Section 1: inner Game
1. Your Best self1.1 Inner Game
1.2 Change Your life NoW!!!!!!!
1.3 Q & A on Wings and Cutting old friends 1.4 Do You Bring Value or take it????
2. oNe speCIAl GIrl 2.1 oneitis?? 2.2 Q & A on love
2.3 Girl Has a Boyfriend, But I Know she likes Me 2.4 “I Don’t Chase...I replace.”
3. NeWBIes
3.1 to the New Guys!
3.2 Dates: lunch, Dinner, Drinks
3.3 the prescription to Move out of the lJBf Zone 4. opeNING
4.1 Approach Anxiety
4.2 Q & A on Approach Anxiety
4.3 opening Mixed Groups (Guys and Girls)
Section 2: outer Game
5. teAsING & role plAYs5.1 Q & A: How Can I Make Girls laugh?
5.2 How to flirt with Women, the Art of push/pull
1 2 13 17 21 26 27 30 34 36 39 40 41 44 47 48 58 60 63 64 66
6. tAKeAWAYs & sNls
7. 9’s & 10’s
7.1 How Do I Date Hotter Girls? “proximity is power.” 7.2 Braddock and Mr. M (10 Game Audio)
7.3 Dating tip: Become successful with Women by Modeling 8. pHoNe AND text
8.1 text Game
8.2 text Game Basics by Braddock and savoy 8.3 text Game: Making the Number solid
8.4 the ultimate Guide to phone and text Game 9. ColleGe GAMe
9.1 College Game Videos
9.2 Q & A on College and social Circle Game 9.3 Spring Break Game: The Definitive Guide
(Guaranteed to get you laid)
Section 3: LifeStyLe
10. soCIAl CIrCle MAsterY & ColD ApproACH
10.1 When to pull the trigger in Your social Circle 10.2 Golden rule of Building a New social Circle... 10.3 social Circle Mastery Interview Audio
10.4 social Circle Vs. Cold Approach...let’s Just Hug it out
69 70 74 77 79 83 84 90 92 102 113 116 117 119 120 125 136 137 143 145 146 6.1 takeaways for sNls
11. frIeNDs W/ BeNefIts
11.1 Creating Friends w/ Benefits 12. stICKING poINts
12.1 too ‘routine Dependent’ sticking point 13. lAY reports
13.1 poppin my Colla partna NYC lay report 13.2 soldier of fortune! 149 150 153 154 156 157 163
covered in thiS chapter:
1.1 inner Game
- the self Concept
- Being in the Moment
1.2 change your Life noW!!!!!!!
- relaxing
- setting realistic Goals
- stop Bullshitting Yourself & others
1.3 Q and a on Wings and cutting old friends
- What it really Means to Have a Wing
- When to find New friends
1.4 do you Bring value or take it????
- Value and its “Identity”
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the self Concept and Being in the Moment:
I’ve been reading quite a few books lately on the self concept, being in the moment, and self-deception. they have had a big impact on my life and game. Here are a few of the books I have read several times trying to really understand this and internalize it. I’m going to try and make this post as short as I can and keep it geared toward pickup. I will try to offer some of the key concepts that have resonated with me. However, I highly suggest you do not use this post as a substitute for reading these books cover to cover. My notes below are merely the tip of the iceberg. I have literally stacks of notebooks full of notes I have taken on each book. Inner game has many components, but I picked these two because I think they are most important, with self-deception being third.
some helpful books on these topics... psycho Cybernetics, by Maltz
the psychology of Achievement, by Brian tracy the power of Now, by eckhart tolle
realization of Being, by eckhart tolle living the liberated life, by eckhart tolle Inner Game:
If you develop your inner game then you can’t be stopped! Develop good inner game and the outer game will come at double the rate.
Winner’s edge:
What is this? People who dominate any field are only a “hair” better than everyone else. However, the difference in the success they enjoy is enormous. You don’t have to become Mystery or style to enjoy great success. Making small changes here and there can change your game DrAstICAllY! self Concept:
Simple definition - “How much you truly believe that you are capable of doing something.” Not wish you could or hope to believe or pretend to believe. This is how much confidence you truly feel for a given skill set.
1.1
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example: Bushing my teeth, “My self concept is high”. playing soccer, “My self concept is low.” Your overall self concept will determine your success in life. It is impossible to act in a manner incon-sistent with one of your self concepts. You have an overall self concept and it is made up of all your individual self concepts. You have a self concept for everything in your life (dress, income, how you drive, brushing your teeth, what kind of woman you deserve, hanging a picture on the wall...etc.) examples: Michael Jordan’s self concept in basketball was extremely high. He literally believed he was going to make every shot. A carpenter’s is just as high with carpentry. He believes on a deep level he can build a house. If we switched these two and asked MJ to build a house, he would most likely have a low self concept in the area of carpentry, because he has never done it before.
Want to get better at anything? then you Must CHANGe your self concept in that area. It is impos-sible to act inconsistent with our self image, but if we want to get better at something, then it is crucial that we change our self concept in that area.
If we move our concept up or down we will act consistent with this new self concept.
so, if we have a weak self concept about the women we deserve, or about how good we are at pickup, guess what, we will be consistent with that weak self image. the converse is also true. If we develop a strong self concept about our ability to attract women, and the women we deserve, we will start to be more consistent with that.
so, how do we create a better self concept?? first, we must stop letting any one of our self concepts control how we feel about our overall self concept (specifically, our self concept in relation to wom-en). What does this mean? remember, I said you have a self concept for eVerYtHING you do!!!!!!! Do you look in the mirror and feel like shit about “who you are” when you first buy a video game and you keep dying on the first level? No. Your self concept is low in relation to that game, but you know if you play that game and that level enough times you will eventually get the hang of it. You won’t get depressed and want to crawl into bed or go read every book on that game. You will just keep playing it until you understand what every button on the controller does without you even having to think about it.
once you play it enough times you could beat that level with your eyes closed.
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However, during the process of growing your self concept in regards to that game, you never let your low self concept affect your overall self concept. You didn’t attach too much meaning to that game. therefore, you are able to grow rapidly. If you cried every time you lost and turned the game off and didn’t play it for two weeks, then your self concept would grow at a very slow rate.
If you look at this on a time line from when you got the video game until you could play it with your eyes closed, can you see that you just dialed up that one self concept in that area of your life? Now, your self concept is higher now than when you first purchased that game. How can you measure it? When you first played that game, if I had said, I will give you a million dollars if you beat level one, but if you don’t I’m going to blow your head off, would you have taken the bet??? Noooo. After you have played that game for 3 months, and you can beat level one with your eyes closed, would you take that bet???? of course. Your self concept tells you, this is a sound bet. this knowledge should empower you with women and dating.
·We have a scientific formula to change our self concept! Not just some abstract “you can do it affir-mation.” Based on the previous statement, we know, for A fACt that we can change our self con-cept simply by becoming more competent and skilled in the area we are deficient in, and the fastest way is by treating the skill set we want as a process and not attaching our identity to it. this one skill set DOES NOT define your overall self concept and it does not affect your other self concepts. We never feel uneasy doing something that we are good at, right? Do you ever feel uneasy brush-ing your teeth? What about drivbrush-ing your car? Were you always good at these tasks? Did you ever feel uneasy about driving your car? I did. I remember when I first started driving, I had a jeep with a stick shift. for about 3 months I felt anxiety every time I got behind the wheel. However, as my self concept grew, the uneasiness went away.
Generally speaking, there are 3 occasions that cause us to feel a sense of uneasiness: 1. When we are doing something that we think we are not good at.
Example: (Public Speaking). All the positive affirmations in the world will not trick our subconscious mind into believing that we can truly complete the task at a high level, when we know we have not
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put in the work to obtain the skill. We might talk it into believing we can get by, but saying... “I can do this,” when you truly know you can’t, will only further trigger your mind to remind you where your true self concept is.
2. When we are doing things that we have had a failed experience with.
example: (Girl told you to fuck off on an approach). You develop a self concept based on one or more bad experiences without allowing enough time for the self concept to align with the idea that you can eventually master the task or skill set.
3. When we are doing something we know we can do, but we are putting unnecessary importance on the outcome. I personally think this is the most important one, especially in relation to pickup. example: You hit every shot in basketball practice when nobody is there to watch, but you can’t even hit the rim when the stadium is full and it’s the championship game. It’s the same shot you couldn’t miss during practice. the goal is the same height and the ball has the same amount of air in it, but you are attributing meaning to the people in the stands and the trophy you may win. We build up how important the game is for our future that we make it impossible to just be in that mo-ment like we are in practice.
example 2: When I’m not thinking about the past or the future and I’m really in the moment, I will do amazing demos for the students on bootcamp. But, if a student says, “You’re Braddock, I read your blog. I can’t wait to watch you in field tonight!” If I attribute a new found importance on a future outcome I cannot control or predict, I.e. doing an amazing demo on command for this guy, then I will likely lock up and perform poorly. I could give millions of examples for this in any genre of life from work to pickup.
How do we combat the 3 above in relation to pickup?
1. first we must quiet our mind and put things where they really belong. train your mind to control your body’s emotional responses to outside stimulus. this doesn’t mean you try to not feel emotions at all. You just learn to use your mind to quiet them to a level where your logical brain is running the show and not your emotional brain. these emotional responses, if not quieted, lead our logical brain to accept the idea that things are bigger than they are.
inner Game
Why? In basketball practice, you don’t get butter flies in your stomach and your throat doesn’t clench up because you are not attributing any long term meaning to that event. You are aware that if you have a bad practice it doesn’t really matter and that nobody was in the stands to see you perform poorly. Because there is no emotional response, I.E. butterflies, your logical mind stays in control. You stay calm, controlled, you use your logic, and most importantly, you stay in the mo-ment. You are not thinking about what will happen good or bad if you make or miss “this one shot.” You just shoot.
on the contrary, in the championship game, the energy of the crowd, the noise, and the perceived importance placed on a desired outcome act to stimulate an emotional response that causes us to get butterflies. Our logical brain says, “Why are we having these feelings? Why are we feeling so nervous? this must be important. let’s think this out. What if we have a bad game? What will this mean in the future? What will all these people think about me?”
You then get an even deeper emotional reaction from your body. each time your emotions are tak-ing your mind a little further away from the cool, calm, collected, in the moment state you enjoyed in practice. You are now not playing basketball with the same self concept that you enjoy in prac-tice because that self concept was based on shooting basketballs in a calm, cool, collected, in-the-moment state of being. this jittery nervous state is creating a new negative self concept.
Now, take Michael Jordan in a championship game. I’m willing to bet that he feels those jittery ner-vous feelings just like the rest of us, but the difference is his ability to use his logical mind to calm the inner emotional storm and quickly get back to the self concept that he enjoys in practice. people say he gets up for big games better than anyone who has ever played the game. I agree. But in nerd speech, I would say that he has the ability to control his mind and emotions allowing him to access his highest basketball self concept more readily than any other who has ever played the game. Yes, MJ was physically talented. No doubt. However, I would argue this was necessary but not suffi-cient to play at the level he played so consistently. the pressure of a big game, dealing with what the media will write and say, dealing with the excitement of being on tV, dealing with the awareness that a win could mean millions of dollars in endorsements, and a loss could send those commercials to another, would do a number on most people’s emotions and nervous system. Michael Jordan was capable of quieting all of that and even using that as a reason to get real calm inside while everyone around him was being deeply affected by these factors. He was getting really quiet inside so he could get to that place where all that was forgotten and nothing mattered but the moment. Just like in practice, his ability to get there from the tip off while others most likely didn’t get there
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How does this apply to pickup? I think by now it’s probably obvious, but I’ll tie it in to my example from above. My self image in regards to game is relatively high. I have learned to control my mind instead of my mind controlling me, and I have developed competence with my skill set through thousands of approaches. I have acquired a vast knowledge base and I have mastered being in the moment. so, without any extraneous factors, my self concept is high when I walk into a venue to pickup girls.
However, if a student says, “Braddock I love your blog, I can’t wait to see you in field tonight.”, my body is going to have an immediate emotional response to that. If I am incapable, choose not to control the emotion, or decide to attribute a bunch of meaning to his statement, then the emotion will manifest in a way that will alter my self concept for that night, maybe the weekend, and pos-sibly, every time I’m on bootcamp. As soon as he says it, I think about it from then until that night, and my logical mind races to find answers for that strange emotion I’m feeling. It often answers these questions with bad answers. I.e. “What if we do bad demos in front of him, will he be disap-pointed? If he’s disappointed, does that mean that I’m really not as good as I say and believe I am? Wow, we better do well tonight. I hope I don’t get blown out in front of him.” As you can see, this is a slippery slope to kill the current moment and a whole bunch of future moments. ultimately, I’m attracting the failure that I predicted because that is all I will focus on from the time he makes his statement until I fail miserably allll night long during the demos. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, if I choose to control that emotion, quiet it down to a dull roar, and compartmentalize the students statement as just, “a statement”, then my logical mind will quickly get back to its natural state by realizing that I can’t predict how the demos are going to turn out tonight or any night, and that him wanting to see them or not doesn’t change the level of importance I need to attach to them. All I can do is control the moment I’m in, at that time I’m in it. once I do this, I will quickly be back on track to enjoying my original self concept before his statement and our super hero Brad-dock is back to kicking the world in half.
Can you see how this applies to all levels of pickup? If I said I wanted you to take a publishers Clear-ing House check to a hot girl, you wouldn’t have much of an emotional response to that. Your self image tells you that you can complete that task with ease. You don’t have an emotional response to the idea of completing this task, so your logical mind stays in control and you don’t run 30 “what if” scenarios through your head that would stir emotions to change your self concept. You could walk up, hand her the check, smile, and walk back to your car no problem. Why? You have the skill set required to handle that situation and you don’t attribute more meaning to it than necessary.
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Now when we take the scenario of going to a venue with the goal of talking to women, a whole host of external factors are introduced that can either increase your self concept or drastically dimin-ish it based on what level of meaning and importance you attach to them. these factors have no real meaning or value and can only affect your self concept If You let tHeM!!!
let’s look at two very different outcomes to two situations that are in all actuality the same.
friday night, you leave the house with your “pickup self concept.” (Whether you are leaving the house with a low or super high self concept is unimportant in regards to the point I’m trying to make here, so as you read this input your self concept here.) ok, so you leave the house with your self concept and then what happens? All kinds of factors come flying at you from night to night to help increase or decrease your self concept. The first set you open goes ridiculously well. The girls won’t leave you alone. All three of the girls in the set want you bad. You know you can have your pick. Your self concept moves up and you are feeling a new high. You are in the moment and you feel like you can’t be stopped! You feel like you could open a set with Brad pitt in it and walk away with the girl. one of your hot friends from college happens to be at the same bar and sees that these girls are all over you. she runs over and hugs you. the three girls get even more interested. over the course of the night, each of the three girls reopens you and tries to get your attention. You open every good set in the venue for no strategic reason other than that you feel good inside and it just feels right. You can’t even remember what you opened them with and they all responded well to you. You get several numbers, make out with the best of the 3 set, and take home your old friend. After banging her like a screen door on a battleship, she falls asleep. You lay awake still rid-ing a high.
You feel like all your study of pickup ebooks and DVD’s on game are finally paying off. You can’t wait to go out tomorrow for an even more plentiful bounty. You stare at the ceiling thinking, “Wow, I’m actually glad that my ex girlfriend dumped me. that’s been bothering me forever, but now that this is all coming together, I’m glad she dumped me because look how good I am getting at this. I haven’t felt this good in forever.”
saturday night you are going to go to the exact same venue as the night before. You are still excited about last night and you can’t wait to get to the venue so you can build on the night before. Your friend calls and says he is at your house to pick you up. You can’t hit the door fast enough. However, when you got in your friend’s car, you see that he has brought his loud, asshole, judgmental
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friend from work to go out with you guys. Damn it! You instantly feel your confidence sag a little. You left the house and you were really feeling it. Your self concept was so high last night, as soon as you see this guy, you have an emotional response and you get out of the moment. You already started attaching meaning to his judgments and thoughts.
sure enough he’s a loud, judgmental asshole in the car and you worry what he’ll say if you get blown out in front of him tonight. You don’t want to open poorly in front of him, because you know how judgmental he is and you can already feel him judging you if you get blown out of a set.
You hit the venue and you do 4 laps around the place and hit the bathroom twice instead of just being in the moment and opening because you aren’t feeling it like you were last night. You fi-nally decide to do a set even though you aren’t feeling it. You have been so focused on what that guy will think that you have just been running a movie screen in your head the last 2 hours of you getting blown out and this random asshole friend judging you over and over and over.
You open and sure enough you get blown out!!! Now, your self concept takes a slight dip. You immediately spin around hoping he didn’t see. (truth is, you shouldn’t give a shit. last night you wouldn’t have cared what this asshole thought. You wouldn’t have even noticed him because you were in the moment). In your mind, you half blame him for putting you in a bad state, but part of you questions yourself and says, “Maybe it’s not that I’m letting this guy stir my emotions, result-ing in me questioning my self concept, maybe last night was a fluke and “most” girls really don’t respond to me like that. I mean, it was the first set of the night.” You spin around to find your friend and, “Damn, that guy saw me get blown out and he is giving me that judgmental smirk like he thinks he’s better than me. I hate him.”
You give him no satisfaction with your facial expressions or body language , but as you walk around, you feel it inside your stomach and you won’t stop thinking about it. And, you can’t help but wonder, “Maybe he’s right. Is he a judgmental asshole or does he see something in me that I’ve never noticed? He’s right to judge me.” self concept takes another dip.
You half ass open 3 more sets, but you walk up NoWHere NeAr in the moment. While you open these 3 sets, your mind is back in the past rehashing your first blow out wondering what you did wrong with those girls and you are still pondering if the asshole friend knows something about you that you should feel insecure about.
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sooo, the girls in these next 3 sets feel a strange incongruence when you walk up. You are trying to be funny and interesting, you are using the same openers and material that you used last night, but they aren’t having it. they can feel it. they know you have an agenda and they can feel that you subtly are hoping they give you their approval. Your voice, or your face, or something about you betrays your funny jokes and interesting stories and sheds light on a guy who is strangely not in the moment. All 3 sets blow you out worse than the patriot’s did the Chargers in week 3.
Now you have decided that this is solID proof that you are bad with women and that last night was undoubtedly a fluke. You see a girl you used to date at the same venue and she is flirting with a guy you assume is no doubt better than you in every way possible. You stare longingly and just a split second longer tonight than you would have if you bumped into her last night when you owned the venue! she sees and feels your needy stare. Her self concept takes a spike up and she gives you some weak ass wave and a half smile, and then gives some asshole a big hug and a deep kiss. Your self concept takes another dip. You grab your friend and his dick friend and head home. In the car ride home, asshole friend asks you several condescending questions about why those girls were so rude to you. You hate him more, but you internalize some of the horse shit coming out of his mouth as truth. You finally get home, lay in bed, and wonder if you should have married your ex girlfriend. last night, you thought you were completely over her, and now your chest hurts worse than ever before. You question if all this game shit you’ve read is even real, and you spend an hour pondering how you could have such an amazing night last night and such a horrible night tonight. “I’ve had both of those nights Braddock ... so, what the hell????
Your self concept is high on friday! Is it real? Yes. Were you right to feel all of those feelings or is that just being delusional from a bunch of random luck? No, it wasn’t luck. You were allowing your true self concept to drive the bus because no external factors got in its way or pushed it down. Now, had that first set gone poorly, would your night have been completely different? Would I have had a shit night instead?
Awww....this is where the men are separated from the boys. those who have great inner game can feel this high regardless of the momentum or lack thereof created by the first set, the asshole friend, his negative judgmental mindsets, or the last 3 blowouts.
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The external meaning you are attributing to how your first set goes is determining your entire night, good or bad. this is a scary place to be, because you need the moon, the sun, and the stars to line up just perfectly every night or you are not going to have a good night. You know your inner game has reached a high level when you could go 0 for 10 or 10 for 10 in any given night and your self concept is unchanged.
When the asshole friend in the car annoys you, but ONLY in the car, when you open your first set and his judgments mean nothing to you, when you leave that set and he gives you a dick head look, and it annoys you oNlY while your eyes are on his face, but it carries Zero negative momentum into the next set, then you will stay in the moment and your self concept will maintain a constant level all night.
Now, once you learn to be in the moment, does this mean you will never get blown out? Does it mean that you will get every girl? Noooo!! Don’t confuse self concept and being in the moment as the same thing. they do feed each other, but they are two very different things. Gandhi is most likely in the moment at all times, but that does not mean he can pickup girls in a bar. He only has half of the puzzle. His self concept in regards to pickup is still low. He has never done the reading, never opened countless sets, and never developed a skill set.
(I stand corrected.... Gandhi stone cold pimpin! lol)
Being in the moment allows you to truly increase your self concept in an area. remember that your self concept is defined as what you truly believe your skill set is in any given area, not what you wish it was, and not some bullshit affirmation of, “I think I can.” It’s what you truly believe it to be at any given moment. Being in the moment, CoMpletelY in that moment, allows you to see where your actual self concept is. When you are playing video games, you are completely in the moment. Horrible or great at that video game, you have an honest measuring stick of your self concept in regards to that video game.
sometimes, it’s hard for us to measure our true self concept in regards to pickup, because we allow our self concept to go up and down sooo much from day to day based on a bunch of meaning we attach to external factors and our complete lack of being in the moment. It can make our game look way worse than it really is. then we get in a good state, aka (being in the moment), randomly because a bunch of factors went right or we randomly didn’t attach a bunch of meaning to these outside factors, and BAM, our true self concept shines through and we have a great night.
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However, this up and down creates confusion over time espeCIAllY when we have more bad nights than good nights. once we learn to correlate that usually “a bad night” was more about us not being in the moment, and stop attributing it to a lack of knowledge, then our game reaches new heights. When you hear that someone has “good game”, this means that he spends more time operating in the moment and that he has a high self concept in pickup, Not necessarily that he has read more pickup books than you. I.e. naturals. they are in the moment and have cultivated a skill set.
there are soooo many other facets that can help your inner game , but if you can ever master these two, then you will see a drastic change in your life.
ok, that’s all the time we have for today. I would like to thank all my guests. until next time, remem-ber, if you have children who act up, continue to beat them until moral improves. this message has been brought to you by the number 4 and the letter l.
Your fearless leader,
Braddock
change your Life noW!!!!!!!
http://www.theattractionforums.com/braddock/49480-change-your-life-now.html
Had a one on one in Dallas this weekend. really cool guy. I love one on one’s because, while you are really helping someone get their game solid, you also learn a shitload about yourself. It’s really fun to watch a guy progress, and to break through insecurities and sticking points that have been like chains holding him down. As a student opens his mind and works through a sticking point, it’s like seeing a new person. there were a couple of things that I learned this weekend that I want to share. After working with this student and he told me what was bothering him, I remembered that these were issues that had once plagued me and really held me back for a long, long time. once I dealt with them, I felt like my game exploded and I had more fun going out and learning pickup. 1. relax! If you make pickup so important that you feel like every set is the super Bowl, then that’s exactly how each one will feel. After just a few weeks of going out with that kind of pressure fol-lowing you, it will only be a matter of time before you will no longer enjoy going out. so, after just a few weeks of going out, you will be burnt out, unhappy, and feel like there is something wrong with you. “Why am I not learning this? How come it’s so hard for me? Maybe, I just suck at this. Maybe, I need to go home and read pickup for 6 hours per day instead of 5 hours per day.” HAHA!! Bullshit! Reading more will not fix this issue. What you need to do is refocus your mind. Go out with specific goals for the week. (Example: “I am going out for the next two weeks and I will use x opener, x transition, x story, x cold read and I will try to isolate at least one girl in every set and I will try to bounce at least one girl around the club and get into deep comfort with her. If I do most of these things then I will know that I was successful on the night.”
By setting goals like the ones above, you have measurable, attainable, realistic goals for the night. saying, “I want to have sex with a 10 and I want to go 10 for 10 with my sets and get 10 phone numbers”, or “My friend started reading this when I did. look how good he’s doing. If I don’t do at least as good as he does, then I suck.”
this kind of goal setting fucks you hard!!!!!!! the goals are not realistic, you don’t allow yourself room to grow, and no matter how great the outcome, you don’t allow yourself to build momentum from the small successes. What if you fucked an 8, opened 5 for 10 and got 3 phone numbers and one of them was a 10? Wouldn’t that have been a damn good night?!
change your Life now!!!!!!!
Not if you are putting bullshit restrictions on how you measure your own success. ever play sports? If you went 2 for 5 in baseball with a double and a bloop single to win the game, but you struck out 3 times, you would not be down on yourself because your friend went 5 for 5 that day. lol. see how ridiculous that kind of thinking is? I used to do that all the time.
2. Learn in the field: I know everyone says this, but damn this is by far the biggest mistake everyone, INCluDING Me, makes. If you think you are going to read for 6 months, buying every product ever made and then one day you will compile the master routine that will allow you to walk into a venue and rattle off this phantom sequence and BAM! girl’s clothes will just start fallling off, you are sadly, sadly, mistaken. You do need to do your homework, but you will learn more in 1 set in the field, than 60 hours worth of reading. In fact, the reading really won’t make that much sense or even help that much until you have been in the field and been in the exact situation the author is talking about. You could read for the next 7 years about how to play tennis and then go play someone who had read nothing but took a 30 min lesson, and they would likely kick your fucking ass. same ap-plies here. Books that I thought were shit when I first started this mean a lot to me now, and books and lines that I thought would be amazing in the field, now make me laugh at how shitty they are. It’s so easy to peg the guys on bootcamp who have read everything but haven’t done much field time. they know all the theory, know all the routines by heart, usually better than I do, and love to correct the instructors and other students on what they “think you should do” in said situation. then, when you go out that night, they either look gun shy, or make tons of rookie mistakes, or they think they are much farther along in set than they really are. I can watch a guy in set and tell you if he is in a, “friendly conversation” or if he is making progress toward getting the girl. these guys have all the advice in the world and a million stories that nobody can confirm. DON’T BE LIKE tHAt!!!! What a fucking waste of time and life. Being an arm chair QB is like reading about how fun roller coasters are, never actually getting on one, yet telling everyone how great they are?!?! Why would you do that!??? even if you don’t brag and correct others, you are still dying inside knowing that you should be doing more. Why read all of this shit if you aren’t going to use it??? I’m not trying to be mean; I’m trying to make a point. I know why they don’t do it. the same reason I didn’t. You still only half believe it’s real or you are scared shitless of it not being real, or you are scared shitless of facing the inevitable rejection associated with risking your ego and putting it on the line, set, after set, or you have read way too much of this shit and your brain goes haywire in set trying to remember every fucking routine you ever read!
change your Life now!!!!!!!
You are talking about me, so, what do I do Braddock???
set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun. set small goals that add up to equal your big goals. Add just one piece of material every couple of weeks and only add a piece after you have done x number of sets. Going out 3 times per week doesn’t really count as 3 times if you only opened 2 sets each night. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but do it in small chunks while realizing that not any one set matters. this is a marathon, not a sprint.
stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!! I have friends who lie about how many girls they’ve fucked in order to impress others. fYI.... Nobody gives a shit for one, and two, they probably know you are lying and just aren’t calling you out on it to avoid an awkward intervention over something stupid. But they don’t talk shit when you aren’t around. soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your progress. stop giving a fuck about what anyone thinks about you. stop worrying about how good or bad your friends are doing. stop talking about it with them. use theMysteryMethod forums to discuss this shit. stop talking about it with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at pickup, they will be full of advice that is horrible. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when one of my friends gives me or someone else in my circle advice on how to pickup girls when they haven’t put in the time to even know if what they are saying is true.
My point is this: you are your own best compass. only take advice from those who have been in the trenches and earned their stripes. Donald trump doesn’t ask me how to buy real estate and I don’t read his book hoping for advice on how to pickup girls. find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel like you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “Wow! I’ve done a shitload of approaches. they haven’t all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches.”
When you can say that, then go back and grab those pickup books and start reading. It will all make so much more sense and you will be able to go apply the material at a much faster rate, because you will have a point of reference. second, you won’t have to take everything they say as fact! I remember when I first started, I thought some of the stuff I read sounded really fucking gay, but I had to take it as fact in my head because they were supposedly gurus.
change your Life now!!!!!!!
After I did a bunch of sets, I could look at material and tell what was really useful and what was just some shit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. I had no idea what was what until I had extensive time in field. So, PUT THE FUCKING BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING tHIs post AND Go out!!!!!
I’m serious. life is not lived on the computer reading about how someone else is leading the life you wish you had. fuCK tHAt. steal the knowledge, but go create your own stories and experiences. the only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one is action. His life wasn’t always the shit, I promise.
-of the time you allot to pickup, read 20% go out 80%.
-Don’t beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you’ll never see again.
-Have the mental frame that, “The first 2,000 approaches don’t count.” How can it be the super bowl if you still have 1,999 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
-set small goals you can reach and journal everyday. look back in a few months and I think you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
-stop bitching about other people!!! “If only I had a wing. If only I this or that.”
-fuck excuses. they are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don’t want your goal bad enough. If I said go open 20 sets or I’ll blow your mom’s fucking head off!!!! Would you say, “Well, Braddock , I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really, really bad! But, I don’t have a good wing.” fuck no! You would open 20 sets in 10 min to save your mom, but you won’t open 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve????????? None of this is meant to be mean. I just know how bad my girl situation was at one time. looking back, I just needed a kick in the ass.
trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
-B
Q and a on Wings and cutting old friends
http://www.theattractionforums.com/braddock/61176-q-wings-cutting-old-friends.html
I hope someone finds this useful. Here are a couple of questions I received and here are my answers. Question 1: “I’m in a sticky situation. I am a 21 year old who goes to a small college in Baltimore that is crawling with hippies and weirdos. No one over 21 is interested in going out to the bars. I do well when I hit the bar with a wing, but I’m apprehensive about going out alone. I tried finding wings on the forums and they are scarce too. What should I do? “
Question 2: “Do you think I should cut out my old friends and get new ones?”
first off, lolololol “hippies and weirdo’s.” that literally made me laugh. I hate hippies! especially hippy girls. It’s really not a political thing, it’s just that they always stink and never seem to be hot. I know exactly what you’re going through. It was extremely hard for me to find friends who were down with this when I first started. My closest friends are kinda naturals and I didn’t even want to tell them I was reading this sort of stuff. they would never have understood. I also suggest you don’t tell those in your closest circle unless you know you can trust them. every time you go out they will be like, “let’s see it man. I thought you read that shit. I thought you said it worked? Why do you ask them those fucked up questions about your friend’s ex girlfriend? that’s stupid.”
fuck all that! Just mysteriously become a fucking pimp and when they ask how you do it, just say, “I don’t know man, girls just like me I guess. Just be yourself.” lololol
The truth is, there is no quick fix to your wing problem. However, until you do find a decent wing, realize that going out alone isn’t as bad you think it is. If anyone asks where your friends are just say, “they’re here somewhere.” they usually don’t even ask.
Keep this in mind too. I think the best wings are not the guys with great game. As a matter of fact, they will accidentally fuck you more than a normal dude. the best wing for me is a decent looking guy who won’t say anything to fuck it up, but he won’t say anything to get the girls that are inter-ested in him either. My favorite wing goes out with me all the time and I get laid every night and he almost never does. But, he never fucks it up for me either.
Q and a on Wings and cutting old friends
He doesn’t approach really, but if I bring girls to him he will talk to them and not freak them out or bore them. Most importantly, he never fucks up my game. A new guy trying to learn all this shit is often the worst wing , because they are trying to run game at the same time you are and it just comes across really weird (not because his game is bad or good, just because you have 2 guys ex-cited about gaming and both guys bring it in every set. 2 guys gaming hard across each other never really works out).
What I do is go out with my wing or a group of cool guys and I merely use them as a home base between sets. somewhere for me to go when I’m not in set. I don’t count on them for shit as far as pickup. they are fucking horrible! lol But they give me social proof and I actually like the guys so even if I’m not running game, I’m genuinely having fun. (Having people you can genuinely have fun with is ten times more powerful for your game than having a guy who is willing to go open sets.) I guess the biggest point I’m trying to make here is that the whole “wing “ thing is not that big of a deal like everyone says it is. the only good thing about having a wing is when he is a motivated mother fucker that holds you accountable and makes you go out: a guy who won’t let you pussy out and say you are tired or this bar, is dead, or whatever excuse we often make.
Don’t let not having a wing keep you from developing the lifestyle and game you want. I know it sucks, but just keep going out and meeting people. You are likely to meet a wing on accident at the bar. I’d much rather meet a guy who is already going, over trying to talk some mother fucker into getting off the couch.
Answer to Question 2: Notice that in answering question one I did not say ditch all your old friends and get new ones who are good at pickup. Nooooooo!!!! When guys say that on here I think it creates great confusion. If you have a great set of friends who are supportive, deeply care about you, and who make your quality of life better, then why would you cut them out of your life just because they have no game???????? that’s ridiculous. I think if you will read the posts from instruc-tors or guys with a vast amount of experience, you will read posts on cutting people out of your life who you come to realize are toxic.
this is totally different. often times you will end up cutting previously close friends out of your life after you have been in the community for a while. tHIs Is Not BeCAuse tHeY DoN’t HAVe GAMe!!!!
Q and a on Wings and cutting old friends
You are talking about me, so, what do I do Braddock???
set realistic goals!!! Go out a realistic amount every week. Make it fun. set small goals that add up to equal your big goals. Add just one piece of material every couple of weeks and only add a piece after you have done x number of sets. Going out 3 times per week doesn’t really count as 3 times if you only opened 2 sets each night. Go out and do the dirty work, pay the price, but do it in small chunks while realizing that not any one set matters. this is a marathon, not a sprint.
stop bullshitting others and more importantly stop bullshitting yourself!!! I have friends who lie about how many girls they’ve fucked in order to impress others. fYI.... Nobody gives a shit for one, and two, they probably know you are lying and just aren’t calling you out on it to avoid an awkward intervention over something stupid. But they don’t talk shit when you aren’t around. soooo, stop doing it. Just worry about your progress. stop giving a fuck about what anyone thinks about you. stop worrying about how good or bad your friends are doing. stop talking about it with them. use theMysteryMethod forums to discuss this shit. stop talking about it with your friends good or bad! Your friends will not be much help. If you do great, they will find a way to tear you down a little. If you are shitty at pickup, they will be full of advice that is horrible. Nothing makes me laugh harder than when one of my friends gives me or someone else in my circle advice on how to pickup girls when they haven’t put in the time to even know if what they are saying is true.
My point is this: you are your own best compass. only take advice from those who have been in the trenches and earned their stripes. Donald trump doesn’t ask me how to buy real estate and I don’t read his book hoping for advice on how to pickup girls. find your own center and go get your hands dirty in the field. Once you have done that to the point where you feel like you can look yourself in the mirror and honestly say, “Wow! I’ve done a shitload of approaches. they haven’t all gone well, but I have honestly done a ridiculous amount of approaches.”
When you can say that, then go back and grab those pickup books and start reading. It will all make so much more sense and you will be able to go apply the material at a much faster rate, because you will have a point of reference. second, you won’t have to take everything they say as fact! I remember when I first started, I thought some of the stuff I read sounded really fucking gay, but I had to take it as fact in my head because they were supposedly gurus.
Q and a on Wings and cutting old friends
After I did a bunch of sets, I could look at material and tell what was really useful and what was just some shit that a nerd threw together to make a quick buck. I had no idea what was what until I had extensive time in field. So, PUT THE FUCKING BOOKS DOWN AND GO OUT!!! STOP READING tHIs post AND Go out!!!!!
I’m serious. life is not lived on the computer reading about how someone else is leading the life you wish you had. fuck that. steal the knowledge, but go create your own stories and experiences. the only difference between a guy with a bad ass lifestyle and a guy with a boring one is action. His life wasn’t always the shit, I promise.
-of the time you allot to pickup, read 20% go out 80%.
-Don’t beat yourself up over rejections from girls that you’ll never see again.
-Have the mental frame that, “The first 2,000 approaches don’t count.” How can it be the super bowl if you still have 1,999 approaches to go before it even matters?!?!
-set small goals you can reach and journal everyday. look back in a few months and I think you will be surprised at how much closer you are to reaching some of the larger goals.
-stop bitching about other people!!! “If only I had a wing. If only I this or that.”
-fuck excuses. they are just things you are choosing not to overcome, because you don’t want your goal bad enough. If I said go open 20 sets or I’ll blow your mom’s fucking head off!!!! Would you say, “Well, Braddock , I would like to do that. I mean I love my mom and I want to really, really bad! But, I don’t have a good wing.” fuck no! You would open 20 sets in 10 min to save your mom, but you won’t open 20 in a week to develop the lifestyle you fucking want and deserve????????? None of this is meant to be mean. I just know how bad my girl situation was at one time. looking back, I just needed a kick in the ass.
trample the weak and hurdle the dead,
-B
do you Bring value or take it????
http://www.theattractionforums.com/braddock/61179-do-you-bring-value-take.html
this is from my blog...
As Dennis Miller used to say, “I don’t mean to go on a rant here but...”
I’m on the plane heading home. I love flying out of L.A. at night. It’s unreal how big this city is. This weekend was a blast. It was a grind going for 5 days straight, but if I sound like I’m complaining, I’m not.
Wednesday and thursday, Dahunter and I taught our class and it went really well. I talked to the guy the day after and he said we changed his life!!! that’s the best feeling ever. He picked up the info really quick and was kicking ass by the second night. It was cool to watch. He said when he got home he went out that night and had like 5 make outs and could have slept with several girls. The first night we went to one of the best clubs in L.A. I know a girl who is kind of a socialite out there and she hooked us up. she’s an l.A. 10, so all of the club promoters kiss her ass. she made one call and we were in. Nice to know people.
If you ever want to see how quickly the human mind can resort to it’s darker recesses, just study the club promoters outside of an exclusive club in l.A. No offense if you are one, and I’m sure I could write this about a million different subjects, it applies to most people.
I don’t completely blame promoters for acting like dicks, because they have the same feeling a ce-lebrity has at times. people don’t talk to “you” they talk to the club promoter that they need some-thing from. they don’t think you are cool because of your intrinsic value as a human being, they think you are cool because of what you can do for them. I personally can identify with the feeling of contempt that this can create, because you see a side of people you never knew existed. It’s like that line out of that song by Mike Jones….. “Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot, they all
on me.”
do you Bring value or take it????
People can have no cooth when they need something and have no idea how desperate and selfish they look. they ask for something without bringing any value to you in return, and then if you can’t give them that value, or just say no, they shut off the fake smile and the charm and move on to the next person they think can help them meet their needs. these vampires like you right now, but the second that your one piece of leverage is gone or they have extracted all the value they can from you, they will move on to the next body to suck blood from without so much as a thanks and when you need help they are nowhere to be found.
I think a healthy person looks at this for what it is. We are all the vampire at times and we are all the leverage holder at times. the best way to handle these situations is to not attach much, if any, iden-tity value to either of these roles and work toward always bringing value in as many relationships as you can, so you don’t have to be the vampire quite as often or if life forces you to be the vampire, you have brought so much value in the past that you are not seen as a desperate value leech. If you have value to exchange then you aren’t the one constantly begging or desperately fighting for the scraps that fall off the table of those that do retain the value that you desire.
However, if you ever find yourself in a short lived or situational setting where you are the value holder, don’t let it go to your head. Don’t assume that because you have something that people want or need that it makes you better than others. Don’t get me wrong, I think you should try to set up as many of these situations in your life as possible, because they do make life easier and they seem to attract more and more opportunities just like this, but they do not make you better intrinsi-cally than others.
the club promoters that I met this weekend seemed to really buy into their own bullshit. I’m willing to bet that those guys have little to no value outside of that venue and only have this limited value even here on specific nights. However, for 3 hours per night they are GOD!!! They decide whether you get to play in that club or not. everyone wants what they control and everyone pretends to like them in order to obtain access. However, what I found hilarious is how much they seemed to really believe that they are somebody. they really think that gate keeper role they play a couple nights per week is who they really are at their core!!!!! lolololol this same asshole may have no educa-tion, live paycheck to paycheck, no solid relationships in his life, and sleep on his friends couch, but because he controls a list 3 nights a week, he has attached a deep sense of self to that one piece of value he controls.
do you Bring value or take it????
I always wonder if people like him walk around in their normal life acting like they are better than people. Does he walk around treating everyone like he is better than them???? I hope not, but sadly I assume he does. I was in a frat for a while in college and I remember it being split in half. Half the guys were cool as fuck and saw the frat for what it was - a great place to meet a ton of friends, drink tons of beer, have parties with tons of girls, and network for later in life. the other half of the guys were complete dick suckers who thought they were cool because they were in that frat. they attached a deep identity meaning to the fucking letters on the outside of the door of the house!!! lololol How fucking retarded. they would talk differently to people who weren’t in a certain frat and treat them like shit and they would suck the dicks of guys in certain frats that they considered cool!!!!????
I can understand you having more or less respect for this company or that company or that team or this team or this athlete or that athlete or this doctor or that doctor because of the work they put into earning that title.
I have mad respect for Michael Jordan and might even talk to him a little different than I would most people because I would be excited to meet him. If I met John stockton……not so much. But being picked to join a frat during rush week is not a title that you earned and it’s not a value that should help you flesh out your core identity. It’s merely a group you belong to where the people in the group enjoy you and you enjoy them.
If you joined a certain frat so you could jerk yourself off and tell yourself and each other how cool you are and how much better your frat is than that one than you are fucking up bad!!!
Hell, even titles you earn mean little to nothing in regard to how you should value yourself and defi-nitely not how you should treat others. this doesn’t mean you should go around kissing people’s ass or even going all Dale Carnegie on them. I personally don’t think you should give people any more respect than they’ve earned, if you’ve ever given a girl more respect than she’s earned than you know how this can blow up in your face! But, this does not mean that you should treat people like shit or with disrespect either.
do you Bring value or take it????
the frat boy who is delusional about how cool he is because of what frat he is in, and the club pro-moter who thinks he is God, are equally disgusting to me.
Attaching an identity meaning to random sources of value sets you on a slippery slope to an addic-tion you can never satisfy. It will be your frat, then money, then women, then cars, bla bla bla. I’m not saying all these things are bad. I personally want tons of money, tons of options with women, high status, and great relationships, but not because they will create an identity that I desperately cling to no matter what. No, I want them because they are all tools to help me develop a fun and interesting lifestyle that I would want. With or without them, my identity and core val-ues are unchanged. With them, my life is closer aligned to what I want my life to look like, but if I couldn’t have them for any number of reasons then I’m still me. My internal value and identity are maintained at all cost.
this lesson has taken me years to learn and I learned it the hard way. I thought if I had a hot girl-friend then that’s “who I was” or if I was a great athlete or if I hung out with certain people, or if I made this group of people happy or if my parents liked what I was doing, then that was me. that’s all bullshit. Not because it doesn’t matter who you surround yourself with. the company you keep can make or break your life, but they also should not be what you draw your core value from. The main point here is this, if you ever find yourself in a position like the club promoter just realize that it’s merely a tool. It’s merely a value that you have obtained and a great one at that. learn how to use it to help you meet other ends. use it to help you obtain shitloads of win win situations in your life. use it to create great connections in your life that you couldn’t acquire otherwise. Crush the social leeches that use you as a win for them/loss for you and find the people who are willing to make a value trade with you. like I said though, it’s just a tool. use it as such. Don’t attach internal meanings to external values.
this is why rockstars and celebrities end up killing themselves. they buy into their own bullshit. they have attached all their internal meaning to this star they have become. At their core they know they are just people and that at the end of the day all that shit is just a hat they wear. It’s not who they are at their core. But if you don’t know that, then you just will constantly be trying to fill a bucket with a massive fucking hole in it.
do you Bring value or take it????
Go become the baddest mother fucker you can. Be and do everything you ever wanted to do. Go at it like you will fucking die in 6 months, but don’t attach your entire identity to external events, possessions, or people trophies I.e. “I have this girl on my arm so now I’m somebody.” Do all this shit because you really just want it in your life. I want it for me, but not to define me.
Alright, enough Gandhi shit from me for one day………
sha boy………Braddock
covered in thiS chapter:
2.1 oneitis??
- fuCK oNeItIs
- How to Get over Her
- The Benefit of Moving on
2.2 Q & a on Love
- the Chemical Additiction
- the Dumper Vs. the Dumpee
2.3 Girl has a Boyfriend, But i Know She Likes me
- What Would Murder Her Attraction
- the right Way to play it
2.4 “i don’t chase...i replace.”
- the Abundance Mentality
oneitis??
http://www.theattractionforums.com/braddock/61174-oneitus.html
Jazz flute is for sissy fairy boys and so is oneitis.
I’ve had a lot of people emailing me recently asking how to get over a oneitis. Here is a post that I made a while back that I think is useful.
fucK oneitiS
losing a girl feels worse than a kick in the fucking nuts. You would do anything to leave this site and just have her back and all your pain would go away! Yeaaaaaahh!
listen man, I know this doesn’t help now and it will only help if you’re the kind of guy who takes massive action in the face of crippling pain. But, I’m telling you I was dating a fucking amazingly hot, cool, smart girl. she dumped me. I thought I was going to fucking die!!! bla bla bla right? Worse year of my life. Guess what though man.... I know this is cliché, but I’m glad we are done. Yeah, I still miss her at times, but fucking shit, look where I’ve come! If I had her back now, I’d be the same guy. I’ve pushed myself to new heights in so many areas of my life.
If you get back with that “perfect” girl, your pain will leave for a while, but when you’re old some-day, you will wonder what life would have been like if you would have fucking let go and became who you are about to be. she was, and is, holding you back.
let it sting only for a few moments per day. she is controlling your ass and she doesn’t even want to be. Bitch slap the fuck out of yourself and decide that only you will control your happiness. You enjoyed that girl, you miss her, you are sad at times, but you wouldn’t change a fucking thing. Get tHere GoD DAMN It!!!!! Don’t lay in this shitty feeling. I’ve been there. I almost lost my job over it. I almost didn’t go to law school over it. What a fucking joke. take full responsibility for who you are and don’t look back. In 1 year, if you put in the work, you will laugh at this girl.
listen man, I know it hurts, I spent an entire year suffering over a girl. lost weight, neglected my life, and burned a full YeAr of my short life hurting over a fucking girl!! WHAt?!?!?!?
oneitis??
understand that there are literally BIllIoNs of GIrls. the guy you will be in a year is not the guy that this hoe rejected, but oNlY if you take proper action. Don’t let that fool you though. Don’t change and become better for this girl. Do It for You!!!! I know. You hurt and you only want to know what will make you feel better in this moment. take the pain, recover and move forward. tHere Are BIGGer AND Better tHINGs out tHere!
But, but, Braddock I love her!!! she’s different, you don’t’ understand!!!!” every guy on this site has said that weak shit. You don’t find this site on accident.
No Goddamn it, step up to the fucking plate and tell yourself No fuCKING More! this bitch better enjoy today, cause it’s the last day I will giver her my power and allow her to choose how I will feel about myself and life. I will better myself everyday and one day I will reflect on this and realize that she was a cool chick and I hope she is happy. I have taken myself to a new level and it’s all for the better that she dumped me, cause at my new level I would have had to dump her.
respect yourself and allow her no more real estate in your head and let’s start moving to positive things. the work will be hard and you will have highs and lows. Decide that you are going to better yourself a little today. A little every day and all of a sudden you will look up and you won’t recognize who you are. You won’t need this bitch’s validation. You will be battle hardened and you will love the new you. right now that is hard to believe. fine. Don’t believe me, just trust me. every day when you wake up and your fucking chest hurts, just close your eyes and say, “today might be tough, but I’m going to take at least one step toward making myself a better person than I was yesterday.” Do this for a full fucking year and you won’t even remember who you were.
the alternative is to wallow in your bullshit and piss and moan and wish things were different. “only if you had her back your life would be perfect. If only you had her back, your grades would be good. If only you had her back, you would work out and get the body you’ve always wanted.” BullsHIt! Accept who you are and kill that weak mother fucker. tell yourself you are sad about her, but that something has to die for something new to grow. I miss her, but it had to happen for the new me to become a reality.
oneitis??
step up hommie! It hurts. It hurts so goddamn bad! I know it does. But what you choose to do right now will determine who you are for the rest of your life. step up to this challenge and take it head on like a fucking man.
there is no other option. take the pain and push through it. the only way through hell is straight through it.
Best,
Braddock
Q & a on Love
http://www.theattractionforums.com/braddock/82719-q-love.html
I get a lot of emails about this and I also get a lot of emails asking me how to get an old girlfriend to like you again.
Question: “Does anyone know how love works chemically?”
Q & a on Love
answer:
Based on my reading and study of the brain, it seems that the scientific definition of love would be “chemical addiction.” More specifically, love is an addiction to the peptides you have created and associated to a specific person. In any relationship (good or bad), your brain will fire off a batch of peptides that will make the experience of the relationship feel in a way that both parties become accustomed to. After feeling this way for a long time, both of their bodies will become so used to feeling this way that they will feel discomfort and pain at even the idea of not having those chemi-cals (Ie. breaking up). When they do break up, every memory is painful because it is a reminder that you are no longer getting those chemicals. this reminder comes in the form of pain.
It turns out that our brain is hardwired to attach a specific emotional footprint to everything, every person you meet, every experience (good or bad), and to every memory you have. this is why you might hear a song that you haven’t heard since high school and you immediately smile and have a flash back of riding in a car with all of your old high school buddies.
this is why you might feel sad when you hear a song that you and your old girlfriend used to listen to when you were at your happiest point in your relationship. It makes you sad because you instantly think of that moment when you felt so good and then your body is thrown back to the present mo-ment of realizing that you don’t have access to her and the feelings (peptides) she gave you. If the pull is strong enough (the addiction), you will feel compelled to call her, email her, or drive by her house, in an attempt to get those feelings (peptide rush/your fix). On a logical level, you may know this is a stupid thing to do, but if the hurt/addiction is strong enough, you will act despite the fact that you know it’s a stupid move.
Why would your body do this to you? Why would it put you through this? It’s actually just doing its job. It has evolved to put this peptide footprint on all of your memories to protect you. It wants you to remember to move toward pleasure and away from pain. this is why when you burn your hand on a stove at 4 years old, you will get a feeling (peptide rush) of anxiety or fear when you look at/go near a stove for the rest of your life. that feeling (peptide rush) is a nice safety mechanism to keep you from making that same mistake over and over.
If every memory has a different peptide tied to it, then this explains why it’s so hard to move on after a breakup and why it’s so hard to experience change. Does anyone have a friend who still talks about his high school football days and he graduated 5 years ago?
Q & a on Love
Why is he doing this? Because if he was good at football then he likely has a very good feeling (pep-tide rush) attached to any memory of football. It is also likely that nothing in his life has given him an equivalent rush since. He is an addict. He is still going through the withdrawals (just like a drug addict). He had likely been playing football for years and then all of a sudden, he graduates and football, the source of his good feeling (peptide rush), is ripped from him. so, what he does now is constantly talk about it, watch ESPN 15 hours per day, and even watches his old high school films because it gives him a small fix of those old peptides that used to make him feel so good.
Can you see how this plays out in the same way when a relationship ends and why some relation-ships that loGICAllY should end, never do? even though the feelings are long gone and they now hate each other, they can’t leave because it means an end to the source of the most powerful drug (peptides) their bodies have ever experienced. their logical mind tries to pull them away through fighting, arguing, cheating, etc…. but at the end of the day their addiction pulls them back to-gether so they can get their fix.
Why is the dumper usually ok and the dumpee always crushed?
It’s just like the football player example from above. the dumper slowly broke their addiction over time by weaning themselves of the other person until they are no longer addicted. once this hap-pens, they can walk away with little or no pain. the dumpee is CrusHeD not because of the fairy tale bullshit reasons we all hear in love songs and movies….that’s simply the physical form of the true reason….No, the dumpee is crushed because someone has taken their drugs when they were still highly addicted.
If the feeling you shared with that girl created a peptide cocktail that felt so good it made you euphoric, then you are ingesting a very powerful drug. If that drug is ripped from you when you aren’t ready, then you will suffer from the exACt symptoms of a drug addict who is suffering from the withdrawal pains the first couple of weeks when they’re in rehab. The pain can be so bad that you will do ANYTHING to get your fix (her), back, even if you were telling your friends a week ago that she annoyed you and that you kind of wanted to shop around. that is the talk of a logical man who is getting his fix. Take his fix away and you have a mumbling drug addict scrambling around feigning for a hit. He will mistake this feeling for love for her. He will think that she must have been the greatest woman on the planet. “If I feel this bad, I must have made a huge mistake.” All this is bullshit, but it’s like telling a crack addict he needs to quit. He will give you all kinds of excuses and rationalizations for why he needs the drug.
Q & a on Love
this is also why so many men and women will “relationship hop.”
ever have a friend who CoNstANtlY has to have a girlfriend? Instead of becoming addicted to one person, these people are addicted to having a relationship. they will dump one and replace them with one similar and get the same feeling (peptide rush). every girl or guy they date is almost exactly the same and they may even bitch about not being able to find a good guy or girl. This is because they haven’t hit pause long enough to get over their current addiction. If they never break this cycle they will literally replay the same bad relationship over and over and over with new people for the rest of their lives. They will just keep finding a new person who fits the bill close enough to give them the peptides their bodies crave.
Mr. M and I go into great detail on the role of peptides and addiction in many areas of life, game, and how it affects us, in our new Inner Game seminar.
-Braddock
