The Battle for Control

Control is a theme that runs throughout Anna’s narrative and relates to having or not having control, being controlled and being uncontrollable. Control is synonymous with power and authority and there is a sense throughout Anna’s experience that there is an ongoing struggle for power and control between all those involved in the education of her son. The first indication of this struggle comes when Anna states, “. . . after 3 days the teachers said we’re really worried because he won’t follow instructions . . . he won’t do what we tell him, he’ll just go off and do his own thing. . .” (Line 23 to 25) Anna’s son did not conform to the expectation of schools that children are required to follow adult direction. This threat to authority and control became greater when;

“. . . he started to be really aggressive to her and the teaching assistants and then he started to be aggressive to the other children and just, very quickly within a few weeks it was just totally unmanageable. He just spent all day being aggressive . . . it got worse and worse and worse, you know trashing classes, biting, kicking. You know they couldn’t do anything with him . . .” (Line 25 to 32)

Ann’s story is an emotive one that is torn between acknowledging and understanding the impact of her son’s behaviour on others and recognising the underlying reason for her son’s behaviours. Again, this is understood in relation to control:

“. . . I think his life was so out of control for a few years. He had four different families and he was only 2 years 9 months but . . . just that a

part from anything else . . . when he was still at home; a lot of fighting and arguing. . . all of his experience is pretty uncontrollable and he didn’t know what was going to happen to him next.” (Line 147 to 150)

At the same time Anna struggled with her sense of control over the situation.

Grappling with her responsibilities as a Mum and yet not having control over the situation at school. However, it is not clear if this sense of responsibility is one which she gives to herself or whether it is apportioned by others in their state of not knowing.

“. . . everybody was out of control. Nobody knew what to do . . . He was out of control, I couldn’t control it because I wasn’t there. I felt like it was my responsibility, but I wasn’t there . . . and they looked to me like what shall we do, and I was just like, I don’t know, he’s not like this at home, so I didn’t know. I wanted them to tell me what to do or you know I thought they’d know what to do but they didn’t. . .” (Line 214 to 219)

There is a sense that Anna was wanting someone to take control where she was unable to, someone that knew what to do. This may indicate that Anna perceives a lack of knowledge as contributing to the lack of control the adults had over the situation. In a similar vein, Anna’s lack of control can be understood in relation to her lack of knowledge about the situation in school due to not being there.

In contrast when reflecting on the experience of home-schooling Anna talks about it being “. . .much more manageable because I’m there all the time . . . so I can step in if I see something happening. I can remove him . . . and in school he was

uncontrollable but outside . . . [he] doesn’t really stand out that much, only a little bit . . .” (Line 106 to 110) This fulfils that sense of responsibility she felt she had when her son was in school but was not able to meet.

The following extract summarises the theme ‘control’. Anna paints an emotive picture of her experience using words such as ‘hated him’, ‘couldn’t cope’, ‘in tears’,

‘chaos’ and ‘destroyed’. She explores the role of experience in relation to being in control but finds that even with years of experience staff were unable to cope. The extreme circumstances described in the extract below may have been reconstructed in such a way as to justify the unconventional resolution to home school their son.

“His teaching assistant hated him . . . She was very young, she was like 23 something like that, she just couldn’t cope with him. And they got someone who was about to retire, she’d been doing it 25 years. But she couldn’t cope with him either. We used to hand over to her . . . and she’d be in tears before he’d even started . . . ‘we don’t know what to do with him, he’s so unpredictable’ she used to cry because she felt so sad about it I think . . . Nobody was in control. We had one that hated him and one that was crying, everyone else running around not knowing. He’d just completely cause chaos in that school. . . he was in control of them all . . . he destroyed the school, he was only 4.” (Line 331 to 350)

The thought of sending her son back to mainstream school even for one hour a day provides an insight into Anna’s previous experiences battling for control with the professionals involved. Anna foresees a situation where she lacks a

sense of agency and has to hand over control of what happens to her and her son to people that do not understand. There is a sense that when being controlled choice is limited.

“That’s an hour a day I’m tied to the school, I’d have to do what they tell me. It’s involving lots of professionals. You know it’s very stressful, meetings and people that don’t understand. This way I’m in control of it.

. . I’d be controlled by them you know, I wouldn’t be able to do what I wanted . . .” (Line 197 to 201)

Control is something that Ann talks about explicitly. Her experience speaks of a need for control in order that those around her are able to cope. She perceives that her son claimed control in school in order that he was able to cope with the environment. She talks of the staff not having control and the resulting chaos that ensued. Anna tells a story of her own search for control in a situation that was out of her control. In the end, Anna feels she has no other choice but to take control of her son’s education, “I made it really clear that I felt we were forced to do this . . . I kept saying, ‘we’re doing this because you haven’t been able to provide anywhere that can manage him.’” (Line 402 to 405)