indefinite cases of breaking and entering have been reported to Security.

Stereos and cameras were

m1ssmg from the Garden

Apts. after plate glass

win-dows were broken.

"There have been no ~tereo\ st~I~n on ·ca_'!1~us," ~aid Loui~ Withiam, director of safety .and security.

ITHACAN

INQUIRER·,

Why do you work for the Ithacan?

Loren Mortiner, South Hill Editor

"Because I'm into

Chemicals."

I

Betsy Dana, Editor-in-Chief

"I don't."

Patti Bennett, Secretary

"It supports my habit."

Teryl Reynolds, Sports Editor

"I never sleep on Wednesday nights anyway."

Rich Orent, Sales Manager

''Cause I make more money than anyone else.''

Rick Hyman, Ad Manager

"Arc you kidding me? The

Women!"

EDITORIAL

Beautifying the campus and providing a

prestigious atmosphere for our visitors is certainly

a laudable goal. However, the substantial

expen-diture of building a fountain for Ford Hall is

needlessly . wasteful of student tuition money.

What's wrong with the old one?

Granted, Dillingham - with its

computer-con-trolled geysers tends to eclipse Ford Hall as a place

to go out for a night. But can the added expense pf

another fountain be justified?

The planned new fountain is just one example _of

screwed up administration priorities.

Fooltsh

decisions have been made to hire more f acuity to

meetthe demands of rising enrollment. We need to

lengthen Pub hours and buy higher grade Macke,

instead.

_ Students unite to make ourselves heard! The

I, C, administration shoulc listen to student voices

in this and other matters. Again, many students

are saying, "Let's keep the old fountain for Ford

Hall."

This is not the Ithacan, nor does it contain any

of

the reliable facts usually found in that prestigious publication,

OpEds

&

Letters

Letters may be submitted to the Ithacan office with the writer's name, class year or title and phone number. The

deadline for contributions is Tuesday at noon.

:

-Let's

Hail

Haig

_{. pON}

DEROSA

_'

Mon. or Wed . MrTED TIME ONLY!

S ecia\ ' LI

College Night P

To the Editor:

Our national government is something to respect. The per -son I admire the most in the present administration is Secretary of State Alexander Haig. Now _Al has class, admit it, anybody who carries a buck knife in his pants leg and a sub-machine gun in his coat is my kind of leader. His appearance is thought provoking: those riviting eyes and stress induced wrinkles on his forehead are signs of dignity.

So much for the everyday Haig, Jet's force back the pages

and examine his past. In South Vietnam he invented a target practice machine that threw South Vietnemise babies in the air so they could be shot by our great 'American soldiers.' He also bit off his first wife's head when she overcooked the scram-bled eggs. His parents tell stories about young Alan; he used to bury cats in the sand so that only their heads were exposed, then he would run them over with the lawn mowers.

Many people are upset that Alexander was let out of his cage to work in the government; I'm

Off

er

Liddy

Deal

To the Editor:

I have an idea which will quiet tho~e students who arc saying that G. Gordon Liddy charged too much ($4000) for hi~ April 20 lecture. Why not

a~k him to be the 1981

graduation ~peakcr? Surely if

*

_{Pot Legalized}

Policcllo. "In fact, many members who have resigned will probably fight to get back on SAB once they hear about 1hi~," shnaid.

Mary Cutler, manager of the bookstore, was'awed when ~he heard the news and quickly

we explain the situation, he would be willing to give us two for the price of one. We want G. Gordon Liddy for the graduation speaker! I know, I

speak for many students. Thank you.

Matt Northcrland

called Adams Apple, a large distributor of "paraphenalia. Cutler plans to remove the cutesy stuffed animals- from the bookstore - replacing them with what she described as "everything the little heads desire."

r .. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -.

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*Like to put down stupid Students?

!

*Want to fill a space on your resume

?

·,

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*What to gain connections with

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dusiness professors

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If So ...

"Be Ah Peeah Advisah"

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. w;a;;;;;u...

floor

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_{• Applications Available IJe&inning Monday.}

March:J

_30th

•

Due

Pe:

Frldg.

April

lOda.

L·-·-·-·-·-·-·-~-·-·

69 WaJ·s

&

More

to

En.joy Yourself

Ei Phelta Thei

Sponst•rs

A Night of SEX at :

THENORTH40

$5.00 includes everything:

Beer, Drinks

&

Protection

Friday April 3rd.

,I

not, I think that he represents every idea and thought that was put into writing our Con-stitution. The freedoms he is pushing for in our country are admirable . . . hey, somebody close the window, I feel a draft around here. Al, have fun, and don't lose your pieces, because this is one game of Risk you can't run away from ... and stop smiling on television, remember, you are fifth in line, not third. Bye Al. Devotedly Yours, Richard Speck

'

SPECIALS

Freshly

Ground Dog

Dinner

I

Meat balls in

\!Cream Sauce

!

COLLEGE

I.D.

Ithaca

on Elmira Road (Rt. 131

I IC'rOSS f,om Zllr.1ld1 ("hr\. rolt'l 1

REQUIRED

NDti\OSA.

PO

snJ1.KHous1:

Cannot be US(>d 1n comblnat1or, u.1rh

o1h,:r discounts Applicable rau.s n<"

included Ar Par1ropor1ng Uoghuu .... ,

.---

. ~ · l ' I S A

~-SENIORS

ONLY FIVE MORE

WEEKS TO GET

LAID

DRUNK

AND

STONED

Sign up in the Office

of Campus Activities

THEITHACAN

Constitution Adopted

By Eva Grodbcrg

Student Congress adopted a

new constitution at their

weekly Tuesday meeting. It

will go into effect for the I

981-82 school year.

positions," said Leech. The new constitution includes a provision for one person to serve as both Student Body

President and Student

Congress Chairperson.

Richard Correnti, vice

president of student affairs, said of the new constitution,

"Student government has

finally realized the need for

organizational structure.

Without organizational struc-ture-your whole organization collapses. It's good to update that structure every now and then, although you have to be careful not to fit the structure to the people, instead fit the people to the structure." The new constitution was

unveiled at Congress on

Tuesday by the Constitution

Committee, Jim Leech.

Leech, who is also student

body president and student

congress chairperson, has been working on the document sin-ce he took offisin-ces in August.

"I lik~ the in~or_poration of

"When I usurped . . . , I mean assumed both positions, we had to go through a lot of red tape,'' said Leech. This new version completely eliminates that red-tape. One person can assume as many positions as

he wants ... and there never has

to be an amendment made he added. ·

Lottery

is

a Sucress

He Can Be

Yours For $14.

At Command Performance we adapt the guy you want to your own special needs. So even while your ageing and looking like a road map.

You 'II continue to get

the performance you d~mand. *Wash and Blow included. No appointment necessary.

I

Commaud.P.erformance•

I

For the perfor!llance that drives you crazy

Pyramid Mall

~

Ithaca

[1[]

Once again The housing Lot-tery was a smashing success ac-cording to Bill Perkins, Assistant

housing director. Perkins

at-tributed its success to the usage of Triphammer Mall Theatre tickets with coded 7-digit num-bers for students to pick from. The theatre tickets were Perkin's own "p-et project" and were used in place of the usual pieces of folded white paper with the standard arabic numerals that have been used in past years.

"The coded number system," Perkins said, "allowed housing staff working the lottery to gain a feeling of power because most students were unable to read their own numbers." .

One housing staff member snickered, "It was so hysterical, the number '75' was picked by 9 different students.'' Perkins had no explanation for the occuran-ce, but is appointing a seven-member campus life committee

to study the issue. ·

We have earned a national reputation

for our winos-we feature the products

of the streets of Ithaca. Enjoy the

pleasures of watching our winos

pass-ouL Smell the sweet aroma of our

best 59¢ wine. We know you'll love

it

(hie-cup)-The Bowery South

Ithaca, N.Y.

272-PUKE

"Meanwhile," he said, "those students who picked the same

number will be reduced to the

status of second class citizens," a

status shared with transfer

students.

The lottery took place within a two day period, in which every

freshperson, sophomore and

junior who wants housing next

year was expected to pick a

number.

'-One might expect long lines of students waiting to pick from The Lottery, but this was not so. For Juniors and some lucky sophomores lines only extended from the game room down one flight of stairs past the Candy Counter and Junction through the doors and partially up the other set of stairs.

This, Perkins felt, "was an

improvement over last year. Waiting time through the line

took a minimum of two hours,"

Perkins said. "It's a great op-portunity," Perkins said • for students to improve their charac-ter."

John Stanton, the Registrar commented that he only hopes the new preregistration turns out

to be sue~ a success.

When asked about the

validity of the lottery in the face of the startling

announ-cement requiring a GPA of 2.0

to remain on campus in the

fall, Perkins said, "Of course

it's not valid. That's the best part."

New Major Planrwd

Stenographic and secreta_rial. science will be the newest major at Ithaca College next year.

The new major will be designed to help students get their foot in the door, so that

they can later ~ove into

managerial and executive

positions. "We will be

teaching courses in executive gesture and posture, putting

you best foot forward,

executive coffee service,

makeup for advancement and

persuasive dictation," said

Business School, Dean

Howard Brown.

President Whalen said,

"The college wants to have the best possible opportunities;

and it thought that

secretarial science will give the students the mobility they need. Besides, facalty in this

department don't demand

tenure."

Fifteen students will be ad-mitted to the program in the fall, and 10 more are expected to join it in the spring. From there, it will only be a matter of time before hundreds of students are coming to Ithaca College for secretarial science.

"This program will be an

asset to Ithaca College's

Business School, "said Brown.

Our graduates will

revolutionize the concept of secretarial science in American business."

STONED ?MUNCHED OUT

?

*OVERSIZED SANDWICHES

*SUPER SUBS

*PIZZA BEER SODA

*READY TO EAT MACARONI SALAD

*COOKIES, ROLLS

&

BREAD

FOOD STORES

Saturdays Til Midnight • Sundays 8 am • 6

pm

The lthacan's Guide to Arts and Entertainment

You KnoW :"~::~.;-·

What

·They Say . .. -'.

_{__}

, , .

.

,,.·

..

a:: ---~., ' .~

~ . ~ '

·,

-~Bring

May

Flowers!!!!

IT'S AS EASY AS ....

Another Bullshit

Committee

.&....1.-1·· . . . .

President

Chair

V.P.

Campus Affairs

, ALEXANDER HAIG JERRY BROW,N

CHAIRMAN

,

. . ..

-

,MAO

V.P. Academics

WOODY ALLEN

V.P. Bus. & Fin.

-YODA

V.P. Comm.

-JEAN HARRIS

-

-''We endorse ''ALFALFA''~for

Vice-Chair.''

· VOTEA.B.-C.-ON

APRIL 8th

*

ELECT

*

FOR

P .

ONALGAIN

••••((

))1111

President

GEORGE BUSH

...

VP/Comm.

NANCY REAGAN

f/P/AfiJdemicf

_-

A BIRD

'

VJJ4

a,rff

JOHN ANDERSON

-

-

.

'

Bringing l

C.

Student Oovernment

To YO/J

·'

•uNITED sTuDENTs

•FOR

ANARCHY

--

..

.-~

.

,.

--.:"

.

.

.

/°

/

/

/

Henry Kissinger

/ /

/

/

/

,

.,.

srUDENT BODY PRiSIDENT

,

'

,

,"

,,.,

Sally Struthers·

_.,,

~

~"'

·,rr :s

FR~SIJENI' FOR

.:;AMPUS AFFAIRS ' , '

vI:E

PRESIDENT

F~

BUSIN~SS AND

FINAN:i

'

Ayatollah Khomeni

,r-

~

,'

\

/

,\

~

The Bulldog

\

₁

Mon~ Lisa

vr:.c:

i-'RESIOENT FOrl

A-.;ADiiv1I~S

\ "

--~I.;E. PRESIDENT FOR 00MMUNI~ATI0NS

'

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APRIL 8-TAKE ACTION

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VOTE

u s·a\

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Autos Over Football

Starting next year, Ithaca

College's football program

will be scrapped and a new

program in auto racing will be put in its place.

"The football games were only bringing in $25,000 in ticket receipts," said Director of Athletics Robert Deming, "and we couldn't justify the $50,000 expense. It is felt that · auto racing at Watkins Glen and other tracks, will bring more money into the school, and will be educational too. The college will gain needed notoriety; the kind of high profile it needs."

"We have just the person to

head our auto racing

coaching staff," said Deming. That person is Nfck Slick, a recent winner of the Grand Prix.

"We didn't make the an-nouncement before because

A mechanics auxilliary will replace athletic trainers now· in use, and they will be

con-we con-weren't sure if con-we could get

Slick," said Deming. "We

feel our new program depends -on his expertise," he said.

sidered full team members along with the drivers.

Auto racing training will

begin in the Summer and the team should be winning by fall.

..

Budweiser .

KING OF

BEERS~-BOO

FER

OF

THE

WEEK

. Pud (Urp) Weiser tied for second place in the 10

liter micturation event of the Northeast Urinal

Tournament held on April

1.

.

Pud was among the wiser of some very tough

competition said Coach Harry Whizzer. ''My boy

downed a whole case of Bud right before the

meet.''

Pud got off the mark quickly, doing an amazing

8. 75 liter in 8.9 seconds. This gave him sole

possession of second, behind grand champion Alan

Tengallon. When asked about his performa!'ce,

Pud replied

by

urping into his white porcelam

trophy.

•

'-For his tremendous performance, _the Ithacan

honors Pud Weiser as Boofer of the Week.

Way to go Pud!

The Ithacan wishes the

auto racing team good luck, "Keep that money coming.''

THE.ITHACAN

Classifieds

Fred, . Here's to low depressions! Dear Cupcake Face,

Really dig your lotu~! Do you like my rolls?

Let·~ get together and put the top down ~ometime ..

Dear Easter Bunny, Can't we get. together and fertilize some eggs? Come up to Room 1100, E.T.

signed the Rockin' Robin

Love, the woman with the collection of 250 pairs of sunglasses

Love from Peaches

Hey Lee in London: To Rick: Pumpkin Pusskins:

Iceland was terrific la~t weekend.

Sesame seed baseball mitt and ... one hamster ear muff. No match!

signed Elray

Looking forward to the first day of ~ummer. June 21st the nice·,t day of the year. I Love You!!

What say we go to Monaco this weekend? Your snow nurn is fading ...

•

Vt}

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''o""

Love, Booby

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Horny Floridians do it in ancient Az-tec panel trucks. Where did° you do it? Love,

Twist B.S.N.

Dear Daughter,

I miss you. So who cares if they think we're crazy. Come to Philly and bring a banana. We'll make our own fun.

Forever Yours, JailBait.

I love you more than goofy! (Although he has nicer legs!!)

Love, Mommy

TEHERAN

CENTER

ITHACA

COLI.EGE.

YOU ARE INVITED APRIL 1, 1981

Intro to Teheran center tro5sroads 8 pm Special 14 month program in Tchcran. Cour,c of study include

world politic~. torture, pcr,onal hygiene, heli-copter piloting, hmtagc

,urvi, al. CO\'IE BY on:1cE AN\'TIME Muller 272-IRAN Application, clue No,. 1981

!p

Trinity Lutheran Church

/Missouri SynodJ

is Conducting Passover Services.

*For more information Call:

Moses Shwartz

tel. 272-2222 or Dial

r.od dire.ct.

Student supper/discussion group,

April_. 1st. 12-12pm.

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THE ITH~CAN

Announcements

Career Planning Notes

Career Planning L<i offering a special series of worlishops during the next week. Our list includes:

Creative Job Searching

Ever wonder how people really get jobs?

This workshop is designed to explore creative, clandestine activities that are sure

bets when it comes to blackmailing a potential employer. We will cover, bribery~criminal activity, and wiretapping for the beginner. G. Gordon Liddy will be our guest speaker.

Senioriti<;: School to School

One or the most popular ways to avoid the real wortd is to never enter it. Many seniors consciously plan for tl1e inevitable by adopting the "5 year plan". Staying in school is a convenient way to ext~>nd the joys of college life. We will cover curriculum planning, alternate financing, and suggest ways of breaking this exciting news to your parents and friends.

Interviewing Strategies and Techniques

'There IIJ"e many cml.ible ways or getting through an interview without ever saying anything substantial. ThLs workshop can

be invaluable for those who spent their four years of college watching soap operas, eating Doritos, and visiting frien-ds at other colleges.

Creating a Credential File Even though you never established a meaningful relationship with any faculty,

'·

Friday, Apr. 10 promises lo be sunny and hot. Be sure to wear your shorts or you will not be allowed to socialize in front or the union.

Marathon

Students Organi1e Cro\s-Country Road Rally

A new organization on campus, Student for Creative Leisure, arc ~ponsoring the First Annual Cro,~ Country Road Rally to take place one week before finals. "Student\ will need a study break around them,'' ,aid organization president Kevin Yawn, "a week of road rallying lo San Francisco and back should take care

cir pre-exam anxieties. We hope this will become an annual tradition." For information, call Shaw at 272-3000.

Opportunities

Win a trip to El Salvador. Raffle spon-sored by the Ithaca College College Young Republicans. Find out first hand what our country's doing for El Salvador and have a lovely time on the beach besides. Raffle tickets arc $5 and arc available at a table in the Union today. we can suggest ways to arrange glowing Students can now become partners recommendations from the department ip Kink, Inc., manufacturer of ticklers Chair of your choice. and body care products. Just send

Special Note . $5000 to Kink. Inc. 111 South Beach

Career Planning would like all the job Boulevard, Miami Beach, Fl 30472.

hunters to know that the market this Watch your money grov. !

summer looks so dismal, we're dosing our office earlv this year. Office hours for the rest of the semester will be conduc-!L'd at the pool and on the basketball coun of the Hill P.E. Center. As soon as the "eathcr gets warm, appointri'lf:nt, will be made for the outdoor pool during the hour\ of 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Tenni5 coun and dance cla~ appointment~ by special arrangmcnts only!

Take out a membership now in the new Ithaca College Faculty Yacht Club. (includes use of the new J.C.

Yacht). Only S40 a month gets you on board for dinners. parties and lci~ure acti\'illc,. No students allowed.

Group Exp/,ores

Structured Drinking

By Tern· Rzepkowski

There has been a lot of con-cern recently on campus about alcohol. A need for review of thi~ ·situation ha~ prompted the college to hire the services of a nationally prominent group to

do a study on campus. The

group's members are geniunely concerned with alcohol

consum-ption. Mack & Barf, leader of

the group DRINK Drinking

Ridiculously ls Nothing Knew, had these views on the matter:

The problem with the

drinking pattern on campus is

there ·is no pattern. Students

need organization. We observed random groups drinking random liquors at random times. This is unprecidented. Think what this can do to your system! Drinking should come under a· strict daily regimen much like meals. Lets face it if you only ate.Macke two nights a weekend you'd get sick too. These are the recommen-dations for students concerned

with alcohol. It is a ten point

plan.

pressure to drink.

8. Lower the consciousness of those who drink and understand how to intensify the effects of alcohol.

9. Institute a "way to go"

program for "Boofer" of the week.

10. Become a charter member

of our national organization

CHUG College Heathens

Utilizing Grain.

The College Board is currently considering this study and may soon come to adopt this ten point guideline as campus

doc-trine. For a free pamphlet,

write:

"10 Truths of Barf" Office of Incidental Life

Ithaca College Ithaca, New York 14850

Speakers

Firefighter Lou Withiam, I.C. Safety and Security will be the next reminist-marxist speaker at Ithaca College. Withiam's talk will .be entitled "The Phallic Connotations as Prescribed by the Firehose."

The lecture will be held on

Thur-sday, April 31 at 8p.m. in Withiam's

trailer, parked outside the union. Joe Halpern, '82 will open up the Residential Life Speakers Series w11h a lecture entitled 'R.A.5 arc People too." Due to opular demand, the lecture has been expanded to a five ' part seminar. Hear Joe talk about "The Ins and Outs of R.A.

Duty, ""Scandals Involving John Mi~tretta, "and "The Truth About the Red Phone," to name just a few.

Organizations

Ultimate Frisbee Players- tl)ere will be a spring meeting on Tuesday (3/31) at 7:00 p.m. We will meet in the Union. If you're psyched, show up!

'Tis the season lo be ULTIMATE. Tuesday night (3/31) at 7 p.m. we're having our spring meeting. We will b~ setting practice schedules and gctt,r:~ psyched. Meet in the Union at ·, ar,; don't forget the loose joints! Pcnahv bongs for those who blow it off.

1A\

:. ) \i

'·

'

i

,·

j

Extra University cl.t\\C:, begin April I and will continue for four week\. Classes bare no credit but arc loads of

fun! Regi~tcr at Student Activitic\

Of-fice now! (Sec ad on page 4) "

Gue~I Speaker Larry Cnld\\ell will speak at 11 a.m. - F307 about h1, ocupation as a "Real Estate Problem Solver." The public is invited.

Middle Qua~

Cons!~nction Begins

By Jose Halpreno

Ithaca College

ad-ministration has announced that Middle Quad construc-tion will begin May 27, as scheduled.

Costs for the housing

project will exceed $200. "We realize that there is a need for more student housing on the campus,'' Slick Korren-ti told a news conference Tuesday night. "My personal investigation team reported that fact to me early last

week."

The plan calls for the ~etting up of five all-weather tents in back of the union dining hall. The tents will be arranged in a pentagon formation, with a bench situated in th~ middle.

An I.C. spokeman told the Ithacan yesterday that "eacJ, tent will house two Ithaca College students.''

He added that, "If housirig

shortages become a factor

again at LC., then triples

would be considered for the Middle Quads.''-·

./,. \

..

-Intro. to Zen Practice

Wednesday 8:30-10:00

Beginning Ap.-il

t

in The Junction

A ,er ie, of talJ.-, trn Zen Buddhi,1 \ ie\1 of

cleanlinc,,. ,t,ir\·ation. l'hild-c,1re. fa,hi\lll de,ign,

and rlanned ran:nthol1d.

*Free and open to tlH· LC.Commune. Spon~ored h~ A f!!.ha1111·ra11 Board of 7 011r11111

t·onu·

f

o

II!"!

for:

I. Initiate large-scale

consum-ption programs 2. Set week-long goals.

3. Change laws, rules and

regulations to assist in achieving these goals.

4. · Encourage students to

assume a drinking behavior.

5. Provide support to those who

drink.

,1onopolizes

Art Supplies

111

ltl1aca!

Hi~ht~st l)rices

Any~'hcr•~

~pt•t•dhull

111~

Pnpt·r

( )ii paint

,)li!lt·~

8 I

0.9."i from

81.60

from :-i

7

And the list ~oes on!

..t~1·v._h1·n·

;<

i..;,'

fn,m

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from

:<:.! ..

,11

6. Concentrate praise on those who appear to use alcohol ex-cessively.

7. Standardize campus drinking

patterns and induce peer

..

Life is

intercourse.

Nobody grows up to be a chemistry major.

A chemist may specialize in research management,

coach a softball team, teach Sunday School, be

an effective parent, a leader in the community,

and an opera buff - but not at Ithaca College.

No matter what your major, you can combine

all of Ithaca's resources to prepare for the

intercourse of your life.

So

is

Ithaca College.

Hawaiian shirts are mandatory in this tropical paradise. Just ask any student about the year that the lake melted .

A world renowned School of Music. Professors use the latest teaching · methods and students are required to keep abreast of the music world. Re-quired reading? What else but

The Stone. Selected musicians are given the opportunity to play in one of Ithaca's many seedy bars.

Ithaca's students work feverishly to stay in shape. Especially the week before spring break when the entire population migrates to I.C.'s

Ft. Lauderdale campus.

Thongs are a must. How else could we trudge around in the snow and sleet?

For more information about

Ithaca College, write to:

The Ithacan

Ithaca College

Ithaca, New York 14850

Though smut mags are quite popular on campus, they are

by no

means

a replacement

for

the healthy, active sex lives

led by all I .C. studen~.

We all wear hats. Enough said.

Devo shades are a must at LC. to keep the student from seeing the world as it really is.

Whether used as a pick-me-up or a lay-me-out, _ Jack Daniel's is the staple drink of all LC.

stu-4

dents (and

fac-ulty too). In

fact, some won't

blow chow with any other whiskey. '

I

Among Ithaca's many reputable athletic teams is ultimate frisbee. Players are really high

-flying and can

play frisbee too.

"Camp Ithaca"

maintains a high level of drug and