Bullet Resistant

Three days later Cassidy is passing the time in her cell watching television. Bored out of her mind and worried about extradition back to South Dakota for execution, she gnawed on her fingernails like an angry beaver. Then she heard clanking sounds and men yelling, then a gunshot and more metal cracking and bending.

She stood up and ran to the bars looking to see what was making all the noise but she had a very limited view of the hallway. More crashing and muffled gunshots bounced around the hall making it hard to tell exactly where all the commotion was coming from. Then the clear and distinct sound of the main door hitting the floor and smoke rolled across the ceiling in plain view. Whatever was going on was now in the confinement center and on its way.

Then she saw him, a man she hadn’t seen in months standing before her on the other side of the bars. It was Dennis her photographer. “Hi Cassidy, how are you?” he asked like nothing ever happened.

“What’s going on? What’s all that noise?”

“Remember that scene in Star Wars where Darth Vader first appears on the rebel ship? Think of that, without the cool black costume.” Dennis replied. “You think you’re Darth Vader?” Cassidy asked confused.

“Never mind, I’m here to bust you out.”

Cassidy stood dumbfounded and confused. “How?” was all she asked. “Remember that alien ship we were on?”

“Yeah.”

“And that probe they stuck up my ass?” “I remember you saying something about it.”

“Turns out there really did plant some eggs in my ass, and now I have some really fucked up powers,” Dennis said like a giddy schoolboy.

“Like what?” Cassidy asked.

“Super strength, bullet proof skin, I can run really fast and have some psychic abilities.”

“Is that all?”

“I think that’s pretty impressive,” Dennis replied with an eyebrow raised. “I wasn’t being a bitch, I was curious. This is a stressful situation and you may have left a few out.”

“Like what?” Dennis asked. “X-ray vision?”

“No.”

“Rubber body parts?” “No.”

“Can you fly?” “No.”

“Do you have a secret cave where you live, and a sidekick?”

“I’m not Batman, and those are not abilities. Batman used his wealth to created his power, he didn’t have any on his own.”

“An invisible jet?”

“Same as Batman, an invisible jet is not a power, it’s something you buy in the toy section of a department store.”

“Ok, then once you bust me out of here, how are you going to get me away from this place? I don’t have bullet proof skin.”

“I brought you a bulletproof vest, it’s in my car.” Dennis replied all proud that he thought of that in advance.

“What about my head? Did you bring a bullet proof helmet?”

Dennis smiled like was the smartest thing he could think of. “No, but I did bring a second vest that you can wear like a hat.”

Cassidy scratched her nose and said, “Ok, get me the fuck out of here.” “No problem, stand back,” he said and tore out the cell door like it was paper.

“Yeah,” Dennis replied.

“Then how do I get from here to your car? This place is filled with cops.” Dennis stopped in his tracks and thought hard about what she had said. She was right and he didn’t think about bringing in the vests. How stupid could he be? Then an idea hit him? “Where is the parking lot from here?”

“I don’t know, I get my directions all screwed up inside. Don’t you have a super compass?”

“Let me think for a second,” Dennis said and he closed his eyes as he tried to trace his way from his car, into the building and to her cell. He pointed and turned and pointed and turned and then opened his eyes. “I think I parked over there,” he said pointing to the back of the cell. I parked in back so nobody would see me coming and i think that is the way to the back.”

“What do you want to do, bust down the wall and get in your car and leave?” “They won’t see it coming, they will expect us to go back out how we came in.”

“Makes sense, ok bust down the wall, if they are standing there waiting for us, you block all the bullets with you bulletproof skin.”

“Ok, step aside,” Dennis said walking over to the back wall of the cell. “Are you sure the parking lot is on the other side? I mean it might be a kitchen, or bathroom, now would be a good time to have x-ray vision, and are you sure your skin is bullet proof and not just bullet resistant?”

“What’s the difference?” Dennis asked.

“One means bounces off, the other means bullets stuck sticking out of your hairy arms and bleeding all over the place. How did you ever figure out they were bullet anything anyway, did you practice shooting yourself?”

“I did with a pellet gun,” Dennis replied. “Excuse me?” Cassidy replied.

“I knew that my skin was tougher than it was before, but I don’t own a gun, so I had to use what I had. My neighbor kid has a pellet gun so I asked him to shoot me in the leg and it bounced off.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“You saw me tear that cell door off like it was nothing, look at my hands, not a scratch.”

Cassidy leaned over and took a look at Dennis’s hands. He was right, not a scratch. “What kind of eggs did they plant in your ass?” she asked.

“I don’t know, all I do know is that I get one hell of a belly ache if I eat Mexican food. I can feel the little fuckers running around down there.” “Are you sure it’s not a tape worm?”

“No, I didn’t do a biopsy,” Dennis replied getting pissed.

“Did you ever check your stool? Sometimes tapeworms get shit out in pieces.”

“Do you want out of here or do you want to discuss my shit?” Dennis asked pissed.

“Just saying, those things can be nasty, my best friend got one in Mexico on spring break from eating a taco.”

“Is she able to bend steel?”

“No, she’s real fat now and has three kids and her husband came out gay last year.”

“Stand behind me, I don’t want any of the debris to mess up your body, you have porn to make when we get out.”

Cassidy walked out of the cell and stood around the corner so she would be safe from flying concrete. “Ready when you are,” she shouted and waited for the destruction.

Chapter 17