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Setting Boundaries
CEU REQUIREMENTS
If you plan on requesting continuing education credits,
you MUST complete all of the following steps:
1. You must have registered online for today’s session 2. Within 2 WEEKS of this session:
Complete the evaluation*
Complete the post-test & earn a passing grade*
*An email with links to the evaluation and post-test will be sent THURSDAY afternoon (2/11/20) by 5:00 PM ET.
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SPEAKER
Ali Schaffer, LCSW
This publication is designed to provide general information on the topics presented. It is provided with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering any legal or professional services by its publication or distribution. Although
BOUNDARIES
Taking a Holistic View and Approach
Life
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BOUNDARIES: A HAIKU.
You can’t do it all.
You get to choose what you do.
So please choose wisely.
Boundaries are NOT about
shifting someone else’s
behavior, they ARE about
taking care of yourself and
your needs first.
(Which may over time lead to other
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BENEFITS OF CLEAR & HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
AT WORK
Clear boundaries give definition to time,
roles, responsibilities and expectations
which sets everyone up to work efficiently,
BENEFITS OF CLEAR & HEALTHY
BOUNDARIES AT WORK
• Helps you take care of you; part of comprehensive, personal care plan. • Helps you manage your time and
energy.
• Helps you use your time and energy for things that are important to you and ideally rejuvenate you versus deplete you.
• Reduces burnout.
• Helps you participate in writing the rules of your life and work.
• Teaches people how you want to be treated.
• Helps you know when you’ve achieved a goal or completed a task.
• Reduces conflict and role/task duplication.
• Models and invites others to implement and maintain their own boundaries. • Communicates what is okay, what is
not okay and the consequences when boundaries are not respected.
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COSTS OF UNCLEAR & UNHEALTHY
BOUNDARIES AT WORK
Unclear and unhealthy boundaries are actually
more work and a greater energy drain because
COSTS OF UNCLEAR & UNHEALTHY
BOUNDARIES AT WORK
• Less time, energy and resources to take care of yourself.
• Decreased presence and attention to do the things that are important to you and you want to do (and also might need to do).
• Can lead to burnout, exhaustion, fatigue, resentment-which is counter to the environment your body needs to recover, heal and live life.
• Waiting for other people to figure out what you need or want…and they may never get it (so you’ll be waiting a very long time).
• High degree of confusion, potential for work duplication and creation of extra data.
• Potential for conflict, miscommunication and misunderstanding regarding work tasks and expectations.
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WHAT GETS IN THE WAY OF SETTING
BOUNDARIES?
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Never taught or learned
healthy boundaries.
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“Shoulds”
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Fear:
•
Losing my job
•
conflict.
•
retaliation.
•
other peoples’
reactions or
responses.
•
Personal motivation:
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I want people to like me.
•
I don
’t want to disappoint
people.
•
I don’t like saying “No.”
•
I don’t want to ask for
help.
•
It’s feels selfish.
•
I don’t like difficult
conversations.
•
I feel like I have to be
overly responsible for
everyone else.
•
I don’t want to admit I
WHAT GETS IN YOUR WAY?
•
Am I using work and/or lack of boundaries to
avoid feeling something or dealing with something
in my life?
•
Am I trying to keep things “the same” with work to
create/maintain a sense of normalcy while
navigating cancer?
•
Am I trying to “make up” for how cancer has
impacted my work and/or my colleagues?
•
Am I trying to get people to stop focusing on the
cancer?
•
Is there something else I need to be aware of that
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•
Keep working through treatment sustainably.
•
Return to work without burning out.
•
Establish healthy, sustainable work patterns, work loads and
behaviors that are part of healthy living and a
comprehensive care plan.
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Show up for the things that matter to you.
•
Teach people how you want to be treated.
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Feel a sense of control and normalcy.
•
Let in what you want and keep out
what you don’t want.
THE GOOD NEWS
ABOUT BOUNDARIES
•
Everyone can learn how to implement and maintain
boundaries. Yes, even YOU!
•
Upholding a boundary is prioritizing yourself and
reinforcing the belief that you and your needs matter.
•
Implementing and maintaining boundaries gets easier
with practice and over time.
•
People may receive and respond to your boundaries
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Step 1: Establishing the Basics
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What are three things that are important to me?
1. 2. 3.
Step 2: Take an Honest Look at Work
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Overall, how do I feel at work right now?
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Do I want to feel differently at work than I do?
Yes? At work, I would like to feel ___________________.
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What is my current capacity?
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What is going well/feeling good at work right now?
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What is not going well/not feeling good at work right now?
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What do I want/need more of at work?
•
What do I want/need less of at work?
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What are my job tasks?
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What is expected of me at work?
•
What are the things at work I have control over and can
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Step 3: Take an Honest Look at Your
Boundaries at Work:
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What boundaries are working well for me right now?
•
What boundaries are not working well for me right now?
•
What boundaries need to be adjusted?
Step 4: Take an Honest Look at Life
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Overall, how do I feel in my life right now?
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Do I want to feel differently in my life than I do?
Yes? In life, I would like to feel ___________________.
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What are my personal priorities and needs right now?
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What is my current capacity?
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What is going well/feeling good in my life right now?
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What is not going well/not feeling good in my life right now?
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What do I want/need more of in my life?
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What do I want/need less of in my life?
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What are my life tasks?
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What is expected of me in my life?
•
What are the things in my life I have control over and can
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Step 5: Take an Honest Look at Your
Boundaries in Life:
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What boundaries are working well for me right now?
•
What boundaries are not working well for me right now?
•
What boundaries need to be adjusted?
Step 6: Take an Honest Look at Cancer
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What is my current treatment routine/medical status
(neutropenic, fatigue post-treatment, side effects) or medical
monitoring plan?
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What is my current capacity?
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What are the cancer-related things that I have control over
and can change/influence?
Can ask some of the questions from Steps 2/4 to give you
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Step 7: Putting it All Together
Combine this information to create boundaries.
Values &
Non-negotiables Life Cancer
Things I Can Control &
Influence
Work
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER
As you’re thinking about boundaries, these questions can provide clarity to help you create, implement and maintain boundaries:
• How do I want to feel at work? What boundaries could help me feel this way? • Does this need to be done?
• Does this need to be done by me?
• Does this need to be done right now? If not, what is a reasonable time frame? • Is there anything I can delegate?
• How can I use technology to support my boundaries? (e.g.-programs, devices)
• How can I address “Some days I’m here and some days I’m not.” and shifting schedule (PT/transitional)? • What triggers or patterns do I notice that prevent me from successfully implementing and/or maintaining
boundaries?
• How does this task/request make me feel? What information can I gain from my physical and emotional response to this task/request?
• Who are the people it is easy/hard for me to implement and maintain boundaries with?
• What are the situations in which it is easy/hard for me to implement and maintain boundaries? • What would help me to set, implement and maintain healthy boundaries?
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Life
OPPORTUNITIES FOR BOUNDARIES
• What information you will share with boss and/or co-workers about diagnosis, treatment and/or future procedures and medical follow up?
• Is it okay for other people to disclose/discuss your diagnosis? • Will you discuss the emotional
impact of cancer diagnosis and treatment?
• What information, if any, will you share with prospective employers, new employers and co-workers?
• Commute? Travel? Work from home?
• Breaks throughout the day?
• Communication response time? • Social time, media consumption
or non-work at work?
• Can you prioritize/shift work
roles, projects, tasks or deadlines that are aligned with your
professional priorities?
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What are the boundaries you are
willing to set with:
•
yourself?
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your family and/or friends?
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your co-workers?
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your boss/employees?
Image and original art by AmberRae
ACTIVITY: Complete this exercise for yourself.
BONUS: BOUNDARIES CHECK
What issue/circumstance I am trying to address with this boundary? Who is this boundary intended for? Myself? My co-worker? My boss?
• Does this boundary support my values and priorities?
Yes – proceed. / No - refine and recheck.
• Does this boundary reflect my current capacity?
Yes – proceed. / No - refine and recheck.
• Is this boundary clear?
Yes – proceed. / No - revise and refine the language.
• Is there anything else I need to communicate?
Yes - add information. / No - proceed.
• Is this language/boundary professional?
Yes – proceed. / No - revise the language
• Is there anything else I need to be ready to insert/assert this
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It’s natural that your boundaries will change over
time. Will you let them evolve and change?
Factors that may contribute to changing boundaries:
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Changes in work roles, responsibilities, company culture, and
leadership.
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Personal place of healing and recovery.
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Changes in treatment plan.
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Personal values and priorities.
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Life events.
REMINDERS AND A PEP TALK
• Be willing to start somewhere.
• Plan for boundary violations and push back. It’s natural for people to test boundaries.
• ”No” is a complete sentence.
• You might experience feelings as you set boundaries.
• Practice using the “pause” button to give yourself time to respond. • Sometimes, there is room for negotiation *If it feels good and it is
aligned with your values and priorities.*
• Be willing to stand firmly in your boundaries.
• Role play boundary conversations with a trusted colleague or friend. • Address boundary conflicts or violations as soon as possible.
• Periodically assess and evaluate-are my boundaries having the desired impact?
• Be compassionate with yourself.
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WORK & BOUNDARIES & COVID-19
• Ask supervisors for clarity around work roles and expectations.
• Invite supervisors and colleagues to help you problem solve and provide support. • Communicate clearly to others about work-related issues; be willing to discuss
challenges and also present solutions.
• Be willing to have clearly communicate your comfort and needs regarding health and safety practices.
• Focus on establishing and maintaining your basics; routine, ritual, movement, rest, nutrition (food, social connection and other things that “feed” you). Your physical, mental and emotional health is very important.
• Prioritize self-care to help you work within your bandwidth, refill your personal energy supply and help you keep showing up for the things that matter to you. • Lower expectations of self (and others) during this time as you are navigating
increased stress, unknown timelines, loss of control, increased uncertainty and ongoing adaptation and adjustments.
• Limit media consumption and engagement.
WORK & BOUNDARIES & COVID-19
If you are working from home:
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Set up dedicated work space (if possible).
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If there are others in your home, create signage that
communicates when you are available and when you are
unavailable.
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Create morning routines to help start and set up your
day. Consider end of day rituals as well.
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Create new transitions in/out of work.
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Hold boundaries around work hours.
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Be willing to take time off.
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Take breaks throughout the day.
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Creating, Implementing, and Maintaining
Boundaries May Involve:
• Having difficult conversations. • Discomfort.
• Experiencing new emotions, new thoughts and new experiences. • Getting clear on personal values and priorities.
• Assessing personal needs and capacity.
• Changed personal limits/what is acceptable.
• Setting reasonable expectations of self and others. • Perspective shifts about work and life.
• New awareness of self, others, work and life. • Making new choices or taking new actions. • Pausing/slower response time.
• Saying No.
UPCOMING CAC EVENTS
Contact: Nicole Jarvis, LMSW, Senior Manager of Programs
BALANCING WORK & CANCER WEBINAR SERIES
JOB SEARCH – Wednesday, March 10, 1 PM ET/10 AM PT RESUMES 101 – Wednesday, April 7 1 PM ET/10 AM PT
BUILDING AN EFFECTIVE LINKEDIN PROFILE - Wednesday, May 5, 6 PM ET/3 PM PT NETWORKING - Wednesday, June 2, 1 PM ET/10 AM PT
www.cancerandcareers.org/en/community/events/webinars
VIRTUAL MIDWEST CONFERENCE ON WORK & CANCER
Friday, March 26, 2021
https://www.cancerandcareers.org/en/community/events/midwest-conference
VIRTUAL NATIONAL CONFERENCE ON WORK & CANCER
Friday, June 25, 2021, New York City
http://www.cancerandcareers.org/en/community/events
Contact:
Nicole Jarvis, Senior Manager of Programs, Cancer and Careers
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CEU REQUIREMENTS
If you plan on requesting continuing education credits,
you MUST complete all of the following steps:
1. You must have registered online for today’s session 2. Within 2 WEEKS of this session:
Complete the evaluation*
Complete the post-test & earn a passing grade*
*An email with links to the evaluation and post-test will be sent THURSDAY afternoon (2/11/20) by 5:00 PM ET.
