The Frame Control Bible
by Nick Sparks
Frame Control: What is it?
! Every person has an interpretation of the world (their frame)
! Reality is always malliable and is subject to interpretation
! Whoever is more convinced of their interpretation will influence
What is Frame Control Dependant On?
! Her level of trust and comfort with you
! The “strength” of your frame
Her Level of Trust and Comfort
! A woman won’t adopt your frame if she doesn’t trust, like, or feel
Developing a Strong Frame
! Can be done directly or indirectly
! Direct frame development: Reinforcement of frame through
concious thoughts. IE: “She really wants to kiss me right now”
! Indirect frame development: Expressing a particular frame to
others, even if you don’t fully believe it and getting positive feedback that will strengthen that frame
Developing an Attractive Frame
! Certain frames of reality are more attractive than others
! Positive vs. negative frames
Is Frame Control Manipulation?
! Human beings, esp. women are looking for leadership
! If your frame is a selfish one, i.e. “I want women to worship me
because it will make me feel good about myself”, then women will be less likely to adopt your frame
! Conversely, if your frame is one that will benefit her she is more
likely to follow, i.e. “We are going to have an amazing night together”
Frame Control Happens On Two Levels
! Physical: How you move your body and the amount of physical
touch you initiate
! Verbal: The words that come out of your mouth that will set the
tone of an interaction
! Key: As long as she trusts you and your frame is strong and
Don’t Do What ‘Donnie Don’t’ Does
! Donnie keeps physical touching low because his frame is that
touching is awkward - and thus she follows his lead
! Donnie waits for obvious indicators of interest from a woman to
escalate, and is thus is dependant on her frame
! Donnie isn’t sure if a woman will like him or not and therefore,
Her Frame When She Is Approached
! This guy looks fun. I want to talk to him
! He doesn’t look like the kind of guy I want to talk to ! I’m having a girls night
! I’m not interested in being “picked up” ! Why can’t I find a man?
! I have a guy already and am not interested in being picked up ! I look terrible tonight, no guy would want me
! I look hot, I can have my pick of men in here ! An infinite possibility of things
Sometimes Her Frame Is Strong
! Example: If a married woman is totally in love with her husband,
her frame that she’s not interested in meeting a new guy is probably very strong.
! In this case, you probably won’t be able to get her in bed. This
Sometimes, Her Frame is Malleable
! She is looking for a stronger, more attractive frame from a guy
Donnie’s Frame When Approaching
! I’m going to open and run a routine and then look for IOI’s ! I hope she likes me
! She’s out of my league
! She can have her pick out of every guy in here ! I’m not really sure if that was an IOI or not ! She’s on her phone, I can’t talk to her
How Does Donnie Communicate This Frame?
! Weak eye contact
! Looking to her for approval after he says something
! Appearing displeased if she doesn’t give the reaction he’s looking for
! Running for cover if he’s not greeted with smiles
! Being oblivious to her reaction
The Correct Frame When Approaching
! This woman is attractive, I’d like to get to know her better
! She will have a better time talking to me than not
! If she doesn’t like me at first, it’s simply because she doesn’t
know me well enough yet
How Do You Communicate This Frame?
! Strong eye contact
! Looking away with a smile on your face after you say something ! Appearing happy and content regardless of her reaction
! Standing strong if you don’t get positive reactions at first because you know they’ll
come
! Paying attention to what she’s saying and feeling so you can vibe with her instead
of trying to bulldoze her with your own words
! Speaking as though you couldn’t be more sure of the words coming out of your
Donnie’s Frame When Escalating
! I think she wants me to touch her now ! I hope she lets me kiss her
! I better wait for another IOI before I try anything ! If I get her number I’ll be such a baller
! What if she doesn’t like me touching her? ! When is the right time???
! She didn’t like my touching, looks like this one is lost
How Does Donnie Communicate this frame?
! Nervously sliding his hand to her back and waiting for her response ! Getting excited because he’s getting a number
! Waiting for some signal from her to make a move ! Awkwardly going for a kiss before the vibe is right
! Acting withdrawn and bitter if she denies his advances
The Correct Frame When Escalating
! She’s cool, I want to make her feel good by getting close to her ! She’s sexy, we would both melt if we kissed right now
! Why wouldn’t she want more touching?
! She’s smiling and talking to me, she wants me to take things further ! I need that number so we can see each other again
! This feels good. It’s so the right time
! She didn’t like my touching? It’s ok, some people are less comfortable with themselves than I am ! I want to touch her to make her feel good, but she’ll also like it if I pull back for a moment to
How Do You Communicate This Frame?
! Moving closer to her - not just trying to touch her
! Acting as though the number exchange is an inconvenience on the road to
getting to getting to know her better
! Make a move because you want to because you can’t help how attracted to
her
! Understand if she denies your advances but remain unapologetic since you
can’t help it in the first place
! Move in to make both of you feel good, and then move away for a moment to
Of Course It’s Not That Easy
! A woman will test your frame...
! not to be a bitch (most of the time) but...
! She needs to know if you’re more than a figment of her
I Love Tests
! She needs to know if you’re really a strong, confident, sexy man
who goes after what he wants or if you’re full of shit
! Being strong enough to pass a woman’s tests makes you strong
The Frame Control Cheat Sheet
Non-verbal Tests
! Anytime she pulls, turns, or looks away
! The answer: Mirror
! Although your instinct may be to try and get her attention
back, it stems from insecurity
! Instead, pull, turn, and look away as well. After demonstrating
your non-neediness, face each other and continue where you left off
Responding to Verbal Tests
! In general: You are unflinching
! Important: Keep eye contact
! Speak slowly and 100% sure of yourself
! Move a bit closer as you answer
“So what do you do?”
! This usually isn’t even a test; Girls want to make sure that you’re
not a psycho - having a job is a good way to communicate that
! You can be evasive once, but answer honestly the second time
! “A little bit of this, a little bit of that”
“You’re Such a Player”
! “I can’t help it if girls like me”
! “I don’t do it on purpose”
! “Takes one to know one”
! “Yeah but only a little bit”
! “I just really love women. It’s not my fault”
! “Women just always seduce me. I don’t want to be rude and shoot
“I’m not going home with you”
! “You really shouldn’t. I mean I know I can behave myself but I
really can’t trust you”
! “Of course you’re not, I barely know you”
! “You’re right. I mean I would love to cuddle with you but you
would probably try to seduce me”
! “Whoa, I never invited you. Although that’s not a bad idea”
She turns from your kiss
! “How dare you seduce me and then turn away” (With a disconnect) ! “That’s too bad, that would have been fun.”
! “There’s a good chance that you’ll regret that later”
! “Ohh I got the cheek, I’m going to be scarred for life now. How can
you live with yourself”
! “I love it when a girl turns away like that. Can you promise you’ll
“I’m too much for you”
! “Oh yeah, I can tell I wouldn’t be able to keep up with
that” (Sarcastically)
! “Darling, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into”
! “You’re right, he looks more your speed” (Point to awkward guy)
! “Ooh, you sound like fun”
“I only date ‘X’”
! “I bet you don’t”
! “That’s cool. I don’t really have a type. Life’s more fun when you
try everything”
! “That’s too bad, this would have been fun”
! “‘X’ and guys who (describe yourself positively) of course”
“I don’t even know you”
! “You’re right. This is crazy”
! “I know. It’s a good thing we’re attracted to each other”
! “I know. You really shouldn’t be looking at me like that”
! “It’s funny, I was just thinking the exact same thing about you”
“Why should I give you my number?”
! “You really shouldn’t. We’d end up spending too much time together
and we’d never get anything done”
! “Because you’d love to talk to me more, don’t be silly”
! “Because you haven’t done enough nice things for yourself yet today”
! “I probably wouldn’t if I were you, but you like me for some crazy
reason”
“You’re so full of Shit”
! “Of course I am but you love it”
! “Darling, you really should trust people more. You’ll thank me for
that advice later”
! “It’s pretty ironic that you’re telling me that right now” (laughing)
! “Maybe, but what if I wasn’t?”
Transitioning
! After you pass her test, simply go right back to where you were
before
! Get to know each other better
Framing Her
Women Want to feel Sexy
! How you treat a woman will determine how she behaves toward
Donnie Don’t
! Frames Donnie puts on a woman: ! “You’re so difficult”
! “You’re so moody” ! “You’re so much work” ! “You’re a pain”
! “You’re boring”
! Why do you think Donnie only finds difficult, boring, and moody
Attractive frames
! Frames you should put on a woman: ! “You’re so much fun”
! “You’re trouble” (in a good way) ! “You’re trying to seduce me” ! “Stop looking at me like that” ! “You’re sexy”
! “You’re so spontaneous and adventurous”
! Don’t be surprised when you find fun, adventurous, spontaneous, seductive, and sexy women
