First you must go out. If you are not going out nothing is gonna happen.
You have to learn that is ok to introduce yourself to strangers and start a conversation. You can just go, say hi my name is, shake hands, and it's on, the set is now owned; then you can just start talking or they would talk. Expect nothing but what is happening.
You have to learn that people around you are as intimidated and insecure as you are, sometimes you may think they are bitchy or assggressive, but it is far better to keep the mindset that "they may just be nervous, that if I quit the conversation now, is gonna be a lose situation for both, that I need to stick here to help them overcome their fears". Usually girls will be a thousand times faster to open than guys, but you have to open everyone, they will know you have a social vibe.
If you are in a club, party or a bar, NEVER stop interacting with people, as soon as you get there talk with the coolest or the chodest guy/group. It doesn't matter who is it, you need to keep the interaction going all the time. What I mean about interaction is not only conversation, you can also play games or stuff like that, sometimes they have darts, dancefloors and pool tables, where you can have fun WITH other people you met there.
Assume everyone is your friend and they all like you. I'm sure you have a group of friends where you can just chill and nothing holds you back from be yourself, so apply the same approach to the pub. You don't need to impress anybody with anything you say or do, you don't need to make any sentence longer, you are there to be out of the house and interact with people as any other socially healthy human being.
It is important that you get use to go out alone in order to get these mindsets. If you start going out a lot with wings and friends, all this stuff is gonna take longer to develop, once you are comfortable going out alone you can bring friends and stuff. I personally feel better to go by myself because it works so much better for logistics. Remember that even though you are going out alone you are never alone, because everyone around you is also your friend.
You should ALWAYS KNOW what you want. NEVER think about what you don't want to happen. ONLY think about what you want, and take right action on it. If you want to talk to that girl, talk to her, if you want to hug her, go hug her, if you want to call somebody on something they are saying, do it, if you only want to engage one girl, only engage that girl, if you want to change the conversation, change the conversation, if you want to be alone with her, take her with you, if you want to reward a girl for something she said, do it, if you want to punish her for something she said, do it.
Everything you do wether is calling someone on something, clawing, smiling, looking in the eyes, spining, it all should be done for your own fun, you are bringing this fun to the group, not the group bringing this fun to you. Your fun should not depend on what the others are doing or saying, it depends on you, this is frame controlling. All these stuff is straight forward guys, there are not metaphors or parables here, it is just as it sounds.
Whatever you are doing at the moment is the coolest thing going on, if you are talking to her, that's the coolest thing going on, if you are getting a blowjob in the restroom, that's the coolest thing going on. Don't think in terms of past and future. The coolest thing going on is right now, in front of your eyes, nowhere else, is only happening to YOU.
KEY is that good feeling you have inside your body, like Tim said, that feeling will dictate
everything that is happening around you (to your own perspective which is the one that matters). You should feel like you are a Rockstar, that is on in all matters, that it doesn't matter what is going on, girls are only thinking: "I hope this guy close the deal, I hope he moves things forward" 'cause in reality that is what is happening.
KEY do not compare, do not judge, do not interpret anything she wears, do or say. You are not focused on her mind, she is not her mind, so there is absolutely no reason to focus on her mind. Focus on her heart, her heart and soul is where is at, literally.
Now that been said, there a few other things that I think are important, most of the time they will come naturally, but if they don't, there is nothing wrong with knowing about them:
Always speak with neutral rapport tonality. The only time I may use trying for rapport tonality is to spice up a character in a story I'm sharing. Breaking rapport you can use it when calling
somebody on something, but it should always come from that having fun/giving value frame. Speak loud, laugh loud, a good voice volume will give you instant value, don't be afraid of calling people's attention. People's attention is natural to you, you are a Rockstar, you don't check around to see who is looking at you, you are use to have people looking at you all the time, and you're careless about it, you focus on what you want.
Lazer eyes: look into her eyes, you are the shit, she knows it, she is afraid of her feelings betraying her own self control, she is afraid that you can own her emotions.
Inner smile: you have not concerns, you know that not matter what happens, you always win, you don't need to try to win, you are already a winner, you know you are the shit, she knows that you know that you are the shit.
Intimacy: She knows what is going on, you know what is going on, it is assumed. She is willing to give up herself to you, is a win/win situation. A simple attraction becomes a strong connection, you are not two, you are one, you accept it as it is.
Claw; Beware of the claw, the claw always win, the claw only grows stronger.
Remember that kino and escalation comes from this one question: What do I want right now? It does NOT come from this question: What should I do right now? (that what should do question should NEVER come in your thoughts).
Now, you can basically use all the classic stuff they taught us in early game and make it work. The main ones I use are:
Roleplaying - Plotlines - Bubble Of Love (give her a role, she doesn't have to be a random stranger, she can be anything you want her to be)
Storytelling (you have a life to express, you play Castlevania, you watch Anime, you read Homer, you are a fan of The Matrix Trilogy, you watch YouTube, it doesn't matter what is your life, is all cool because you are cool)
Missinterpretations (Take anything she said as she is hitting on you, remember is always on, do this with the I'm fun frame, not with the I'm a jerk frame)
Hot reading (I said "hot" because I think is way much more effective when you do it hot, meaning when you already know a few things about her and you are using those things to do the reading, btw, this goes very well before changing venues)
They never taught us when to know when a tool is working and when is not, so how do you know when a tool is working? When her head is spinning (this is why the actual action of spinning her is
so popular, and this is why girls are afraid of us doing this to them).
How to escalate? Making her head spin with a wide range of emotions. These emotions will autogenerate with your fun frame. Make her heartbeat go all over the place.
Have you done a threesome? Do you like doggy style? Are you loud in bed?
Does your boyfriend likes to watch? Have you kissed a girl?
AVOID ROUTINES. ROUTINES ARE NOT FUN. AVOID ROUTINE TALKING.
How to piss her off? When you are making her head spin and you are not escalating. Always be pushing forward, one step back, two forward.
KEY NEVER look for IOIs from her, NEVER wait for IOIs from her. Sometimes she is not secure enough to make one. YOU KNOW is always on, so there is absolutely no reason to wait for her IOIs to do what you want.
The important points:
1. You should feel you are your own party. Really, feel good about yourself when you are out, feel like you are the coolest.
2. You always assume attraction, it doesn't matter what she is doing or saying. 3. You feel comfortable with any situation because you are having fun.
4. You make her head spin, you do not let logic ever enter in the interaction, you avoid routines, routines are not fun, you make everything fun for yourself.
5. You make the conversation sexual, you are not apologetic about what is it that you want to do or say.
6. You close the deal. I'm not saying tell her let's fuck right away (one thing at the time). If you want to take her home, take her home, "let's go, we are leaving".
7. You are the man, You take accountability for everything that happens. You never put any responsibility on her. It's all on you. You make the decisions, you don't wait for her to make a decision, she expects you to make the decisions for her.
I believe that your 'attract game' is 90% of the game. Flakes? Dissapear if they're attracted enough. Logistics? The girl handles it. Escalation? She'll probably do it or open enough fucking windows to make it piece of piss. LMR? haha gone. Qualification? She'll rationalise stuff if she's
really into you. So it's VITALLY important.
Attraction is directly proportional to one thing. This thing has several names and ways of expressing it, but it all amounts to the same thing.
1. Being unreactive. Being unreactive is acting the same way you do around other people as you do when you are alone or with someone who you don’t care/worry about their acceptance. In other words, if you’re being your normal self, you’re unreactive. Be unreactive, get attraction. You know you’re unreactive when you’re totally at ease and outside your head and not thinking ahead to an outcome.
2. Adding value. You’re totally adding value when the reactions to your actions aren’t affecting your ego structure. In other words you don’t care what reactions you get. As a result you’re (gasp) normal, unreactive, and basically care free about what happens. Relaxed and outside your head as a result.
3. Not giving a shit what people think of you. See number 2 above.
4. Putting your real personality on the line 100%. This is the same as unreactive. You’re being normal so to speak, not changing your personality (not holding back nor overcompensating) and not doing stuff you normally wouldn’t do.
5. Acting through your own intentions. See #1 and all the rest.
6. Not having an outcome. When you don’t have an outcome, you don’t care about what happens. Therefore you are totally unreactive/normal/not caring about what happens/etc. Now all of these can be obtained as a result of being indifferent to the outcome. The normal community/RSD strategy is to do so many fucking sets that you literally stop caring about each one and so become normal when doing them.
You get attraction because you communicate that you’ve got so many girls that you don’t care about this one. You want them less than they want you. You do not validate them, so they start grasping for validation and end up in a big spiral of reactiveness. Hence the more unreactive (validation withholding) you are, the more reactive they get. Like when a girl doesn’t call you when she says she will, you start thinking about her and putting her too much on a pedestal and basically liking her more than you did before. Not caring and subcommunicating this by being normal conveys value and that you are of higher value than her. Basically you do not want anything from her (validation, sex even you’re pretty indifferent about, validation of your skills or the method).
This is why you get attraction so fast with girls you literally do not want. (UGs, your brother’s girlfriend, etc). You act normal or even a bit disinterested and it devalidates them and they go into a reactive spiral grasping for your validation.
So basically attraction is gained when you do not really want anything from the girl. THEORY:
So let’s get keyboard jockeyish and get deep into some theory.
Not wanting anything from the girl is not having an outcome to the interaction. And so you don’t want an outcome to the interaction, you won’t try to manipulate the interaction in any way shape or form (otherwise known as 'button pushing'). You won’t use your MIND to control your ACTIONS which are normally free flowing. You won’t be actively ‘doing’ anything. Like you’re talking to your best friend, you’re not ‘doing’ anything unless you want some thing from them. If you’re chilling then you’re totally normal (unreactive). If you want to borrow $50 and are about to ask you become REACTIVE because you now have an outcome to the situation. You have a value taker vibe like a beggar and it repels people.
So let’s say you approach a group of people and you do not want anything from them. You have no outcome so to speak. They see you don’t want anything from them (only adding value) and so open right up. You get instant ‘attraction’ because they see you’re so high value that you don’t want their validation or sex even. (Having intent is still not wanting sex because for the intent to work you have to not really care at all if the girl sleeps with you or not).
How do we get like this? Portals to unreactivity:
1. Totally drop the outcome. This is fucking tricky cause this has to be a ‘way of being’ and not a ‘technique’. As soon as it becomes a technique, you’re ‘gaming’ them (why would you be gaming if you didn’t want anything) and so you have an outcome again.
2. Talk to so many people that you really don’t care anymore. This is the standard.
3. The big one. (copyright The Now 2008 hahaha). STOP CONTROLLING YOURSELF. Now you only actively control your actions (micromanage) if you have an outcome to the situation. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t control anything you do. You’d ‘let go’ of your body and let it do whatever it wants to do.
Now…. Some of you may of read the post ‘speaking from a place of coolness’ by Android. Great post, but I think he has it backwards. He talks about feeling a line of inhibition when you’re about to do something and to not push through that ever (read the pots for a good explanation of the inhibition feeling and threshold). Now this will keep you CONGRUENT yes. It stops you being try hard, but it is also CENSORING yourself heavily.
What you need to do is IGNORE that ENTIRELY and CONSTANTLY so that the feeling of inhibition is not controlling you whatsever. You flow past it like it never existed. So you’re free flowing whatever your body wants to do, and not letting your mind control ANYTHING. Just LET yourself do whatever. Don’t actively do anything. Do NOT micromanage. If your shoulders want to slump forward, let them. DO NOT BLOCK ANYTHING YOUR BODY WANTS TO DO . If your body wants to walk over to some people, let it. If it want to say "hey whats up", let it. (this is simular to if you're totally drunk or on some other drug that makes you lose all your inhibitions). Do NOT hold back (don’t hold back being relaxed or being talkative and more out there). TOTALLY take your hands off the wheel and let the chips fall where they may. If this causes you to trainwreck some of your interactions, then that is fine (remember – you don’t care about the outcome). Whatever happens happens. The key is to not have a boring conversation on purpose, but to LET the conversation be boring if it so desires. LET it be WHATEVER IT IS.
Now ironically being totally free and uncontrolling of your actions and totally cool with fucking things up because of that will actually make things go about 500 times better because people see you are not controlling yourself, so you must not have an agenda. Bam instant attraction.
So in summary, surrender and relinquish control of your body and your actions to your natural state of flow and being. Because really in the end, you aren’t in control anyway, you’re just reacting to whats happening.
Give up control, be free, flow, relax, and enjoy the women who flock you because of this but when they do, do not try to manipulate things further. Just keep flowing and doing whatever your BODY wants to do, not controlled by your MIND.
100% field tested for years by me now. Try it in the ‘field’, you won’t be disappointed. Totally consistent attraction (girls and guys) and pretty much perfect game unless the girl has problems and doesn’t want to be social.
Hope this post helps some guys out there.
Hey guys,
Recently I've been trying to distill all the stuff I've learned in my 2,5 years in this field into a few key points. It's not meant to be a comprehensive guide, just a brief summary of the most
important lessons I've learned to keep around as a reminder. I've been trying to write this stuff in my own words, focusing on points that really resonated with me. It's pretty basic and simple stuff, but it's all tried and tested. It's the stuff I've found really works. It's mainly "inner game" stuff, but that's the most important aspect to me. Get the mindset right and all the "technique" issues become completely irrelevant.
Again, this is all just meant to be a neat summary to be used as a reminder whenever needed. Also, it could double as a short introduction into this field to those completely uninitiated. Any and all feedback would be appreciated! That being said, let's go...
A few basic points on attraction 1. You don't NEED anything from her.
You don't need her affection, and you don't need her approval. Your life is awesome just the way it is, and you do not approach to try to gain something from her, some closeness that you are lacking. Everything is good with you, and you're just making conversation. Your life is full, and you are offering value to those around you, not seeking anything from those you encounter. You never act needy and you never feel that she has something you cannot do without. But you do not make any apologies for being a man with sexual urges who desires women.
2. You do not give a damn what anyone thinks of you.
People's opinions of you are irrelevant. You don't change your behaviour around others to make them approve of you, or to make them think that you are “cool”. If they don't like you it's their loss. Move on. What other people think of you is none of your business. What goes on in their minds is of no concern to you. That being said, you have high standards of behaviour and never act like a prick. The fact that you don't need people's approval doesn't give you license to behave like bastard. You're one of the good guys. You're honest and you treat people with respect. 3. Everything is cool.
The whole dating, sex and relationship thing is just a natural outcome of men and women getting together. There's no emotional intensity attached to it, no drama. It's just something guys and girls do because they enjoy it. You are the kind of person who naturally, effortlessly gets together with women and makes romance and sex happen. It's all part of the game people play. You know the rules and nothing fazes you.
4. There are women in abundance.
“There's plenty of fish in the sea” sounds like a tired cliché but it's actually a deep truth once you realise just how accurate it is. If things don't work out with this particular woman, just move on to the next one. It really is that simple. You'll never run out of attractive and intelligent women to meet. And who knows, maybe the next one is even better than the one you're currently seeing. 5. Don't TRY to make her attracted to you.
If you ever find yourself thinking about what you should “do next” to keep her attention, you are already losing. The flaw here is believing that you have to DO anything to make her want you. Don't TRY so hard. Just stop believing that you need to make some sort of special effort to get women to desire you. That belief itself is probably what's holding you back. Once you stop
TRYING and just interact with women in a normal, neutral and effortless way, attraction will follow. There's no secret to attraction besides having fun, putting your personality out there without fear and not caring about the outcome. It's the belief that you need to try so damn hard that's the main obstacle to success. Just relax and have fun.
6. Assume attraction and joke around with her.
Guess what? Cocky and funny, the oldest trick in the book, really works! But it's cocky and FUNNY, not rude and overcompensating. Cocky comedy can easily become a way to cover up your insecurities, to develop a sarcastic persona that shoots all women down with dismissive comments to avoid getting hurt. That's not what this is all about. For this to be truly effective all the other parts of your game need to be developed. You don't care what people think, you're just having honest conversation and putting your core personality out there, and you're not TRYING to make her her attracted to you. Cocky and funny works best when you're just having fun and jokingly teasing a girl to make the interaction sexually charged. It has to become second nature. You just enjoy poking fun at her, and it's fun for both of you. Assume she's into you and joke about how she can't have you right now. Assume she desperately wants you and joke about how some aspect of her character just isn't quite good enough for you. Or act like some thing that's in reality extremely hot isn't all that, but you nonetheless find strangely endearing. It's all about actually having fun with her and striking up a connection. And most importantly, it's about entertaining YOURSELF.
7. She will like you FOR YOU.
There's no need to play any kind of game or use any routines to try to make her attracted to you. You are a naturally attractive person. Your own personal quirks and traits are what make you attractive and interesting. YOU as such is what she'll be interested in. With all your flaws, weird interests and opinions. The person you are right now is already a magnet, a natural centre of attraction. All you need to do is put your personality out there, no holding back and no pretending, and sparks will fly. No fear. Just put your core personality out there.
I’ve been waiting to write this for a while now; the 1000th post landmark!
Every “1000th post” has been something special & worth the read, and I have really tried to make this puppy no exception to that rule. There’s stuff in here for everyone… So with that said...enjoy!
Instead of making this about 1 subject, I’m gonna touch on the most important lessons I’ve learnt in the past 1 ½ years that I’ve been in this game for.
I’m starting it off with a fun little analogy about abundance mentality that I thought up, and then on the good shit:
A woman is like a fine wine. There’s no such thing as the “all-round complete perfect wine” because it’s like mixing all colors; you just get “brown.” Same with wine; if all their notes and tones are equally outstanding; it would be crap. Same with girls: there’s no such thing as the perfect girl, and just like wines it’s about enjoying their particular uniqueness.
Of course you can have something close to “your own perfect wine,” or “the best I’ve had yet” but “the perfect woman” is just a woman that you find particularly fitting to your taste.
Just like with wine-tasting, it’s about AQUIRING your personal taste. You can’t tell between good & bad wines (women) until you’ve tasted multiple ones, and the more you taste, the more you know a good woman for you, from a bad one.
Just because you’ve maybe already “had the best wine you’ve had yet,” doesn’t mean you’re gonna stop drinking wine. Same with women. Keep enjoying them.
Just with wines; often you used to think it was the “best wine in the world” and then when you found it again a year later, it was “good” but just not the same…yup…
I doubt many people get their sense of identity from how expensive/rare the wine is they’re drinking (some undoubtedly do), so stop thinking chicks aren’t “good enough” for you, or just “aren’t pull worthy.”
If I’m talking to a girl, I’m theoretically willing to pull her 95% of the time…Otherwise I’ll just stop talking to her…If you’re doubting this; think about how retarded & stupid it is for people to get their sense of identity from the wines they drink…
Just because you’ve already had the $400 dollar bottle of the rarest wine, you’re STILL gonna enjoy a little $8 house-wine once in a while aren’t you!? So really, if you’re not “super attracted” to this chick, you can STILL k-close or fuck her. Doesn’t mean shit.
Girls love sex.
This is something that you should make the foundation of your game. One of the massive pillars within your reality that most guys have to build. Tear down the old pillar concerning girls’ view towards sex (this is unconscious); and build up this much stronger pillar. If actually done properly, this could put your game into higher gear very fast.
Girls LOVE sex. They look for sex when they’re out. A real few girls will be psycho’s/weird, but the massive majority of them would not minding having sex tonight…They just want to have sex with that “really hot guy.” That 1 hottest guy in the club.
BE THAT REALLY HOT GUY.
That really hot guy is deep within you; it is your man-essence. Don’t go for “top 5 hottest guy in the club” or “number 2.” YOU ARE NUMBER 1. You are “more real” than that other guy with game.
Dominance
Is probably one of the most important internal issues in this game that most guys are lacking in. This is not about “knowing you’re tough shit,” but it’s about acting Positively Dominant.
Most guys have positive down, and they really have to work on their dominance. So if you’re one of those, then just forget about being positive for a while and instead of “being dominant from a foundation of positivity;” you should be “positive” from a FOUNDATION OF DOMINANCE. Just being dominant should make you feel really solid and good, and if done right and NOT LOOKING FOR VALIDATION OF YOUR TOUGHNESS, you will be great.
Having Pure Intentions
This is also very important. You should love women, have respect for women, absolutely adore them. Most guys already have this down quite well…so if you have this down already, then KNOW that you are like this, because it’s about TRUSTING YOURSELF. If you don’t have respect, love, and adore women for the radiant people they are, then get it fixed. Also sometimes you get shit-tested or those rare times where u run into one of those insecure chicks that freak out when they feel masculine energy; trusting yourself into the fact that you just acting out of PURE intentions is important.
Having Pure INTENT
Enjoy girls for the feminine energy. That’s the only PURE Intent there is; not based on your value in comparison to theirs. It’s about TOTALLY opening yourself up to the radiance that great women have; not about their superficial hotness compared to your hotness. That’s ego shit. If you’re gonna lust for their ass, then do it purely for their lovely ass and pussy, and forget about your own comparative value.
You are ALONE.
This is maybe the MOST important thing; because it deals with all the other super important things like reactivity, state, dominance, and infinitely more.
Realize that YOU are “alone.” You are your OWN man. You are not dependant on your friends for “collective state.” You can be alone and on top of your world. You should be able to go out alone, go eat out at restaurants alone, go abroad alone, etc. I used to hate eating alone, going out alone, or just being alone. I had to ‘be with other people’ all of the time.
So I went abroad for 6 months ALONE. I did everything with MYSELF on the forefront.
When you’re in the club; you’re probably gonna be fucking the girls alone, so you don’t need your friends to be there with you.
Fact is: you might always have wonderful people around you, but you are an ALONE essence. You are Masculine Polarity. You are all YOU need. Make it so.
Being the Social Standard
Manwhore was really onto something here. Being the social standard.
If you want to be that “number 1, realest guy in the club,” then you can NOT GO OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY for the girls, NOR for the people around that might “watch” or “hear” you. That’s beta-ing yourself. You might do this unconsciously: watch yourself.
Same goes for the grocery store. Act on your OWN intentions, and never go out of your own way for an external reason.
This is CRUCIAL stuff. When you get this stuff down, you really start to feel your own masculine power.
Being Real
Redleader made me aware of this; and still one of the best all-encompassing concepts I’ve heard: BEING REAL. Being real towards yourself: acting on your own intentions, bringing the truth, are you doing what YOU want to do, at the speed YOU want it at? Being real towards her too. By radiating YOUR real true self, she will feel HER OWN; which REALLY IS giving value.
Escalation
Girls are an open book; they have no “preferred escalation speed.” Escalate fast and never hold back or slow down for her sake. She HAS NO IDEA! So that would be the most backwards thing you can do.
Truth.
Validation Seeking
Most likely the biggest reason that interactions fuck up, blow outs occur, and fuck up nights. Stop it. BE AWARE OF YOUR VALIDATION SEEKING BEHAVIORS.
Write that fucker down. If you have a bad night, you can bet your little cojonas it’s due to validation seeking behaviour, or a lack of action due to validation issues.
A real, positively dominant, pure, sexworthy guy that considers himself the social standard does NOT seek validation. These are all absolute opposites of validation seeking.
ALL girls screen for this; and 97% of all instant blowouts are due to a stench of validation seeking…the other 3% is because some girls are SO used to validation seeking guys coming upto them, that they automatically assume you’re like this as well.
Asshole Behavior
This “asshole behaviour” you probably won’t display much, but sometimes you try to “stop validation seeking” so bad, that you become an asshole, and you basically build ANOTHER shell around yourself. So yeah, not very important, but you’ll know when you’re doing it when you get a dramatically bad reaction & you actually KNOW she’s right because you no longer had “pure” intentions.
“There’s no good women in here”
This is VERY RARELY the case; especially in a big club. If so, get the fuck out FAST and go to a full club. When you’re feeling useless and you’re not taking action because “there’s no chicks in here.” ask yourself “Who, in here, would I like to talk to MOST?” Remember the “wine analogy”;) I love black girls; absolutely adore their sexiness, but they’re almost always in the minority and they’re not ALL hot either…in the end a beautiful girl is a beautiful girl…
Negative emotions / Feeling bad / Painbody
It’s foremost about stopping the resistance for the bad feeling your having. The resistance you have against the particular emotion is ACTUALLY WHAT MAKES YOU SUFFER. Without the resistance, NO EMOTION can make you suffer…and they will actually go away as well. So yeah; real acceptance and self-love! There’s no reason to stop loving yourself or think any less of yourself when you’re feeling one chemical reaction in your body over the other.
Ultimate male bliss
When you’re in touch with your masculine essence, you will feel great. You will feel like you’ll want to feel your entire life. That ‘sweet spot.’ That’s your masculine essence; which obviously you can only get in touch with when your acting and having in a manned-up way; which the topics above are all part of.
“Letting her feel ‘God’ through you.” Presence allows you to feel this. Value Inversion
You won’t get laid unless the girl games you. Know your logistics
At the beginning of the night; you’re gonna want to crystallize your own plans. You should know where you’d potentially pull, a plan-b, and the way you’re gonna get there. “Going to her house, with her car” is maybe not the most foolproof plan, but it’s better than no plan.
Having no plan is the same as not taking yourself seriously. Having no plan is the same as not even really considering yourself pulling ass…and you won’t until you DO come up with plans, because you’re gonna have to lead the interaction to sex anyways. You’re an unguided missile that’ll use up it’s own juice if you don’t know your logistical plan that night…
You can fuck anywhere YOU feel comfortable. The Best for Last: -screening girls for
sex-The real “baddass motherfuckers” in this game like Jeffy, Manwhore, and ofcourse me, have no problem having a certain direct explicitness that could be considered “over the top” by some. It’s that “screening” that Jeffy wrote about 2 articles ago on Rsdnation. He would talk to a handful chicks a night; and filter out the prude, validation seeking girls.
By always “trying to be smooth,” you’re actually making it unnecessarily unclear for yourself, and you are keeping the TRUE intent out. You’re running on “half speed.”
It’s ACTUALLY really smooth to not be smooth; but to be a man.
It’s about “shocking” girls back to REALITY by screening them like this. You could call it
“provoking shittests.” Some girls will undoubtedly go even deeper into the shit of their own mind, and will react “badly.” These were not gonna click with you anyways.
It’s very important to remain REAL during this “provoking shittests” because otherwise you’re screening them on being fake, and then obviously you’re gonna get fake shit back…and then it seems that you’re “not clicking with anyone” but that’s just because you’re an “asshole” with “asshole behaviour,” and you’re not really enjoying their girlyness like you should be doing. So if you’re unclear about this, realize what you’re screening for!
Are you screening for sex? Because if you want sex then you should damn well be doing so. When you want sex, and screen for sex, you will get sex. Know that you have pure intentions, and act out of pure intent.
CONCLUSION:
When you consider yourself the social standard, trust yourself, love yourself, and sort your non-game shit out…and move through this world while being rooted in your inner-man; you will feel
great. You will live the life you are meant to live, and you will pull healthy people into your life. Nobody is above the process, and it’s taken me 3 months of routine-based game, and 16 months of natural game to internalize all of this stuff so far…the fun’s only beginning.
It’s no longer about experimenting, but rather building reference points upon reference points towards a solid mastery way of being…which is a practice; not a finish-line.
Thanks to all you guys!
Doing bootcamp week-in and week-out, it doesn’t take long to notice some clear patterns in guys who are new to the game – simple mistakes guys make that can be fixed in a snap. Below are a few of the most common sticking points I see in beginners that can be easily addressed and once in order will definitely lead to noticeably better results.
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Approach Scanning – This takes place before even happens… the guy scans the room looking for a girl to talk to, sees a girl he’s attracted to, then comes up with all the reasons why not to approach. “She’s with a guy…she’s too tall… she’s in a bad mood”. Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, so instead of seeking out all the reasons why not to approach, let your thought process be this: “Girl…Hot Girl…Get Hot Girl.”
The Decaying Orbit – Here we’ve got a guy who’s decided to approach, but instead of making a straight line to his target and opening dominantly, he instead sort of circles around – gradually edging in and finally trying to initiate with a timid tap. YUK. When I see a girl I want, I am A MAN ON A MISSION. Nothing will come between me and her, and she knows it. Move dominantly and with purpose…let her see you’re a man who goes after what he wants… a man who grabs the proverbial bull by the horns.
The Far Talker – Any guesses as to what distance you want to be when talking to girls (in a club)? The answer is about 1 head length…this is a LOT closer than you think. Get comfortable being close.
Going Interview Mode – Game is expression of self. If the spotlight is on her then by default it means self-expression is at a minimum. Go first – put yourself out there and let her follow your lead. So it’s not “What do you like to do?” instead go first and let her follow… “I’m really into snowboarding” will usually be followed by her reciprocating by telling you what she’s into. Share your opinion… don’t be some impartial reporter, let her know what you think “that’s really weird… that reminds me of the time I…”
Larry King
doesn’t work like that…it’s more like “Let’s go to the bar…now let’s go dance… now let’s go chill…now let’s go back to the bar… now let’s go outside…now let’s go chill…now let’s grab something to eat…now let’s go back to mine.” Get her into the habit of following you on the little things first, before you go for the big ones. This also leads into our next point:
Fighting Against the Current: Look, if you’re talking to a girl and you see her standing there with an empty drink I got news for you – she’s gonna go to the bar at some point. You can only hold her in one place for so long before she gets thirsty. Likewise if a girl tells you she loves to dance… you’re only going to be able to keep her on the sofa for so long before she leaves to go dance. If you see a girl glancing around to see where her friends are… she’s going to want to find her friends no matter how charming you are. Instead of working against the current and trying to hold her, let her momentum work with you. Meaning, when I see a girl’s drink is empty I say “I’m thirsty, come with me to the bar”. When you see a girl looking around to see where her friends are, pre-empt her walking off to find them – “Hey, we haven’t seen your friends in a while…let’s go see where they went.” Really, what’s she gonna say…”No”?? “Fuck you”???
Fish
Spinning the Wheels – Ok so you’re at the club, girl is in a party mood and she REALLY likes you. Well, I don’t care how interesting you are, you can only have a friendly conversation for so long before it gets BORING. Or, even worse, before she thinks you’re a prude that’s scared to escalate. This is SOOOO common, guy likes girl, girl likes guy… guy and girl talk for an hour… guy does nothing to escalate either physically or verbally, guy and girl go their separate ways. Girl concludes guy doesn’t like her, feels insecure, develops eating disorder.
Filler Speak – This is where the guy is scared to reveal himself and his own thoughts and feelings, so instead he seeks to fill the conversation using external stimulus, “yeah the lighting in this bar is really cool… oh the DJ is pretty good tonight…yeah I’m drinking a vodka tonic.” Quit hiding – say what’s really on your mind.
Not Communicating Interest – I’ll make this simple. A girl won’t like you until you like her. A girl doesn’t know you like her until you TELL HER you like her. This can take place verbally or non-verbally – but if you have a problem with this make a resolution right now that the next 100 girls you talk to will get told either “you’re hot”, “you’re sexy”, or “I like you”. PERIOD. NO
EXCEPTIONS.
No Physicality – Simply put, get VERY comfortable being physical. How? Just be VERY TOUCHY. Practice makes perfect…it’s not rocket science.
Assuming It’s Not On – ARGH, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a guy walk away from a girl that likes him only to say “really? You think she was into me?” after I point out the obvious. Guys – if she’s talking to you she’s interested. It’s that simple. To be clear – She is into you unless she makes it blatantly clear otherwise.
Ignoring the Friends – Take a moment to introduce yourself and chat to her friends, this will make your job much easier down the line.
Not Trying for the Close – assume you’re closing, get verification one way or the other. No exceptions.
And lastly…
Giving a Fuck What Other People Think – Repeat after me…”I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME”. Good… now say it like you mean it.
Hey Guys,
Today I want to touch on the subject of polarity – and instead of digging deep into the core of ‘masculine polarity’ and what it means to be a man…instead come at it from more of a surface level in terms of the importance of ‘bringing down the hammer’ when needed.
(Let’s hand it over to Jay Z and Lenny Kravitz to score this one…)
So it’s widely known that girls are emotional creatures and need a wide range of emotions in order to feel fulfilled. (This is why – morality aside – it’s often easier to hook up with a girl with a boyfriend than a single girl… with a single girl you’ve gotta provide all emotions, whereas if the girl has a boyfriend you need only identify the emotion(s) she’s not getting from her boyfriend and provide those.)
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Well as is almost always the case, bringing the positive spectrum of emotions is easy and comes quite naturally…especially when we find ourselves attracted to the girl.
“Oh hahaha, that’s sooooo funny”
“Here, you wait here while I get your coat and pull the car around” “Aw thanks, that was really nice of you”
“You’re boss is a jerk, eventually he’ll appreciate how much value you bring”
There’s a million and one ways we offer girls positive emotions, everything from smiling to showing interest to complementing to you name it. And these are all completely necessary elements of any pick-up… thing is, balancing that out with polarity is equally necessary, and when appropriate must occur for a number of reasons. Interestingly enough, our natural instinct when we with to curry favor is to supplicate… to allow our standards to be trampled hoping the other party will acknowledge and appreciate our accommodative behavior. In reality, when we allow our standards to be trampled we actually turn off people to us on a personal level.
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Consider this example:
I invite you and a friend over to my house. When you arrive, I welcome you in and ask you to take off your shoes. Your friend gladly removes his shoes, but instead you say “you know what…fuck you… I’m keeping my shoes on”. Because I think so highly of you I respond “Oh that’s totally fine, in fact I’m sorry I even asked, please, keep your shoes on and come on in…”
Now, at this point are you thinking “wow, Ryan’s such a cool guy…” or more realistically are you thinking “haha what a little bitch.” – More likely the latter…
On the flipside, suppose you refuse to take your shoes off and this time I say “alright, that’s totally your decision, but you’ll have to wait in the foyer… you’re welcome into the living room any time you change your mind”.
Are you thinking “Fuck this guy…what an asshole”… or are you simply thinking “Ok, here’s a guy who’s got clear standards he expects others to adhere to… one of those being that I’ve gotta take
my shoes off if I wanna come in”.
Interestingly enough, people actually respect us more when we show that we respect our boundaries… that we have clear standards and expectations of others that are inflexible and inalienable.
So with a girl, I love telling her how much I like her, how much fun I’m having with her, that she’s great, ect. But, the moment she crosses a boundary I’m equally quick to let her know she’s strayed off track and to bring down the proverbial hammer if needed.
How do I do this?
Well, suppose I’m talking to a girl and she decides to make fun of my shirt. The first time she does, I may give a little chuckle and even tease her back or playfully pretend I’m sad. If she does it again I may convey that the joke has run it’s course, like “alright you got me”, or more likely even flat out ignore it. However, if she still wants to continue giving me a hard time, at this point she’s acting in a way that’s unacceptable and it’s up to me to let her know she’s infringed on my boundaries. I’ll leave no doubt in communicating this:
“Hey. That’s enough.” “Hey. Behave yourself.” null
Likewise, I understand that girls get text messages and that they sometimes need to check their phone… however if I’m talking to a girl and she gets excessive with the texting, I have no problem letting her know she’s being rude.
“Hey, put your phone away, you’re being rude”
To be clear, am I saying be an asshole? Absolutely not. Am I saying don’t compliment girls and be sweet? Again, absolutely not. What I am saying is that it’s important that you show at least a willingness to exercise polarity and demonstrate a degree of self respect.
Interestingly enough, this aspect of the game handles itself once you come into an abundance mindset. For instance, the other night myself and my good friend Rudey were out in Chicago chatting to two girls we’d met. My girl, being the sarcastic type was giving me a very hard time from the go – “Is this your A-game?... well maybe you should start using your A-game cuz as of now you’re not doing too well.” Now I love girls that challenge me, but this girl was going beyond simply being a challenge…she got to the point of being downright rude, oscillating between listening to me and allowing her attention to wander. Well screw that, the club was starting to get good and there’s no way I’ll stand for that type of behavior… so I simply got up and walked away – leaving her to play 3rd wheel to her friend and Rudey and think about her behavior.
About 20 mins later she found me in a different part of the club and approached me – “Hey, there you are…” I paused for a moment, thought about the way she’d treated me the first time around, thought about the new girl I’d met who was actually polite, shook my head and said “No”, then walked away.
Later in the night Rudey was still chatting to the friend, so I went in and ended up chatting to the original friend again. She was receptive and friendly for about 3 minutes before snapping right back into her original behavior. This was too much – I grabbed Rudey by the arm, said “we’re moving on”, and the two of us walked away without looking back. (Let me give credit to Rudey here for being a true wing)
So then, the moral of the story? Well, keep reading…
Wouldn’t you know it, later at the next club who again approaches me this time very clearly on her best behavior? By this point I was fully tired of her games so I told her as plainly as humanly possible: “I’m not sure I want to talk to you, you’re rude”… She replied “I like you.” My response… “I like you too, come with me”. J From there on out she was a total sweetheart, and I reciprocated – with her being fully appreciative (and also pulling me in a cab back to her hotel) knowing my affection was not a default but rather something that she had earned and therefore had attached meaning.
Looking back at the night, was I an asshole? I don’t think so. Did I however show a massive willingness to bring down the hammer and communicate what I do and do not find acceptable? Completely.
And on her end, can she feel good knowing she found the 1 in a million man who will not supplicate to her bratty behavior but will rather stay true to himself? Exactly.
Maybe 50 Cent said it best – “Sunshine wouldn’t be special if it weren’t for rain.”
Show the girl that you’re a man that can provide the complete spectrum, and she’ll be that much more appreciative of all the good emotions you bring.
Hey Fellas,
I just got off the phone with Kevin, a good friend of mine from high school and college. It was great swapping stories and planning out next meet up. While chatting Kevin said something I found hilarious. In high school, like most cool, good looking athletic guys, Kevin definitely got his share of girls. It wasn’t till college however, that he really hit his stride and for four (or ehhrrrr 5) years Kevin was the man living the life we all looked up to. So it was funny when on the phone he said:
“Dude so I was in Vegas and this smoking hot girl came up to me, like Colombian, perfect body smoking hot…and she started talking to me and hitting on me… and at first I thought ‘holy shit this is awesome’ but I realized I had no idea what to do…and I shit you not the first thing that came to mind was ‘what would Ryan’s blog (www.RyanForReal.com) say?’ ”
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(ok I’ve used this song already… but come on…it’s just so right…) “Forward Motion!” I called out.
“Exactly, forward motion, so I was like ‘right, come with me to the bar…’ ”
For a moment I sat perplexed, with a massive grin spread across my face… the great Kevin… the guy who’s life I’d envied… was actually taking my advice when it came to girls. And in an instant the scope of my own journey came into perspective.
Kevin continued “but dude it was weird, like she was the aggressor spitting all the game at me… usually I’m the one putting out all the moves so I was like ‘uhhhh’ and I had no idea what to do… you should write a blog article on what to do when the girl is the aggressor.”
Thanks Kevin, I don’t think anyone’s tackled the subject so let’s have a go.
Ok, you’re in the club; a hottie approaches you and starts the conversation. How do you handle it??
Well, there are generally 2 types of girls who will approach you. Type 1 is a dominant girl who likes you, and is going after what she wants – great. Type 2 is moreso in it for the validation – she runs around the club gaming guys, gets them excited about her and moves on the next shiny guy. While type 2 girls are certainly getable, often doing so can be the high-wire act of the century. This article is written with regards to Type 1 – the girl who is actually into you (Note: with experience you can pretty easily distinguish the two, but a good way to find out is to lower the energy level – if she’s actually into you she’ll stick around, if she’s fishing for validation she’ll move on the next shinier object).
So, hottie approaches you and starts talking. She’s looking for 1 thing – can you match her level of intensity? Can you strip away the unnecessary and get down to the core? Understand that the girl has really exposed herself by approaching you, can you reciprocate?
Lets look at the most common mistake guys make in this situation… They start ‘running game’ – essentially doing what they would normally do to pump attraction. Let me make this clear – there is no better way to lose a girl than to pump attraction once you already have it. In the case that the girl has approached you, doing so indicates an inability to reveal your core, to ‘drop the game’ and be real.
Instead, your first move should be to get to know the girl on as true a level as possible. If this comes out ‘chodey’, i.e. “Where you from? What do you do?’ that’s totally fine. This is NORMAL. On the flip side, if she wants to control the frame in the beginning (pre-makeout) that’s totally fine as well. If she feels like she needs to get to know me through asking me questions I’ll let her have that.
After getting to know each other for a few minutes, make a sound declaration that you like her. Let her know that her feelings are reciprocated, and assert the reality that the two of you like each other! One of my favorite things to do here is actually call out her IOIs and let her know that they’re reciprocated, like “haha wow look at that, you’re seeking commonalities with me” or “oh Jesus, now you’re shooting me the seductive devilish glance ;-)… we are so on the same page.” Though you’re clearly interested in the girl, it’s of paramount importance that you remain true to yourself during this process. So if a girl approaches me and we flirt, I’ve got no hesitancy in telling her I like her. At the same time, I’ve got no qualms with bringing down the hammer when things
start going awry, like telling her “hey, stop behaving like that” or even flat out walking away. I’m positive, but I’m not a push-over.
While this is going on, if she’s escalating physically you should by all means match it and even feel comfortable upping the ante, but recognize that it’s your responsibility to maintain the forward pace. For example in this situation, often the girl and guy will mutually escalate to the make-out, at which point the guy becomes unsure how to take it further and stays in make-out land for the next half hour or possibly even de-escalates. The girl then senses the stagnation and is
massively turned off by it. Recognize that escalation can naturally snow-ball, so let it flow and have fun with it.
By skipping the attraction game and instead getting to know her and soundly indicating that you indeed like her, you have built a solid foundation from which to pull. Beyond that, know that escalation is going to essentially snow-ball and you’ll likely get to the makeout pretty quickly, at which point the game changes a bit and it becomes time for you to take the lead.
Once you’ve madeout, it’s important to bring her into your world, to get her on your program. Start bringing her with you as you make your way around the club and get on with the night.
And most importantly, recognize the PACE that’s been set. Meaning, if it took 15 minutes to get from meet to makeout, you should not leave 3 more hours to get from makeout to pull. Don’t be the guy who feels like he can only go for the pull at closing time. Instead after making-out, enjoy the club for a short while then recognize that pulling is the next step.
The other night I found myself in this situation and the girl flat out said to me “Take me away from all this”. Right-o! More often though, you’re going to have to initiate the pull… for me it goes something like this…
Me: Alright, come with me to the coat check so we can get out of here… Her: But it’s only 1:00
Me: Yeah, come on, we’re getting out of here… Her: But my friends are still here.
Me: That’s fine, lets go.
I’m communicating from my core that I’m fully comfortable leading her, ultimately even declaring “look, there’s no reason for us to be here, lets go.”
Remember, the girl approached you and started hitting on you. Realistically, do you really think all she wants is a fun guy to party with at the club?? No. Obviously she’s got something more in mind, take the responsibility for it and get to the point. Let her know that you’re on the same page both through your words and through your actions. Don’t add steps just for the sake of adding steps. Get to know her, have fun with her, leave. That’s it. Don’t hide from it. Don’t moderate it. She’s not there to fornicate arachnids and neither are we ;-)
Alright fellas, as per your requests today I want to tackle the subject of Qualification – what it is and where it stands in a Game 2.0 universe.
Let’s start at the top. Qualification is the process of actively getting a girl to demonstrate value to you – to essentially earn your approval and affection. The idea is that by qualifying, you
accomplish 2 very important things: 1.) You get the girl actively trying to earn you, thus you’re setting yourself up as the prize, getting her invested, ect and 2.) You give her grounds to believe that you like her for non-superficial (sex) reasons.
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As the community has advanced the notion of qualification has drifted a bit to the periphery as it’s accepted more and more that 1.) it’s totally ok to pull girls just for sex and 2.) qualification is part of a rigid structure that has generally been replaced by a more free-flowing, natural style.
So, does qualification still have a place in PU dogma?
Well, in almost every one of my recent pickups some form of female qualification certainly
occurred – though at this point to actively seek to qualify would be asinine and almost backwards. See, qualification stems from a model in which the girl inherently has higher value than the guy – so the idea was to pump your value to the point that you have enough compliance from the girl that she’ll buy into qualifying herself, and when she does she’ll backwards rationalize “oh, I’m telling this guy how great I am, I must want him to like me because I must obviously like him…” At first glance that may seem logical, but look at the corresponding thought going through the guy’s head – “ok now I think I have enough value and compliance to get her to qualify, I’ll start qualifying and hopefully she’ll start trying to ‘win’ me”.
Personally that is the absolute LAST headspace I want to be in when I’m out. Remember – the self is always shining through – you are like an open book, the last thing I want the girl to see me thinking is “what step should I take now to get her”.
Instead, when I’m out my thoughts resemble a broken record “Yes!.. It’s on… Yes… It’s on…” When I’m in this headspace she can what kind of guy I am and the whole value issue is subverted entirely.
Beyond that, consider this… in field guys always ask me things like “ok the girl did bla bla bla and said bla bla, what should I do?” – my answer is always this:
“Imagine you have a signed contract saying she IS going home with you tonight – no matter what she’s going home with you…how would you behave for the rest of the night…?”
That is – assume the pull…now what?
Well I can’t answer that for you, but if I’m talking to a girl and I know it’s on (well let’s face it, it’s always on ;-) then I’m gonna do 2 things. 1.) Enjoy the night and 2.) Take the time to get to know her. I’ll drop the ‘game’ and simply start getting to know her as a person – not because it’s the ‘right’ move, but because I like meeting people and beyond that I know I’ll enjoy what comes later much more if the person actually means something to me – if I like them on both a physical and personal level.
And because the girl senses I’m a confident guy, operating without an agenda, her natural reaction is going to be to share the parts of herself that she feels best about – the parts that actually mean something to her…
So with traditional qualification it looked something like… Guy: So I really like Italian food, what’s your best dish? Girl: Oh, I cook really good spaghetti.
Guy: Oh cool, I like that…
You can see this is happening on a very superficial level, and realistically, what are the chances that the girl actually identifies with her cooking skills…?
Now instead, if I simply assume it’s on and allow the girl to communicate with me in a way that lets her know I’m not judging her – she’ll much more readily open up on things she naturally identifies proudly with…So it will look more like:
Me: Yeah I moved to Chicago about a month ago, I love that I can just grab a cup of coffee in the morning and write for a while before I even start on my day…
Girl: Oh yeah, I moved here for work also, I teach autistic kids and there’s a really good program for them here…
See, because I went first and shared a piece of myself, agenda-free, she’s going to reciprocate by doing the same – and what she does respond with will be infinitely more meaningful than something as trivial as her spaghetti skills.
The result: I become the guy that likes her for the REAL her – that appreciates the things about her that she wishes other guys would appreciate. And as all my subcommunications are showing – It’s On – at this point is she really gonna disagree??
Today I want to delve into the importance and benefits of a healthy lifestyle. I know, I know… no one likes to be told “go to the gym” but today I actually want to approach it from a psychological angle and explore the immediate psychological benefits and social impact a healthy lifestyle yields.
The relative principal here is Cognitive Dissonance – (thank you to the kind folks at Wikipedia for the following definition)
Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The "ideas" or "cognitions" in question may include attitudes and beliefs, and also the awareness of one's behavior. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, or by justifying or rationalizing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors.
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Or to put simply: anytime your actions are not in line with your beliefs your brain is not happy. Well, this simple semi-obvious holds a special relevance us that does not apply to most people. See, essentially when learning this game our challenge is to re-wire our brains as much as possible over as short a time-span as possible so as to align our thought patterns with those that are naturally attractive. In essence, to form new beliefs and identifications that are not necessarily justified by prior teachings, or more importantly, reference experience.
A common trait among those who excel in this game is a high degree of cognitive mastery – an ability to actively shape their thoughts and beliefs based on what will serve them, as opposed to what meshes with their existing understanding and experience. Or essentially an ability to convince themselves of what they believe will be useful.
Now when it comes to success in dating, what are some essential core beliefs? What are the catch phrases people are affirming and reaffirming to themselves?
“I’m the shit!” “I’m the man” “I deserve this” “She’s for me”
“She should be with me?”
“I’m the highest value person in this room”
Ok, most likely you’re not actively repeating these to yourself… but there’s no doubt these beliefs are inherent to a high-value mindset held by a naturally attractive guy and ALL are representative of a single core belief – a level of self-value.
Here’s where cognitive dissonance comes in… I hate to break it to you, but if you’re sitting in your basement from Monday to Thursday playing World of Warcraft and eating Cheetos it’s going to be impossible to step to a hottie on Friday and feel “I deserve this”…
Fact is… it’s impossible to successfully and consistently pick up girls without first feeling good about yourself. And guess what… cognitive dissonance means that it’s impossible to feel good about yourself without behaving like you feel good about yourself… like you like yourself…like you value yourself.
What does it mean to behave in a way that indicates you like yourself… that you value yourself? Suppose you value your car… You’re probably washing it regularly, putting premium gas in it, taking it for checkups, rotating the tires, etc.
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Well, you’re no different. When you value yourself - or at the very lease you don’t hate yourself - you’re going to make an effort to care for yourself… this means being at least minimally
conservative with what you put in your body – eating at least decently healthy, taking in fruits and vegetables, cutting down on junk food. Beyond that comes maintaining a minimal level of physical activity. Personal hygiene and present-ability also fall into this category.
Beyond that, what you do for YOU is determined by just how much you value YOU. Here we move beyond simply caring for and maintaining yourself and into the realm of actively improving
oneself. Things like adhering to a schedule, going to the gym, eating healthy breakfasts, pursuing activities that develop you physically, mentally, or spiritually. Taking classes, travelling, enriching your life.
I’ll tell you, I honestly do not know a single person who holds themselves in high regard who does not engage in the above activities.
Now, as you read this, sit up straight, roll your shoulders back, and SMILE. How do you feel… a little happier?? The effect here is ‘psychosomatic’ – or a backwards rationalization from the mind based on the body. The mind says “Hey look at that, I’m sitting up and smiling…. Usually I do this when I’m happy, well I’m doing it now so I must be happy”.
Well, in this case, you spend your day productively – you eat a healthy breakfast, hit the gym, learn something, accomplish something, and all the sudden you’re brain is bombarded with evidence that you’re WORTH something. Then you go out, start that interaction and suddenly you feel a new strength in your own identity… you carry yourself with a sense of value, with a sense of self-worth.
On a personal level, if I roll out of bed at 2pm, throw on some dirty sweats (possibly stained from the meatball sub I ate 3 nights before), and head out to get some grease breakfast from the 24hour diner… there is absolutely no way I can “turn on the game” and socialize effectively. It’s got nothing to do with the way I look… it’s got everything to do with the way I feel.
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And on the flipside, when I’m living in alignment – with the way I treat myself reaffirming the way I feel about myself, the world can tell and responds accordingly.
Ultimately, the way I feel is derived from that over-arching sense of self-worth that’s either their or not there depending on the physical evidence I spend all day every day acquiring.
Are you worth it? Are you behaving like it?
If you think you’re brain is going to let these two exist in misalignment, you’re in for a rude awakening. So choose your answer and solidify it… both internally and externally.
Text game is a skill-set like any other, it really takes time and experience to develop. This being said, here are some general guidelines...
1.) The first text you send should be purely value-giving. Meaning, it should be short, humorous/playful/flirty, and most importantly NOT REQUIRE A RESPONSE. Meaning, no questions like "what are you up to?", instead just share something witty/flirty.
2.) Convey emotion. Use things like ALL CAPS, ;-P emoticons, xoxo, !, to communicate what would normally come across via tonality, body language, and facial expressions.
3.) Exaggerate experience. In person our verbal emotional range usually varies from "cool" to "uncool". In text it's crucial to expand this range - so it's not "yeah I had a sandwich, it was alright" but rather it's "I've just had the world's most glorious sandwich, crafted by the hand of god ;-)". 4.) Multi-threading is huge. Change the subject lots. Also, never feel obliged to address a specific thread the girl introduces unless it's conducive to the overall pickup. Meaning, if I get a text from a girl like "oh that's cool, what time did you wake up?"...answering the question is really going to get me nowhere, so instead I avoid letting the interaction get predictable by ignoring the "wake up" thread all together.
5.) Know the power of not responding. If she sends me a predictable/boring/useless text, simply not responding can be incredibly powerful.
6.) Text only when you are in a happy, good mood. Do not text when needing validation or lonely. 7.) Follow questions with a playful thread. Any time I'm asking a question I follow it up with a flirty statement. i.e. "Are you around Thursday night? I know those chess club meetings can run late sometimes :-P x"
8.) Girls love receiving dirty text messages just as much as guys do. Be cautious when sending these before you've hooked up though.
9.) Get to the point. What can be said in 5 words needn't be said in 10.
10.) Have Fun! Send texts because they amuse you, not to elicit a certain response.
All in all, texting is really about GIVING value. Meaning, if you're only texting to try to set up the meet, you're doing it wrong. I do a lot of texting when I've already got dates lined up, so that by necessity I can only give value since I'm too busy to meet up with the girl anyway.
She should be excited when you text, like "oh look Ryan is texting me, I wonder what he's saying now...", and not "oh it's that guy from the club texting me, he's going to ask me on another date. So the majority of your texting should be playful banter, not necessarily trying to set up a date. And ofcourse, HAVE FUN with it. Send texts that make you happy, not texts designed to get a response. Be playful, push the boundaries, and above all - amuse yourself!
haha-- never the biggest forum writer, I think this is my first ever thread starter.... Anyway, Tyler thinks I should do a lot more writing to hash out a lot of my stuff that I've never really documented. A lot of my views come from different perspectives than people are used to (and MANY are counterintuitive), but the core principles rarely change.
The first thing that comes to mind is that as many people know I am VERY big on leading. Lead, lead, lead. I am also, when it comes to being a player, probably the laziest to have ever googled, "What the fuck is 'the community'?". By lazy, I am saying that I always want to maximize my results with the least amount of exerted energy. Hey, I'm a busy guy and I like things easy. Call it natural game, but I just call it 'evolution' or "not wanting to be bored ever".
There's Beauty in Simplicity
I came to this realization a while ago that I am always moving forward or "on my path" so to speak and selfishly hated forcing anybody to do anything. I only wanted women (and a lot of things in life) that were receptive to me or my goals. Timing and receptivity is a HUGE issue in how far you go with women at any point in your "relationship". My relationships with women always begin the first moment I meet them and I always set the tone (I'm a very sexually
dominant man). Women always do the choosing whether they sleep with you or not (after all, no girl has ever accidentally slipped and fallen on my dick), the only control you have over a situation is to be as awesomely attractive as possible to where she would think or feel in her mind that she would have to be retarded to pass up a chance with you. That's a core concept of my game. Anyway, being congruent with that, I decided that I never ever wanted a girl to desire me for anything other than WHO I AM. No button pushing, just exactly that-just who I am. How do you do that? I have a LOT on that, but here's a piece exemplified in my meet ups.
100% Guaranteed Never to Flake Gameplan for meet ups: No matter what I'm doing or where I am I am always doing things in accordance to things that I want to do or ALREADY doing--lots of the time because I know it will be amusing to me or at the least I want some company as I do my normal thing.
For me, the best and fastest way to escalate a relationship (friend, FB, or GF) and get to know a girl is to have serious 1on1 time. That means no going out with her friends or anyone else. My goal is just to get her sooo comfortable with me that "things just happen". Logistics are key, but it all begins in my mindset. Women are abundant. Meeting up with women is an almost every day affair. Most of my life I have been around women in some capacity and know that there is nothing to be scared or worried about.
Therefore, when I go for meet ups with women I make it casual because that is EXACTLY what it is to me. Almost like meeting the coolest new friend (except I'm a dominant and sexual man). I literally plan things I normally do in my life and invite women along to join me (I just don't tell them what we're doing as a surprise). If they don't make it then it doesn't matter. I am already doing something that I would've done anyway. Oh well <shrug> (btw, if they don't make it for some reason, there's a good chance we will later anyway... that's for another post probably titled, "empathy in game and not losing track of the ultimate goal").
