ACT I, SCENE 1
(We see a gigantic peaked black hat being used as a symbol to celebrate the Wicked Witch’s demise. Suddenly CITIZENS OF OZ spill out, cheering and celebrating. The hat disappears and we are outside the Wizard’s Palace, in the Emerald City, capital of the Land of Oz)
ALL GOOD NEWS!
SHE’S DEAD!
THE WITCH OF THE WEST IS DEAD!
THE WICKEDEST WITCH THERE EVER WAS THE ENEMY OF ALL US HERE IN OZ
IS DEAD! GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS!
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD Look! It’s Glinda!
(GLINDA, resplendent and beautiful in her gown and tiara, descends from the sky on a mechanical device that spews soap bubbles as the CELEBRANTS point and cheer.)
VARIOUS FANATICS Is it really her? It is, it’s her! Glinda! We love yeeew, Glindaaaaa!
GLINDA It’s good to see me, isn’t it?
FANATICS (Shrieks)
Yes!
GLINDA No need to respond—that was rhetorical.
(She smiles down on them) Fellow Ozians—
(Sings) LET US BE GLAD
LET US BE GRATEFUL
LET US REJOICIFY THAT GOODNESS COULD SUBDUE THE WICKED WORKINGS OF YOU-KNOW-WHO
ISN’T IT NICE TO KNOW
THAT GOOD WILL CONQUER EVIL?
THE TRUTH WE ALL BELIEVE’LL BY AND BY OUTLIVE A LIE
FOR YOU AND—
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD Glinda! Exactly how dead is she?
GLINDA
Because there has been so much rumor and speculation—innuendo, outuendo—let me set the record straight: According to the Time Dragon Clock, The Melting occurred at the thirteenth hour, the direct result of a bucket of water thrown by a female child. Yes, the Wicked Witch of the West is dead.
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED
ANOTHER PERSON NO ONE CRIES: “THEY WON’T RETURN!”
ALL NO ONE LAYS A LILY ON THEIR GRAVE
MAN THE GOOD MAN SCORNS THE WICKED!
WOMEN
THROUGH THEIR LIVES, OUR CHILDREN LEARN: ALL
WHAT WE MISS
WHEN WE MISBEHAVE…
GLINDA AND GOODNESS KNOWS
THE WICKED’S LIVES ARE LONELY GOODNESS KNOWS
THE WICKED DIE ALONE
IT JUST SHOWS WHEN YOU’RE WICKED YOU’RE LEFT ONLY
ON YOUR OWN…
ALL YES, GOODNESS KNOWS
THE WICKED’S LIVES ARE LONELY GOODNESS KNOWS
THE WICKED CRY ALONE
NOTHING GROWS FOR THE WICKED THEY REAP ONLY
WHAT THEY’VE SOWN…
GIRL IN THE CROWD Glinda, why does Wickedness happen?
GLINDA
That’s a good question. One that many people find confusifying: Are people born Wicked? Or do they have Wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had a childhood. She had a father… who just happened to be the Governor of Munchkinland…
(From out of the past appears a somber-looking man: the WITCH’S FATHER) WITCH’S FATHER
I’m off to the Assembly, dear!
GLINDA And she had a mother. As so many do…
(A hauntingly beautiful woman rushes to the SOMBER MAN’S side: the WITCH’S MOTHER) WITCH’S FATHER
OH… HOW I HATE TO GO AND LEAVE YOU LONELY WITCH’S MOTHER THAT’S ALRIGHT—IT’S ONLY JUST ONE NIGHT
WITCH’S FATHER BUT KNOW THAT YOU’RE HERE IN MY HEART WHILE I’M OUT OF YOUR SIGHT…
(The FATHER leaves, and instantly, the MOTHER wipes his kiss from her cheek. She opens a door…) GLINDA
And like every family—they had their secrets.
(And her LOVER, a mysterious man whose face remains in the shadows, appears.) LOVER
HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, MY DARK-EYED BEAUTY I’VE GOT ONE MORE NIGHT LEFT HERE IN TOWN SO HAVE ANOTHER DRINK OF GREEN ELIXIR AND WE’LL HAVE OURSELVES A LITTLE MIXER HAVE ANOTHER LITTLE SWALLOW, LITTLE LADY, AND FOLLOW ME DOWN…
(THEY kiss; sink to the floor. The LOVER disappears. The MOTHER struggles back to her feet, now hugely pregnant—)
GLINDA But from the moment she was born she was… well, different. (Suddenly the WITCH’S MOTHER clutches herself, in pain…)
WITCH’S MOTHER Agghhh!!
(The WITCH’S FATHER rushes in, along with a MIDWIFE, who happens to be an Antelope. THEY hold her—)
MIDWIFE It’s coming…
WITCH’S FATHER Now?
MIDWIFE The baby’s coming…
WITCH’S FATHER And how! MIDWIFE I SEE A NOSE… WITCH’S FATHER I SEE A CURL…
MIDWIFE & WITCH’S FATHER IT’S A HEALTHY PERFECT LOVELY LITTLE…
MIDWIFE Ohhhhh!
WITCH’S FATHER Sweet Oz!
WITCH’S MOTHER What is it? What’s wrong?
MIDWIFE HOW CAN IT BE?
WITCH’S FATHER WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
MIDWIFE IT’S ATROCIOUS!
WITCH’S FATHER IT’S OBSCENE!
MIDWIFE & WITCH’S FATHER LIKE A FROGGY, FERNY CABBAGE
THE BABY IS UNNATURALLY—
ALL GREEN!!
WITCH’S FATHER Take it away. Take it away…!
GLINDA So you see—it couldn’t have been easy!
(The scene rushes back to the present.)
CROWD NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED
NOW AT LAST, SHE’S DEAD AND GONE
NOW AT LAST, THERE’S JOY THROUGHOUT THE LAND AND GOODNESS KNOWS
GLINDA GOODNESS KNOWS…
CROWD WE KNOW WHAT GOODNESS IS
GLINDA HER LIFE WAS LONLEY…
CROWD GOODNESS KNOWS…
GLINDA GOODNESS KNOWS…
CROWD THE WICKED DIE ALONE…
GLINDA SHE DIED ALONE…
CROWD WOE TO THOSE
WHO SPURN WHAT GOODNESS IS THEY ARE SHOWN
NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED…
GLINDA GOOD NEWS!
CROWD NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED!
GOOD NEWS!
CROWD NO ONE MOURNS THE
WICKED! WICKED! WICKED!
GLINDA
Well, this has been fun. But as you can imagine, I have much to attend to, what with the Wizard’s unexpected departure. And so, if there are no further questions—
(Suddenly, SOMEONE IN THE CROWD interrupts her.)
PERSON IN THE CROWD Glinda! Is it true—you were her friend?!
(The CROWD gasps in disbelief. GLINDA freezes, completely thrown.) GLINDA
Uhm… Well, I… I… Yes. (The CROWD gasps)
GLINDA
Well, it depends on what you mean by “friend”. I did know her. That is, our paths did cross. At school… but you must understand it was along time ago… and we were both very young…
(And once again, the past comes alive. For GLINDA suddenly sees—her friend ELPHABA, just as she was on the day the GALINDA (as she was known then) first laid eyes on her, young, hopeful, and … green.)
ACT I, SCENE 2 (In a parlor at Shiz University, the incoming STUDENTS gather.)
STUDENTS
O HALLOWED HALLS AND VINE-DRAPPED WALLS… THE PROUDLIEST SIGHT THERE IS
WHEN GREY AND SERE OUR HAIR HATH TURNED WE SHALL STILL REVERE THE LESSONS LEARNED IN OUR DAYS AT DEAR OLD SHIZ
OUR DAYS AT DEAR OLD…
(GALINDA is the last to arrive, perched on an enormous stack of luggage.) GALINDA
STUDENTS & GALINDA DEAR OLD SHIZ-ZZZZ…
(GALINDA and all the other STUDENTS rudely gape at ELPHABA.) ELPHABA
What? What are you all looking at? Oh—do I have something in my teeth? Alright, fine—we might as well get this over with: No, I’m not seasick; yes, I’ve always been green; no, I didn’t eat grass as a child…
(The WITCH’S FATHER enters wheeling in NESSAROSE) WITCH’S FATHER Elphaba!
ELPHABA
This is my younger sister, Nessarose! As you can see she’s a perfectly normal color! WITCH’S FATHER
Elphaba! Stop making a spectacle of yourself. Remember, I’m only sending you to this school for one reason.
ELPHABA I know: to look after Nessa.
WITCH’S FATHER My precious little girl: a parting gift.
NESSAROSE Father… Jeweled Shoes?!
WITCH’S FATHER
As befits the future Governor of Munchkinland. Elphaba, take care of your sister. And try not to talk so much.
(The WITCH’S FATHER exits.)
NESSAROSE Elphaba…
ELPHABA Well, what could he get me? I clash with everything!
(MADAME MORRIBLE, the school’s headmistress, enters.) MORRIBLE
Welcome! Welcome, new students! I am Madame Morrible, head mistress here at Shiz University. And whether you are here to study law, logic or linguification I know I speak for my fellow faculty member when I say: We have nothing but the highest hopes, for some of you. Oh, you must be the Governor’s
daughter! Miss Nessarose, isn’t it? What a tragically beautiful face you have! And who is— (MORRIBLE sees ELPHABA and screams.)
ELPHABA I’m the other daughter, Elphaba. I’m beautifully tragic.
MORRIBLE I see, well I’m sure you’re very bright!
GALINDA Bright?! She’s phosphorescent!
(The STUDENTS laugh)
MORRIBLE Now, regarding room assignments.
(ELPHABA and GALINDA raise their hands) MORRIBLE Is this regarding room assignments?
GALINDA
No, but thank you for asking, Madame Morrible, I’ve already been assigned a private suite. But you all can come visit me whenever you want!
PFANNEE How good of you!
SHENSHEN You are so good!
GALINDA No I’m not!
PFANNEE & SHENSHEN Yes you are!
GALINDA Now stop it!
MORRIBLE Do you have a question?
GALINDA
Oh yes—you see, I am Galinda Upland, of the Upper Uplands? I’ve applied to your sorcery seminar. Perhaps you recall my entrance essay—“Magic Wands: Need They Have a Point?”
MORRIBLE
Yes, however, I do not teach my seminar every semester, of course if someone special were to come along—
GALINDA Well, exactly!
ELPHABA
Madame Morrible, we have not yet received our room assignments. MORRIBLE
The Governor made his concerns for you sister’s wellbeing quite apparent. She will share my compartment, where I can assist her as needed.
ELPHABA But I’ve always looked after my sister!
NESSAROSE Elphaba!
MORRIBLE
He never mentioned you. Just a slight gulch, no need to fret, we will find some place to put you. ELPHABA
But, Madame…
GALINDA You know, I don’t even think she read my essay!
BOQ That is so unfair! You should say something!
GALINDA Should I?
MORRIBLE
Attention! Which of you young ladies will volunteer to share with Miss Elphaba? GALINDA
Madame Morrible—
MORRIBLE Oh, thank you dear! That is very good of you!
GALINDA What?
MORRIBLE
(MADAME MORRIBLE starts to wheel NESSAROSE away.) ELPHABA
No, wait!
NESSAROSE Elphaba, please, I’ll be alright!
ELPHABA But I promised father!
MORRIBLE Young gentlemen, to your rooms!
ELPHABA Let her go!!!
(ELPHABA loses control and makes something magical occur. NESSAROSE is mortified.) MORRIBLE
How did you do that?
GALINDA How did she do that?
NESSAROSE Elphaba, you promised things would be different here!
MORRIBLE You mean this has happened before?
ELPHABA
Well, something just comes over me sometimes, it’s something I can’t describe. I’ll try to control myself. I am so sorry, Nessa.
MORRIBLE
What?! Never apologize for talent! Talent is a gift! And that is my special talent, encouraging talent! Have you ever considered a career in sorcery?
ELPHABA Not really…
MORRIBLE I shall tutor you privately—and take no other students!
GALINDA What?!
MORRIBLE MANY YEARS I HAVE WAITED
FOR A GIFT LIKE YOURS TO APPEAR
WHY, I PREDICT THE WIZARD COULD MAKE YOU HIS MAGIC GRAND VIZIER!
ELPHABA The Wizard!?
MORRIBLE MY DEAR, MY DEAR
I’LL WRITE AT ONCE TO THE WIZARD— TELL HIM OF YOU IN ADVANCE
WITH A TALENT LIKE YOURS, DEAR THERE IS A DEFIN-ISH CHANCE IF YOU WORK AS YOU SHOULD— YOU’LL BE MAKING GOOD…
GALINDA Now, Madame—
MORRIBLE Not now, dear. Shoo! Shoo, shoo, shoo!
(MADAME MORRIBLE and the CROWD disperse) GALINDA Something’s wrong. I didn’t get my way. I need to go lie down! (ELPHABA is left alone, dazed but thrilled.)
ELPHABA DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?
HAVE I ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD? THIS WEIRD QUIRK I'VE TRIED TO SURPRESS OR HIDE
IS A TALENT THAT
COULD HELP ME MEET THE WIZARD IF I MAKE GOOD
SO I'LL MAKE GOOD… WHEN I MEET THE WIZARD, ONCE I PROVE MY WORTH, AND THEN I MEET THE WIZARD,
WHAT I'VE WAITED FOR SINCE—SINCE BIRTH! AND WITH ALL HIS WIZARD WISDOM
BY MY LOOKS HE WON'T BE BLINDED DO YOU THINK THE WIZARD IS DUMB?
OR LIKE MUNCHKINS, SO SMALL-MINDED? NO! HE'LL SAY TO ME:
"I SEE WHO YOU TRULY ARE, A GIRL ON WHOM I CAN RELY!" AND THAT'S HOW WE'LL BEGIN THE WIZARD AND I…
ONCE I'M WITH THE WIZARD, MY WHOLE LIFE WILL CHANGE
'CUZ ONCE YOU'RE WITH THE WIZARD NO ONE THINKS YOU'RE STRANGE NO FATHER IS NOT PROUD OF YOU NO SISTER ACTS ASHAMED
AND ALL OF OZ HAS TO LOVE YOU
WHEN BY THE WIZARD, YOU'RE ACLAIMED AND THIS GIFT—OR THIS CURSE—
I HAVE INSIDE
MAYBE AT LAST, I'LL KNOW WHY WHEN WE ARE HAND IN HAND— THE WIZARD AND I!
AND ONE DAY, HE'LL SAY TO ME: "ELPHABA, A GIRL WHO IS SO SUPERIOR,
SHOULDN'T A GIRL WHO'S SO GOOD INSIDE HAVE A MATCHING EXTERIOR?
AND SINCE FOLKS HERE TO AN ABSURD DEGREE SEEM FIXATED ON YOUR VERDEGRIS
WOULD IT BE ALRIGHT BY YOU IF I DE-GREENIFY YOU?"
AND THOUGH OF COURSE THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT TO ME "ALL RIGHT, WHY NOT?" I'LL REPLY
OH, WHAT A PAIR WE'LL BE THE WIZARD AND I…
YES, WHAT A PAIR WE'LL BE THE WIZARD AND...
UNLIMITED!
MY FUTURE IS UNLIMITED AND I'VE JUST HAD A VISION ALMOST LIKE A PROPHECY
I KNOW—IT SOUNDS TRULY CRAZY AND TRUE, THE VISION'S HAZY
BUT I SWEAR, SOME DAY THERE'LL BE A CELEBRATION THROUGHOUT OZ THAT'S ALL TO DO WITH ME!
AND I'LL STAND THERE WITH THE WIZARD FEELING THINGS I'VE NEVER FELT
I'LL BE SO HAPPY, I COULD MELT! AND SO IT WILL BE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
AND I'LL WANT NOTHING ELSE TILL I DIE HELD IN SUCH HIGH ESTEEM!
WHEN PEOPLE SEE ME THEY WILL SCREAM FOR HALF OF OZ'S FAVORITE TEAM:
THE WIZARD AND I!
ACT I, SCENE 3
(GALINDA and ELPHABA are in their dormitory room, both dutifully writing home.) GALINDA
Dearest darlingest Momsie and Popsicle…
ELPHABA My dear Father…
BOTH THERE’S BEEN SOME CONFUSION
OVER ROOMING HERE AT SHIZ…
ELPHABA BUT OF COURSE, I’LL CARE FOR NESSA…
GALINDA BUT OF COURSE, I’LL RISE ABOVE IT…
BOTH
FOR I KNOW THAT’S HOW YOU’D WANT ME TO RESPOND YES, THERE’S BEEN SOME CONFUSSION
FOR YOU SEE, MY ROOMMATE IS…
GALINDA UNUSUALLY AND EXCEEDINGLY PECULIAR
AND ALTOGETHER QUITE IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE… ELPHABA
BLONDE.
GALINDA WHAT IS THIS FEELING
SO SUDDEN AND NEW?
ELPHABA I FELT THE MOMENT
GALINDA MY PULSE IS RUSHING… ELPHABA MY HEAD IS REELING… GALINDA MY FACE IS FLUSHING… BOTH WHAT IS THIS FEELING?
FERVID AS A FLAME DOES IT HAVE A NAME YES!:
LOATHING
UNADULTERATED LOATHING…
GALINDA FOR YOUR FACE…
ELPHABA YOUR VOICE…
GALINDA YOUR CLOTHING…
BOTH LET’S JUST SAY—I LOATHE IT ALL! EV’RY LITTLE TRAIT, HOWEVER SMALL MAKES MY VERY FLESH BEGIN TO CRAWL
WITH SIMPLE UTTER LOATHING THERE’S A STRANGE EXHILARATION IN SUCH TOTAL DETESTAION
IT’S SO PURE! SO STRONG!
THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST AND I WILL BE LOATHING
LOATHING YOU
MY WHOLE LIFE LONG!
STUDENTS DEAR GALINDA, YOU ARE JUST TOO GOOD!
HOW DO YOU STAND IT? I DON’T THINK I COULD! SHE’S A TERROR! SHE’S A TARTAR!
WE DON’T MEAN TO SHOW A BIAS BUT GALINDA YOU’RE A MARTYR!
GALINDA WELL… THESE THINGS ARE SENT TO TRY US!
STUDENTS POOR GALINDA, FORCED TO RESIDE
WITH SOMEONE SO DISGUSTICIFIED WE JUST WANT TO TELL YOU:
WE’RE ALL ON YOUR SIDE! WE SHARE YOUR…
GALINDA & ELPHABA STUDENTS WHAT IS THIS FEELING LOATHING SO SUDDEN AND NEW? UNADULTERATED LOATHING I FELT THE MOMENT FOR HER FACE, HER VOICE I LAID EYES ON YOU HER CLOTHING MY PULSE IS RUSHING LET’S JUST SAY: MY HEAD IS REELING WE LOATHE IT ALL! OH, WHAT IS THIS FEELING? EV’RY LITTLE TRAIT HOWEVER SMALL DOES IT HAVE A NAME? MAKES OUR VERY FLESH YES… BEGIN TO CRAWL… AHHH… AHHH…
ALL LOATHING!
GALINDA & ELPHABA STUDENTS THERE’S A STRANGE EXHILARATION LOATHING IN SUCH TOTAL DETESTATION LOATHING SO PURE, SO STRONG!
STUDENTS SO STRONG!
GALINDA & ELPHABA THOUGH I DO ADMIT IT CAME ON FAST
STILL I DO BELIEVE THAT IT CAN LAST
GALINDA & ELPHABA STUDENTS AND I WILL BE LOATHING LOATHING FOR FOREVER LOATHING LOATHING TRULY, DEEPLY LOATHING YOU LOATHING YOU FOR MY WHOLE LIFE LONG! LOATHING, ATED LOATHING
ELPHABA Boo!
GALINDA Ahhh!
(ELPHABA laughs)
ACT I, SCENE 4
(In a lecture hall, the STUDENTS take their seats for DOCTOR DILLAMOND’S class. DOCTOR DILLAMOND is a Goat.)
DILLAMOND
Settle down, students! Settle down now! I have read your most recent essays and I am amazed to report some progress. Although some of us still tend to favor form over content. Miss Glinda.
GALINDA It’s Galinda with a Ga.
DILLAMOND Yes, of course. Miss Glinda.
GALINDA
I really don’t see what the problem is, every other professor seems to able to pronounce my name. ELPHABA
Maybe perfecting the pronunciation of your precious name is not the sole focus of Doctor Dillamond’s life. And maybe he’s not like every other professor. Maybe some of us are different!
GALINDA Well, it seems the artichoke is steamed!
(The STUDENTS laugh)
DILLAMOND
Class! Class! Miss Elphaba has a point. Doubtless you’ve noticed I am the sole Animal on the faculty. The Token Goat as it were. But it wasn’t always this way. My dear students, how I wish you could have known this place as it once was. When one could walk these halls and hear an Antelope explicating a sonnet, a Snow Leopard solving a equation, a Wildebeest waxing philosophic! Can you see, dear students, what is being lost? How our dear Oz is becoming less and less… well, colorful. Now, who can tell me what set this into motion?
ELPHABA From what I read it began with the Great Drought.
DILLAMOND
Precisely! Food grew scarce, people grew hungrier and angrier and the question became “whom can we blame?” Can anyone tell me what is meant by the term “Scapegoat”? Someone besides Miss Elphaba. Yes, Miss Glinda.
It’s Galinda with a Ga. And I don’t see why you can’t just teach us history instead of always harping on the past.
DILLAMOND Well, perhaps these questions that I’ve prepared—
(As he turns his chalkboard around to pose the question, he sees that, across the board, someone has painted: “Animals should be seen and not heard.” DILLAMOND is shocked.)
DILLAMOND
Who is responsible for this? I’m waiting for an answer. Very well, that will be all for today. You heard me, class dismissed!
(Only ELPHABA lingers.)
ELPHABA You go ahead, Nessa. “Animals should be seen and not heard?!”
DILLAMOND
Oh, Miss Elphaba, don’t worry about me. Go and join your friends. ELPHABA
That’s alright, I have no friends. Would you like to share my lunch? DILLAMOND
Thank you. How kind. I’ve seemed to have lost my appetite. ELPHABA
You shouldn’t let ignorant statements like that bother you. I mean, I always do, but you shouldn’t. DILLAMOND
Oh, Miss Elphaba—if only it were just a matter of words on a chalkboard! But the things one hears these days. Dreadful things…
(Sings)
I’VE HEARD OF AN OX A PROFESSOR FROM QUOX
NO LONGER PERMITTED TO TEACH
WHO HAS LOST ALL POWERS OF SPEECH… ELPHABA What?
DILLAMOND AND AN OWL IN MUNCHKIN ROCK
A VICAR WITH A THRIVING FLOCK FOBIDDEN TO PREACH
NOW HE ONLY CAN SCREECH ONLY RUMORS—BUT STILL— ENOUGH TO GIVE PAUSE
TO ANYONE WITH PAWS
SOMETHING BAD IS HAPPENING IN OZ… ELPHABA SOMETHING BAD? HAPPENING IN OZ…?
DILLAMOND UNDER THE SURFACE
BEHIND THE SCENES
SOMETHING BAAAAAAD…
(They’re both startled by an unfamiliar sound. It’s coming from DOCTOR DILLAMOND himself—a kind of belting. DILLAMOND hastily covers his mouth, clears his throat.)
DILLAMOND BAD.
ELPHABA
Doctor Dillamond, are you alright? Shall I fetch you a glass of water? DILLAMOND
No, I don’t know what came over me.
ELPHABA
So you’re saying that there are Animals that have somehow forgotten how to speak? How is that possible?
DILLAMOND
Well with so much pressure not to. If you make it discouraging enough you can keep anyone silent. But I for one will never…
(MADAME MORRIBLE enters.)
DILLAMOND Oh, Madame Morrible!
MORRIBLE
I heard there was some sort of disturberance in class. Are you alright, Doctor? And Miss Elphaba, you’re still here? I thought you’d be on your way to my seminar by now.
ELPHABA Yes, Madame, I would be but…
MORRIBLE
But? I do hope I haven’t misplaced my trust in you. Magic is a demanderating mistress, and if one’s ambition is to meet the Wizard. I’m sure Doctor Dillamond sees my point.
ELPHABA
I better go. Doctor Dillamond, if something bad is happening to the Animals, someone’s got to tell the Wizard! He’ll make it right! That’s why we have a Wizard—
(Sings)
SO NOTHING BAD…
DILLAMOND I hope you’re right—
BOTH NOTHING ALL THAT BAD…
DILLAMOND NOTHING TRULY BAAAAAAAAD…
SORRY—BAD…
(Unsettled, DOCTOR DILLAMOND leaves the classroom. ELPHABA watches him go…) ELPHABA
IT COULDN’T HAPPEN HERE IN OZ…
ACT I, SCENE 5 (In the courtyard, a new student arrives.)
ELPHABA Hey!
AVARIC Be quiet, miss, you’ll disturb him!
ELPHABA I certainly will! Hey, you! Wake up!
AVARIC Young lady, do you realize who this is?!
ELPHABA
I don’t care who he is! Your cart nearly knocked me over and you’re sleeping! FIYERO
Of course, it’s daytime. Well, see you soon, Avaric. I’m sure I won’t last any longer at this school then I did at any of the others.
(AVARIC exits.)
ELPHABA
FIYERO Well maybe the driver saw green and thought it meant go.
(BOQ enters, running.)
BOQ
Miss Galinda! I know I’m just a mere Munchkin. But even a Munchkin has feelings! And I have tried to tell you of mine for you but sometimes it’s like you don’t even know who I am.
GALINDA That’s not true, Bick.
BOQ Boq.
GALINDA Bick, do you realize who that is?!
BOQ You’re touching me!
GALINDA
That is Fiyero Tigelaar! He is that Winkie Prince who’s reputation is so scandalacious! (To FIYERO)
Were you looking for something or someone?
FIYERO Yes, some sort of history class somewhere over there.
BOQ That is the history building right down there!
GALINDA That class just ended.
FIYERO Perfect timing. So what does one do you fun around here?
GALINDA Nothing, until now.
BOQ We’ve been studying.
FIYERO
I see the responsibility to corrupt my fellow students falls to me. Fortunately I am up to the task. (Sings)
THEY ALWAYS TRY TO TEACH THE WRONG LESSON BELIEVE ME, I’VE BEEN KICKED OUT
OF ENOUGH OF THEM TO KNOW
THEY WANT TO BECOME LESS CALLOW LESS SHALLOW
BUT I SAY: WHY INVITE STRESS IN? STOP STUDYING STRIFE
AND LEARN TO LIVE “THE UNEXAMINED LIFE”… DANCING THROUGH LIFE
SKIMMING THE SURFACE
GLIDING WHERE TURF IS SMOOTH LIFE’S MORE PAINLESS
FOR THE BRAINLESS WHY THINK TOO HARD? WHEN IT’S SO SOOTHING DANCING THROUGH LIFE NO NEED TO TOUGH IT
WHEN YOU CAN SLOUGH IT OFF AS I DO NOTHING MATTERS
BUT KNOWING NOTHING MATTERS IT’S JUST LIFE
SO KEEP DANCING THROUGH… DANCING THROUGH LIFE
SWAYING AND SWEEPING AND ALWAYS KEEPING COOL LIFE IS FRAUGHT LESS
WHEN YOU’RE THOUGHTLESS THOSE WHO DON’T TRY
NEVER LOOK FOOLISH DANCING THROUGH LIFE… MINDLESS AND CARELESS
MAKE SURE YOU’RE WHERE LESS TROUBLE IS RIFE
WOES ARE FLEETING BLOWS ARE GLANCING… WHEN YOU’RE DANCING… THROUGH LIFE…
(speaks)
So—what’s the most swankified place in town?
GALINDA That would be the Ozdust Ballroom
FIYERO Sounds perfect!
(Sings)
WE’LL MEET THERE LATER TONIGHT WE CAN DANCE TILL IT’S LIGHT FIND THE PRETTIEST GIRL… GIVER ‘ER A WHIRL
RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE OZDUST BALLROOM COME ON—FOLLOW ME
YOU’LL BE HAPPY TO BE THERE… ALL DANCING THROUGH LIFE
DOWN AT THE OZDUST…
FIYERO IF ONLY BECAUSE DUST
IS WHAT WE COME TO…
ALL NOTHING MATTERS
BUT KNOWING NOTHING MATTERS IT’S JUST LIFE…
FIYERO SO KEEP DANCING THROUGH…
BOQ
Miss Galinda—I hope you’ll save at least one dance for me. I’ll be right there. Right by your side. Waiting. All night.
GALINDA Oh—that’s so kind—Bick.
BOQ Boq.
GALINDA But you know what would be even kinder?
(Sings)
SEE THAT TRAGIC’LY BEAUTIFUL GIRL THE ONE IN THE CHAIR
IT SEEMS SO UNFAIR
WE SHOULD GO ON A SPREE AND NOT SHE
GEE—
I KNOW SOMEONE WOULD BE MY HERO IF THAT SOMEONE WERE
TO GO INVITE HER…
BOQ Well, maybe—I could invite her!
GALINDA
OH, BICK, REALLY? YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME!? BOQ
I would do anything for you, Miss Galinda. Excuse me, Miss Nessarose? There’s something I’d like to ask you…
(BOQ wheels NESSAROSE away. FIYERO approaches GALINDA with admiration.) FIYERO
You’re good.
GALINDA
I don’t know what you mean! But I do happen to be free tonight, so… FIYERO
…So I’ll be picking you up around eight?
GALINDA After all—
(Sings)
NOW THAT WE’VE MET ONE ANOTHER…
FIYERO & GALINDA IT’S CLEAR—WE DESERVE EACH OTHER
GALINDA YOU’RE PERFECT…
FIYERO YOU’RE PERFECT…
BOTH SO WE’RE PERFECT TOGETHER
BORN TO BE FOREVER… DANCING THROUGH LIFE…
ACT I, SCENE 6
(ELPHABA, observing the other STUDENTS in this celebratory frenzy, expresses her disdain for FIYERO to NESSAROSE.)
ELPHABA
It’s absurd! This silly rich boy appears and everyone’s off to worship him and some cultish social gathering!
NESSAROSE
encouragerized him—
ELPHABA Galinda?!
NESSAROSE
Don’t! Don’t you dare say another word against her. I’m about to have the first happy night of my life, thanks to Galinda.
(Sings)
FIN’LLY, FOR THIS ONE NIGHT I’M ABOUT TO HAVE A FUN NIGHT WITH THIS MUNCHKIN BOY
GALINDA FOUND FOR ME AND I ONLY WISH THERE WERE SOMETHING I COULD DO FOR HER
TO REPAY HER ELPHABA, SEE?
WE DESERVE EACH OTHER
AND GALINDA HELPED IT COME TRUE WE DESERVE EACH OTHER
ME AND BOQ…
Please, Elphaba—try to understand…
ELPHABA I DO…
(In the room she shares with ELPHABA, GALINDA prepares for the dance.) GALINDA
Do me up. And now I must accessorize myself for Fiyero.
(Two mean girls, PFANNEE and SHENSHEN, find a pointy black hat amongst GALINDA’S things.) SHENSHEN
Galinda, what in Oz's name?
GALINDA
Pretend you didn’t see that. My granny is always buying me the most hideoteous hats. I’d give it away but I don’t hate anyone that much.
PFANNEE & SHENSHEN Yes you do.
GALINDA Oh no. I couldn’t. Could I?
ELPHABA Galinda—my sister and I were talking about you just now—
GALINDA
And I was just talking about you! I thought you might want to wear this to the party tonight! (Sings)
IT’S REALLY, UH, SHARP, DON’T YOU THINK? YOU KNOW—BLACK IS THIS YEAR’S PINK YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER
THIS HAT AND YOU YOU’RE BOTH SO SMART YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER
SO HERE, OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART…
(Later, in the Ozdust Ballroom, FIYERO and GALINDA dance as BOQ and NESSAROSE look on.) NESSAROSE
What’s in the punch?
BOQ Lemons and melons and pears.
NESSAROSE Oh my! BOQ LISTEN—NESSA— NESSAROSE YES? BOQ UH—NESSA
I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO CONFESS, A
REASON WHY, WELL—WHY I ASKED YOU HERE TONIGHT NOW I KNOW IT ISN’T FAIR…
NESSAROSE Oh, Boq. I know why.
BOQ You do?
NESSAROSE IT’S BECAUSE I’M IN THIS CHAIR
AND YOU FELT SORRY FOR ME— WELL? ISN’T THAT RIGHT?
BOQ No! No! It’s because… because…
(But he can’t bring himself to tell her the truth.) BOQ BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL
NESSAROSE OH, BOQ, I THINK YOU’RE WONDERFUL! AND WE DESERVE EACH OTHER
DON’T YOU SEE, THIS IS OUR CHANCE? WE DESERVE EACH OTHER
DON’T WE, BOQ?
BOQ YOU KNOW WHAT? LET’S DANCE!
NESSAROSE What?
BOQ LET’S DANCE!
(BOQ begins to wheel a smitten NESSAROSE onto the dance floor. Suddenly, MADAME MORRIBLE struts into the Ozdust.)
MORRIBLE Miss Upland!
GALINDA Madame Morrible! What are you doing here?
MORRIBLE I have something for you.
GALINDA
Oh, Madame! A training wand! How can I ever express my gratitution? MORRIBLE
Don’t thank me. This was your roommate’s idea, not mine. GALINDA What? Elphaba?
MORRIBLE
Yes, Miss Elphaba requested that I include you in sorcery class. She insisted that I tell you this very night or she would quit the seminar.
GALINDA But why?
MORRIBLE
I have no idea! My personal opinion is that you do not have what it takes. I hope you prove me wrong. I doubt you will!
FIYERO What is it?
GALINDA I got what I wanted.
FIYERO So what’s the matter?
GALINDA Nothing.
FIYERO Good. Let’s dance.
(ELPHABA walks in, wearing a pointing black hat. In a split second ELPHABA realizes that GALINDA has tricked her. The other STUDENTS laugh and point.)
FIYERO Who in Oz is that?
GALINDA My roommate. Please don’t stare.
FIYERO How can you help it?
(Determined to ignore them, ELPHABA closes her eyes and, all by herself, starts to dance—Galinda feels terrible for what she’s done.)
FIYERO
I’ll say this much for her: she doesn’t give a twig about what anyone else thinks. GALINDA
Of coarse she does, she just pretends not to. I feel awful. FIYERO Why? It’s not like it’s your fault.
GALINDA Excuse me.
(In a show of solidarity, she joins ELPHABA on the dance floor.) GALINDA
May I cut in?
ALL DANCING THROUGH LIFE
DOWN AT THE OZDUST IF ONLY BECAUSE DUST IS WHAT WE COME TO AND THE STRANGE THING:
YOUR LIFE COULD END UP CHANGING WHILE YOU’RE DANCING
THROUGH!
ACT I, SCENE 7
(Back in their dormitory room, ELPHABA and GALINDA have been up all night.) GALINDA
Your very first party ever?
ELPHABA Do funerals count?
GALINDA
Your very first party! I know, let’s each tell the other something we’ve never told anyone! I’ll go first! Fiyero and I are going to be married!
ELPHABA He’s asked you already?!
GALINDA No, he doesn’t know yet. Now you tell me a secret.
ELPHABA Like what?
GALINDA
Like… like why do you sleep with this funny little green bottle underneath your pillow? ELPHABA
Give it back!
GALINDA Come on, tell me!
Give it to me now!
GALINDA Tell me!
ELPHABA It was my mothers! That’s all.
GALINDA That’s not fair, I told you a really good one!
ELPHABA My father hates me.
(GALINDA gasps)
ELPHABA
That’s not the secret. The secret is he has a good reason. It’s my fault. GALINDA
What? What is?
ELPHABA
The reason my sister is the way she is. You see, when our mother was carrying Nessa, my father began to worry that the new baby might come out…
GALINDA & ELPHABA …green…
ELPHABA
He was so worried he made our mother chew milk flowers day and night. Only it made Nessa come too soon, with her little legs all tangled. And our mother never woke up. None of which would have ever happened if not for me.
GALINDA
But that was the milk flower’s fault, not yours. That may be your secret, Elphaba, but it doesn’t make it true. Look—it’s tomorrow! And Elphie—is it alright if I call you Elphie?
ELPHABA Well, it’s a little perky.
GALINDA
And you can call me… Galinda. You see Elphie, now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to make you my new project.
ELPHABA You really don’t have to do that.
GALINDA I know. That’s what make me so nice!
(Sings)
WHENEVER I SEE SOMEONE LESS FORTUNATE THAN I
AND LET’S FACE IT—WHO ISN’T LESS FORTUNATE THAN I?
MY TENDER HEART
TENDS TO START TO BLEED
AND WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS A MAKEOVER I SIMPLY HAVE TO TAKE OVER
I KNOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED AND EVEN IN YOUR CASE
THO’ IT’S THE TOUGHEST CASE I’VE YET TO FACE DON’T WORRY—I’M DETERMINED TO SUCCEED FOLLOW MY LEAD
AND YES, INDEED YOU WILL BE… POPULAR!
YOU’RE GONNA BE POPULAR!
I’LL TEACH YOU THE PROPER PLOYS WHEN YOU TALK TO BOYS
LITTLE WAYS TO FLIRT AND FLOUNCE I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT SHOES TO WEAR HOW TO FIX YOUR HAIR
EVERYTHING THAT REALLY COUNTS TO BE POPULAR! I’LL HELP YOU BE POPULAR!
YOU’LL HANG WITH THE RIGHT COHORTS YOU’LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS
KNOW THE SLANG YOU’VE GOT TO KNOW SO LET’S START
‘CAUSE YOU’VE GOT AN AWF’LLY LONG WAY TO GO… DON’T BE OFFENDED BY MY FRANK ANALYSIS
THINK OF IT AS PERSONALITY DIALYSIS
NOW THAT I’VE CHOSEN TO BECOME A PAL, A SIS— TER AND ADVISER
THERE’S NOBODY WISER
NOT WHEN IT COMES TO POPULAR— I KNOW ABOUT POPULAR
AND WITH AN ASSIST FROM ME TO BE WHO YOU’LL BE
INSTEAD OF DREARY WHO-YOU-WERE… ARE… THERE’S NOTHING THAT CAN STOP YOU
FROM BECOMING POPU— LER… LAR…
LA LA LA LA
YOU POPULAR…
WHEN I SEE DEPRESSING CREATURES WITH UNPREPOSSESSING FEATURES I REMIND THEM ON THEIR OWN BEHALF TO THINK OF
CELEBRATED HEADS OF STATE OR ‘SPECIALLY GREAT COMMUNICATORS DID THEY HAVE BRAINS OR KNOWLEDGE? DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!
THEY WERE POPULAR! PLEASE— IT’S ALL ABOUT POPULAR!
IT’S NOT ABOUT APTITUDE IT’S THE WAY YOU’RE VIEWED SO IT’S VERY SHREWD TO BE VERY VERY POPULAR
LIKE ME!
ELPHABA This is never going to work…
GALINDA
Elphie! You mustn’t think that way anymore! Your whole life is going to change! And all because of me! First: hair. See? This is how you toss your hair: Toss. Toss.
(She demonstrates and ELPHABA tries.)
GALINDA Well—you’ll practice! And now—
(She picks up her new magic wand—it’s quite small, a training wand.) GALINDA
I shall transform your simple “frock” into a magnificent ball gown. Ball gown. (She tries and fails, then examines the wand, puzzled.)
GALINDA Is this thing on?
ELPHABA You want me to try?
GALINDA Oh, just wear the frock it’s pretty! Oh—and this!
GALINDA
Pink goes good with green. Why, Miss Elphaba—look at you. You’re beautiful.
(She guides her friend to a mirror. ELPHABA stares at herself: For a moment it seems possible. And then—she forces herself to turn away.)
ELPHABA I—I have to go—
GALINDA You’re welcome!
(Sings)
AND THO’ YOU PROTEST YOUR DISINTEREST
I KNOW CLANDESTINEDLY
YOU’RE GONNA GRIN AND BEAR IT YOUR NEW-FOUND POPULARITY— LA LA LA LA
YOU’LL BE POPULAR
JUST NOT QUITE AS POPULAR AS ME!
ACT I, SCENE 8 (In the lecture hall, ELPHABA tries to toss her hair once more.)
ELPHABA Toss. Toss. What?!
FIYERO
Nothing. It’s just you’ve been Galindafied. “Toss. Toss.” You don’t need to do that you know. DILLAMOND
Take your seats, class. Take your seats, please. I have something to say and very little time. My dear students, this is my last day here at Shiz. Animals are no longer permitted to teach.
ELPHABA What?!
DILLAMOND
Please Miss Elphaba. I’d like to thank you all for sharing with me your enthusiasm, your essays, however feebly structured, and even on occasion your lunch.
(DOCTOR DILLAMOND’S lecture is interrupted by MADAME MORRIBLE and several OZIAN OFFICIALS.)
MORRIBLE Oh, Doctor, I am so terribly sorry.
ELPHABA Madame, you can’t permit this!
DILLAMOND
Miss Elphaba, don’t worry about me. They can take away my job but I shall continue speaking out! OZIAN OFFICIAL
Come on, goat.
DILLAMOND You’re not being told the whole story! Remember that, class! (DOCTOR DILLAMOND is taken away.)
ELPHABA
Doctor Dillamond! Well, are we all just going to sit here in silence?! MORRIBLE
Miss Elphaba, I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do. ELPHABA But, Madame—
MORRIBLE Please, my dear, take your seat.
(One OFFICIAL takes over the class.)
OZIAN OFFICIAL Good afternoon, students!
MORRIBLE Good afternoon!
STUDENTS Good afternoon.
OZIAN OFFICIAL
More and more everyday with each tick of the Time Dragon Clock in every corner of our great Oz, one hears the silence of progress! For example, this is called a cage!
(He reveals this devise to the STUDENTS. There is a small Lion Cub trapped inside.) OZIAN OFFICIAL
Yes, you’ll be seeing more and more of them in the future. This remarkable innovation is actually for the Animal’s own good!
ELPHABA If it’s for his own good, than why is he trembling?
OZIAN OFFICIAL
He’s excited to be here, that’s all! As I was saying, one of the benefits of caging a Lion Cub this young is that he will never in fact learn how to speak!
ELPHABA Oh no!
OZIAN OFFICIAL That’s right! Gather around!
ELPHABA
Can you imagine a world where Animals are kept in cages and they never speak?! OZIAN OFFICIAL
He does seem a bit agitated but that is easily remedied! ELPHABA What are we going to do?!
FIYERO We?
ELPHABA Well somebody as to do something!!!
(ELPHABA becomes so distraught that she involuntarily casts a spell over the entire CLASS—except FIYERO.)
FIYERO What’s happening?
ELPHABA I don’t know! I got mad and then—
FIYERO Don’t move. And don’t get mad at me.
(FIYERO grabs the cage.)
FIYERO Well? Are you coming?
(The two head out to the forest, where they can set the Lion Club free.) ACT I, SCENE 9
ELPHABA Careful! Don’t shake him!
FIYERO I’m not!
ELPHABA
We can’t just let him loose anywhere you know! We’ve got to find someplace safe! FIYERO
I realize that too! You think I’m really stupid don’t you? ELPHABA No, not really stupid.
FIYERO
Why is it that every time I see you you’re causing some sort of commotion? ELPHABA
I don’t cause commotions, I am one!
FIYERO That’s for sure.
ELPHABA
So you think I should just keep my mouth shut, is that what you’re saying?! FIYERO
No! What I’m saying—
ELPHABA
Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much? FIYERO
Look, all I meant was—
ELPHABA
Do you think I don’t know how easier my life would be if I didn’t? FIYERO
Do you ever let anybody else talk?
ELPHABA
Oh, sorry. But can I say one more thing? You could have walked away back there. FIYERO
ELPHABA So no matter how shallow and self-absorbed you pretend to be—
FIYERO
Excuse me, there’s no pretense here: I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow. ELPHABA
No you’re not. Or you wouldn’t be so unhappy.
FIYERO Fine if you don’t want my help—
ELPHABA No, I do! His heart is pounding. I didn’t mean to frighten him.
FIYERO
What did you mean to do? And why was I the only one you didn’t do it to? ELPHABA
You’re bleeding.
FIYERO I am?
ELPHABA It must have scratched you.
FIYERO
Yeah. Or maybe it scratched me or something. I better get to safety. I mean the cub! ELPHABA
Of course!
FIYERO Get the cub to safety.
(FIYERO leaves.)
ELPHABA Fiyero!
(ELPHABA realizes that she could love FIYERO, yet she feels more alone than ever.) ELPHABA
HANDS TOUCH, EYES MEET SUDDEN SILENCE, SUDDEN HEAT HEARTS LEAP IN A GIDDY WHIRL HE COULD BE THAT BOY
DON’T DREAM TOO FAR
DON’T LOSE SIGHT OF WHO YOU ARE DON’T REMEMBER THAT RUSH OF JOY HE COULD BE THAT BOY
I’M NOT THAT GIRL
EV’RY SO OFTEN WE LONG TO STEAL
TO THE LAND OF WHAT-MIGHT-HAVE-BEEN BUT THAT DOESN’T SOFTEN THE ACHE WE FEEL WHEN REALITY SETS BACK IN
BLITHE SMILE, LITHE LIMB
SHE WHO’S WINSOME, SHE WINS HIM GOLD HAIR WITH A GENTLE CURL THAT’S THE GIRL HE CHOSE
AND HEAVEN KNOWS I’M NOT THAT GIRL… DON’T WISH, DON’T START
WISHING ONLY WOUNDS THE HEART I WASN’T BORN FOR THE ROSE AND PEARL THERE’S A GIRL I KNOW
HE LOVES HER SO I’M NOT THAT GIRL…
(MADAME MORRIBLE comes upon ELPHABA, taking shelter from the rain, and approaches her excitedly.)
MORRIBLE Miss Elphaba! There you are!
ELPHABA Madame Morrible!
MORRIBLE
Oh, I have thrillifying news! I’ve finally heard back from the Wizard, and my dear—he wishes to meet you!
ELPHABA He asked for me?! Personally?!
MORRIBLE
Yes! I know how devastrated you were the other day for our poor Doctor Dillamond but you see my dear, one door closes and another opens!
ELPHABA I don’t know what to say! Madame, how can I ever thank you?
MORRIBLE Careful my dear, you mustn’t get wet. Wait, I know.
(She makes a sudden dramatic gesture, and the rain instantly stops.) MORRIBLE
Oh, didn’t I ever mention? Weather is my specialty. Oz speed, my dear. (Sings)
NOW YOU’RE OFF TO MEET THE WIZARD MAKE ME PROUD!
ELPHABA I will—I’ll try…
(Sings)
AND THERE WE’LL FINALLY BE: THE WIZARD AND I…
ACT I, SCENE 10
(GALINDA has accompanied ELPHABA to the train station to bid her goodbye.) CONDUCTOR
All aboard!
NESSAROSE
Elphaba, I am so proud of you! I know father will be too. We’re all proud aren’t we? ELPHABA
Will you be alright without me?
GALINDA She’ll be fine. Bick will keep her company. Won’t you, Bick?
BOQ It’s Boq! I can’t do this anymore!
(BOQ runs out)
NESSAROSE Boq!
GALINDA Nessa, maybe he just isn’t the right one for you.
NESSAROSE
No! He’s the one. It’s me that’s not right. Don’t worry about me, Elphaba, I’ll be fine. Safe journey. (NESSAROSE wheels after BOQ)
ELPHABA Nessa! Wait!
GALINDA
Elphie, let her go. She’ll have to manage without you. We all will. (All at once, GALINDA breaks into tears.)
ELPHABA
You’ll barely notice I’m gone. You have Fiyero. Where is he anyway? Not that I expected him to say goodbye to me. I mean, we barely know each other.
GALINDA
I don’t know him either. Not anymore. He’s distant and moodified. And he’s been thinking which really worries me. It all started the day Doctor Dillamond got fired. I never knew he cared so much about that old Goat. Oh, look there he is! He did come! Fiyero! Over here, dearest!
FIYERO Elphaba, I’m happy for you.
GALINDA Yes, we are both so happy for you!
FIYERO I’ve been thinking—
ELPHABA Yes, I’ve heard.
FIYERO
About the Lion Cub and everything. I think about that day a lot. ELPHABA So do I.
GALINDA
Me too! I think about it constantly! Poor Doctor Dillamond! It makes one want to take a stand! In fact, I’ve been thinking about… about… changing my name!
FIYERO Your name?
GALINDA
Why yes! Since Doctor Dillamond had his own way of pronouncing my name, in solidarity and to express my…um… outrage I will henceforward no longer be known as Galinda but as simply Glinda!
FIYERO That’s very admirable of you, Glinda.
GLINDA Fiyero…
FIYERO Elphaba, good luck.
(He exits.)
ACT I, SCENE 11 GLINDA Well, there! You see?!
ELPHABA Oh, don’t cry, Galinda!
GLINDA
It’s Glinda now! Stupid idea, I don’t even know what made me say it! ELPHABA
It doesn’t matter what your name is, everyone loves you. GLINDA
I don’t care! I want him! I don’t even think he’s perfect anymore and I still want him! This must be what other people feel like. How do they bear it?!
ELPHABA Come with me.
GLINDA Where?
ELPHABA To the Emerald City.
GLINDA Really?
TOURISTS ONE SHORT DAY
IN THE EMERALD CITY
GLINDA I’ve always wanted to see the Emerald City.
TOURISTS ONE SHORT DAY
IN THE EMERALD CITY…
ACT I, SCENE 12 (The Emerald City)
TOURISTS ONE SHORT DAY
IN THE EMERALD CITY ONE SHORT DAY
FULL OF SO MUCH TO DO EV’RY WAY
THAT YOU LOOK IN THIS CITY THERE’S SOMETHING EXQUISITE YOU’LL WANT TO VISIT
BEFORE THE DAY’S THROUGH!
ELPHABA
THERE ARE BUILDINGS TALL AS QUOXWOOD TREES GLINDA DRESS SALONS ELPHABA AND LIBRARIES GLINDA PALACES! ELPHABA MUSEUMS! BOTH A HUNDRED STRONG…
THERE ARE WONDERS LIKE I’VE NEVER SEEN GLINDA IT’S ALL GRAND
ELPHABA AND IT’S ALL GREEN
BOTH
I THINK WE’VE FOUND THE PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! I WANNA BE
IN THIS HOI POLLOI
ELPHABA SO I’LL BE BACK FOR GOOD SOMEDAY
GLINDA TO MAKE MY LIFE AND MAKE MY WAY…
BOTH
BUT FOR TODAY, WE’LL WANDER AND ENJOY… ALL
ONE SHORT DAY
IN THE EMERALD CITY ONE SHORT DAY
TO HAVE A LIFETIME OF FUN ONE SHORT DAY…
ELPHABA & GLINDA AND WE’RE WARNING THE CITY:
NOW THAT WE’RE IN HERE
YOU’LL KNOW WE’VE BEEN HERE ALL BEFORE WE ARE DONE!
(They are in front of a Broadway-style marquee that reads Wiz-o-mania. TOURISTS pour into the theatre. GLINDA takes in the scene, enthralled.)
GLINDA
The night-life! The hustle and bustle! It’s all so… ozmopolitan! Elphie, come on—we’ll be late for Wizomania!
ELPHABA
I want to remember this moment. Always. Nobody’s staring. Nobody’s pointing. For the first time, I’m somewhere… where I belong.
GLINDA You look positively—emerald!
(They take each other’s hands and run into the theatre.) WIZOMANIA CHORUS WHO’S THE MAGE
WHOSE MAJOR ITINERARY IS MAKNG ALL OZ MERRIER? WHO’S THE SAGE
WHO SAGELY SAILED IN TO SAVE OUR POSTERIORS?
WHOSE ENTHUSE FOR HOT AIR BALLOONING HAS ALL OF OZ HONEYMOONING?
WIZ-N’T HE WONDERFUL? (OUR WONDERFUL WIZARD!)
AUDIENCE WIZOMANIA CHORUS ONE SHORT DAY WHO’S THE MAGE IN THE EMERALD WHOSE MAJOR ITINERARY CITY IS MAKING ALL OZ MERRIER ONE SHORT DAY WHO’S THE SAGE WHO TO HAVE A LIFETIME OF FUN SAGELY SAILED IN TO SAVE OUR POSTERIORS…
ALL WHAT A WAY
TO BE SEEING THE CITY…
ELPHABA & GLINDA WHERE SO MANY ROAM TO
WE’LL CALL IT HOME TOO AND THEN, JUST LIKE NOW WE CAN SAY:
WE’RE JUST TWO FRIENDS…
ELPHABA TWO GOOD FRIENDS…
GLINDA TWO BEST FRIENDS…
ALL SHARING ONE WONDERFUL
ONE SHORT…
GUARD The Wizard will see you now!
ALL DAY!
ACT I, SCENE 13 (In the Wizard’s private chamber…)
OZ HEAD I am Oz!
GLINDA Elphie!
OZ HEAD
I am Oz, the great and terrible! Who are you and why do you seek me?! GLINDA
Say something!
ELPHABA
I am Elphaba Thropp, Your Terribleness! And this is my best friend— WIZARD’S VOICE Oh, is that you Elphaba? I didn’t realize!
(ELPHABA and GLINDA come face to face with the WIZARD OF OZ.) WIZARD
I hope I didn’t startle ya! It’s so hard to make out people’s faces when I’m back there. So, let’s see, which is which? Elphaba! A pleasure, Elphaba! And you must be…
GLINDA Glinda, the Ga is silent.
(ELPHABA is observing the Oz Head.)
WIZARD
I know, it’s a bit much isn’t it? But people expect this sort of thing and you have to give people what they want.
ELPHABA I’m so happy to meet you.
WIZARD
Well, that’s good—cuz that’s what I love best—making people happy. (Sings)
I AM A SENTIMENTAL MAN
WHO ALWAYS LONGED TO BE A FATHER THAT’S WHY I DO THE BEST I CAN
TO TREAT EACH CITIZEN OF OZ AS SON— OR DAUGHTER…
SO ELPHABA, I’D LIKE TO RAISE YOU HIGH ‘CUZ I THINK EV’RYONE DESERVES
THE CHANCE TO FLY
AND HELPING YOU WITH YOUR ASCENT AL— LOWS ME TO FEEL SO PARENTAL
FOR I AM A SENTIMENTAL MAN…
ELPHABA
GLINDA We’re not?
ELPHABA
No! We are here because something bad is happening to the Animals— WIZARD
Please! I’m the Wizard of Oz! I already know why you’ve come. ELPHABA & GLINDA Oooooh!
WIZARD
I fully intend of granting your request. Of course, you must prove yourself first. GLINDA
Of course! Prove yourself! Prove yourself!
ELPHABA But how?
WIZARD Madame, the book!
MORRIBLE Right away, Your Ozness!
(To the GIRLS’ amazement, MADAME MORRIBLE appears.) GLINDA
Madame Morrible?!
WIZARD I believe you’re acquainted with my new press secretary.
ELPHABA Press secretary?!
MORRIBLE
Yes dearies, I have risen up in the world! You will find that the Wizard is a very generous man! If you do something for him he will do much for you!
ELPHABA But what would you like me to do?
WIZARD
MORRIBLE So his Ozness was thinking perhaps a levitation spell.
(She holds an ancient looking book out to ELPHABA.) GLINDA I don’t believe it. Is that… The Grimmerie!?
MORRIBLE Yes. The Ancient Book of Thaumaturgy and Enchantments.
GLINDA Can I touch it?
MORRIBLE No.
ELPHABA What funny writing.
MORRIBLE It’s a lost language—the lost language of spells.
WIZARD A kind of recipe book, for change.
MORRIBLE
Don’t be discouraged if you cannot decipherate it, dearie. I myself can only read a spell or two and that took years and years of constant study—
ELPHABA Ahben Tahkay…
MORRIBLE ELPHABA Merciful Oz! Ahben Tahkay… WIZARD ELPHABA Oh, Chistery! What an experience you’re about to have! Ahben Atum Ahben (Sings)
SINCE ONCE I HAD MY OWN DAY IN THE SKY Takayah Entayah Ah Entayah Tifentah I SAY EVERYONE DESERVES THE CHANCE TO FLY! Ahben Tahkay Ah (CHISTERY starts twitching, in pain.)
ELPHABA What is it? Is something wrong?
MORRIBLE It’s just the transition, dearie!
ELPHABA Chistery, are you alright?! Why can’t he answer me?! (CHISTERY sprouts wings.)
GLINDA You did it! You actually did it!
ELPHABA He’s in pain! Quick, tell me how to reverse it!
MORRIBLE You can’t!
ELPHABA What?!
MORRIBLE
You can’t reverse a spell! Spells are irreversible! I knew it! I knew she had the power! I told you! ELPHABA
You planned all this?
MORRIBLE For you too, dearie! You benefit too!
WIZARD And this is only the beginning! Look!
(He pulls a lever to reveal his caged pet monkeys now all have wings.) WIZARD
If this is how you do on your first time out skies the limit! MORRIBLE Such wingspan! Won’t they make perfect spies?
ELPHABA Spies?
WIZARD
You’re right, that’s a harsh words. What about… scouts! That’s what they’ll be really. They’ll fly around Oz, reporting any subversive Animal activity.
ELPHABA So it’s you. You’re behind it all.
WIZARD
Elphaba, when I first got here there was discord and discontent, and where I come from everyone knows that the best way to bring folks together is to give them a really good enemy.
ELPHABA
You can’t read this book at all, can you? That’s why you need an enemy and spies and cages! You have no real power!
WIZARD
Exactly. And that’s why I need you. Don’t you see? The world’s your oyster now! You have so many opportunities ahead of you! You both do!
GLINDA Oh thank you, Your Ozness!
WIZARD THE TWO OF YOU
IT’S TIME I RAISED YOU HIGH YES!
THE TIME HAD COME FOR YOU TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO—
ELPHABA No!!!
(ELPHABA grabs The Grimmerie and runs from the room.) MORRIBLE
Elphaba!
GLINDA Elphie, wait! I’m sorry, Your Oznees. I’ll get her back. Elphie! (GLINDA goes after her.)
WIZARD We’ve got to get her back! She’s knows too much!
MORRIBLE Don’t worry, Your Ozness! I’ll handle it!
(MADAME MORRIBLE leaves.)
OZ HEAD Guards! Guards!
OZ HEAD
There’s a fugitive at large in the palace! Find her! Capture her! Bring her to me! GUARDS
Yes, Your Ozness!
(They march out.)
ACT I, SCENE 14
(The girls have fled to the up-most turret of the Wizard’s Palace.) GLINDA
Elphie, wait! Where are you going?!
ELPHABA Oh no! There are no more stairs!
GLINDA Elphaba, listen to me!
ELPHABA The guards are coming up! We have to barricade the door! GLINDA What?!
ELPHABA I’ll use this!
(ELPHABA blockades the door shut with an old broom.) GLINDA
Why couldn’t you have just stayed calm, for once! Instead of flying off the handle! (Sings)
I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY HOW YOU HURT YOUR CAUSE FOREVER
I HOPE YOU THINK YOU’RE CLEVER
ELPHABA I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY
I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY TOO
I HOPE YOU’RE PROUD HOW YOU WOULD GROVEL IN SUBMISSION TO FEED YOUR OWN AMBITION
SO THOUGH I CAN’T IMAGINE HOW I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY RIGHT NOW…
MORRIBLE’S VOICE
Citizens of Oz, there is an enemy who must be found and captured! Believe nothing she says, she is evil! Responsible for the mutilation of these poor, innocent monkeys!
GLINDA Oh no.
MORRIBLE’S VOICE
Her green skin is but an outward manifestorium of her twisted nature! This distortion! This repulsion!! This Wicked Witch!!!
GLINDA Don’t be afraid.
ELPHABA I’m not. It’s the Wizard who should be afraid… of me!
GLINDA Elphie, listen to me. Just say you’re sorry. Before it’s too late… (Sings)
YOU CAN STILL BE WITH THE WIZARD WHAT YOU’VE WORKED AND WAITED FOR YOU CAN HAVE ALL YOU’VE EVER WANTED…
ELPHABA I know—
(Sings)
BUT I DON’T WANT I— NO—I CAN’T WANT IT ANYMORE…
SOMETHING HAS CHANGED WITHIN ME SOMETHING IS NOT THE SAME
I’M THROUGH WITH PLAYIING BY THE RULES OF SOMEONE ELSE’S GAME
TOO LATE FOR SECOND GUESSING TOO LATE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP IT’S TIME TO TRUST MY INSTINCTS CLOSE MY EYES AND LEAP
IT’S TIME TO TRY DEFYING GRAVITY I THINK I’LL TRY DEFYING GRAVITY
GLINDA CAN’T I MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU’RE HAVING DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR…?
ELPHABA I’M THROUGH ACCEPTING LIMITS
‘CAUSE SOMEONE SAYS THEY’RE SO SOME THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE BUT TIL I TRY, I’LL NEVER KNOW TOO LONG I’VE BEEN AFRAID OF LOSING LOVE I GUESS I’VE LOST WELL, IF THAT’S LOVE
IT COMES AT MUCH TOO HIGH A COST I’D SOONER BUY
DEFYING GRAVITY KISS ME GOODBYE I’M DEFYING GRAVITY
AND YOU CAN’T PULL ME DOWN…
GUARDS’ VOICE Open this door! In the name of His Supreme Ozness!
GLINDA ELPHABA What are you doing?! Ah May That’s what started all of this in the first place! Ah Tay Ah That hideous levitation spell! Tum Ditum Stop!!!
GLINDA
Well? Where are your wings? Maybe you’re not as powerful as you think you are. (The old broom levitates over to ELPHABA.)
GLINDA Sweet Oz!
ELPHABA I told you, Glinda! Didn’t I tell you!
GUARDS’ VOICE Bash it in! Fetch the battering ramikin!
ELPHABA Quick get on!
GLINDA What?!
ELPHABA Come with me. Think of what we can do… together. (Sings)
UNLIMITED
TOGETHER WE’RE UNLIMITED
TOGETHER WE’LL BE THE GREATEST TEAM THERE’S EVER BEEN
GLINDA—
DREAMS THE WAY WE PLANNED ‘EM… GLINDA IF WE WORK IN TANDEM…
BOTH THERE’S NO FIGHT WE CANNOT WIN JUST YOU AND I
DEFYIING GRAVITY WITH YOU AND I DEFYING GRAVITY
ELPHABA THEY’LL NEVER BRING US DOWN…
(speaks) Well? Are you coming?
(The answer is no, but GLINDA can’t bring herself to say it. Instead, she gets an old blanket from a shelf and wraps it around ELPHABA’S shoulders.)
GLINDA Elphie, you’re trembling. Here… put this around you. (Sings)
I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY
NOW THAT YOU’RE CHOOSING THIS… ELPHABA YOU TOO—
I HOPE IT BRINGS YOU BLISS
BOTH I REALLY HOPE YOU GET IT
AND YOU DON’T LIVE TO REGRET IT I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY IN THE END I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY, MY FRIEND…
(The PALACE GUARDS burst in, their muskets drawn.) GUARD There she is! Don’t let her get away!
GLINDA Leave me alone, you hear! Let go of me!
ELPHABA
It’s not her! She has nothing to do with it! I’m the one you want! It’s me! GLINDA
Elphie!
ELPHABA It’s meee!
(ELPHABA rides her enchanted broom skyward.) ELPHABA SO IF YOU CARE TO FIND ME
LOOK TO THE WESTERN SKY AS SOMEONE TOLD ME LATELY:
“EV’RYONE DESERVES THE CHANCE TO FLY” AND IF I’M FLYING SOLO
AT LEAST I’M FLYING FREE TO THOSE WHO’D GROUND ME TAKE A MESSAGE BACK FROM ME: TELL THEM HOW I
AM DEFYING GRAVITY I’M FLYING HIGH DEFYING GRAVITY
AND SOON I’LL MATCH THEM IN RENOWN AND NOBODY IN ALL OF OZ
NO WIZARD THAT THERE IS OR WAS IS EVER GONNA BRING ME DOWN!
GLINDA I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY!
CITIZENS OF OZ LOOK AT HER, SHE’S WICKED!
GET HER!
ELPHABA BRING ME DOWN!
CITIZENS OF OZ NO ONE MOURNS THE WICKED
SO WE’VE GOT TO BRING HER…
ELPHABA AHHHH!
CITIZENS OF OZ DOWN!
END ACT I
ACT II, SCENE 1 (Time has passed, and the Land of Oz is filled with fear.)
CITIZENS OF OZ EV’RY DAY, MORE WICKED!
EV’RY DAY, THE TERROR GROWS! ALL OF OZ IS EVER ON ALERT! THAT’S THE WAY WITH WICKED— SPREADING FEAR
WHERE E’ER SHE GOES
SEEKING OUT NEW VICTIMS SHE CAN HURT! A HYSTERICAL WOMAN LIKE SOME TERRIBLE GREEN BLIZZARD
THROUGHOUT THE LAND SHE FLIES…
AN OUTRAGED MAN DEFAMING OUR POOR WIZARD
WITH HER CALUMNIES AND LIES!
ALL SHE LIES!
SAVE US FROM THE WICKED!
SHIELD US SO WE WON’T BE HEXED!
GIVE US WARNING: WHERE WILL SHE STRIKE NEXT? WHERE WILL SHE STRIKE NEXT?
WHERE WILL SHE STRIKE— NEXT!?
(Outside the Wizard’s palace, MADAME MORRIBLE and FIYERO look on as a well-turned-out GLINDA addresses an adoring CROWD.)
GLINDA
Fellow Ozians—as terrifying as terror is, let us put aside our panic for this one day… and celebrate! (Sings)
OH WHAT A CELEBRATION WE’LL HAVE TODAY
CROWD THANK GOODNESS!
GLINDA LET’S HAVE A CELEBRATION
THE GLINDA WAY…
CROWD THANK GOODNESS!
MORRIBLE FIN’LLY A DAY THAT'S
TOTALLY WICKED-WITCH-FREE!
CROWD WE COULDN’T BE HAPPIER
THANK GOODNESS!
(MADAME MORRIBLE turns to GLINDA and FIYERO, who’s been named the new Captain of the Guard.)
MORRIBLE
And thank goodness for you, Glinda! And for your handsome swan, our new Captain of the Guard! You’ve been the forefront of the hunt for the Wicked Witch, haven’t you Captain?
FIYERO Actually, I don’t think of her as a Wicked Witch—
MORRIBLE So Captain, how does it feel?
FIYERO
Frustrating, but I became the Captain of the Guard to find her and I will not rest— MORRIBLE
No, being engaged!
CROWD Congratulotions!
FIYERO This is an engagement party?
GLINDA Surprised?
FIYERO Yes!
GLINDA Oh, good! We hoped you’d be—the Wizard and I!
(Sings)
WE COULDN’T BE HAPPIER RIGHT, DEAR?
COULDN’T BE HAPPIER
RIGHT HERE, LOOK WHAT WE’VE GOT: A FAIRY-TALE PLOT
OUR VERY OWN HAPPY ENDING WHERE WE COULDN’T BE HAPPIER TRUE, DEAR?
COULDN’T BE HAPPIER
AND WE’RE HAPPY TO SHARE OUR ENDING VICARIOUSLY WITH ALL OF YOU
HE COULDN’T LOOK HANDSOMER I COULDN’T FEEL HUMBLER
WE COULDN’T BE HAPPIER
BECAUSE HAPPY IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!
MORRIBLE
And Glinda dear, we are happy for you! As Press Secretary, I’ve striven to ensure that all of Oz knows the story of your braverism! How vividly I remember…
(Sings)
THE DAY YOU WERE FIRST SUMMONED TO AN AUDIENCE WITH OZ
AND ALTHOUGH HE WOULD NOT TELL YOU WHY INITIALLY WHEN YOU BOWED BEFORE HIS THRONE
HE DECREED YOU’D HENCE BE KNOWN AS GLINDA THE GOOD—OFFICIALLY!
FIYERO That’s not how you described it to me!
GLINDA Well, no, not exactly, but we’ll talk about that later.
MORRIBLE THEN WITH A JEALOUS SQUEAL
THE WICKED WITCH BURST FROM CONCEALMENT WHERE SHE HAD BEEN LURKING—SURREPTITIALLY!
SOMEONE IN THE CROWD I HEAR SHE HAS AN EXTRA EYE
THAT ALWAYS REMAINS AWAKE!
ANOTHER PERSON I HEAR THAT SHE CAN SHED HER SKIN
A THIRD PERSON I HEAR SOME REBEL ANIMALS
ARE GIVING HER FOOD AND SHELTER
A FOURTH PERSON I HEAR HER SOUL IS SO UNCLEAN
PURE WATER CAN MELT HER!
FIYERO WHAT!?
CROWD MELT HER!?
PLEASE—SOMEBODY GO AND MELT HER! FIYERO Do you hear that? Water will melt her!?
GLINDA Shhh! Dearest!
FIYERO People are so empty-headed, they’ll believe anything!
GLINDA Excuse us just a tick tock.
FIYERO
I can’t just stand her grinning, pretending to go along with all this! GLINDA
Fiyero, do you think I like hearing them say all those awful things about her? I hate it! FIYERO
Then what are we doing here? Let’s go. Let’s get out of here. GLINDA
I can’t! I can’t leave now. Not when people are looking to me to raise their spirits. FIYERO
No, you can’t leave because you can’t resist this! And that’s the truth! GLINDA
Well maybe I can’t. Is that so wrong? Who could? FIYERO You know who could! And who has!
GLINDA
Fiyero, I miss her too. But we can’t just stop living. No one has searched harder for her than you. Don’t you see? She doesn’t want to be found. We’ve got to face it.
FIYERO
You’re right. You’re right. And look, if it makes you happy, of course I’ll marry you. GLINDA
But it’ll make you happy too, right?
FIYERO You know me, I’m always happy.
(FIYERO leaves)
GLINDA
Fiyero—! Oh—yes, thanks plenty, dearest! He’s gone to fetch me a refreshment. He’s so thoughtful that way!
(Sings)
THAT’S WHY I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER NO, I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER
THOUGH IT IS, I ADMIT THE TINIEST BIT
UNLIKE I ANTICIPATED
BUT I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER SIMPLY COULDN’T BE HAPPIER WELL—NOT “SIMPLY”…
‘CAUSE GETTING YOUR DREAMS IT’S STRANGE, BUT IT SEEMS A LITTLE—WELL—COMPLICATED THERE’S A KIND OF A SORT OF… COST THERE’S A COUPLE OF THINGS GET… LOST THERE ARE BRIDGES YOU CROSS
YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU’D CROSSED UNTIL YOU’VE CROSSED…
AND IF THAT JOY, THAT THRILL
DOESN’T THRILL LIKE YOU THINK IT WILL STILL—
WITH THIS PERFECT FINALE
THE CHEERS AND THE BALLYHOO WHO
WOULDN’T BE HAPPIER? SO I COULDN’T BE HAPPIER
BECAUSE HAPPY IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE WELL, ISN’T IT?
HAPPY IS WHAT HAPPENS…
