Opening a negotiation: language
Greetings
Introductions, if necessary
Small talk, in most cases
Getting comfortable, if necessary (drinks, sitting down…)
Transition to negotiation (setting agenda)
Establishing positions
(establishing good lines of communication)
Interactional Style – what is it?
A person’s habitual, often subconscious, patterns of acting and speaking in
interaction with other people
More indirect style More direct style
Possible miscommunication:
Feels confused, impatient
Feels offended, pushed
Interactional style dimensions
•Wider culture
•Community norms
•Family norms
•Individual personality
•Education, school and work
•Immediate context/situation
•Mood, health…
Interactional style is influenced by:
Let’s try another dimension of style…
Find one partner
One person in the pair sit with your back to this screen (so you can’t see it). You will be talking about a recent trip you took (for vacation or work) for 3 minutes.
Other person: While your partner is talking,
MAKE LESS EYE CONTACT than is usual for you. Otherwise, try to act normally.
Less eye contact More eye contact
Possible miscommunication:
Feels other doesn’t care
Feels other is aggressive
Interactional style dimensions
Possible miscommunication:
Talks all the time, trying to fill the awkward silences
Rarely talks; ‘can’t get a word in edgewise’
Interactional style dimensions
Fewer, shorter pauses Frequent overlap of talk
More, longer pauses Rare overlap of talk
Information should be volunteered
Ask questions to get information
Possible miscommunication:
Asks all the questions, Waits for questions,
feels other doesn’t care about him/her
Waits for other to
volunteer information;
feels interrogated
Interactional style dimensions
Less pitch variation Wide pitch
variation
Possible miscommunication:
Thinks other is boring, disinterested
Thinks other is overly emotional, excitable
Interactional style dimensions
Less use of gesture, body movement
Frequent use of gesture, body movement
Possible miscommunication:
Feels other is
disinterested, uninspired
Feels other is overly excitable,
unprofessional
Interactional style dimensions
Softer voice Louder voice
Possible miscommunication:
Feels other is timid, shy, or possibly weak
Feels other is
aggressive, annoying
Interactional style dimensions
Infrequent
‘backchannels’
Frequent
‘backchannels’
Possible miscommunication:
Feels other is disinterested, or doesn’t understand
Feels other is interrupting, disruptive
Interactional style dimensions
Speaks only after thinking
Speaks as part of thinking
Possible miscommunication:
Thinks other is too
cautious, conservative, not a quick thinker
Thinks other is too
impulsive, not careful, not trustworthy
Interactional style dimensions
What can be done?
Some options:
Be aware of possible style differences
Don’t assume you know the others’ styles
Stay observant in the interaction rather than judgmental
Try to identify style differences if they occur.
Try to adjust your style somewhat
Occasionally check in with the others – are they comfortable with the interaction?
Talk explicitly about style differences – name the problem
Be aware of possible style differences
Before you begin a negotiation (or any interaction with a new person), be aware that that person may have different patterns of negotiating than you do.
These patterns may be consciously employed, or subconsciously employed, or some mix of each.
They may be intended to have a negative effect on you, or they may be intended to have a positive
effect (though the actual effect may not match the intended effect!). Just being aware of the
Don’t make assumptions about the others’
styles
Before you begin a negotiation, find out as much as you can about the other parties involved, as we
discussed regarding preparation. Making possible predictions about their behavior is helpful, but
don’t make assumptions about them or their
styles based on cultural background, for example.
You may be wrong and caught unawares.
Stay observant in the interaction rather than judgmental
During the negotiation, remain aware of the process as well as the content of the negotiation. What
patterns of interaction are emerging in the
negotiation? Who is talking, not talking, what is the body language of everyone involved, etc. Ask yourself, how do I feel about what is happening, and what can I do about it that will be productive to this process?
Try to identify specific style differences if they occur
Once you identify differences, they may not affect you as negatively.
For example, if you find yourself being interrupted often, notice this, and think about it. The person may be intending to disrupt you, or may simply have a style that allows and expects interruption.
Instead of getting angry and/or withdrawing from the interaction, stay calm and focused and make sure you return to your own points after you are interrupted.
Try to adjust your own style somewhat
For example, if you find yourself being interrupted a lot, another option is to try calmly but firmly
holding the floor when you are interrupted (i.e.
don’t stop talking), instead of instantly
relinquishing the floor. Likewise, if they are talking a lot, you can try politely interrupting them: “Excuse me, may I just say something here…”. Avoid becoming increasingly quiet
Occasionally check in with the others – are they comfortable with the interaction?
(This is particularly important if you are trying to establish or maintain a longer-term relationship).
If you suspect that your style may be dominating
their style (because they are getting quiet, looking frustrated, etc.), you can explicitly ask them some questions. E.g.,‘Are you feeling comfortable with this decision? How do you feel about these terms?
Have you had enough chance to discuss your concerns?’
Talk explicitly about what is happening – name the problem
For example, if you find yourself being interrupted a lot, try saying, ‘Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but I feel like I’m having a hard time getting a word in. Could I take a few minutes to explain my
perspective on this?’ If they are interrupting with no intention of disrupting you, then you have just helped to raise their awareness of what is
happening. If they indeed are interrupting you to disrupt you, you have just politely asserted your
